u/EitherWolverine7605

I posted this on women in autism and I can't put comments open because I can't deal with it. Because i'm very concerned that they wouldn't be positive.Anyway, here's what I had to say. I’m going to try to say this in a way that’s honest, even if it comes out a little emotional, because this thread has been sitting with me.

What’s been hardest for me isn’t just the disagreement—it’s the feeling of a one-sided kind of advocacy. I see people here asking for understanding, accommodations, and respect for their needs, and I genuinely believe in that. I would stand up for you. I would fight for your needs to be taken seriously, even in spaces where people don’t understand autism at all.

That’s why it’s so difficult to read comments that dismiss or minimize needs that don’t personally resonate with you—like needing support with hygiene.

For some of us, hygiene is not a simple habit or a matter of effort. It can involve sensory overwhelm, difficulty initiating tasks, fatigue, or needing hands-on support. These are real barriers. When those get brushed off, it doesn’t just feel like disagreement—it feels like being excluded from the very advocacy that’s supposed to include all of us.

And I think part of what makes this harder is where I fall on the spectrum. I’m not seen as “high support needs” enough that people automatically step in and advocate for me, and I’m not “low support needs” enough to just manage everything independently. Being in the middle can feel like being invisible.

People with higher support needs often have others advocating for them, like parents or caregivers. People with lower support needs can often advocate for themselves. But when you’re in between—and especially when you struggle to advocate in real time—it can feel like there’s no one fighting for you.

That’s where I’m at. I need support. I need people to recognize needs like mine as valid. And sometimes, I need others to help speak up, because I can’t always do it in the moment.

I’m not asking anyone to relate to my experience. I’m asking for the same willingness to understand and advocate that I would offer you.

Because right now, it feels like I would fight for you—but you wouldn’t fight for me. And that’s a really isolating place to be.

I think we can do better for each other than that.

I’m going to try to say this in a way that’s honest, even if it comes out a little emotional, because this thread has been sitting with me.

What’s been hardest for me isn’t just the disagreement—it’s the feeling of a one-sided kind of advocacy. I see people here asking for understanding, accommodations, and respect for their needs, and I genuinely believe in that. I would stand up for you. I would fight for your needs to be taken seriously, even in spaces where people don’t understand autism at all.

That’s why it’s so difficult to read comments that dismiss or minimize needs that don’t personally resonate with you—like needing support with hygiene.

For some of us, hygiene is not a simple habit or a matter of effort. It can involve sensory overwhelm, difficulty initiating tasks, fatigue, or needing hands-on support. These are real barriers. When those get brushed off, it doesn’t just feel like disagreement—it feels like being excluded from the very advocacy that’s supposed to include all of us.

And I think part of what makes this harder is where I fall on the spectrum. I’m not seen as “high support needs” enough that people automatically step in and advocate for me, and I’m not “low support needs” enough to just manage everything independently. Being in the middle can feel like being invisible.

People with higher support needs often have others advocating for them, like parents or caregivers. People with lower support needs can often advocate for themselves. But when you’re in between—and especially when you struggle to advocate in real time—it can feel like there’s no one fighting for you.

That’s where I’m at. I need support. I need people to recognize needs like mine as valid. And sometimes, I need others to help speak up, because I can’t always do it in the moment.

I’m not asking anyone to relate to my experience. I’m asking for the same willingness to understand and advocate that I would offer you.

Because right now, it feels like I would fight for you—but you wouldn’t fight for me. And that’s a really isolating place to be.

I think we can do better for each other than that.