u/CellophaneTape

For me, every friendship breakup has been a way bigger heartbreak that takes me years to get over more than any of the breakupsn I've experienced. I have blocked and moved on from all my ex boyfriends and situationships but today I saw a story posted by my ex friend group, they're on a trip together and it broke my heart in a new way all over again.

It's been 4 years since we last spoke to each other. It ended not in any explosive manner but very silently as i retreated after realising that I'm simply the +1 in most scenarios. I'm not a part of the core group. I don't know if any of them are in this subreddit. They were my only malayali friends among a swarm of people in my batch who were from other states. I really felt for the most part that I truly belonged. But many many instances I had to ignore how left out I felt.

The last couple of instances piled on until I realised idh sheriyavilla. One was when they planned a get together for one of the girls' birthday and somehow they only decided on time and place. All the other arrangements somehow fell on me slowly. I still managed to make it happen. But the birthday girl herself showed up only after midnight and that too for about 20 mins because she had decided to get back together with her abusive and toxic ex (whom I personally had spoken against and told her to not get back together with, but the other 2 girls had supported their shitty relationship). She really ditched us for a man. And a crappy one at that. All the arrangements I did felt like a waste of time. And frankly the other 2 seemed least bothered maybe because they knew all along that she's not going to be fully present for this plan, and they never told me about it and still let me do the cake, drinks, decor (i even made a special cocktail as a pun of her name).

Two, was one where one week after this plan happened they had a get together again. And informed me about it only one day in advance. I believed maybe it's a spontaneous plan but they knew my parents are strict and wouldn't let me go for a night stay if i told them the day before. They conveniently told me about it on Friday and ofc I couldn't make it on Saturday. Later as i was scrolling Instagram I came across one of their stories, when i opened the screen said story unavailable so i was a bit confused. I have a finsta as well so i checked from that account and sure enough there was a story. In which they were celebrating her birthday with a cheesecake (one week later). Was I invited? Yes. But it wasn't a wholehearted invitation and they were completely fine with celebrating it without even video calling me or keeping me in the loop. They clearly also hid me from the story and forgot to hide it from my finsta. Appo avdeyum i was 🥲

Three, worst one was on our last day of college they willingly went and mingled with a guy who has a history of verbally humiliating and abusing me (he was kind of a stalkerseniorweirdo guy who was obsessed w me) and ende kanvattam thettich the 3 of them have gone and hung out w him in the canteen. I'm not sure who approached first but when i went looking for them sure enough they were all sitting at the same table and eating food and drinking shake. Later when i asked them (i didn't even know how to confront the subject) one of them got soooo defensive and straight up started scolding me. Saying nee Njangal aarod mindunnu ennokke control cheyyan varanda. Avan aayitt keri vann samsarichadha. I told them that i wouldn't talk to a guy who treated you that way. They just brushed it off and things got very awkward because i lowkeyyyy stood up for myself.

Adhinu sesham last minute at the bus stop they said okay we are all going to M's house. You can come too. But i knew that day that the friendship is over. I didn't go. And sure enough within one week of our last day of college they had apparently planned a whole trip and decided to "invite" me once again the way they had consistently.invited me - after making the plans and deciding everything and only letting me know last minute knowing i will cancel. And sure enough I did. When they went on that trip, i exited the group. No one added me back. No one checked on me privately. And that ended. Today, even though it's been 4 years seeing a story of them on a trip again nearly made me cry.

For me, every friendship breakup has been a way bigger heartbreak that takes me years to get over more than any of the breakups I've experienced. I have blocked and moved on from all my ex boyfriends and situationships but today I saw a story posted by my ex friend group, they're on a trip together and it broke my heart in a new way all over again.

It's been 4 years since we last spoke to each other. It ended not in any explosive manner but very silently as i retreated after realising that I'm simply the +1 in most scenarios. I'm not a part of the core group. They were my only friends who spoke my language among a swarm of people in my batch who were from other states. I really felt for the most part that I truly belonged. But many many instances I had to ignore how left out I felt.

