r/ShiaMuslimMarriage

Hollywood propaganda

Guys! Have you ever thought about how Hollywood portrays a hardworking, stressed, unbathed, unshowered, unsupported woman alone in her marriage with a man that only financially contributes, and she is basically a married single woman (mother) in its movies as a common reality?

For the last 20 years that I have been alive and consuming media, this one stereotypical mother’s struggle has been shown over and over again as a reality, which I know it is for a lot of women. And while I know this is a painful reality for many women, the way it is repeatedly depicted often feels less like awareness and more like a bleak warning against marriage and motherhood itself.

It has always been so scary to me, and it is shown over and over again in a completely off-putting, foreshadowing, hopeless manner. There’s something deeply unsettling about how normalized this image has become in film and television, as though exhaustion, loneliness, and emotional abandonment are inevitable parts of being a wife and mother.

So many women around me, young women my age, 18 to 22, hate the idea of having kids and the sacrifice of carrying the child, then delivering, then the care and upbringing. I suspect the way it is portrayed. It must be some kind of propaganda, as we now know that 🧃 they’re against families and they’re against women having kids, and they have succeeded, especially in the West, where women have more rights over their bodies, and among many young women in my vicinity.

Not only have they made us hate women that choose to have children , they have made it natural for us to hate children, and the simple kindness and care that were once extended normally by the general public to pregnant women or young moms is now a foreign concept.
What are your views about this?

{bcg cntxt: 23F thinkmaxing}

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u/Normal_Main_7047 — 1 day ago

Interested in a girl for marriage (Shia islam | Syed )

I'm a 17 year old male who comes from a
'syed' family, I am a practicing Shia Muslim who lives in the uk. I have seen a girl around college who i am interested in with right intentions (marriage). It all started on Layla-Tul-Qadr nights, i had done dua for whoever my future spouse is (as we all sometimes definitely wonder, who our future partner will be). The next few days i go into college and my heart immediately stops on her (yes my heart). I had seen her around before but never had felt such attraction from her, or from anyone really. It was so special, i didn't even really see what she exactly looked like it was just "Her ✨".
But then again i didn't think too much about it, then she just came to mind a few times throughout the day even when i got home. When i laid down in bed at night, i closed my eyes to form her face infront of me (i hadn't even see her enough to know exactly what she looked like but she was still on my mind). Then again the next day she kept coming to mind but i just let the thought of her float at the top of my head for a short while then i would shake her off and try not to think about her too much.
The next day was Layl a Tul Qadr (it being the nights 19,21,23) but this time around i felt the need to read tahailud (i've never read tahajjud before) i used to in fact find it
'cheesy' that people are reading tahajjud for a gir. But i found my self reading it, i then would see her around, again remaining the same i would brush the thought of her away not let it sink in to deep (u end up thinking of someone more when your trying to not think of them). i kept seeing her in college and i would admire her from a distance then i had built the confidence to approach her and ask her abit about her self (find out if she is shia and sveda or not) but the day i thought to approach (just afew days before easter holidays) she wasn't in for the Monday or Tuesday and i don't go on wednesdays so on the tuesday i knew i wasn't going to see her before the holidays now (my game plan was to find out before the holidays so the thought of her can just flatten down) but now knowing she is going to be on my mind for another two weeks i thought it was a good idea to discuss with a friend in hopes of him being able to find out if she's shia or not (he knew one of her friends mutually) unfortunately he wasn't able to find out (i did find out the her freinds name - this will come in place later) so the idea of not thinking about her turned out wrong and she is now in my head. i've had read tahajiud a few more times read 'namaz e hajjat'. Fast forward a few weeks (of me having her in my head) later i tried approaching her but wasn't able to ask her. so i decided to message her friend on teams chat (i knew her name from my friend) and she had said that she isn't shia but she had also said to "go ask her your self" so then my thought is that i don't want have regret of not knowing. so i want to approach her but it's already awkward. i've been reading tahajjud for the past 4 nights the first night after reading tahajjud and praying for the best between us i made sure i slept with wudu and asked Allah Swt for a sign and there it was i had a dream.
Me and her were sat down her face in my hands i was holding her face from in a way where my fingers were wrapped around her head and my thumbs where wiping her tears infront and she felt relaxed, at peace, comfortable while we was talking to each other it was full with emotions happy tears, sense of relief, peace.

after reading all of this what do you think about my situation.

