r/StopSpeeding

Seattle, Washington

I have 500 days off prescription amphetamine abuse. I used adderall around 9 years. I had a high prescription of adderall XR 90-120 mg a day. And I abused it quite often. I’ve had a lot of negative side effects coming off this medicine and I would say I still have physical withdrawal symptoms even after 500 days. I get really bad neck and back pain, adhedonia, lockjaw and swollen tongue. My ears also hurt all the time and it feels like they are underwater. My neck, back, and ears, often feel frozen. It seems like my dopamine system will never go back to normal. It’s really hard for me to lose weight still. My metabolism does not feel normal. Do you guys have any tips on how to increase metabolism and dopamine levels? It’s honestly so hard to not to want to relapse, even after 500 days.

Hi- I am 29, healthy male. Took 20-30mg of Adderall daily for around 7 years. I have been off it for about 3 1/2 months. Things have been very flat and I have been frequently low/ despondent. I have told myself I will try sobriety until month 6, at which time ill resume if i still feel terrible all the time. Is this foolish? I guess i just cant remember if this is my baseline mental state and im naturally a depressive person or if recovery just takes a really long time…

Not even a one & done relapse or anything in that time. When I was actively getting high, I never thought I would even be able to get 90 days clean. When I look back and remind myself how I went from doing dope every single day and sleeping only a few hours every week, from that to, over 2 long years without touching the stuff even once..... It just totally blows my mind! And the best part is that as of now, I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in having anything to do with the stuff at all!

Been on adhd medication for 13 years. Abused Ritalin severely for many years until I decided to stop (ish). Got my psychiatrist to prescribe me a different kind and so I got Aduvanz/elvanse. I actually managed to use it as prescribed for 4 years, but eventually abused these as well. Asked again for a new kind of medicine and got attentin. Hated everything about this medicine, but the biggest issue was that breathing became difficult. I could never fully inhale. I switched back to Elvanse recently and I still struggle with this! I never had this problem before attentin. I feel so claustrophobic and it makes me dizzy not being able to inhale fully.

Please what is this

I don’t abuse anymore, I take it as prescribed

I have been using street speed, illicit adhd-medication and also have an adhd diagnosis and meds. They are methylphenidate, the side effects were too much luckily, but the reality is this: I have been "self-medicating" with these amphetamines for nearly two years straight with maybe a grand total of 5 weeks of abstinence, one week here the other there. The last 6-8 months it's been about every other day, and I've also usually only slept every other day. 15 hour pass out comatose sleep. I am not young anymore. I had a severe alcohol addiction but managed to stop drinking six years ago. I'd tried amphs in my youth but always when drinking. I did not even like it at first. Then I started getting shit done regarding pretty much every aspect in my life and had a very creative year. I was "only" a twice a week user then. Now pretty much everything is gone, most of my emotions are completely haywire and tinnitus I had before I started this idiotism has gotten worse.

I am writing this here because I have gotten sober before, quit many substances. Amphetamine is also not the only substance I use, but quitting them all cold turkey would be probably life threatening. It is still the long term goal, but amph is eating away my soul and personality, along with my cognition, sanity, and skills I still somehow have, like playing an instrument. I read somewhere it is quite common for ex-alcohol abusers to turn to this substance. And here I am.

I haven't read the stickies yet but will tomorrow. I laid out a simple plan for the next day and the day after, written with pen and paper. Got rid of the stash, took the last line maybe 7-8 hours ago. Been awake for nearly 48 hours, and I really really hope this is the last time. I have eaten but not enough. I never want to feel like this again. I won't touch the methylphenidate either. I hope I didn't break any rules. I feel really really awful. I know it will pass.

Thanks for reading, whoever you are.

Hello. I have had an adderall addiction for many years now. It got to the point where I had to go to rehab in August, and then I relapsed like 5 times after that. I got a psychiatrist recently and left out the rehab part, told him I have ADHD and he prescribed me adderall. I abused it and now I’m trying to figure out how to tell him. I lied to him about a couple of things and I really regret it now. Has anyone had to do this? What should I say? How did your psychiatrists react?

