r/TwoXKeralam

I’m in my early 30s and kalyanajonas is now stronger than ever. I’m very much comfortable with my current life. Even if I lack a social circle, I’ve come to enjoy the peace and freedom in my life. Ever since my parents started bringing up topics of Kalyanam and has also started asking to talk to prospects, there is a certain dullness in me. The thought of living with a bunch of strangers, leaving my comfort zone and navigating through possible issues that could bring is making me paralysed. Does this happen to everyone? I’ve mostly seen everyone around me getting excited and eager to talk to people for marriage.

Anyway, it’s a very unsettling feeling. I’m so drained. Hopefully will feel better in the coming days.

Edit: thank you for taking time to respond. It has definitely put me in better spirits. Its a relief to know that I’m not alone with uncomfortable feelings when it comes to marriage topics. I’ve started soft launching the idea of being unmarried at home.

Hope you all find peace and happiness 🖖🏽

I do not have any divorcee friends. So not sure if what I'm doing is normal. Some days I feel like I'm on top of the world and other days I can't even get out of bed. Around one year of separation and 6 months of divorce. Please tell me this is normal. Also huge dopamine addiction, either dating apps or Instagram or anything which gives external validation.

> കഴിഞ്ഞ രാത്രി അത്താഴത്തിന്റെ അവസാനം ചീഫ് ജസ്റ്റിസും, മി. ചന്ദ്രശേഖരനും മി. ഗോപാലമേനനും മറ്റും മദ്യം തലയ്ക്കു പിടിച്ചു ബോധമറ്റ നിലയിലായിരുന്നു എന്ന വസ്തുത, ഇന്നലെ തിരുമനസ്സുമായി നടന്ന സംഭാഷണത്തിന്റെ തുടർച്ചയായി, ഞാൻ അവിടുത്തെ ശ്രദ്ധയിൽ പെടുത്തുകയാണ്.

> ചീഫ് ജസ്റ്റിസിന്റെ സംഭാഷണം അത്യുച്ചത്തിലുള്ളതും അന്തസ്സിനു നിരക്കാത്തതുമായി. പലരും അതു ശ്രദ്ധിച്ചു. ഗവൺമെന്റ്റിനു വലിയ നാണക്കേടായി. കൊട്ടാരത്തിലെ ചായ സത്കാരത്തിനും അത്താഴത്തിനും ചീഫ് സെക്രട്ടറിയെ ക്ഷണിച്ചില്ലെങ്കിലും തന്നെ ക്ഷണിച്ചെന്ന് ഉറക്കെ പലരും കേൾക്കെയാണ് ചീഫ് ജസ്റ്റിസ് വിളിച്ചുകൂവിയത്. കൊട്ടാരത്തിൽ നടക്കുന്ന യാതൊരു പരിപാടിക്കും അദ്ദേഹത്തെ ക്ഷണിക്കരുതെന്ന് കൃഷ്ണമൂർത്തിയോടു ഞാൻ പറഞ്ഞിട്ടുണ്ട്. ഇനി മേലിൽ എന്റെ ഭാഗത്തുനിന്നും യാതൊരുവിധ സാമൂഹികമര്യാദയും അദ്ദേഹം പ്രതീക്ഷിക്കേണ്ടതില്ല. ശ്രീമതി അന്നാ ചാണ്ടിയെക്കുറിച്ചും ആക്ഷപാർഹമായ ചിലത് അദ്ദേഹം ഉറക്കെ പറയുന്നതു കേട്ടു.

> മി. ചന്ദ്രശേഖരനാണെങ്കിൽ, സംഭാഷണത്തിൽ പങ്കുചേരാൻ വിമുഖത കാണിച്ച മിസ്സിസ് വാട്സിനാട് നിർബന്ധപൂർവ്വം, അത്യുച്ചത്തിൽ തമാശകൾ പറഞ്ഞത്, അവിടുന്നു കേട്ടിരിക്കും (തിരുമനസ്സിന്റെ പിറകിലാണല്ലോ അദ്ദേഹം ഇരുന്നിരുന്നത്). നാലാളുകൂടുന്ന സദസ്സിലേക്കു ക്ഷണിക്കപ്പെടാൻ യോഗ്യനല്ല അദ്ദേഹം; വിശേഷിച്ചും മദ്യം വിളമ്പുന്നുണ്ടെങ്കിൽ.

