I’m a 39 yo woman and I’ve been reflecting a lot on this lately.
My last serious relationship ended when I was 28. Since then, I’ve dated here and there, but honestly, since COVID, I’ve had almost no luck with men. I’ve tried the apps, but it’s been exhausting: people not showing up, canceling last minute, not matching their profiles in real life, or just giving off really off vibes. It’s left me feeling disappointed more often than not.
That said, I have built a life that I genuinely love. I live in London, I run my own business, I’ve bought my home, I have a dog, and I have solid, meaningful friendships. My life feels full.
But every time I try to “put myself out there” romantically, I end up frustrated and emotionally drained to the point where I’ve found myself crying after experiences that just feel empty or discouraging.
Last Christmas, my father passed away. It was a huge shock, and it shifted something in me. It made me realize that this phase of my life where I’ve worked so hard to build stability, independence, and peace is actually something I want to enjoy fully. And dating, at least right now, doesn’t feel like part of that enjoyment.
So I’ve found myself wanting to let go of the pressure to find someone and just live my life freely.
But here’s the conflict: I’m 39, and I would like to have children one day. I’ve frozen my eggs, so I’ve given myself some options. And despite everything, I don’t feel lonely. I feel fulfilled.
Still, I can’t help but wonder will I regret this in the future? Will I look back and think I didn’t try hard enough?
Has anyone else been in a similar position?