I remember when I was a teenager—drawing came naturally and was fun. Time flew, and I made good art. I won awards, got scholarships, and even got paid for commissions. As an ADHD kid with lousy grades, those external rewards became my identity and, in some ways, shaped my career path.

Later in life, I started using speed to reach that same level of concentration. Over a decade of it, I became less and less patient. I stopped paying attention to details, to the point where I could barely spend an hour on a single drawing. That made my professional life unsustainable. I realized speed was ruining my ability to draw, so I spent a year and a half sober, trying to fix my brain.

Now I can focus on details again and spend hours drawing. The quality of my work has improved—but the joy hasn’t come back. Every day, I procrastinate for hours before going to my drawing table. When I finally draw, it feels like agony—like forcing myself to eat rocks. I draw because I have to, and because I can, not because I want to. When I see my peers still having fun and achieving great things because of that joy, I feel jealous, and I feel nostalgic.

Sometimes I think this is the price I paid for chasing achievement and trading my brain to speed when I was young. Other times, I wonder if this is just what growing up feels like—outgrowing something I once loved, which feels even sadder.

When I tell this to close friends who care about me, they say, “Maybe it’ll come back to you in another way.” But what does that even mean? Nobody seems to have an answer.

I'm going to call one recommended by another recovering addict and tell them that I'm a recovering addict with a history of heavy stimulant and alcohol abuse and that I need a dentist who isn't going to judge me for being an immoral dirty addict and tsk down their nose at me and make me feel like I should be ashamed of myself. Meth. How shocking. How shameful.

I've shamed myself enough for all of us, thanks. Anyway.

I am TERRIFIED of even routine checkups at the best of times. For the past five years I've been too afraid or embarrassed to go for one reason or another related to my heavy stimulant addiction plus a year of a relapse on alcohol... I'd chewed up the inside of my mouth and tongue, had dug holes in my face and was worried they'd think I was a meth head (spoiler alert self... I was taking oral meth so I WAS ONE), couldn't be off stims long enough to even go in for a checkup, and just didn't want to think about it. Old cavity fillings I got done as a kid have cracked a few of my teeth, and two have broken as a result. My last dentist put three ill-fitting crowns on teeth that should have had root canals done prior but apparently she deemed it unnecessary. My mouth is a mess and I wouldn't be surprised if I need root canals on teeth on all sides of my mouth. And god knows what else.

I'm in recovery now and this is something that I've been putting off for far too long. I'm so, so scared, but I'm going to do it .

Just shy of 7 months completely sober off of ALL substances.

I am struggling to find any motivation to go to social outings.

I push myself to volunteer weekly and attend a small group. But, I often leave each social engagement feeling completely exhausted and defeated, afterward. The only reason I go (in the first place) is because I feel like I should and I feel guilty for being so reclusive.

My family and friends are worried because I decline invitation after invitation.

When did you start to feel social again in your journey? Would love to hear other people’s perspectives on this. Tips/advice always welcome.

Thank you.

I'm not trying to write a poem or glorify any substances.

Just needed to name the post somehow.

I know there are many fucked up things about abusing stims or any other shit but what really got to me today is how I stopped doing things and going places.

I mean I still do them but they're just excuses to use.

Going dancing - need some stims.

Meeting friends - sure but on stims.

Cleaning apartment - I can manage but on stims.

Need to simply do my tasks at work - yep, just need some stims for that.

I'm not really doing anything or go anywhere.

Everything is just bunch of boxes with labels and stims the true motivator.

Fucking watching a movie with friends shouldn't be a chore I need fucking 1g of amphetamine to go through.

So yea, just coming down from 2 day binge and needed to share a thought.