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u/Southern-Ad8815 — 1 day ago

Help about with my wife abaya preferences

Hello I am M married. I have been married for few years and everything was good/normal b/w us. Then something happened and i started getting irritated about little things. For example, my wife wears abaya like in Arabic style, she doesn’t wear much clothes underneath it im summer. It didn't use to bother me but since one incident i am not okay with it. And exaggerating things like the wind blows, leg get exposed. What should i do?

Edit: if i insist about it, she might wear clothes beneath it. But am i asking am i right to make her wear something underneath it?

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u/Own_Molasses_8120 — 3 days ago

So not a marriage related post exactly but how many of you are open to keeping pets after marriage ? What type of pets do you like ? I would love to have a cat but i have some issues with hygiene and prayers can get difficult as cats shed alot .

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u/Other-Mix4987 — 6 days ago

For those who have families saying no to marriage. Wake up! Nothing and not even financial issues should stop you from pursuing someone who is front of you by Allah he can even take them away and not give anyone in return. I have seen such cases in front of my eyes

u/princess23190 — 8 days ago

28M - Canada

Let’s try one more time 😂

Salaam, I’m based in Canada — ethnically Indian, but I grew up in East Africa. I’m an engineer by profession and currently working here in Canada.

I’m fun, adventurous, and someone who appreciates the little moments in life. I love traveling and trying new experiences. I strive to maintain a healthy balance between Deen and Dunya, and I have an open mind when it comes to learning and growing.

I’m looking for a partner who is caring, family-oriented, and has a positive outlook on life. It would be wonderful to connect with someone who shares similar values, enjoys traveling, and has a genuine zest for life.

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u/Donzai001 — 5 hours ago

Husband Keeps Pushing Me to Dress Openly for Beaches, Water Parks, etc. Thinks I’m “Too Conservative”

I’m a 31F from a South Asian country and recently married my husband who is from the same background but was born and raised in the USA.

My husband constantly wants to do activities like beaches, water parks, vacations and revealing clothing is normal, etc. He says I should “enjoy life,” adapt more to American culture, and stop being so strict. Sometimes he suggests outfits I’m not comfortable wearing or tells me I care too much about what’s haram.

The issue is not that I don’t want to spend time with him or have fun. I’m happy to travel and do things together, but I am not comfortable about mixed pool etc or bit revealing clothing, he acts disappointed or says I’m making married life difficult.

As a wife, I want to respect my husband and maintain peace in the marriage. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of clash, especially in a Shia marriage or with different cultural expectations? How do you handle it without resentment building on both sides?

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u/LifeV2025 — 1 day ago

!!!!IF YOU WANT A HIJABI WIFE U APPROACH A HIJABI BADDIE ONLY!!!!
I put on a post regarding marriage where i stated clearly that I am a non hijabi
the amount of men in the DMs fighting me for their lives to put on a hijab or give it a try ☺️⁉️
Ig it was my fault as i had previously posted on reddit abt an encounter w someone who approached me w the intention of marriage and our values weren’t aligned as he didn’t already know i didn’t do hijab right? so i understand him.{my fault not deleting that thread’s comments as they stalked me up and reopened that wound.(i mentioned about struggling)}
BUT INSANITY IS GUYS WANTING ME TO TRY OR SAYING I WILL MATURE INTO IT AS OFTEN WOMEN DO?????
YALL RIGHT IN THE HEAD OR NOT?
🤬 🩴🩴🩴🩴

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u/Ancient_Pitch6909 — 10 days ago

Salam,

I've been talking to a guy with the intentions of marriage, and both of our families know about it. He currently lives abroad, so it's a long-distance relationship.

Two days ago, I asked him about his relationship with his ex (non-Muslim), and I got to know that he's done mut'ah with her because he intended to marry her. It was during Covid. I do understand that he wanted to keep things halal because they were not meeting in public, but it could have been just them getting to know each other's personalities without being intimate.

