Hey ladies,

I'm not new to this feeling but today I'm really coming to understand my stance on this. I might actually remain single for the rest of my life.

For context, I'm 29F, Indian.

I've dated around tons, and I simply cannot tolerate men anymore. My father is one of the most useless men I have ever come across. He is not just useless, he also actively inconveniences my mother and I all the time. My mother ofcourse has coddled him and let him remain an overgrown child, but I too am expected to labour for him.

I've found every single man I have dated/slept with has been apathetic, irritating and more than comfortable using me for various reasons. I am sick and tired of it.

Men, to me, are good for nothing. I would've mentioned sex, but most of them have no empathy and are truly apathetic towards my pleasure. I merely tolerate them for sex.

I must come across as cold and unkind, but I assure you, I have loved and laboured for men, and I honestly feel the more a woman gives to a man, the more he wants to take. He has an evergrowing desire to use and abuse what women have to offer.

This one guy I was kind of seeing, but not really because he was so inconsistent, today sent me a link to a yt short titled "why I hate my girlfriend" he was expecting me to laugh. It was satirical, but I don't find anti-woman humor funny in any form.

I am sorry if my words are too negative, I'm just done. I probably will just use men for what little they can offer which is sex and continue leading my life single.

I have so much love to give, I will continue to care for the earth and spread my love to the things that deserve it such as animals and children and for social-good causes.

Thanks for reading.

I joined this group so I can discuss single women issues such as financing a real estate purchase, feeling celebrated in couple groups, managing a house and work load alone and that is what I thought it was about.

However and please correct me if I am wrong. The group is inundated with women who are coming here for dating advice or women whom are really too young to even make this decision or women frustrated with their partners and want to throw the towel in.

I feel like they have many other spaces like /askwomen /dating /marriage etc etc etc. the list of options for them is endless. Why post here the same stuff that us are sick off?

Can we please just have a space to focus on us and decanter men?

And if you are looking for advice then read posts that we wrote on being single but I feel like this space should focus on actual single women who have already decentered men.

Apologies if I have misunderstood the rules or something.

Pretty much the title. My partner is great. Supportive. Kind. Interesting. Emotionally available. We've been together for 10 years. I'm in my my 30s, he's in his mid 40s. Through reasons I don't want to get in to, I've been in a relationship pretty much since I was a teenager. My life was always shape by someone else. I love my partner but I can't shake the feeling that I want to be alone and live life for myself. I'm very independent and have a lot of interests. So I think I'd be absolutely fine. Am I throwing away a great relationship? Or is this the time to follow my intuition? I'm feeling very stuck.

It’s clear to me that I’m happiest when I’m single and I mean fully single, not dating or entertaining guys whatsoever. I can’t think of a benefit having a boyfriend would ever bring. Except when it comes to holidays, like long weekends or my birthday. I don’t have many friends. The ones I do have are closer with other friends who they celebrate holidays with.

As an adult, it’s hard to make new friends especially where I live. And I have autism. I’m not close with my family. So when it comes to things like long weekends and I see everyone else celebrating with partners, friends or family, I feel really sad. Don’t get me wrong, I love being alone and have done lots alone, including travel. But humans are social creatures and on occasions where everyone else is among company, I can’t help but feel isolated. Not just romantically but socially in general. Any advice?

I know it seems obvious- make friends, but for me it’s not that simple, and I’ve tried (prob could’ve tried more tho and I’m open to suggestions). With autism, I’ve found dating significantly easier than making friends due to the structured nature of it, and the default closeness of a partner vs friend. And the one on one dynamic is something I’m much more comfortable with. So as much as I love being single, I miss the security from the “default company” of dating

I’m a 39 yo woman and I’ve been reflecting a lot on this lately.

My last serious relationship ended when I was 28. Since then, I’ve dated here and there, but honestly, since COVID, I’ve had almost no luck with men. I’ve tried the apps, but it’s been exhausting: people not showing up, canceling last minute, not matching their profiles in real life, or just giving off really off vibes. It’s left me feeling disappointed more often than not.