All the best

I should know better. I’ve been down this road too many times, always ending with the same desperate intention to get better. I’m embarrassed by how delusional and duplicitous I’ve become to get away with continuing using.

I’m pretending everything is fine, but truth is, I’m sliding deeper and deeper into addiction. I know that my life is better without it, I know because I’ve seen it and felt it. I run out in a week or so, push through the withdrawal, and finally feel like a human again. Joy, laughter, hunger, sleep - it all miraculously comes back, and I feel hopeful that I’ll be fine, and I’ll move on.

But when the time comes to fill my script again, or use whatever is available in the meantime, I run to it like I’ve never had a problem. I don’t even register the lies anymore - to myself or to others. I protect this secret at all cost.

I don’t know why it’s so hard to act in my own best interest, and so easy to sabotage all goodness and joy. It’s like my brain has split, with one part begging for help, and the other pretending that this is all ok and in fact probably beneficial.

I hate that I hate who I am and how I feel without it. I hate that I can’t get a grip. I hate that this has made me into a liar and a hypocrite.

Fuck.

Edit: filler words in case this is triggering. 2am got a call. My Mom went into cardiac arrest and I was told she was dead. Dead for 30 minutes, they almost stopped recessitation. After 2 more rounds she woke up. Not sure how this will play out but I got a chance to tell her I love her.

Yet another reminder of how precious life is. And how heart problems run in my family. That could have been me one day, sped up if I didn't quit abusing stims and other meds on top of my chaotic eating disorder. Take care of your hearts folks. And tell those care about that you love them.

I'm sure there's people here who have isolated while using. I'm just wondering if you've also successfully started socializing in a healthy way afterwards, and if so, what you noticed when things started significantly improving. If not, why not?

Relapsed after 8 months clean from all drugs. It has only taken a few weeks for me to remember just how low stimulants made me feel. I don't even know if I am in a comedown right now or what, but I am having the most intense feelings of depression, despair, and hoplessness. I have just sat here without distraction and allowed myself to feel it. I never want to feel this way again. I have to remind myself that I do not have to if I stay clean. I always forget just how bad we can feel mentally sometimes.

Been 6 months since my last dose of adderall after being on it for 2 years. I quit because it was enabling other addictions, alcoholism and nicotine mostly, and was affecting my heart and quality of life. But my job now feels impossible without it. I work from home doing pretty mentally intense computer work and even opening up software feels like immense work without speed. I need to have work done but I have nothing and I’m just stuck in a cycle of stress, unable to DO the thing I need to do. It didn’t use to be like this.

I would really appreciate any thoughts or advice on getting out of a slump like this. I’m honestly considering just finding a new line of work

I’ll reveal my substance as I tell my story, because it’s not a typical one, and nutshelling it, but feel free to ask any questions in the comments and I can elaborate.

It started in the mid-90’s with phen-phens. They made me very sick. I wouldn’t eat the entire day, just typical speed. I got off of those, and then someone introduced me to some weight loss supplements, and I was back in it. I couldn’t find the supplements (that are now banned, along with its precursor ma huang), but discovered ephedrine in the gas station. 100 pills for $10. That’s when I got really hooked, was up to 18 pills a day. Then they removed those, but I discovered Bronkaid at a drug store. 60 pills/box and I was going through them like water. Then the meth epidemic hit, and they moved them behind the pharmacy counter and put limits on how much you could buy a month. I knew I couldn’t sustain, so got myself off again. That was 2004.

Fast forward to Covid, I bought a couple of boxes and stashed them away just in case. In 2022, after being clean for 18 years, I broke them out. Got addicted again, as well as started drinking again after three years sober. Been fighting the monkey ever since, but today I’m clean for 100 days, and I feel okay. I’m a 51F, and had a real fear of stroke, and now that’s about the only thing keeping me on the path. I should also add that I’m ADHD, and they really helped me focus and achieve tasks that felt overwhelming otherwise. I’m still in a limbo state, but I just accept that’s part of the process.