The last couple of instances piled on until I realised this is bad. One was when they planned a get together for one of the girls' birthday and somehow they only decided on time and place. All the other arrangements somehow fell on me slowly. I still managed to make it happen. But the birthday girl herself showed up only after midnight and that too for about 20 mins because she had decided to get back together with her abusive and toxic ex (whom I personally had spoken against and told her to not get back together with, but the other 2 girls had supported their shitty relationship). She really ditched us for a man. And a crappy one at that. All the arrangements I did felt like a waste of time. And frankly the other 2 seemed least bothered maybe because they knew all along that she's not going to be fully present for this plan, and they never told me about it and still let me do the cake, drinks, decor (i even made a special cocktail as a pun of her name).

Two, was one where one week after this plan happened they had a get together again. And informed me about it only one day in advance. I believed maybe it's a spontaneous plan but they knew my parents are strict and wouldn't let me go for a night stay if i told them the day before. They conveniently told me about it on Friday and ofc I couldn't make it on Saturday. Later as i was scrolling Instagram I came across one of their stories, when i opened the screen said story unavailable so i was a bit confused. I have a finsta as well so i checked from that account and sure enough there was a story. In which they were celebrating her birthday with a cheesecake (one week later). Was I invited? Yes. But it wasn't a wholehearted invitation and they were completely fine with celebrating it without even video calling me or keeping me in the loop. They clearly also hid me from the story and forgot to hide it from my finsta. Yet again i was 🥲

Three, worst one was on our last day of college they willingly went and mingled with a guy who has a history of verbally humiliating and abusing me (he was kind of a stalkerseniorweirdo guy who was obsessed w me) and ende kanvattam thettich the 3 of them have gone and hung out w him in the canteen. I'm not sure who approached first but when i went looking for them sure enough they were all sitting at the same table and eating food and drinking shake. Later when i asked them (i didn't even know how to confront the subject) one of them got soooo defensive and straight up started scolding me. Saying you don't tell us whom to speak to, he came up to us first. I told them that i wouldn't talk to a guy who treated you that way. They just brushed it off and things got very awkward because i lowkeyyyy stood up for myself.

Later that day last minute at the bus stop they said okay we are all going to M's house. You can come too. But i knew that day that the friendship is over. I didn't go. And sure enough within one week of our last day of college they had apparently planned a whole trip and decided to "invite" me once again the way they had consistently.invited me - after making the plans and deciding everything and only letting me know last minute knowing i will cancel. And sure enough I did. When they went on that trip, i exited the group. No one added me back. No one checked on me privately. And that ended. Today, even though it's been 4 years seeing a story of them on a trip again nearly made me cry.

For me, every friendship breakup has been a way bigger heartbreak that takes me years to get over more than any of the breakupsn I've experienced. I have blocked and moved on from all my ex boyfriends and situationships but today I saw a story posted by my ex friend group, they're on a trip together and it broke my heart in a new way all over again.

It's been 4 years since we last spoke to each other. It ended not in any explosive manner but very silently as i retreated after realising that I'm simply the +1 in most scenarios. I'm not a part of the core group. I don't know if any of them are in this subreddit. They were my only malayali friends among a swarm of people in my batch who were from other states. I really felt for the most part that I truly belonged. But many many instances I had to ignore how left out I felt.

The last couple of instances piled on until I realised idh sheriyavilla. One was when they planned a get together for one of the girls' birthday and somehow they only decided on time and place. All the other arrangements somehow fell on me slowly. I still managed to make it happen. But the birthday girl herself showed up only after midnight and that too for about 20 mins because she had decided to get back together with her abusive and toxic ex (whom I personally had spoken against and told her to not get back together with, but the other 2 girls had supported their shitty relationship). She really ditched us for a man. And a crappy one at that. All the arrangements I did felt like a waste of time. And frankly the other 2 seemed least bothered maybe because they knew all along that she's not going to be fully present for this plan, and they never told me about it and still let me do the cake, drinks, decor (i even made a special cocktail as a pun of her name).

