r/SpicyAutism

Hiya. I need to vent about behaviour I have witnessed in other autism subs. They treat lack of hygiene as a moral failing, as a conscious decision, they say "you're an adult you can learn", they call it weaponised incompetence, and it's so frustrating and devastating to see. I need hands on assistance in the shower or I don't wash. According to these people I'm disgusting and lazy. We have the same disability, why are you so obsessed with lauding your ability to function over others? How can you have autism and not understand that some people experience symptoms you don't? How can you be so cruel about people more disabled than you?

I remember a couple of years ago a comic went popular where an autistic person meets another autistic person who is 1% more autistic than them and gets mad. And everyone in the tags was like "haha this is me I find it so annoying when another autistic person around me can't mask" and how did anyone let that slide? That's just ableism. I'm just so upset. I tried defending someone's lack of hygiene in another autism sub and suggested that they may be in need of a carer, and I got down voted, while all the other comments were focused on blaming the person for being gross and lazy. I don't understand. More and more I start to feel radicalised and resent these kinds of people and it makes me afraid to interact with LSN autists in case they share these opinions about people with my level of needs.

(dont have level/support label but feel closest to medium)

TRIGGER WARNING for health issues and concern about cancer

I feel helpless and upset at my mom.

I cant keep my environment clean and this causes so much mold right. And im chronically ill. So u can imagine breathing in mold dosent help the chronic illness.

It scares me a lot because im not sure what's wrong with my body and im showing some signs of melanoma in my moles. I have read that for some people it was triggered by mold.

Now today i saw this tiny mole i had before and it turned to a uneven black dot that i then scratched off.

Lately my health issues got so much worse and my bones hurt so much and my joints and eyes and my teeth and face and bose and legs and my whole body hurts so much constantly.

Im having thoughts that maybe it is in fact melanoma and that it spread to my body.

Keep in mind i tried to get tested multiple times but doctors refuse to test me!

I feel helpless and i am upset at my mom because my mom keeps going out to hang with her boyfriend and she is busy being a mental health coach while i am living at her place and breathing in literal mold cuz i cant take care of myself properly.

And now my whole body hurts and i saw that mole that i scratched off and my mom is outside with her boyfriend until tomorrow.

And i want to get doctor appointments to test and remove my moles but doctors dont take me seriously and they DONT test my moles and my mom is too busy working and hanging with her boyfriend so im scared it will take a while.

I feel terrified and im so scared that i have cancer in my bones.

Im a medium support needs autistic currently in high school. Im constantly exhausted, from socializing, senory input, and often just existing. Ive tried taking breaks, sleeping more, etc. but nothing seems to help. I struggle to complete basic tasks and worry about whether ill even make it through my senior year. Is there anything I can do to try and cope with the fatigue?

I posted this on women in autism and I can't put comments open because I can't deal with it. Because i'm very concerned that they wouldn't be positive.Anyway, here's what I had to say. I’m going to try to say this in a way that’s honest, even if it comes out a little emotional, because this thread has been sitting with me.

What’s been hardest for me isn’t just the disagreement—it’s the feeling of a one-sided kind of advocacy. I see people here asking for understanding, accommodations, and respect for their needs, and I genuinely believe in that. I would stand up for you. I would fight for your needs to be taken seriously, even in spaces where people don’t understand autism at all.

That’s why it’s so difficult to read comments that dismiss or minimize needs that don’t personally resonate with you—like needing support with hygiene.

For some of us, hygiene is not a simple habit or a matter of effort. It can involve sensory overwhelm, difficulty initiating tasks, fatigue, or needing hands-on support. These are real barriers. When those get brushed off, it doesn’t just feel like disagreement—it feels like being excluded from the very advocacy that’s supposed to include all of us.

And I think part of what makes this harder is where I fall on the spectrum. I’m not seen as “high support needs” enough that people automatically step in and advocate for me, and I’m not “low support needs” enough to just manage everything independently. Being in the middle can feel like being invisible.

People with higher support needs often have others advocating for them, like parents or caregivers. People with lower support needs can often advocate for themselves. But when you’re in between—and especially when you struggle to advocate in real time—it can feel like there’s no one fighting for you.