That said, I have built a life that I genuinely love. I live in London, I run my own business, I’ve bought my home, I have a dog, and I have solid, meaningful friendships. My life feels full.

But every time I try to “put myself out there” romantically, I end up frustrated and emotionally drained to the point where I’ve found myself crying after experiences that just feel empty or discouraging.

Last Christmas, my father passed away. It was a huge shock, and it shifted something in me. It made me realize that this phase of my life where I’ve worked so hard to build stability, independence, and peace is actually something I want to enjoy fully. And dating, at least right now, doesn’t feel like part of that enjoyment.

So I’ve found myself wanting to let go of the pressure to find someone and just live my life freely.

But here’s the conflict: I’m 39, and I would like to have children one day. I’ve frozen my eggs, so I’ve given myself some options. And despite everything, I don’t feel lonely. I feel fulfilled.

Still, I can’t help but wonder will I regret this in the future? Will I look back and think I didn’t try hard enough?

Has anyone else been in a similar position?

View Poll

Hi there community!

If you're not interested in the pervasive life path of buying a house and having kids, the lack of options around us can seem like there really aren't any. Probably very few of us know women who arranged their lives in a different way.

I think seeing what different alternatives can look like gets the imagination going and gives ideas of where to go, what to look for and who to ask to eventually end up with the kind of life you want for yourself.

Without further ado, here are some stories of women living in uncommon ways to give you some inspiration.

7 friends build their dream home together

At first it began as a joke, but these 7 friends made it a reality. They pooled over 500k, bought and remodeled an old house to fit their needs.

I'm sure this is no utopia and they have their issues. It's also a very special story, not everybody finds themselves with other female friends that could be good house mates and who also want a living arrangement like this one.

It's still a good example of what life success can look like outside of the cookie cutter "marry and have kids" model.

NY Post article

https://preview.redd.it/45v2ecbhwd0h1.png?width=1678&format=png&auto=webp&s=0b5d8f9050450478bbf3a876436a405729e3fe77

Bird's Nest: a women-only tiny house village

Robin Yerian found owning a regular house wasn't for her, so she sold it. At a tiny house gathering she found some good contacts to get her own home on wheels.

After some time, she bought some land, added water and electricity and rented out spots to other women with tiny homes.

Business Insider article

https://preview.redd.it/51ktm2fzxd0h1.png?width=1442&format=png&auto=webp&s=f5bbf79ee0fddc98ae7a1ae057a1ac500ae3bd06

Women's Lands

In the 70s several groups of feminists who wanted to live together, away from men and away from city life bought land and made their own communities.

These are rooted in the second wave of women's rights movements, so they're often focused on lesbians and feminism. They often care more about actual interest, involvement and commitment than sexuality, though, but it's important to keep it in mind!

We'Moon Land in Oregon

Womyn's Land in Missouri

Womontown in Kansas

https://preview.redd.it/gf64g6w3zd0h1.jpg?width=2560&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8f01d150af2f63b602b7e7546fe4fde5f7965b62

The Babayagas' House

A group of senior women wanted community life for their retirement age but they wanted it their own way. So they created a self-managed housing project that could provide it. They live in a building in the outskirts of Paris, which has 21 small flats for residents and 4 flats they rent out to students.

RFI article

https://preview.redd.it/xdjqr6rg1e0h1.png?width=1305&format=png&auto=webp&s=a94ac266371e09a9fc0034ea74508824875902c7

Sisters of the Valley

This one is quite a treat. A group of progressive activist nuns have a community where they grow hemp and make products out of it.

Sisters of the Valley

https://preview.redd.it/5awgwyzb2e0h1.png?width=1678&format=png&auto=webp&s=3754cf8803aa3cd34e1bdbefefd1d546ae75b4df

Umoja and Jinwar

Umoja is a women's only village in Kenya, begun by a group of women tired of misogynistic violence. They did not know how to make a living for themselves at first, and they did not know how to grow food. They got by selling traditional crafts to tourists and eventually they got help from organizations and the government.