In my opinion, going all the way to have sex with a person you're not yet sure about is not something that makes sense to me. It is a very sacred act, not something to experiment with random people.

I literally cried when he told me because I was clear with him from the beginning that I prefer for my husband to be untouched, and he said he prefers that, too. Now I keep thinking and imagining things in my head, and it hurts so bad. I know for sure it's gonna affect my relationship with him if I do not recover from it (if I have to).

He told me to think about it and see if it's something I can accept. If not, then we'll go our separate ways.

I have mixed feelings and thoughts. From one side, I feel like it's unfair. From another side, I feel like I shouldn't be too fixated on his past because he's a really good guy.

I'd appreciate any advice or opinions.

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u/Cheonsa5223 — 11 days ago

Marriage Cost Discussion

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

I hope you all are doing well, I’ve been away from Reddit for a good while but a certain thoughts been on my mind. So I wanted to ask the brothers and sisters but mainly the brothers on here about it.

I recently took my local mosque’s sheikh and some other haji/guys to dinner. We talked about a lot of things from normal mundane things to politics and lots of different Islamic topics. One of which was the topic of marriage, keeping your wife happy, how to choose a right spouse, and so on. Then I asked the sheikh about the cost of this day and age marriage and what we (mainly myself and this other single brother) should try to save up for it in this day and age.

Honestly, the sheikh threw in a bit of shocking number to us which we weren’t expecting. He said if you want to marry then at have a 100k Australian dollars available for just a wedding and this got me thinking.

1 - am I being stingy to think 100k is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a wedding?

2 - what do other people who might have had their sibling or have had a past marriage think is a normal amount to spend on their wedding?

Frankly in the Australian economy, saving 100k is very hard especially for people who might not have a father or older siblings to help them out. What do you guys think would be a reasonable amount?

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u/Motor-Barnacle313 — 1 day ago

23M - broke

Salam everyone, I really do hope you all are doing well. Just wanted to preface this by saying I’m going to try be as honest/vulnerable as possible as its just easier for me.

While I’m literally writing this, this is the exact thought in my head:

“i actually cant even finish writing this. I’ve got pretty much nothing going for me, how is this even going to work. im going to have to do a lot of work first then I’ll come back and try get married.”

And I do honestly believe this. However at the same time I do want to get married because by the time i am successful if Allah wills it, it will be potentially years down the line. But the thing is my main objective is to worship God, and He told me to get married early to avoid sin. Is it really worth waiting a few years? 

The answer to that for me is no, Allah with His Infinite wisdom, will never tell me to do something that is wrong for me. 

And i understand my ego will say “theres no point, people will never respect you without money” which is true and realistically shaytan has played a very cunning game creating this society to go against God’s wishes. But despite what my ego and shaytan say I still want to at least try getting married, so I can worship God by doing my part on acting on what He said. 

And realistically I am not desperate to get married and would rather have more time to build myself. But tbh at night, sometimes I feel guilty at myself. As I feel like I’m going against God by not getting married young and completing half my deen. Which is why I wanted to send my profile, so I can at least feel like I’ve done something.

Anyway, Im getting bored of writing, so lets move on. The reason i write broke in the title, is because i have no money lol. I’m not really proud of talking about this part as its kind of embarrassing to admit as a guy.

But to keep it brief. I’ve always been a shy, sweet, sensitive and crybaby (and pushover) kid. I was “heavlily persuaded” to pursue medicine as a child. Its not something i wanted to do, but i didn’t want to let my parents down and i honestly lacked a lot of backbone in those ages so I just did as i was told. I ended up studying medicine at the best university in the UK. 

But i was extremley depressed. I hated medicine but i didn’t leave bc to do so i would have to face the fact that I’ve been a spineless coward for so long. I would rather try to force myself to like medicine, so that i could pretend that I’m living the life of my own design. Until one day, I finally grew a pair and finally made the step to leave. 

I took a gap year, and took time to work in private healthcare, to save enough buffer money to finally live my dream of building my own charity and running my own business. And this is where I’m at now. 23 and broke.