That’s where I’m at. I need support. I need people to recognize needs like mine as valid. And sometimes, I need others to help speak up, because I can’t always do it in the moment.

I’m not asking anyone to relate to my experience. I’m asking for the same willingness to understand and advocate that I would offer you.

Because right now, it feels like I would fight for you—but you wouldn’t fight for me. And that’s a really isolating place to be.

I think we can do better for each other than that.

Does anyone else have severe anxiety that has not improved with any treatment or medication? I am now prescribed olanzapine 2.5mg for my anxiety which is used as a last resort because of the side effects. It is an antipsychotic medication and I now take two antipsychotics, quetiapine at night for sleep too.

I have been taking olanzapine for a week now. I thought it was helping but today I have had really bad anxiety. This medication makes me feel slightly drowsy which makes me feel anxious because it reminds me of diazepam and why I need to take that. I think now the only solution is diazepam but I can’t take that daily or it stops working. So there is no medication that actually helps that I can take daily.

My psychiatrist said my anxiety is part of my autism and I can’t get rid of it. If you relate what helps you?

I'm considered a level 2/moderate support needs.

I'm not non-verbal, but talking for me takes all of my brain power and energy.

• I can’t do small tasks like put dishes away or pour juice at the same time as talking. It takes too many resources!
• I understand speech slower (audio processing issues) and I speak slower than most.
• I can't finish my thoughts when talking with others and it's upsetting.
• Talking doesn't physically hurt but takes a lot of energy out of me (emotional hurt?)
• When I try using an AAC, the conversation has already changed.
• When I go mute people expect me to be able to talk again soon.
• People expect me to talk in general.

People do like the input I give in conversation but it's frustrating and hurts to speak. I don't want to speak anymore, that's how upset I am.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm struggling hard right now to even function in my day to day.

i was almost homeless

I’ve had many jobs since I was 16, I always wanted to work because I like making money, but I always would quit after a couple months because I would gradually start hating work (even if I liked the job a lot) and eventually couldn't even get myself to walk in for my shift and I would quit on the spot. Now instead of after a couple months, it happens within 2 weeks of starting.

I’m 21 now and have a fiancé. He does everything for me, and he did everything to help me get to work. I started a new job last week and I liked it so much. But yesterday, only my 5th day, I got to work and immediately walked out and had a meltdown. I had to tell them I was sick and leave right after I got there. I meant to go today but I had a meltdown all morning for hours and just couldn't get myself to get ready. I had to call in. I didn't lose the job from that but there is no way I will be able to continue showing up to every shift.

Now my fiancé needs to get a second job, he was very sweet and helpful all morning but now he is very mad at me and rightfully so. He does everything, he works, does all the chores at home, takes care of my dog, and does everything for himself and almost everything for me. I want so badly to be helpful, I feel so guilty for not contributing like he does and I can't even do the bare minimum and just help make some money. We are barely making it by, now he has to work 2 jobs while I work 0 and do nothing to help at home. My fiancé and I love each other so much but my autism symptoms are too severe and I don't think I deserve a serious relationship like this, I love him so much but I am not capable of doing my part.

I have surgery scheduled a week from tomorrow to remove two impacted wisdom teeth and I’m very scared. I started going to an autism specific dentist this year after not going at all for over a decade. I do so poorly with dental stuff that it took me over a week to bite into things after she fixed one of my front teeth because the bite felt different. On the way home that day every time my tongue touched the spot I started crying again not because it hurt but just because it felt different. I’m going to an oral surgeon instead of my regular dentist and I’m freaking out. I don’t like that I’m not going to be able to use straws or vape (medical cannabis for chronic pain) or eat my regular foods. I know I’ll be able to eat mac and cheese (maybe?), but I don’t really like many soups and I don’t like smoothies. I’m worried that I’m going to freak out about blood and things being in my mouth. I don’t like swishing and spitting and I’m worried I’m gonna have to do that a lot. Does anyone have tips? If you’ve gone through this or something similar can you list the foods you ate after so I can get ideas? When I look suggestions up they mention a lot of things that I’m not interested in and wouldn’t even know how to cook and it stresses me out. I’m scared of being uncomfortable and unable to feel full. I’m gonna miss my hot dogs and sandwiches :(

How can you try and try and try and try so hard times 5000 and no one sees no one at all no how do you do it how do you go if no one sees? How can I try and try and try and try and try all of life and no one sees? And no one helps? How do mom and dad not see if your there kid there baby how do they see all the bad and the bads not for real it’s trying and trying and trying they see is bad lazy rotten kid brat bad evil 😈 how do you go on and on if it’s all bad for you? You try and try and try and they talk to hard and to much and to fast? How do you do it?

