u/Obvious_Armadillo_16

I met a guy on an app. We connected and exchanged phone numbers. We shared a lot about ourselves including his own family situation as his father abandoned their family. We spoke to eachother everyday at the start but in total we spoke for around a month and the past week he became distant.

When I questioned him on it he told me he had something in his life he couldn't forget. He told me he wanted to marry a girl over a year ago and couldn't forget her.

He said all of these things:

\* he called her 'his first girl' and he cannot forget her

\* he didn't speak to me to try and get over her

\* he didn't think about her when he first started talking to me but now his mind is relapsing and he cannot get her out of his mind.

\* he thought he was over her and that's why he began speaking to me

\* he was serious about me but when he started thinking about her, he realised he hasn't moved on

\* he claims he's met her only once (I think this is a lie as they live 20 mins away)

\* He discussed everything with her including how many kids they will have

\* He spoke to her for 4 months and it took 6 months for him to get over her (clearly not)

\* He said he's never been physically intimate with her

\* He said he likes me and want to be with me but cannot. He said he feels like there's a blockage in his life

\* His conscience isn't allowing him to be with me and he doesn't want to tell me when it's too late and ruin my life

\* He's not going back to her because her family won't accept him

\* He said he doesn't want to be with anyone because he's not ready, he realised he's toxic, he is not emotionally ready

\* He was distant with me (not texting) for the past week because he felt guilty

\* He doesn't have any pictures of her

\* He deleted her number and social media (not confirmed, could be lying ofc)

\* He spoke to her over a year ago

\* He said the way I am attached to him is the same way he is attached to her eventhough he is not with her (that one HURT). When I asked why he's attached he said I'll never understand

\* this one shocked me - he said his friends that he's known for his whole life do not know the details of this - why is this the case?

He also let me know that he is struggling financially but this wasn't the case when we first spoke and everything was smooth-sailing in that aspect. He said he remembered her when he started struggling in the past week because that was another difficult time but then he realised he's not over her - it made me think of a trauma bond?

He told me he doesn't want to be with anyone right now but if was anyone, it'd be me. He said he cannot communicate and he doesn't know why this is happening but he didn't want it to be this way. He said it was ruined with her and now it's ruined with me? He

I wanted to see a picture of her but he told me he didn't have one. I was thinking it's maybe to do with looks. Maybe I am not his type or she is prettier than me. He told me I am much prettier than her but ofc he will say that to make me feel better.

He told me all this and the next step was for us to meet in person. My friend told me he told me all this to get me away. He did say to me 'why can't you hate me?' which makes me think he never rlly liked me that much anyway - maybe just used me to pass the time or see if he could get over her

what do you think? Ik he didn't like me but it makes me feel completely worthless like I'm not worth it. I feel completely played with. I have blocked him but that's more for my own self, it's not like he cares enough to message me

I met a guy on a marriage app. We connected and exchanged phone numbers. We shared a lot about ourselves including his own family situation as his father abandoned their family. We spoke to eachother everyday at the start but in total we spoke for around a month and the past week he became distant.

When I questioned him on it he told me he had something in his life he couldn't forget. He told me he wanted to marry a girl over a year ago and couldn't forget her.

He said all of these things:

\* he called her 'his first girl' and he cannot forget her

\* he didn't speak to me to try and get over her

\* he didn't think about her when he first started talking to me but now his mind is relapsing and he cannot get her out of his mind.

\* he thought he was over her and that's why he began speaking to me

\* he was serious about me but when he started thinking about her, he realised he hasn't moved on

\* he claims he's met her only once (I think this is a lie as they live 20 mins away)

\* He discussed everything with her including how many kids they will have

\* He spoke to her for 4 months and it took 6 months for him to get over her (clearly not)

\* He said he's never been physically intimate with her

\* He said he likes me and want to be with me but cannot. He said he feels like there's a blockage in his life

\* His conscience isn't allowing him to be with me and he doesn't want to tell me when it's too late and ruin my life

\* He's not going back to her because her family won't accept him

\* He said he doesn't want to be with anyone because he's not ready, he realised he's toxic, he is not emotionally ready

\* He was distant with me (not texting) for the past week because he felt guilty

\* He doesn't have any pictures of her

\* He deleted her number and social media (not confirmed, could be lying ofc)

\* He spoke to her over a year ago

\* He said the way I am attached to him is the same way he is attached to her eventhough he is not with her (that one HURT). When I asked why he's attached he said I'll never understand

\* this one shocked me - he said his friends that he's known for his whole life do not know the details of this - why is this the case?