Two, was one where one week after this plan happened they had a get together again. And informed me about it only one day in advance. I believed maybe it's a spontaneous plan but they knew my parents are strict and wouldn't let me go for a night stay if i told them the day before. They conveniently told me about it on Friday and ofc I couldn't make it on Saturday. Later as i was scrolling Instagram I came across one of their stories, when i opened the screen said story unavailable so i was a bit confused. I have a finsta as well so i checked from that account and sure enough there was a story. In which they were celebrating her birthday with a cheesecake (one week later). Was I invited? Yes. But it wasn't a wholehearted invitation and they were completely fine with celebrating it without even video calling me or keeping me in the loop. They clearly also hid me from the story and forgot to hide it from my finsta. Appo avdeyum i was 🥲

Three, worst one was on our last day of college they willingly went and mingled with a guy who has a history of verbally humiliating and abusing me (he was kind of a stalkerseniorweirdo guy who was obsessed w me) and ende kanvattam thettich the 3 of them have gone and hung out w him in the canteen. I'm not sure who approached first but when i went looking for them sure enough they were all sitting at the same table and eating food and drinking shake. Later when i asked them (i didn't even know how to confront the subject) one of them got soooo defensive and straight up started scolding me. Saying nee Njangal aarod mindunnu ennokke control cheyyan varanda. Avan aayitt keri vann samsarichadha. I told them that i wouldn't talk to a guy who treated you that way. They just brushed it off and things got very awkward because i lowkeyyyy stood up for myself.

Adhinu sesham last minute at the bus stop they said okay we are all going to M's house. You can come too. But i knew that day that the friendship is over. I didn't go. And sure enough within one week of our last day of college they had apparently planned a whole trip and decided to "invite" me once again the way they had consistently.invited me - after making the plans and deciding everything and only letting me know last minute knowing i will cancel. And sure enough I did. When they went on that trip, i exited the group. No one added me back. No one checked on me privately. And that ended. Today, even though it's been 4 years seeing a story of them on a trip again nearly made me cry.

Just saw an Instagram reel for people practicing shibari art drawing classes. And i was so baffled and taken aback, I'm trying my best to divorce my shock from any puritanical thoughts but I can't help but be baffled at how an inherently very sexualised practice in the same realm as rope play (BDSM) is now being used as a reference for "cozy, art classes".

I don't think I'm even putting my words right cause I'm just so ???? 🫪🫪🫪 rn. Just because everything Japanese is being aestheticised now that means even a bdsm practice is going to be normalised ?? And to my extreme surprise it's mostly women and femme presenting people in this class and all the drawings and depictions are ofc women. Idk man this is odd. Am i being a prude?

I'm 26 and earning my own money but now during the gap between my graduation and date of joining I'm living with my parents. They had gotten more chill over the years - i grew up in my teenage years not being allowed to go out, hang out with friends, or wear clothes i like. I always had the atrictest curfew and strictest rules. I have been doing household chores since the last 10 years. Yet, they decide when they want to treat me like an adult and when they treat me like a child.

After I left home to pursue my MBA I had been wearing short clothes and basically things that my mother "disapproves" and even posting photos with it cause I stopped caring for their approval. Both parents especially mom would frequently comment on my clothing and I just ignored it a lot. Just to give context some clothes my mother is against: anything that is above the knee, so no skirts (even midis) or shorts, no sleeveless (unless the sleeve is about 1-2inches wide), no straps, no halter neck, nothing backless, nothing that shows even a hint of cleavage. You get the gist.

Now for a family function I had ordered a corset top, mind you I paid for it myself and it was a sleeveless top but not strapped (i specifically didn't buy the strap variation to avoid conflict). I've worn corset tops before as well which she didn't care for. But somehow this one pissed her off personally. Probably she was on edge about meeting some shitty relatives but she took all that anger out on me and shamed me for being fat, said I look like a ____, and much more and said "why do you want to show everything to the world those are private parts" when the top had no visible cleavage maybe just the outline of the cleavage cause I'm a moderately endowed woman bro. I'm 36D some level of spillover is natural and I can't keep policing myself every second of my life for it. This top didn't even have any cleavage out. She was bothered by the sleevelessness, by my neck showing and maybe 3mm of my cleavage being visible in one angle, and by it being backless (it's not, it's just a low cut back)