Hi, I wanted to ask something that’s been on my mind. I’m really sensitive to sound, like everyday noises can feel overwhelming. I recently got a pair of ear muffs and they’ve helped a lot. I feel calmer when I wear them.

But now I’m worried about the long term. If I keep using ear muffs often, will my ears get even more sensitive when I take them off? Like will normal sounds feel louder than before?

I’ve seen different types of ear muffs, from simple ones to more padded designs like the ones used in workplaces or listed through suppliers similar to Alibaba inventories, and they all seem built for strong noise reduction.

I don’t want to depend on them too much if it’s going to make things harder later. At the same time, they really help me function better right now.

Do people balance this somehow, like wearing them only in certain situations? Or is it fine to use them daily?

Would really appreciate hearing from others who deal with sound sensitivity too.

Its such a confusing experience for me because i am "invisibly autistic" but my SUPPORT needs is closer to medium support needs or level 2.

My country don't use levels but my support needs are closest to medium support needs yet i dont seem autistic and it feels impossible to exist this way.

I feel like i constantly need to change myself or prove im autistic or "act more autiatic" or tell ppl constantly im autistic because my struggles and support needs are so much more significant than i look so no one takes them seriously and everything i do and struggle with is seen as some deliberate choice.

All the level 2 i have seen are more visibly autistic, so idk why im this way.

My country uses aspergers still and i got aspergers diagnosis but ppl just assume aspergers is = high functioning. Genius. High iq. Independent.

Its so invalidating because thats not my experience at all and my needs are closer to medium support needs but its invisible

I always feel like I say things the wrong way and it comes across completely different to how I meant 😭

Does anyone have an example of something they said recently that got taken the wrong way?

I want to see how my support needs line up along with others so I can understand where I fall inside of MSN. I can share a little bit of my support needs if that helps others compare to mine as well.

I live at home. I need prompting to initiate self care tasks like showering, brushing my teeth, and taking my meds. I need instructions and assistance to make food. (I can make sandwiches and use a microwave and blender independently).

I am verbal and am able to reliably speak for 6-8 hours a day. My tolerance for social communication is alot lower (1-2) hours however I can continuously communicate my wants and needs throughout most the day.

I work part time with autistic children. I like it because it feels like my job is to play all day. I cannot drive and am taken to work and back.

I rely on suppprt for safe emotional regulation. I cannot calm down or prevent meltdowns independently. Even at work I have to call someone who knows how to help me.

I have fine motor issues and often need help with tying my shoes, buttoning clothes, and putting lids back on containers.

partner and i really really need to move to our own apartment as soon as possible. their income isn't enough for us. they and our therapists want me to get a job. but i don't even know if i can get a job. i can't do hygiene by myself. i can't do phone calls. i can't go anywhere by myself. i can't get ready to go somewhere without a lot of buffering and reminders. i can't remember to take my meds. i struggle to make food for myself. i have a lot of sensory problems and get overstimulated really easily. i have frequent verbal shutdowns and can't speak to strangers 95% of the time. i have literally no social skills (2nd percentile in my assessment). and that's not even including any physical disability stuff.

is it even possible for me to get and keep a job? i don't see how i'll ever be able to do that, especially not in the time frame we need. and my partner says they're scared i'll never be able to get a job and be independent and take care of myself. i don't want that to be true but i just don't know how i'm going to have a job when i literally can't even take care of myself. and if i don't get a job we can't move out and we desperately need to. i don't know what to do.

So like there's a pile of cleaned laundry, or pile of random stuff, pile of clean dishes, whatever. I have trouble putting them back into the closet/cabinets into their proper place, I think due to the amount of attention switching involved. Very dystegulating activity and I'll probably melt down afterwards. Any tips or ideas?