> മി. ഗോപാലമേനോനെ സംബന്ധിച്ചിടത്തോളം എന്റെ അനുഭവത്തിൽ ഇത് ആദ്യത്തെ സംഭവമാണ്. വീര്യമേറിയ മദ്യം കഴിച്ചു ശീലമില്ലാത്തതുകൊണ്ടാണ് നിയന്ത്രണം വിട്ടതെന്നു തോന്നുന്നു.

> നമ്മുടെ ഉദ്യോഗസ്ഥന്മാരിൽ ബഹുഭൂരിപക്ഷത്തിനും മദ്യം അപകടകാരിയാണെന്നു കാണുന്നതിനാൽ വീര്യമുള്ള മദ്യം ഉപയോഗിച്ചു ശീലമുള്ള യൂറോപ്യന്മാർക്കൊഴികെ മറ്റാർക്കും മദ്യം വിളമ്പേണ്ടതില്ല എന്നൊരു നിയമമോ കീഴ് വഴക്കമോ ഏർപ്പെടുത്തുന്നതിനെക്കുറിച്ചു ഗൗരവപൂർവ്വം ചിന്തിക്കേണ്ടിയിരിക്കുന്നു.

> ഈ മൂന്ന് ഉദ്യോഗന്ഥന്മാർക്കും ഞാൻ ഔപചാരികമായി കത്തെഴുതകയാണോ അതോ നേരിട്ടു സംസാരിക്കുകയാണോ വേണ്ടതെന്നതിനെക്കുറിച്ച് തിരുമനസ്സിലെ നിർദ്ദേശം പ്രതീക്ഷിക്കുന്നു.

Perpetrators

Justice Abraham Varghese - Chief Justice , Travancore High Court

Prof. C. V Chandrasekharan - Pro V.C, Kerala University . He was later appointed the President of the Education Reform Committee in 1943.

Prof. A. Gopala Menon- Director of Public Instruction, Travancore.

Victims

Justice Anna Chandy - the first female judge in India.

I am not sure about Mrs. Watts.

Source: Triumph and Tragedy in Travancore: Annals of Sir CP's Sixteen Years by Prof. A. Sreedhara Menon

I just wanna say that I am so grateful that we now have a community for women in Kerala. That being said, I wanted to ask if there’s any mechanism to report unsolicited dms from men who lurk in this sub. Maybe a way to report them to the mods? Idk. I believe twoxindia has some mechanism like that.

It’s important that women who post here feel safe expressing their opinions. I got a very angry dm from a lurker yesterday and I didn’t like it one bit.

Indian men on reddit are such creeps as you all know and it’s important we set up guard rails to make sure our community feels safe, comfortable and welcoming for women and non binary folks.

I was just curious about how common dowry is in your part of keralam. Njangade naatyl okke officially , angne onnum illenkilum unofficial aayt there's lots of conversations surrounding " endh tharum" and " ishtam ollath thanna mathi"

It's gotten so bad that finding a family who says ishtollath thanna mathi is whats considered normal and acceptable. It bugs me more when even my own parents support this stupidity in the name of traditions and what not.

And even when they swear there's no dowry involved, in the end, there is always some sort of "Gifts" for the groom cos why not..

I've noticed maybe it's a tad bit less common in love marriages, but very rampant when arranged marriages happen and all the talks are between ammavanmaar.

How's the situation in your place.?!!

How often do y'all workout?

Home or gym? Which is better

What's the workout split and diet?

Any recipes you swear by to meet protein goals

I would prefer a female therapist. I have depression and anxiety and suspected ADHD and probably much more.

Should not be misogynistic, homophobic, or heavily conservative (I have heard straight up horror stories about aunties pretending to be therapists policing patients so had to add this)

I would like if they are straightforward with no minimal sugarcoating and validate my experiences.

Family therapy would also be a plus but I have lowk given up on them so it's fine if it's not there.

Offline appointments are preferred, but will have to switch over to online because my college is in TN

Please include your experiences as well either in comments or dm, help needed urgently.

Edit: I'm from Trivandrum

For me, every friendship breakup has been a way bigger heartbreak that takes me years to get over more than any of the breakupsn I've experienced. I have blocked and moved on from all my ex boyfriends and situationships but today I saw a story posted by my ex friend group, they're on a trip together and it broke my heart in a new way all over again.