And tbh a lot of people have told me repeatedly “i should of never left” “think about the money etc”. But tbh i really did think about it and honestly i’ve never really cared a lot about money and getting rich. It matters more to me to work hard and help people with all i have, and I know Allah will provide for me like He always has. I dream of a life where I am paid to help people and be a kind muslim. I will make that a reality God willing.

Anyway thats enough wishy washy stuff, i cba anymore haha i’ve been typing for 40 mins straight, heres my profile i made ages ago. Allahafiz

Place of Birth/Residence: United Kingdom

Nationality: British

Marital Status: Single, Never married

Education: Medical Science (Bsc Hons)

Height: 6ft 2

Hijab Expectations: Wears hijab 

Partner Preferences: Warm hearted Muslim girl who loves to follow the deen to join our family. Who lives in the UK

Preferably Pakistani but open to new cultures

Additional info:

“Honestly I am not a perfect person, not by any means. But I try my best to be the best Muslim I can and to emulate Imam Ali (as) and the AhlulBayt (as) as best as I can. 

I would love to find someone who shares this love in their heart. Where we can follow them and improve together realistically and authentically. To build a relationship with mutual respect and shared laughs.

This dunya is important to me but is by no means my no 1 priority. I would love to live this life with humility, avoiding extravagance and excess. I try my best to walk the straight path even if it’s a bit lonely and unconventional. I would love to find someone who shares this value.

Hobbies/interests: Annoying my brothers, wrestling, reading and a little smidge of anime

Oath:

I testify in the name of Allah Almighty that all the information I have provided on this form.

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u/Shot_Dish6444 — 10 hours ago

Need advice

Salam, I recently got a proposal from a man with the same culture as me (lebanese). We're both in our early twenties. The problem is that which I find pretty weird is that he wants me to wear abaya covering even the face. His reasoning is that the face attracts and men's jealousy. I find what he's talking to be kinda absurd but at the same I fear refusing him mainly because I've refused many potentials before. What is the best to do and how to cut it with him respectfully? And how to look for a potential again?

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u/lebanese_soul — 6 days ago

How to have intimacy

NSFW only for married couples plz

Salam alaykum

My wife and I are currently on our honeymoon and she was on her period for the first week but now shes done and we cant seem to complete the nikah

At first she was too tight but now she seems to be loose

Everytime I try to enter I start hard but cant locate the entrance/find it and cant enter and then I lose it

What are we doing wrong? We tried a number of different angle and I read online that the pressure might be effecting me

Tips and tricks much appreciated

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u/Vivid-Soil4407 — 5 days ago

Shia guy (24M) in love with a Sunni girl — how do I convince my typical Indian Shia parents? Advice from couples in Shia-Sunni marriages?

Assalamu Alaikum everyone,

I'm a 24-year-old Shia Muslim from India, and I've found someone who feels like the one. The catch? She's Sunni. And if you know anything about typical Indian Shia parents, you know they have this almost unshakeable obsession with their son marrying a Shia girl from "within the community."

Let me tell you about her first, because I don't want this to sound like just another sect debate. This girl is emotionally and mentally intelligent beyond anyone I've ever met. She understands me without me having to say a word. She picks up on things I don't even realize I'm feeling. The kind of connection where you don't have to perform or explain yourself — she just gets it. I've never experienced this with anyone, and honestly, I don't think I will again.

Now the hard part. My parents are lovely people, but the moment "Sunni" comes up, I already know the script: the lectures about Karbala, the "you don't understand our history," the "what will the community say," the relatives who'll suddenly have opinions, the emotional blackmail dressed up as concern. I love them and I don't want to break their hearts, but I also can't let go of someone who feels this rare.

I have a few questions for this community:

How do I approach my parents about this? Has anyone successfully convinced traditional Shia parents to accept a Sunni partner? What worked — slow conversations, involving a respected elder, time, patience?

How might her parents react? I haven't met them yet. Do Sunni families generally take it better, worse, or about the same when a Shia guy comes asking?

Does a Shia-Sunni marriage actually work long-term? I'm not naive — I know love alone doesn't pay the bills or settle which masjid the kids grow up praying in. How do you handle Muharram, Ramadan timings, kids' upbringing, in-laws, all of it?

