On Monday I'm calling the dentist for the first time in five years
I'm going to call one recommended by another recovering addict and tell them that I'm a recovering addict with a history of heavy stimulant and alcohol abuse and that I need a dentist who isn't going to judge me for being an immoral dirty addict and tsk down their nose at me and make me feel like I should be ashamed of myself. Meth. How shocking. How shameful.
I've shamed myself enough for all of us, thanks. Anyway.
I am TERRIFIED of even routine checkups at the best of times. For the past five years I've been too afraid or embarrassed to go for one reason or another related to my heavy stimulant addiction plus a year of a relapse on alcohol... I'd chewed up the inside of my mouth and tongue, had dug holes in my face and was worried they'd think I was a meth head (spoiler alert self... I was taking oral meth so I WAS ONE), couldn't be off stims long enough to even go in for a checkup, and just didn't want to think about it. Old cavity fillings I got done as a kid have cracked a few of my teeth, and two have broken as a result. My last dentist put three ill-fitting crowns on teeth that should have had root canals done prior but apparently she deemed it unnecessary. My mouth is a mess and I wouldn't be surprised if I need root canals on teeth on all sides of my mouth. And god knows what else.
I'm in recovery now and this is something that I've been putting off for far too long. I'm so, so scared, but I'm going to do it .