It's been 4 years since we last spoke to each other. It ended not in any explosive manner but very silently as i retreated after realising that I'm simply the +1 in most scenarios. I'm not a part of the core group. I don't know if any of them are in this subreddit. They were my only malayali friends among a swarm of people in my batch who were from other states. I really felt for the most part that I truly belonged. But many many instances I had to ignore how left out I felt.

The last couple of instances piled on until I realised idh sheriyavilla. One was when they planned a get together for one of the girls' birthday and somehow they only decided on time and place. All the other arrangements somehow fell on me slowly. I still managed to make it happen. But the birthday girl herself showed up only after midnight and that too for about 20 mins because she had decided to get back together with her abusive and toxic ex (whom I personally had spoken against and told her to not get back together with, but the other 2 girls had supported their shitty relationship). She really ditched us for a man. And a crappy one at that. All the arrangements I did felt like a waste of time. And frankly the other 2 seemed least bothered maybe because they knew all along that she's not going to be fully present for this plan, and they never told me about it and still let me do the cake, drinks, decor (i even made a special cocktail as a pun of her name).

Two, was one where one week after this plan happened they had a get together again. And informed me about it only one day in advance. I believed maybe it's a spontaneous plan but they knew my parents are strict and wouldn't let me go for a night stay if i told them the day before. They conveniently told me about it on Friday and ofc I couldn't make it on Saturday. Later as i was scrolling Instagram I came across one of their stories, when i opened the screen said story unavailable so i was a bit confused. I have a finsta as well so i checked from that account and sure enough there was a story. In which they were celebrating her birthday with a cheesecake (one week later). Was I invited? Yes. But it wasn't a wholehearted invitation and they were completely fine with celebrating it without even video calling me or keeping me in the loop. They clearly also hid me from the story and forgot to hide it from my finsta. Appo avdeyum i was 🥲

Three, worst one was on our last day of college they willingly went and mingled with a guy who has a history of verbally humiliating and abusing me (he was kind of a stalkerseniorweirdo guy who was obsessed w me) and ende kanvattam thettich the 3 of them have gone and hung out w him in the canteen. I'm not sure who approached first but when i went looking for them sure enough they were all sitting at the same table and eating food and drinking shake. Later when i asked them (i didn't even know how to confront the subject) one of them got soooo defensive and straight up started scolding me. Saying nee Njangal aarod mindunnu ennokke control cheyyan varanda. Avan aayitt keri vann samsarichadha. I told them that i wouldn't talk to a guy who treated you that way. They just brushed it off and things got very awkward because i lowkeyyyy stood up for myself.

Adhinu sesham last minute at the bus stop they said okay we are all going to M's house. You can come too. But i knew that day that the friendship is over. I didn't go. And sure enough within one week of our last day of college they had apparently planned a whole trip and decided to "invite" me once again the way they had consistently.invited me - after making the plans and deciding everything and only letting me know last minute knowing i will cancel. And sure enough I did. When they went on that trip, i exited the group. No one added me back. No one checked on me privately. And that ended. Today, even though it's been 4 years seeing a story of them on a trip again nearly made me cry.

Hello everyone,

Enthella..🌚

This girl is here with a pidikittatha preshnm in her life happening rn.

So, I dated a guy for few months while i was studying in a a different place from my hometown. We got connected via my friend. Like he was my friends classmate. We started talking and he used to laugh at my half kannada. He said it was cute. So, after a while my friend and the gang I was in split up because we had our internal issues. I was all alone and this guy started coming by and we got close. That's how we started dating.

This guy was too sweet. Too sweet matlab too sweet. He wouldn't even fight with me. It felt like he is admiring me a little too much. I started feeling this isn't right for me. I told him this isn't working for me and broke up. He started begging and i told him it's my fault and not his and tried to convince him. But he didn't listen to me at all. So, i blocked his number on WhatsApp,calls and Instagram. But he started messaging me on telegram and i blocked him there. Then he started sending me long paragraphs on gmail. I had to delete my gmail because of all this. He apparently had told his parents about me that he wanted to marry me. (Mind you he only know me for 4-5 months max).

All this happened 8 years ago. Fast forward to 2025 I get a follow request on my Instagram of a girl. Let's call her D. I see one mutual and that was my cousin. So, i ask her who is this girl and she says, that's someone she knows from Bangalore. I accept the request because i follow back and accept when it's a girls account. Few days ago i saw the save the date picture in D's account. And guess whom she is marrying? My ex bf of 8 years ago. My overthinking brain hasn't rested ever since then. I don't understand why? This girl has been following me for a year and i didn't have any clue. I can't get my head around why is she following me.