Umoja on Wikipedia

https://preview.redd.it/0pn5mpo63e0h1.png?width=1286&format=png&auto=webp&s=fedc5387ed18e68d7fd3dbd939891e4eba44779b

Women in Syria were partially inspired by Umoja to create their own women-only village to have a place to live away from the violence of men. Construction began during a civil war, and yet the project succeeded and the village was established.

Jinwar on Wikipedia

https://preview.redd.it/r3my0puv2e0h1.png?width=1383&format=png&auto=webp&s=16fdf7d3d8abc252667c7244c425ab506d54e4d9

Beguines: lay nuns

In the middle ages women began practicing devoted religious lives without formally joining any established religious order. Eventually they formed religious communities with a strong charitable inclination.

They supported themselves, they did not depend on the church.

Sadly, the last beguine passed away in 2013, so the movement would have to be revived.

Beguines on Britannica

https://preview.redd.it/a1hor2055e0h1.png?width=1050&format=png&auto=webp&s=295c181c446d9783163acce107607c7bbdc40372

All-women apartment buildings

Apparently there aren't many of these around. But you can always try finding one near you, or make one yourself!

Easier said than done, of course, but it's a project that might resonate with some of you. There are many ways to manage them, from an organization of owners that manages the building, to owning the building and renting the units out.

NY Post article on the last all-women apartment buildings of New York

https://preview.redd.it/1wlvsbqh6e0h1.png?width=1877&format=png&auto=webp&s=62ef1781ff0d7f25cfba2d22d37acdf5cc563ebb

Female-only boarding houses

Again in New York, but similar options can be found all over the world. These boarding houses tend to be run by religious organizations and thus have rules that might be strict for some.

Brick Underground article

https://preview.redd.it/yckkllv47e0h1.png?width=1376&format=png&auto=webp&s=67c12d475dd40e9555557a056a3c61ed5604bd05

Young and elderly cohabiting projects

Some countries have "intergenerational housing" projects that pair students with elders to share housing costs.

In the Netherlands this is actually free for the students in one case.

While these initiatives are not necessarily women-only, you can make it that way by only accepting another woman as a house mate.

Dutch students are living rent free for socializing with the elderly

https://preview.redd.it/vtf8ay4l8e0h1.png?width=1678&format=png&auto=webp&s=7f2a179d460e9a51a207dc93322b5808ebd5c2c9

Van life

Last but not least is, of course, the trendy camper van! A much more mobile lifestyle that you can take temporarily while studying far from home (cheaper than rent and you get to keep the van), pay some debt, save for a bigger project or any other reason.

Female-only van life Facebook community

https://preview.redd.it/evkn2rzr9e0h1.png?width=965&format=png&auto=webp&s=eaa4e316cfcf8e6029d7c1f4578d1abc878bcca4

Whick one did you like the most?

Hey everyone. I’m 22 and very happy with my choice to stay single, but sometimes it feels like the rest of the world (especially people my age) is constantly pushing the "find a partner" narrative. How do you all handle those social pressures while staying firm in your choice? I’d love to hear some wisdom from women who have been doing this longer than I have!

Give me all the pros and cons of both. I’m 25 and considering moving back home to save up to buy. Everyone tells me it’s the right financial move but I’m worried about the mental effects of moving back home. I’m also not totally sure if I’m ready to buy something and have to deal with all the maintenance. Just want to hear the good and bad of both from fellow single ladies. Thank you!

So sick of men and their male gaze.

I was at a conference last month where these creepy dude was staring at me from another table.

🤮

Yes, he was staring at me because there was a wall behind me and it was just quite obvious and just cuh-reepy. It was so disturbing, I had to use the person on the opposite of me to block the gaze.

I did look back a couple of times because I was checking to make sure it wasn't my imagination.

I feel like I have to perform a ritual to rid myself of the energy.

Hey! I've been wondering is there a Discord group for us single by choice women? Somedays I feel like a little chit chat with other folks walking this path.