Ugh. So I was supposed to have my hearing today, but got a call last night letting me know that all of the judges' hearings were cancelled today and that mine would be rescheduled. My lawyer doesn't know why they were cancelled, just that every hearing he had today was, but doesn't have any information yet about what the timeframe is for a new date. I'm so beyond frustrated right now. I applied back in January of 2025, was denied twice, and finally got a lawyer to help. She's quite confident that my case is strong, so I was really relieved to more than likely finally be done with this today. Now I have to wait longer. This whole thing is so stressful, I need this shit to be done.

Is there any chance that the judge will look at my evidence and decide that it's strong enough not to deal with rescheduling and give an OTR decision, or is that just wishful thinking?

To give a bit of background: I'm level 2, and also have ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, PTSD, social anxiety, major depression, chronic migraines, IBS, and dyscalculia. I've been seeing my current therapist since 2022, who is very thorough in her documentation, and have been seeing my psychiatrist since 2019. Everything has been pretty treatment resistant--medication and therapy have not helped a whole lot, despite my putting in a shit ton of effort and trying everything they suggest. I get 3-4 migraines per week, and have tried a handful of daily preventatives as well as as-needed that have been ineffective, which all of that has been documented. My doctor filled out a medical source statement, and so did my therapist, both stating that I'm not capable of handling even "low stress" work, and cannot meet competitive standards.

My autism report shows that in every single area of executive functioning, I'm classified as "markedly atypical." This includes activation, focus, effort, emotion, memory, and action; my total composite score is in the 99th percentile. For social awareness, social cognition, social communication, social motivation, and restricted interests and repetitive behavior, I fal within the "severe" range, and it states that my scores indicate "severe and enduring interference with everyday social interactions." For adaptive skills, I fall within "below average" for community use, functional academics, health and safety, and self-care; "low" for communication, leisure, self-direction, and social; "extremely low" for home living. My GAD, social anxiety, PTSD, and OCD were also assessed and listed in the diagnoses. The report states that my general anxiety and social anxiety fall within the "severe" range. My NIH Cognitive Battery also shows that my working memory, processing speed, and executive functioning are in the 2nd percentile.

Would this be enough for a judge to make an on-the-record decision, or is it not considered the "objective medical evidence" that would allow for that, and I'll still have to definitely make my case in a hearing? I was told that the judge I have is extremely understanding and kind, so would it be possible for him to look at the evidence and decide it's not really worth making me wait longer?

I know a successful prissy NT who does mimic my ASD traits I think to make me like him more. Like he's not insulting my traits by doing so its him trying to be in a relatable position with me.

(cw: SIB)

I just got a new job that I deeply care about, and fought really really hard to get. I really enjoy it so far and I'm very excited. But every day I go home now I have echolalia ("I'm stupid", "I die", "need to die", etc), and hit my head over and over. I start to overthink everything throughout the day, and I can't process all the new information I'm taking in. I really want to make it through this job. It's part time. Barely any physical labor. It's perfect for the accommodations I need and my bosses know and are very understanding. I haven't been able to maintain a job for nearly 2 years since I started having more meltdowns and struggling to live independently. The last job I cared about left me with the same issues, which inevitably led to extreme burnout. I would hit my head multiple times a day and have meltdowns, but at the time I lived alone. I assumed living alone was the issue, not my job. Now I live with my boyfriend, and he helps but it makes me feel even more upset that he's seeing it because I feel embarrassed. I've quit so many jobs because I keep having breakdowns, either at work or at home. I can't keep doing this. I want to be able to have this job. I've wanted this job my whole life. I want to feel proud and confident when I get home, instead of having meltdowns as soon as I do. I don't know what I'm missing that's leaving me like this. I know I have low self confidence but I'm not like this when I meet new people. It's only when I'm having to do new or longer tasks. The same happens when doing things like taxes, bills etc. but at least my boyfriend can help me when it's too much. He can't help me at work, and It makes me sad that I struggle to do it on my own because I try so hard. Has anyone here had this experience? I thought I was lv 1 but recently found out I have lv 2. It's been difficult to figure out my limits and how I can work around them. This is the biggest one right now.