u/No_Lychee7418

(dont have level/support label but feel closest to medium)

TRIGGER WARNING for health issues and concern about cancer

I feel helpless and upset at my mom.

I cant keep my environment clean and this causes so much mold right. And im chronically ill. So u can imagine breathing in mold dosent help the chronic illness.

It scares me a lot because im not sure what's wrong with my body and im showing some signs of melanoma in my moles. I have read that for some people it was triggered by mold.

Now today i saw this tiny mole i had before and it turned to a uneven black dot that i then scratched off.

Lately my health issues got so much worse and my bones hurt so much and my joints and eyes and my teeth and face and bose and legs and my whole body hurts so much constantly.

Im having thoughts that maybe it is in fact melanoma and that it spread to my body.

Keep in mind i tried to get tested multiple times but doctors refuse to test me!

I feel helpless and i am upset at my mom because my mom keeps going out to hang with her boyfriend and she is busy being a mental health coach while i am living at her place and breathing in literal mold cuz i cant take care of myself properly.

And now my whole body hurts and i saw that mole that i scratched off and my mom is outside with her boyfriend until tomorrow.

And i want to get doctor appointments to test and remove my moles but doctors dont take me seriously and they DONT test my moles and my mom is too busy working and hanging with her boyfriend so im scared it will take a while.

I feel terrified and im so scared that i have cancer in my bones.

Before i did not have body pain but after i got drunk some weeks ago i have started having chronic pain in my entire body, joins, legs, fingers, arms, elbows, face, eyes. Every part of my body aches and hurts. My bones hurts. Idk if it was the alcohol or not but my chronic illness did not used to have this.

It was enough to deal with the chronic fatigue, weakness, digestive issues, and mystery heart symptoms.

Now my entire body hurts so much that i cant even lay in bed without suffering deeply.

Im too disabled to get help, to get to appointments, and past doctors dont help me.

I feel horrified every single second.

Do anyone else see those type of comments under videos of autistic women?

Autistic women, with the diagnosis, will make some video about their autistic experience often as a lighthearted joke and the comments get filled with how thats something everyone does and everyone fakeclaiming them and commenting that actually those women are not diagnosed even though they are.

I saw some really cruel comments, people were saying these people deserve to get invalidated and shamed pretty much, because they are hurting the "real autistic people". Like, you ARE talking to real autistic people.

And the comments always downplay autism by saying things like everyone is autistic nowadays and that since everyone does those things it means everyone is autistic or that they are faking.

Things like this makes me feel really unsafe as someone with autism. I also have a lot of support i need for my autism that i am not getting to the point i am suffering constantly and these comments just make me feel even worse knowing they want people like me to feel invalidated.

I have never had the experience of reaching out for help and then getting help

There is times i have called the ambulance and even the ambulance dosent come

I have severe mystery chronic illness and doctors dont test me and dont help me and dont find anything wrong

I want to get tested for melanoma but when i go to the doctors they just look at it and say its okay and they dont test it

They just dont test my moles they just let me suffer

My bones hurt and my.muscles hurts and i have become so much weaker and i cant even sleep without pain and my legs feeling horrible and my muscles and bones

Still doctors dont test me and dont test my moles

I dont understand. Im so weak and my.limbs are suoer weak now like i feel like my limbs are going to break

Its such a confusing experience for me because i am "invisibly autistic" but my SUPPORT needs is closer to medium support needs or level 2.

My country don't use levels but my support needs are closest to medium support needs yet i dont seem autistic and it feels impossible to exist this way.

I feel like i constantly need to change myself or prove im autistic or "act more autiatic" or tell ppl constantly im autistic because my struggles and support needs are so much more significant than i look so no one takes them seriously and everything i do and struggle with is seen as some deliberate choice.

All the level 2 i have seen are more visibly autistic, so idk why im this way.

My country uses aspergers still and i got aspergers diagnosis but ppl just assume aspergers is = high functioning. Genius. High iq. Independent.

Its so invalidating because thats not my experience at all and my needs are closer to medium support needs but its invisible

I feel really lost right now. Keep in mind i might be the one in the wrong here, i dont have friends and i dont understand friendships. I dont understand how someone who would repeatedly reach out and let me talk of my severe mental health struggles suddenly becomes the person who gives me panic attacks and get so distressed i nearly went into psychosis. They knows i have chronic suicidality and lets me talk about everything and would reach out and allow me to talk about everything. But then i kept noticing hurtful statements wrapped in support. And feeling guilty when calling it out. And how every single message i hyper analyze it and find multiple hurtful things being said, and things that makes me feel unsupported. Just subtly. But in every single message and scenario. Every message leaves a pit in my stomach. On the surface it all seems sweet.

But what i don't understand is how or why would this person do this to me when they know i am suicidal and actively self harm myself on dangerous locations and im being manipulated by my mom and this person even called out my moms behavior towards me.

Maybe they arent trying to manipulate me is it just mismatched personalities? Im lost. Or are they just clumsy with communication?

Last week i had severe panic attacks and on the verge of psychosis after I felt dismissed and triggered by this person who once was so supportive and kind and all i am wondering how can they do that to me? They know how i react, why? I told them i am on the verge of suicide? Keep in mind they are the one asking about my mental health and whats going on, im not trying to trauma dump on them

This person is also a decade older than me and im a young adult so i look up to them

So lost

Im very welcome to insight and i need insight very bad, just please be kind