He also let me know that he is struggling financially but this wasn't the case when we first spoke and everything was smooth-sailing in that aspect. He said he remembered her when he started struggling in the past week because that was another difficult time but then he realised he's not over her - it made me think of a trauma bond?

He told me he doesn't want to be with anyone right now but if was anyone, it'd be me. He said he cannot communicate and he doesn't know why this is happening but he didn't want it to be this way. He said it was ruined with her and now it's ruined with me? He

I wanted to see a picture of her but he told me he didn't have one. I was thinking it's maybe to do with looks. Maybe I am not his type or she is prettier than me. He told me I am much prettier than her but ofc he will say that to make me feel better.

He told me all this and the next step was for us to meet in person. My friend told me he told me all this to get me away. He did say to me 'why can't you hate me?' which makes me think he never rlly liked me that much anyway - maybe just used me to pass the time or see if he could get over her

what do you think? Ik he didn't like me but it makes me feel completely worthless like I'm not worth it. I feel completely played with. I have blocked him but that's more for my own self, it's not like he cares enough to message me

I met a guy on an app. We connected and exchanged phone numbers. We shared a lot about ourselves including his own family situation as his father abandoned their family. We spoke to eachother everyday at the start but in total we spoke for around a month and the past week he became distant.

When I questioned him on it he told me he had something in his life he couldn't forget. He told me he wanted to marry a girl over a year ago and couldn't forget her.

He said all of these things:

* he called her 'his first girl' and he cannot forget her

* he didn't speak to me to try and get over her

* he didn't think about her when he first started talking to me but now his mind is relapsing and he cannot get her out of his mind.

* he thought he was over her and that's why he began speaking to me

* he was serious about me but when he started thinking about her, he realised he hasn't moved on

* he claims he's met her only once (I think this is a lie as they live 20 mins away)

* He discussed everything with her including how many kids they will have

* He spoke to her for 4 months and it took 6 months for him to get over her (clearly not)

* He said he's never been physically intimate with her

* He said he likes me and want to be with me but cannot. He said he feels like there's a blockage in his life

* His conscience isn't allowing him to be with me and he doesn't want to tell me when it's too late and ruin my life

* He's not going back to her because her family won't accept him

* He said he doesn't want to be with anyone because he's not ready, he realised he's toxic, he is not emotionally ready

* He was distant with me (not texting) for the past week because he felt guilty

* He doesn't have any pictures of her

* He deleted her number and social media (not confirmed, could be lying ofc)

* He spoke to her over a year ago

* He said the way I am attached to him is the same way he is attached to her eventhough he is not with her (that one HURT). When I asked why he's attached he said I'll never understand

* this one shocked me - he said his friends that he's known for his whole life do not know the details of this - why is this the case?

He also let me know that he is struggling financially but this wasn't the case when we first spoke and everything was smooth-sailing in that aspect. He said he remembered her when he started struggling in the past week because that was another difficult time but then he realised he's not over her - it made me think of a trauma bond?

He told me he doesn't want to be with anyone right now but if was anyone, it'd be me. He said he cannot communicate and he doesn't know why this is happening but he didn't want it to be this way. He said it was ruined with her and now it's ruined with me? He

I wanted to see a picture of her but he told me he didn't have one. I was thinking it's maybe to do with looks. Maybe I am not his type or she is prettier than me. He told me I am much prettier than her but ofc he will say that to make me feel better.

