u/Informal-Meaning-483

From experience, I’m very attracted to guys who have a lovely character, intelligent, good sense of humour. I’m very sensitive in the early stages to the way guys behave and I am slow to warm up in the early stages. But when I start to trust a guy and build a little connection, that’s when I start to feel attraction. Hence it’s something that doesn’t happen very often to me.

So when I was 25, in 2021, I got a match on a dating app. We chatted and I really enjoyed actually talking to someone on an app, very rare for me! And after a month or so of talking, we went on our first date. It became very apparent this was going to become something. He was from another country but had uk passport but had moved to my country for a fresh start. He was ever so kind, funny and we had very deep chats. I had no doubts in the early stages, everyone had talked about these connections where it feels easy and flows well. The summer was spent together going to country houses, walks in the woods, picnics, escape rooms, and anything random that became across we had a lot of fun. And it makes me sad to admit that I fell in love for the first time in my life, to me he was so so special. I enjoyed sex for the first time with someone, but because he had just moved here. myself being the one planning all the activities which in the beginning phase me at all. We would call each other every night, I would meet his friends and I just felt so warm around him and full of love and affection something I’ve never really experienced in my life

Everything felt so amazing with him, music sounded better, food tasted better. I would have tears of happiness being around him as I just felt things I’ve never felt before. We connected on deep topics, talked about our deepest fears. We were so similar.

Then I got two new housemates, I moved into a flat with some girls. And everything changed about four months saying we were having an evening just gossiping, drinking wine dancing to music in the kitchen with my housemates and they admitted to me that they feel that he doesn’t like me because he never takes me on dates. The realisation really really upset me and I spent a day kind of crying in my bedroom.

That weekend I brought it up with him, and he was very defensive. It was from that point that gradually over it the course of a few months he pulled away he became quite critical of me. The connection started to fade, the intimacy faded and I hated to see it happen. I talked to him about how I was feeling.

How could it go from so amazing to feeling so anxious? I read up on anxious attachment… I didn’t know if it was gut feeling or anxiety

Then he started talking about not wanting kids when he knew that I wanted them in future. He told me when he met me that he wanted kids and that he broke, Because he was ready she wasn’t. in fact, the way I found out was that we were shopping in IKEA one afternoon, and I pointed out a really cute children’s room and I simply said speech “when I have kids in future, I would like a room like that “. To which he replied “ oh dealbreaker, I don’t know if we’ve talked about it that much but I don’t think I want kids. But we don’t need to worry about these things now if you get 35 and I still don’t want kids, you’re hot and you can find someone else” I was really shocked by this comment and it left me feeling really weird

He then randomly started talking about things like he wanted to travel the world, and then he talked about wanting him to be an actor. He never mentioned me in any of these future plans and he eventually phoned me up one day and dumped me on the phone, he was crying his eyes out and saying that he has issues, he hasn’t fallen in love.

So he went for being someone who seemed to absolutely adore Me, tell Me I was so special and we shared this amazing connection to someone who didn’t care about me at all

It took me so so long to get over him, every morning I would wake up in the morning and my heart would hurt. I would cry every day for hours and hours, I wanted to know what he was doing, what he was up to I wanted to know how he was what he was thinking what he was feeling. There were so many things that I never got to ask him, things that I wanted to find out about him but I never got the chance to ask him.

A year later, something really crazy happened where I was on the London Underground visiting for a little trip, and I was sat on a tube platform which was empty at the time, and the next moment he randomly appears as coincidentally he was visiting London that exactly the same weekend. We were heading in the same direction and we had a hug, a catch up and he told me I look really good. Little did he know that I still thought about him all the time and missed him. Even that day just hours before I had been thinking about him and missing him. I put a lot of meaning into randomly bumping into him in London, thinking it might have been a sign.

Anyway, soon after I managed to move on and build myself back up again. I met a new man, and I went to the relationship trying to feel positive, take things slow, and take a healthy approach to dating. However, this relationship was just even worse. This new man was inconsistent, he was hot and cold, he seemed to not know what he wanted, despite us having a lot in common and a nice connection and he said that he didn’t feel romantic towards me.

I’ve tried to date in the five years since, but I’ve never found a connection like that again. I try not to compare, sometimes it’s hard because I know what it felt like and I know the feeling that I’m looking for. I can’t check this feeling that perhaps my ex was my soulmate, and I ruined it somehow, and I’m gonna get too ought to be in love. I wish he had come back to me, I wish I had fought for him, I don’t think he knew how much I loved him.

I’m really struggling because I have such a specific type

Ever since I had my first crush as a teen, I’ve absolutely loved men who have long hair. Seeing guys with long hair always fascinated me. Who have quite a feminine edge but masculine energy.