Im 47 and have finally fully realized i am happiest living alone and single. I have only been been single for a few years mixed in a 10 yr period. Had a unhappy 14yr marriage, after a1 yr i started dating. ive ran the gammut of dating and relationships and periods of single. It always starts with ive done the work im in a great space, then I get in a relationship, do a nose dive on myself, breakup because I realized I fell for their false narratives.then start back over. This time I met a good person, 2.5yrs, 2 of which was a contentious custody battle I supported him through only to realize I did it to myself again. I diminished myself, became the sole house manager, the relationship manager, etc. All so I could drain myself financially again, push down my normal self again, lose myself again.for being single I know there are lots of things that can make it difficult, I know one for me is there can be periods of loneliness, but I think the root for me becomes boredom and not fully investing in platonic relationships/support systems. What have yall found to be the hardest and what did you do to help yourself through it?

I feel like I cant be happy romantically if im not happy financially. I make a decent amount of money. More than most women or even men my age make. But I see a lot more in my potential. I tried talking to guys but the feeling of opening up to anyone is unsetlling because i know I want to make even more money before im comfortable dating someone.
But it gets very very lonely, ive been single for 2 years now.

I know it’s all in my head and money is not the main reason why someone should be dating me or why i should be dating someone. It’s nothing materialistic.

What should i do? Any advice?

I've been in a few relationships over time, and I always got the feeling it wasn't for me. I felt like I lowered myself, and wasn't with someone that felt like a friend. I've spent a lot of years alone, too. I also try to surround myself with women most of the time so I avoid the awkwardness of men. That said, I HAVE had some good male friends in the decades I've been alive and a current best friend of mine is a man, too, although he lives elsewhere. We talk daily.

That said, I get major ICK or feel incredibly awkward if I meet someone and in the same span of time they ask me out on a date or to dinner. This is not something that happens often, and I'm never expecting it to happen because I'm not looking for it to happen. I also really don't feel I need to be validated by a man in any way. When reflecting upon the male friendships I have had, our friendships never started with a date or going out to dinner. I feel like when someone asks you on a date that "vibe" is already put out there and I can't see that person as someone being my friend because they have an interest in being more already and I'm going to remember that.

My female friends who do date tell me they'd feel flattered by someone asking them on a date randomly, or they like the attention. I seem to be the opposite as unwanted attention makes me want to find a cave and just go isolate, but any time it does happen that someone asks me, I freeze up instead of responding with "Sorry, I'm not interested". I guess I don't have enough practice because again - it doesn't happen often, but I had it happen recently and reflected on how I've felt awkward every time it ever has. I know this is how a lot of people go about modern dating, but it just feels so foreign to me. I also may be a little on the friends-first is a must side of things. Friendship always lacked from relationships I had long ago and I felt forced into the relationships. It's been a long time being happily and peacefully single and I don't feel someone could ever force me into something again. I wouldn't let them and I'm older.

I love being single... and I like having just friends. If something were to come from a friendship eons from now when I'm old and (all) gray, I might consider it then because I would really know the person. But right now, I feel like I'm better off by myself, no mingling with men and all the stories my single female friends tell me about are literal horror stories. Most of my married friends seem to settle and don't seem entirely happy, either.

Just what's on my mind at the moment and wondering if anyone can relate.

I'm going through a period of spiritual growth and realized I've got alot to change about myself. I get lonely and I sort of wanna date but not really, for a long tine ive felt to tired to maintain a relationship, recently ive had a big shapeup in how im living my life, ive changed a belief ive held for a long time, and have tried to put in as much affort as i can into life and I feel pretty great. I don't really want to date I'm not super interested in it but I also feel pretty lonely all my friends are in relationships and I just want to feel what theyre feeling. Im rambling but basically its really hard to want a relationship yet not be able to put time and commitment into it, i don't necessarily want anything serious but I just cant keep up with how often people text and meet up. If be doing a disservice by making a person feel ignored or not worthy and i just dont wait to do that.