He told me all this and the next step was for us to meet in person. My friend told me he told me all this to get me away. He did say to me 'why can't you hate me?' which makes me think he never rlly liked me that much anyway - maybe just used me to pass the time or see if he could get over her

what do you think? Ik he didn't like me but it makes me feel completely worthless like I'm not worth it. I feel completely played with. I have blocked him but that's more for my own self, it's not like he cares enough to message me

It's been instilled in me from my first job that I should always save from my paycheck and I'm rlly glad my parents taught me this. They grew up poor and we are working class. I could've gone the other way and been very frivolous with money as soon as I get it. However, I think I'm quite financially literate - I use my ISA's, contribute to my workplace pension, budget and save etc all thanks to this sub

However it's come to a point where I don't really know what to do with my money. I live at home and contribute a few hundred in board. My parents don't want me to pay off the mortgage or pay for renovations. I can't buy a house because I'm on a low salary and no partner. I don't know if I'll ever be able to buy a house. I can't go travelling for a year how people do bc I don't want to solo travel. I also don't want to move out to rent

I'm not mentally in the best place and I do find that I spend more on myself when I'm like this - but like a yolo mindset. However I always regret when I buy materialistic stuff. Yes I feel happy when I buy it but then when I never use it - I just think of the money I've lost

It does make me feel happy and secure seeing my bank balance go up. However it's quite boring when you don't spend on anything.

I'm just thinking what should I do bc it leaves me in an awkward position. It kind of makes me feel like quitting work or going part time. I don't have any responsibilities at 22 and it's just paying a bit for myself so it's not a lot that's needed. What's the point in me continuing to save each month? Can't achieve any long term goals

I'm 22 and I don't think anything is going well in my life. Not physically, emotionally, mentally. I feel like I'm drowning.

I have some health conditions which are embarrassing to talk about and no one understands. I've found an online community of women who are helpful but it affects me everday. It's a chronic illness and gets worse when I'm stressed

Emotionally I feel so vulnerable. I've recently been trauma dumped by a guy who cannot get over his ex. I was completely blindsided and he ofc never liked me, strung me along and played with my feelings - all with no negative repercussions for him

I don't have a lot of friends. The stereotype is girls have so many friends that they're always chatting to. Other girls used to walk away from me on Schoo so I've got no friends in my hometown that I can just chill with. Work friends are nice but generally busy with family and friends which I get

I am from a working class family but I do have a lot in savings. I feel this is a bit redundant tho as money is a resource and my life is not moving forward. I don't have a high salary/ partner so can't buy a house, don't want to travel alone and don't have friends/family to travel with.

I try to distract myself with work and such things but in the background I feel so depressed. It feels like I'm not moving forward. Idk what to do with my life. Idk in terms of career, relationships and I don't have the energy or motivation to improve myself

I've mentioned how I feel to the doctors when I go for my chronic illness and they completely ignore it. I'm not sure what else to do. I have a great parent but ofc I hate burdening them all the time with my sad thoughts. They are such a happy and full of life person sometimes I feel sad that they were given such a sad daughter they have to deal with

I've been doing constant istighfar which has helped a lot but it's still there in the background. Especially when I wake up and throughout my day, and also at night. I feel lonely and low

I was discussing this a family member of mine. I struggled a lot to make friends in high school and I was isolated from the other girls. They used to walk away when I approached them. I do think it's bc the ringleader of the group picked on me and generally told the group to avoid me

Because of this, I didn't make any lasting friendships during school. Ofc all these people live in my home town so it means I don't have any friends here that I can just hangout with

Now I'm out of school and in the world of work, I can get along with people easily. Ofc not all will hang out with me after work bc it wouldn't be a compatible friendship but I have meaningful convos with a handful of ppl.