My first boyfriend at 25, had long hair. It wasn’t the only thing I liked about him but oh my god I desired him. Then the next guy I dated after him also had long hair, I had no problems finding them attractive. It’s not just long hair I like, I like quite edgy alternative men, with a creative energy, and who are intelligent and confident and funny.

Long haired men are hard to find and I appreciate it isn’t all about looks, personality is key. Over the last few years I’ve tried to date all sorts of people but the desire is just missing. I struggle to see guys in a sexual way.

I realise I like men with long hair too much and my type is so specific I feel I am going to be single forever. I’m upset about it. I can’t control what I like but trying to date other men just isn’t working for me

Am I broken? Sometimes I worry I am asexual as it’s been so long since meeting someone I am attracted to

When my ex dumped me after 6 months, I was really upset. I really loved him and all my friends around me had settled down and were having kids. I was 25 at the time.

In the 5 years since, I’ve put myself out there endlessly and had zero look finding a partner at all. I feel like all my friends moved on too as we have such different lives, I spend most my time alone. Sometimes I sit in cafes and hope someone will come and chat, sometimes I try dating apps but they don’t work, I volunteer and go to the gym

Every night I get upset and cry. I don’t know how to change anything despite me trying. It’s like a full time job trying to find love. People said that it will happen when I’m not looking for it, so for a year I didn’t look for it and still no relationship

I went for dinner with my family, my cousin last night, and my aunt was getting concerned that I’m going to be busted and will miss my chance and that I should be sitting down. I just feel embarrassing and ashamed, it’s my dream life to have a baby and a family as well

I’m told I’m a fairly attractive woman. I’m smart, empathetic and caring, I believed I had something going for me.

But every man I’ve ever dated, has been hot and cold and not pursued me. I’ve tried dating apps, hobbies, and dating events, yet I just feel invisible. I thought by 30 I would have at least been liked by one guy. I dated a guy last year, he even bought me flowers and called me every night, and it seemed like maybe someone did like me. But then he got tempted on a stag do by some Skantily dressed woman and basically chose her over me

I’ve tried to put myself out there endlessly. I even met a bloke end of last year, and had a nice date but didn’t hear from him again.

People say that if a guy wants you he will pursue you, but I genuinely believe I have something about me that means I will never be pursued and I don’t know what it is

When I do get dating app matches, they turn the convo sexual instantly and it makes me feel sad

I know I shouldn’t let these things get to me. But basically I’m turning 31, and despite trying to date my whole 20s and now early 30s, each time I think I’ve met a guy that likes me, it seems like they have also one foot out of the door.

Last year I was dating a guy and we went on our first holiday together. I genuinely believed he liked me, especially as he sent me flowers and planned dates and spoke of our future together. After the first holiday together I posted some pictures on Instagram, and he told me ‘btw I’m not ever going to post pic of you on Instagram because I’m keeping my page all about myself.’

Now it’s not about the Instagram thing, it’s about the being hidden away.

The same guy went on a stag do and met a woman and cheated on me with her whilst we were together. He didn’t tell me about it but I found out a few months later when I saw messages come up on his phone

I left him and he since became serious with her. But now he posts pictures of them cuddling in bed, they prop the camera up and take selfies of themselves kissing. He’s always posting her.

And it makes me feel quite sad and worried about how I am perceived. Why guys don’t seem to show me off. Now I’m not asking to be shown off, it’s just the inconsistency in what they say and what they do. I fear I am not desirable as a woman despite trying to be a desirable partner, I’m not what people would describe as sexy, rather more pretty and cute

His new girl dresses in very short dresses that show off her boobs and legs. Whilst I don’t dress like that and I dress modestly. I worry that such modesty means I will never be seen as desirable and at 31 I fear time is running out

I’ve never been loved

I’m feeling utterly depressed. I’m 30, and genuinely have never met a man who is interested in me, only half interested in me.

My first boyfriend in 2021, pursued me initially but then I found myself doing all the effort. He didn’t act like he was serious and I got a bit upset about it and turns out he didn’t have feelings for me. I felt he was hiding me away.

Then I dated another guy after that and it was confusing as on dates he was very affectionate and romantic. He introduced me to his friends and said he saw a long term thing with me. But after the dates, he would just disappear for 3-4 days at a time saying he was busy with work. I didn’t know whether to lean in or out. I guess I made the wrong decision and played the game wrong and leant it and I think it scared him off. He too said he didn’t have feelings for me

I built myself back up and felt ready and confident to date again.

last year early in the year, I took myself on a little solo trip to Portugal. And when I was there, at dinner one night, I met a man. We had amazing conversation, he seemed really friendly really nice and there was a little bit of chemistry I decided when I got back to the UK to ask him if he would like to go for a drink. We met and went out for pizza and it was so fun and the night ended in a kiss

But then he went back to the Middle East. He was British and had a job offer back in the uk for September, but worked 2 months in the Middle East and 1 month off in the uk.