I feel that even by her standards it's an extremely decent outfit and still she created such a ruckus that I had a huge fight and shouted at her. I've not fought with her this way in a long time cus I kept holding my tongue and keeping the peace. She said a lot of vile things including how "we should've never let you go for MBA now you act like one of *those* women"

At that I legit started crying and screamed at her that she never "let me go" I went there on my own merit after working my ass off for exams, for GDPI and for every thing in the bschool that i achieved. I worked very hard to do it. I didn't ask you for permission cause I don't need it. I did it anyway. All my achievements, my intellect, my degree, my character and my name and shame all comes down to the 3 mm of cleavage that she chose to look at out of one beautiful top I got for myself. It's gotten very suffocating and i told her I will wear what I like when I like and you don't own my body or me so stop acting like it. She started her emotional blackmail saying I'm your mother i care for you, if something happens then don't come running to me. Imagine the level of disgust I felt at that. At this point I told my father everything that happened and he supported me in everything and even said that maa didn't mean it and all that. Yet he asked me to change to "keep the peace". Ultimately I have to be the bigger person in every scenario. Just so fed up. And by the way this was 2 days before mother's day.

{Hi, had told a friend of mine to post on reddit but since she doesn't meet Karma requirements I'm posting on behalf of her.}

I'm a 27 y/o woman in a long distance relationship w a 28 y/o man. A little bit about us, we met on a dating app while I was in his city (let's say A), hit it off immediately, i had to leave the city after 4 months but we still kept our relationship. We've been together ever since (this was over 3 years ago)

He is still in the same city A while I moved back home to B and then moved to C to get my PG degree as well. Point is to emphasise that we've been together this whole while, as I worked in B, studied in C, etc. We usually take 1-2 trips or vacations together a year which is when we properly meet. The rest of the time we are on WhatsApp/FaceTime for communication. He is a genuinely caring and sweet guy, and the first person who treated me with kindness and respect. I'm not saying all my previous relationships were not respectful but things ended for various reasons which affected my self respect.

Now for the issues

\#1 So offlate I've been feeling a bit disconnected and distant from him. He got a promotion at work and he's been extra busy since last 6 months or so. During the same time I was in the last terms of my MBA so i was extra free. Owing to this I feel he didn't have time to spend with me. He claimed that the difference I'm perceiving is due to me being extra free and him being extra busy. I cut him some slack for it, but we had a lot of fights over this matter.

\#2 I have noticed that he had a lot of insecurity in the initial phase of my MBA. He is a feminist and he follows a lot of those ideals which he claims to uphold as well. But during the first year of MBA when i was busy running around and attending events etc he made a lot of hurtful statements about my unavailability which really affected me. He later apologised for them too. Claiming that it's his jealousy and honestly wanting more time with me that came out in ugly ways. I forgave him for these. From my own side I can admit that i did prioritise my MBA enjoyment of events etc over date nights with him, as i felt that these are not going to happen again. I must clarify that I never cheated or even hung out 1-1 with any guy in my course (as that's my own personal boundary as well) but everytime there was a party or I stayed up too late drinking or talking or hanging out with friends the next day my bf always acted very cold and angry for atleast half the day, which always made me feel bad.

\#3 we always has some arguments and tiffs as all couples do but lately it has increased to such an extent that we are arguing about something nearly every week. He says that all these fights are initiated by me for "no reason" while i feel these are all valid reasons. I am a person with adhd and some anger issues which I've been working out in therapy for years. Adhd affects my cognitive functioning but these anger issues were a source of strain in my family even before i met him. My mental health issues are usually much more exacerbated when I'm at home and last 2 months I have been at home. I tend to lose a lot braincells figuratively ofc by being at home.

\#4 in continuation of above point; Our last fight was about how while i was talking to him over facetime he fell asleep and i assumed he just had his eyes closed and he was listening cus he kept humming. But he wasn't. So he woke up and asked me to repeat it and i got very angry (trigger point) and yelled at him for 10 minutes about how he doesn't care about me and he never listens. (This did feel like a pattern where he doesn't ask any follow up questions but only superficially listens)

But my anger got very out of hand and i just blocked him everywhere. I was in a blind rage and i literally don't remember all the things I brought up. After 15-20 mins i calmed down came to my senses and unblocked him but he was very hurt. He told me we should end this. I got very sad and i said okay we can break up as this isn't working.