What always gets me though is after I leave the workplace, even though I was really good friends with that person, they don't stay in touch. Ik ppl will say you out the effort in which I do but it always seems like they move on? That makes me wonder how ppl have years of friendships with the same people without seeing each other regularly I.e if they worked together or something. Is it just both parties keeping in touch over text/calls and how regularly? I feel like if b bothering them and intruding on their new life when they've moved on let's say from a job or something

I feel like it's hard as a girl bc the stereotype is girls are always chatting to their friends. That's what I feel like - that other girls have lots of friends and I don't

Assalamu alaikum

This Ramadan I have gotten closer to my deen alhamdullilah. I've always been quite isolated as I don't have family in my town apart from my immediate family whereas everyone else in the town is related which makes me feel like an outsider. I was bullied and isolated at school so have never had a girl group or even a friend

The last time I went to the mosque was when I was a child. I went for Arabic classes that my mother made me go to with my siblings. My family doesn't attend the mosque. My mother is practicing but she prays at home. I would like to attend the mosque to feel closer to my deen, give me something to do and also give me ppl to talk to.

My mother was happy to go with me during Ramadan to pray there. I would love to go with her but we agreed it's best to pray taraweeh at home. I noticed a poster at my local masjid that said sisters halaqa group in a weekday evening. That is something I'd like to join. I'm just so nervous tho in case no one speaks to me or I get judged. I don't wear the hijab as well but ofc will have to wear this when attending. I'm nervous that I will see girls are already in cliques/groups whereas if be by myself. Like I mentioned, I'm not friends/close with anyone in my town. Girls at school used to walk away from me literally when I came up to them. I'm scared of this happening again but it'll hurt more bc it shows nothing has changed

For halaqa classes - can I just walk in? Is it just lecture type of do you discuss? I don't want to be unprepared

Hi everyone,

This Ramadan I have gotten closer to my deen alhamdullilah. I've always been quite isolated as I don't have family in my town apart from my immediate family whereas everyone else in the town is related which makes me feel like an outsider. I was bullied and isolated at school so have never had a girl group or even a friend

The last time I went to the mosque was when I was a child. I went for Arabic classes that my mother made me go to with my siblings. My family doesn't attend the mosque. My mother is practicing but she prays at home. I would like to attend the mosque to feel closer to my deen, give me something to do and also give me ppl to talk to.

My mother was happy to go with me during Ramadan to pray there. I would love to go with her but we agreed it's best to pray taraweeh at home. I noticed a poster at my local masjid that said sisters halaqa group in a weekday evening. That is something I'd like to join. I'm just so nervous tho in case no one speaks to me or I get judged. I don't wear the hijab as well but ofc will have to wear this when attending. I'm nervous that I will see girls are already in cliques/groups whereas if be by myself. Like I mentioned, I'm not friends/close with anyone in my town. Girls at school used to walk away from me literally when I came up to them. I'm scared of this happening again but it'll hurt more bc it shows nothing has changed

I met a guy on a Muslim marriage app. We connected and even exchanged phone numbers. We shared a lot about ourselves including his own family situation as his father abandoned their family.

I involved my parents 2 weeks in and he mentioned he doesn't tell his mother straightaway but goes through his aunt who then informs his mother. I accepted this.

We spoke for around a month and the past week he became distant. When I questioned him on it he told me he had something in his life he can't forget. He told me he wanted to marry a girl over a year ago and couldn't forget her. He said he didn't think about her but his life is going a bit downhill at the minute and he is remembering her bc that was another difficult situation in his life. He said he thought he was ready but cannot proceed bc he doesn't want to risk ruining my life.

He told me he met at work and never met her after that. His mother never knew and neither did any of his family members except the aunt. Her family refused due to his family situation and he told me he thought he was over it but he realised he's not.

He told me he doesn't want to go back to her and wants to be with me. The next day I told him I informed my mother about his disclosure. He became angry and said it was a secret and he can't believe I did that. He said I broke his trust, the same way I can't trust him. I told him he trauma dumped me and can't expect me deal with this baggage alone. It's not fair that he can speak to his aunt about this but I have to suffer alone. He became especially cold and nasty and said he doesn't want to progress after I did that

I feel blindsided and I kept crying the day he told me. I've been making dua as much as I can and I realised today I can no longer cry as I did the previous day. I realised I just feel complete shock and almost numb. I feel so deceived and played. Alhamdulliah that Allah SWT showed me this before we progressed.