So I didn’t see him until May. We arranged a date well in advance but kept in contact the whole time we were apart. I felt positive and excited that he was interested in me. On our second date, we explored London together and got dinner together. That night we did have sex for the first time.

And then 2 weeks later (as he had other things planned when he was back), we went on a little trip abroad together and it was amazing. We took lots of pictures together and he told me the next time he is back, he would like me to meet his mom. I felt it was getting quite proper now

Then he went back to the Middle East for 2 months. And maybe I ruined things because at the time I was having a difficult time with a manager at work and was feeling quite low in mood. I had also gone on the contraceptive pill and I didn’t think that made me feel myself. We called every night.

In August when he was back again though, he had so much planned for the month including a boys holiday to the USA, that me and him would only have 4 days before he goes back. I tried to stay positive

So before I got to see him again since May, it was now August, and he went on his lads holiday to America. I don’t know what made me look, but when he was there he was adding a lot of girls on social media, and his mates were posting things on their story so I could see him talking to girls. One in particular was commenting stuff all over his pictures

I didn’t think too much of it, well tried not to. Then he came back to see me for 4 days. And suddenly he was talking about how the job in the uk is bad pay, he hates the uk, that he wants to find a way to go and work in America. I also felt weirdly uneasy after his like something was just off. I tried to enjoy the time I had with him, but things like his extreme snoring really was offputting. He got annoyed with me for little things and even told me I was annoying particularly when I got us a little lost on a countryside walk. Then he wanted to have sex in the woods because it’s something he always wanted to do. I felt a little uneasy about it but did it anyway, but then I asked him to stop and he seemed a bit annoyed about that.

Then he went back to the Middle East, we stayed calling each other every night. I had a surgery on my jaw so life was a bit hard at that time

And one day we had our usual evening phone call. And he just dropped with no warning ‘and especially as I will be staying in the Middle East for another year.’

I was like ‘what??’ And he said ‘yeah I pulled out of that shit job. Gonna do an online course and maybe set up my own business doing financial advise.’ I was shocked and upset.

I didn’t talk to him for a few days, I was so angry he had told me in such a way that he didn’t care. I even messaged him this and he completely ignored that message and didn’t reassure me. So I ended things and he didn’t care about that either.

I tried to move on but about a month later, on his Instagram story he’s posting lots of soppy romantic pictures with a new woman, the lady he met on his lads holiday in the USA. He’s still long distance, but even 6 months after we ended things, he is showing her off, posting clips of them cuddling in bed, kissing. With captions like ‘I love you my dear.’

I’m just feeling like something must be so wrong with me. That I am now 30 and I’ve never met anyone truly excited about me. I think I’m too plain Jane , too boring to ever be desired by a man, I really thought i had done enough to finally deserve and have found a man who actually liked me. And now he’s found this stunning American who he shows off

I’ve been on a couple dates since, but I just feeling guys don’t really care about me at all. I probably need to reinvent myself, Botox, filler and all that. But I can’t stop wondering if it’s all my fault that relationship failed. I’m utterly embarrassed and worried for the future

Is it normal to feel this way?

I am 30, and don’t have many close friends at all. I live in London.

I’ve always found life and work quite stressful, at university I just threw myself into working with no socialising and didn’t make any friends

Then I started the work world and life was just work work work. I got bullied at work in my first job and it wrecked my confidence.

Then I got a new job and Covid lockdowns so didn’t make any friends there either

Then I got my first boyfriend and I adored him. I wanted to do everything right but then even he told me at 6 months he didn’t love me.

I tried to date again and put myself out there with no luck. All of the guys that I met, led me to believe that they lied to me, and then switched up a few months in decide to continue dating. I tried social groups to meet friends in London and I just made acquaintances as I didn’t see the same people every week. I feel like I’m getting too old to be doing these kind of things, who wants to meet a 30-year-old woman anyway.

And now I work a stressful job, and if I try and talk to people in the office my manager says I talk too much so I just keep to myself now. She’s quite toxic manager and has morphed me into this work obsessed person, who doesn’t have a life. My work isn’t flexible at all.

I’m lonely, and have people I’ve met in all walks of life but I wouldn’t say I have any friends and I’m sad about that

Last year I was even dating a guy and I thought he really liked me and it was going well. We even went on holiday together and I thought it was finally it, a healthy relationship! Only for him to get tempted by another woman on a stag do, and quit his job to move to America to be with her instead

I try and put myself out there, but I feel invisible to me, I’ve always felt invisible to men and I don’t know what is wrong with me. Dating apps don’t work for me so there’s no point me even trying.

Does anyone else feel this way? Does it mean I’m a failure? I don’t want to get old and have missed my chance to have met a partner.