I've been in a few relationships over time, and I always got the feeling it wasn't for me. I felt like I lowered myself, and wasn't with someone that felt like a friend. I've spent a lot of years alone, too. I also try to surround myself with women most of the time so I avoid the awkwardness of men. That said, I HAVE had some good male friends in the decades I've been alive and a current best friend of mine is a man, too, although he lives elsewhere. We talk daily.
That said, I get major ICK or feel incredibly awkward if I meet someone and in the same span of time they ask me out on a date or to dinner. This is not something that happens often, and I'm never expecting it to happen because I'm not looking for it to happen. I also really don't feel I need to be validated by a man in any way. When reflecting upon the male friendships I have had, our friendships never started with a date or going out to dinner. I feel like when someone asks you on a date that "vibe" is already put out there and I can't see that person as someone being my friend because they have an interest in being more already and I'm going to remember that.
My female friends who do date tell me they'd feel flattered by someone asking them on a date randomly, or they like the attention. I seem to be the opposite as unwanted attention makes me want to find a cave and just go isolate, but any time it does happen that someone asks me, I freeze up instead of responding with "Sorry, I'm not interested". I guess I don't have enough practice because again - it doesn't happen often, but I had it happen recently and reflected on how I've felt awkward every time it ever has. I know this is how a lot of people go about modern dating, but it just feels so foreign to me. I also may be a little on the friends-first is a must side of things. Friendship always lacked from relationships I had long ago and I felt forced into the relationships. It's been a long time being happily and peacefully single and I don't feel someone could ever force me into something again. I wouldn't let them and I'm older.
I love being single... and I like having just friends. If something were to come from a friendship eons from now when I'm old and (all) gray, I might consider it then because I would really know the person. But right now, I feel like I'm better off by myself, no mingling with men and all the stories my single female friends tell me about are literal horror stories. Most of my married friends seem to settle and don't seem entirely happy, either.
Just what's on my mind at the moment and wondering if anyone can relate.