He stopped texting me completely but i kept texting him and saying how i felt bad for my reaction and he said that my anger issues are out of control and that he can't be with a gf who keeps scolding him for every mistake. And that i wouldn't tolerate that sort of behaviour from him (he's right i have broken up with men over less). He also says that he likes my fiery personality but sometimes I really fly off the handle in small situations or arguments which hurts him. And he has said many mean things to me as well during those fights.

Somehow i apologised and convinced him and now we are back together, but things feel very fragile right now. Both of us are refraining from texting a lot and holding some distance so that we don't hurt each other.

During the argument he called me emotionally abusive and I've been clinging to that ever since. And since I'm currently at home unemployed I have too much time to overthink and I've been wondering. Am i actually emotionally abusive? Is this a very toxic relationship? Is he gaslighting me? Like i don't know. I'm not sure of anything anymore. I do know that in my blind rage i tend to say things I deeply regret later. I thought I had healed but ig it's time to go back to therapy and work on this. The only person who gets me is my friend with BPD who herself has had even worse situations. I'm starting to wonder if i have BPD myself. The more i type the more i feel like TAH

Tl;dr had many arguments with my LDR boyfriend and unsure if we are toxic or if this or normal

My friend is currently 28 years old, and has her own job. She suggested moving out to stay near her office as she currently drives 1.5 hours for one way. Her parents, (who btw are fully pressuring her to get married) are unwilling to let her go and stay alone because njangal makkal illande engane jeevikkum. Bruh. She's the youngest of 3 and both the elder siblings are married w children so they're effectively out of the house. She herself was in a different city for UG + work and then a different city for PG. So effectively she's lived on her own for almost 9 years. But now she's at home and she finds it so suffocating. They impose a curfew on her, she can't go out, sleepover not allowed. And everytime she tries to rebel now they emotionally blackmail her about their health. I always feel such parents cause the worst mental health for their adult children. They should learn to let go and let them live as adults.

Ippo ende parents inum avardethaya preshnam ind avar enne ishtolla clothes idaan sammayikkilla. Enikk um curfew und 11pm aavumbozhekkum veetil keranam. Pakshe i still feel if oru work cheyyan enikk ithrem travel vendi vannaal avar enne vittu thamasikkan sammayikum. Anavishya emotional attachment vech irikkilla. Njan oru adult aan ennulladh ettavum kooduthal reminders tharunnadh ende parents aan.

What is your take on this?

Today my little brother (15 year old) was going away for camp and he came to my room and asked me for a new sunscreen 🥺🥺🥺🥺

He's been religiously wearing sunscreen when going out to play cricket and uska chota tube khatam ho gaya almost and he wanted to share mine and take it with him to camp. My little baby is growing up 🥺🥺😭😭

Maine usko Naya wala tube de diya and told him to take care and wear it everyday. Then he also stole my spf lipbalm and ran away. I love him 🥲

Details: 26F, moderately active prior to injury (workout 4-5 times a week with some powerlifting once a week)

Injury: interstitial ACL tear, grade 2 tears of MCL, MPFL and LCL, had a linear undisplaced fracture in my initial MRI (not there anymore/seems to have healed in 2nd MRI taken post 6 weeks)

Current status: have achieved 120° flexion, full extension, can walk a little bit (within the house) without crutches but i do develop swelling and pain if it's more walking

_____

Hi, currently managing my injuries with rehab and physio as per my doctor's guidance. He is an ortho trauma surgeon with 30 years experience so we didn't go for a 2nd opinion (although I'd like one). I keep making progress in physio and it's like yeaaaayyy and then one day i can't get the flexion I want and I'm like faaaahhh. Today is one such day. Please give me positive stories of people who continued to make it without surgery 🙏🏽🥺

I've read a lot on this sub about folks who said that if you don't get surgery it's long term damage and many other things so I feel very afraid rn. My physio and orthopaedic doctor are confident in my recovery. I just want some moral support I guess? And recovery timelines of those who went the no surgery route.