For those already in a Shia-Sunni marriage — how did you deal with it all? What do you wish you'd known going in? Any regrets, or has it been worth every bit of the struggle?

I'm not looking for sectarian debates in the comments, please. I just want real advice from people who've been here, or from anyone wise enough to offer some perspective. We're both practicing Muslims who love Allah and His Messenger ﷺ — that's the foundation we want to build on.

JazakAllah khair in advance. 🤲

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u/coder_dev_ — 1 day ago

Salam alaykum!

This will be my last question for a while(I hope I didn't bother anyone)

Would you marry a man/woman of your liking(extremely attractive, kind, intelligent, just whatever you wish) that isn't really into religion(non muslim, sunni, shia) but supports you unconditionally, cherishes your opinion and raises the kids the way you want to?

PS: Do you think practicing combat sports/martial arts is a plus?

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u/Ok_Spirit6793 — 8 days ago

Had conversation with wife about abaya...

Update: I had a conversation with her, she didn't argue about it . She says it's fine if it bothers you she'll wear something underneath, it's hot but she said she'll manage. Also she asked me about what happened suddenly, cos it didn't use to bother me and i didn't tell her about incident. Also did i do the right thing? I mean she would need to wear something just to avoid something which can happen once or twice a year may be?

Here is the link of part 1 of my story

https://www.reddit.com/r/ShiaMuslimMarriage/s/W1Lp7o33zk

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u/Own_Molasses_8120 — 1 day ago

Genuine Question

Apologies in advance for the long post.

So I have a question, I'm a divorced guy and my ex was a Syeda and me a sunni. We never really had any issues with beliefs as I already leaned more towards to the Shia side of things. It was over personality differences. It's been an year almost, she's remarried and I wish her health, happiness and success.

So coming to the question, I converted somewhere down the line and after the divorce, my faith has strengthened, my beliefs are stronger and I'm mostly trying to learn. I do want to remarry and start a new life with my partner till the end the end of days, obviously working in a partnership and making a beautiful life for each other with love and respect. I have 0 issues whether the girl is single, married or divorced.

However, I have come across the issue that, women are not exactly ready to even talk because 1. I'm not a Syed, 2. I'm not a born Shia? Like how is that even my fault where I was born and which household. My parents know and have been extremely supportive and like, I'm just at a genuine loss here.

Tawakkal is a big part of my life, but I do strongly believe that a person needs to work for it as well, however, how would a girl get to know me, or my family, if she doesn't even talk to me, how would she understand my love for the Ahle Bayt, or the hatred for the enemies of the Ahle Bayt, ot my overall beliefs.

I have tried Muzz (only option I had as I really try to steer away from rishta aunties) and that app has failed miserably.

I'm genuinely at a loss here for what to do?

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u/xeek29 — 5 days ago
▲ 7 r/ShiaMuslimMarriage+1 crossposts

Salam alaykum!

I read some ahadith regarding ghayrah and I wanted to know our sisters and brothers opinions on the concept of ghayrah. Sharing your experiences would also be helpful. Thanks!

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u/Ok_Spirit6793 — 10 days ago

Am I too delusional?

​

Assalam o Alaikum

I am a 21 years old guy, practicing Shia Muslim with immense knowledge and research on our faith.

I have been working on a business for 2 years (digital marketing agency) which has started to get stable

I am an advocate of early marriage and would plan to get married with in the next year or so.

But I have this plan to marrying someone who matches my energy. Loves to travel and build stuff ( entrepreneurial spirit) I imagine building a business with my future wife , making money together to sustain ourselves travel the world and live peacefully.

I have some farmland aswell and tend to enjoy that life aswell whenever I want a break from that tech savvy world. Generally I like to read , watch cricket and enjoy life as a whole.

But whenever I've communicated something like this to my friends or someone else they've told me it's super unrealistic especially the building businesses part and not being super stable prior to marriage

It may seem dumb but I just wanted some opinions from the community.

Jazak'Allah Khair

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u/Pretend-Cress5871 — 1 day ago