Guys, i would love to hear your insights. Help this girl out 🥺

Does anyone know of good wedding make up artists that do trial makeup sessions as well as work with skin properly? I want work that’s not cake-y, and the MUA must be knowledgeable about colour theory (create perfect shade matches instead of the orange looks seen in the desi space generally)

I’m also looking for someone that can do curly hair looks - proper styling that involves finger coiling, setting, etc. It’s okay if the hair is by a different artist; I just want recs since nobody seems to be doing curly hair

Thank you!

Edit: please DM me if your comments are getting deleted by automod, I’d love to hear all recs!

I’m posting this to talk about my in law’s. I don’t discuss this with any other people. This is just to form a clear picture about them.

1. Mom in law talks about giving all her gold to her daughter after her death. But I never mention about taking it or said that its an equal property.

2. They never calls me mole or any other adorable words just my name.

3. Compares me with my neighbours daughter in law after hearing the good things about her through our maid. Even our maid’s opinion is valid about me.

4. She does all the works when she is at her daughte’s place. but expects me to cook for them after coming back from work.

5. Gives backhanded compliments like this dress is good but you didn’t iron it?

6. They didn’t give anything to husband till now( but we are not in a condition to live off that money by god’s grace). But their daughter got all of the pampering. Mom in law is still buying gold for her with the money she got by selling her ancestral property.

7.Once I mention about a bad thing I experienced at a crowd (molestation) she mentioned that ladies from that place is very beautiful. I don’t know what she meant by that. Like only beautiful people gets molested and you are not??!!!

There are many other things which I forgot. But is this normal for you all?

​

1st day aanu. Onum kazhikyan polum thonanila. Vayar nadu elam vedanikyanu.

Valathu down num feel cheiyanu. Like everything is doomed and over.

Traveller girlies, please help me out!

I’m looking for a place that feels safe, calm, and comforting enough to stay at for a week or maybe longer. Somewhere I can just exist for a bit, slow down, read, take long walks, and breathe properly again.

It doesn’t have to be super touristy. In fact, I’d probably prefer not having to run around with a checklist. Could be a small town, a beach, the mountains, anywhere that felt peaceful or healing to you.

Would love to hear about places that are close to your heart, especially if you went there solo and felt safe and at ease.

Note: Summarised original text using AI for better readability.

I’m a UK-born Malayali woman in my 30s, and lately I’ve been questioning a lot about life, marriage, friendships and whether I made the right choices.

My most serious relationship was during university. My ex and I were really close, but our mutual friends (mainly the female ones in our group) became distant and later admitted they were jealous of how happy and successful we were together. Since then, I’ve struggled to trust friendships fully and slowly became someone who keeps everything to herself.

After graduation, I developed feelings for another guy in our mutual friend group, which led to the end of my relationship. That guy was someone who led me on and I was deceived by his constant messages and gifts and eventually told me he didn’t feel the same. Although my ex and I tried to fix things after explaining to him, his family strongly opposed marrying outside their background (he was not a Malayali). I walked away because I didn’t want to be the reason his family broke apart.

As an introvert, dating apps were exhausting and disappointing in the UK. Too many people seemed unserious or only wanted something physical. Eventually I joined Kerala Matrimony by choice — not because anyone forced me — because I wanted something more serious and culturally familiar. I handled everything myself. My parents were just a supporter in whatever decision I made. And that’s how I met my husband. He was familiar with the UK as he'd lived and worked here before so I was happy and felt comfortable moving forward.

The first two years of marriage were genuinely happy. We travelled a lot and I felt fulfilled. But reality slowly became heavy. Bringing a spouse to the UK is financially draining, visa renewals cost a fortune, and my husband came with no savings from India. I had spent years saving to buy my own house, and while we eventually achieved that dream, it came with pressure, compromise and disappointment because there were certain restrictions that came with buying with a partner who just came from India and isn't yet a permanent resident.

My in-laws, who live in Kerala and have never travelled or lived abroad, often make insensitive comments about our house, finances and especially children. Repetitive comments such as "your house is small", "your house is a financial burden" etc. We’ve been trying for a baby for over a year and I’ve had two miscarriages. What hurt most was the lack of emotional support afterwards. Instead, I got comments like “you should’ve had kids earlier” and “you’re getting old." and "Why did you go and buy a house first. Don't people usually have children first?" It made me feel like my pain mattered less than their desire for grandchildren.

I’ve now gone no-contact with my in-laws for my own mental health.

Lately my marriage feels strained too. My husband is exhausted from work, stressed often, and although he helps around the house, I feel emotionally alone carrying the mental load of everything — fertility struggles, future planning and keeping life together. Even trying for a baby now feels more like pressure and competition than love. I make sure to keep track of ovulation days, but he doesn't seem to remember it and falls asleep and I don't feel that I should be reminding him. If we are both to put the effort in, especially after the pressure of his parents words, he should be more alert and giving this more focus, but it seems like he's been exhausted recently from work and the travel that comes with it.

Sometimes I wonder if life would’ve been easier had I married someone already settled in the UK. Most of my friends did, and they seem financially stable and settled. Meanwhile I feel like I’m constantly carrying extra weight.

I’ve also isolated myself completely over the years. I barely speak to friends anymore because I’m scared of judgment and comparisons. I used to look healthy but now I've gained weight and live in oversized T-shirts and tracksuits, hair never done properly and no make up. I miss dressing up, going out, laughing and just feeling carefree. Now life feels like work, cooking, cleaning, stress and repeating the same cycle daily.

There have been moments where I’ve felt completely hopeless and wondered if everyone would be better off without me. But at the same time, I know we’ve built a life together and walked through a lot together to get this far. I try not to talk too much about how I feel, because I've noticed the more times I repeat my sad feelings to my husband, the more likely he comes to me saying "same" and then I end up being the one consoling him and my feelings were never acknowledged by him. As for friends, like I mentioned previously I keep a distance because I've never really found a friend or a group of people who I can trust. I now don't have contact with anyone of my friends.

What’s hardest is that from the outside, I technically have everything I wanted years ago. The person I was 5 years ago would've been over the moon seeing where I am today — marriage, a house, stability — yet somehow I still feel like I’m falling behind in life and I'm slowly becoming empty.

Its been two years since separation and six months since divorce. I have moved on from my Ex. I am doing good in my career, financially independent, settled in a Tier 2 city. Life is peaceful after a long time. Parents are anxious about my future and are looking for matches in matrimonial websites and friends are trying to set me up with their single friends. But I cant take that step of getting to know another guy, opening up. I dont know what stops me, trust issues or fear of rejection. I’m an only child, i have always dreamt of having a family one day. I have frozen my eggs to be safe because my biological clock is ticking.
I just wanna know from other women, how they took the very first step of getting to know someone new after a divorce?

Vent/Rant.. Might delete soon. Sorry that this had to be the first post in the community.

I am a woman in my early 30s. Married. Childfree.

I was born in a dysfunctional family where the father had NPD and the mother was too helpless to even save herself. So basically my whole childhood, teenage and early adulthood was just a plethora of developmental trauma which gifted me something called C-PTSD. It is a combination of severe anxiety, depression, some OCD and neurodivergence. In short, I spent my whole life in survival mode and never got the chance to form a healthy identity.

But all is not bad. I moved away, cut off contact with my father and has been in therapy (not on medication atm). Things are better now. The problem I face is that my social life is non-existent. Self-isolation has been my coping mechanism for so long that I developed hyper-independence and extreme avoidance. Add to it the fact that the few friends I managed to make ended up not being very healthy for me (one even ended up being diagnosed with NPD). So my brain views human connections as dangerous. My only point of contact is my partner who has been very understanding and supportive.

I know the importance of a community when it comes to mental health. I just don’t know how to be a part of one. How do you make friends as an adult woman when there is so much holding you back? Or worse, how do you become a good friend with all these issues? How do you find people who are your “tribe”? There is a part of me that yearns for sisterhood but there is also a part that is terrified of the same.

I don’t know the point of making this post. I just wanted to blurt this all out somewhere I guess. Thank you for reading so far. Hope you have a good week ahead.

So girls… i(25 F) have this huuuugeee crush on a guy who i saw in church and i dont even know how to talk to him.. i tried stalking him a bit and turns out he does not have instagram.. he is slightly older than me, prolly 29-30. I broke up with my bf(7 yr long relationship) 6 months back and my friends are saying i’m just treating this crush guy as a moving on mechanism and it’s dumb to be obsessed over a guy who you don’t even know. What do I do??😭😭😭