r/MuslimMarriage

I’m a divorced single mom (single by choice) and I just wanted to share with everyone how there is a sadaqa jariah in gifting Qurans. Till this day I still read from the Quran that I asked my ex husband to buy me.

If you’re still married, gift your spouse a Quran and read Quran to eachother.

One of my favorite memories was in Ramadan when we were reciting Quran to eachother and he would burst out laughing when I mispronounced kalimat. (We laughed together, not insulting way, we also respect the Quran deeply as this is not being said in a mocking manner)

Thank you for reading.

Assalaam aleykum,

I’m a Muslim living in a Western country, and I’ve been struggling with something that’s been bothering me for quite a while.

My wife is also Muslim, but she doesn’t wear the hijab. She tells me she’s not ready yet, mainly because of her job. She’s worried about facing discrimination, racism, or even losing her position. She does say that she intends to wear it when the time feels right for her.

The issue is how I feel when we’re out together. Sometimes, when we go to restaurants or shopping, I notice men staring at her. It makes me feel a strong sense of anger to the point where I feel like confronting them. What frustrates me even more is that, in many cases, the men staring are Muslim themselves, not non-Muslims.

Usually, when I catch someone staring, I look back at them in an angry way until they stop. But there was one situation that really stuck with me: my wife told me, after we had already left, that a man had been staring at her repeatedly while we were at a restaurant. She said she tried to look back at him to make him stop, but didn’t tell me at the time. When I heard this later, I felt extremely angry that I hadn’t had the chance to address it in the moment. Even months later, I still think about it sometimes.

To be honest, I feel like I would be more at ease if my wife wore the hijab, but I also understand that this is her decision and something she needs to come to on her own.

I’m struggling with my emotions, especially the anger and protectiveness I feel in these situations. I don’t want to react in a way that causes problems or goes against good character, but I also don't want my wife to expose her beauty.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How do you deal with situations like these?

Any advice would be appreciated. Jazakum Allahu khairan

This is raw advice so apologize if it's slightly nonsensical, I think this might just be my way of processing.

I was in a talking stage with a potential and things were going great. We had amazing chemistry and could talk about anything from the most serious to the most random things for arbitrarily long. Our worldviews aligned in major ways, and we found ways to compromise on the little stuff. We had minor arguments sometimes, but always found a way to resolve things amicably. Our families, from parents to siblings, got along great. I had given up hope on finding a partner years ago, and she reignited a hope in me that I hadn't felt in years. My family used to comment on how happy, full of life, and optimistic I seemed.

A week before our engagement, I got a text from a random person. He claimed that he and this girl had a history and was able to rattle off very recent personal details about my life, some accurate, and some not, as a way of proof. He was able to provide enough details about hers (historically) and provided pictures to poison the well. I think we both handled the aftermath poorly in retrospect, I went into information gathering mode and she shut down, which to me seemed like an admittance of guilt. The families were given a rundown of what happened and things naturally ended.

We did eventually reconcile just for closure. Her side of the story is that the man was a former talking stage whom she had rejected. He is now dating her best friend. That "friend" had been feeding him every private detail she shared about our relationship. Out of jealousy and a desire to burn her prospects, he used that inside information to craft a narrative that looked like she was cheating.

Every emotional part of me wants to believe her, but my rational side is wary of being naive. Regardless of the truth, the bridge is burned. When I tried to see if our families could reconcile, it became clear that egos were too bruised. My family can't move past the suspicion; her family is insulted by the way they were questioned. Deep down, I know they're right because once any level of suspicion has taken hold, there's no saying when it will come back to haunt us in our marriage.

I'm choosing to believe she was a good person that didn't betray me, and that this is instead the qadr of Allah and a painful answer to our istikharas. If her version of events is true however, the final nail in our coffin became her oversharing with her friends, and my involving my family with details before giving enough time for potential reconciliation.

I've had breakups before, but this is the most painful experience I've yet to encounter in my life.

Okay Brothers & Sisters - are we ready for the update?

I took some chocolates and a bouquet of flowers for her. Her brothers being quite chill were perfectly fine with me giving flowers and she said she was over the moon that I brought her flowers!

The brothers were really impressed by me and thought I was great. She was really happy with me and said she cant wait for us to get married. It was easy and we were both relaxed, the chemistry was bang on!

Literally everyone in the restaurant were eyeing us and the staff really made it feel more special as well.

After this meeting I’m really sure about her! Plus we both felt each other was better looking in person!

First of all we are not Muslim, so sorry about posting here if it's out of context, My mom has been divorced for a few years now and it's been kind of hard on her. She was not in a happy marriage and it is better that the relationship ended but I can see the hurt in her even now, I've been recently interested in various cultures and scriptures about the path forward in such situations in different religions and wanted to know how it is in Islam, any suggestions and insights would be appreciated

I really need some outside perspective on this because I feel confused and honestly a bit hurt.

I’ve (25f) been married to my husband (28m) for over a year now. Overall, he has been very good to me and is a practicing, caring partner. This is why I’m struggling so much with this situation — I don’t want to misjudge him, but I also can’t ignore how I feel.

From early on (even during our talking stage), he would bring up his friend’s wife quite a bit. He’d say things like he thought I’d get along with her and that we should all hang out together. At the time, I didn’t think much of it.

But when I eventually met her after our baat pakki, I noticed something that made me uncomfortable — he seemed a very awkward around her, and there was lingering eye contact between them that didn’t sit right with me. She is very pretty, and initially I tried to brush it off as insecurity on my part.

Still, I couldn’t help feeling uneasy whenever he brought her up again, but I kept it to myself because he never met her alone and didn’t even see that couple very often.He always seemed to remember more detail about her than any other of his friend's wives.

Then something happened that really stuck with me. On the night of our valima, after everything was done and we were lying in bed he brought her up again — specifically commenting on her outfit and asking me where I thought she bought it from. This is very unlike him, as he usually doesn’t notice or comment on women’s clothing at all. The fact that he remembered what she wore — at a vulnerable moment that was supposed to be about us — really hurt me. All those fears before my valima felt like they came true

After that, there were other instances: complimenting her cooking a lot, praising her work, and generally paying what felt like extra attention to her whenever we met. A part of me feels she knew, and liked the attention, but I'm not sure. Eventually, I told him that this was upsetting me.

At first, he brushed it off, but when I mentioned the valima incident specifically, he paused and apologized. However, after that, he started teasing me about her for a few days, almost daily, until I finally told him to stop because it was genuinely upsetting me.

Since then, he doesn’t bring her up anymore on his own. But he has said that he resents me for making it difficult for us to meet his friends, because I’ve said he can go meet his friend alone — I just don’t feel comfortable always hanging out as a group with her there.

I realise I have alot of insecurities of my own, and my husband has never drawn comparisons between us, but I still feel very upset at him mentioning her on our valima night. To top it all off, this girl has not been very welcoming either. I have tried to befriend her early on, to get over my anxiety and around my husband she is super nice but the moment it's just us she never asks me questions or shows much interest to get to know me, even in politeness.

Now I’m wondering:

1. Am I overreacting or being insecure?

2. Is his behavior actually inappropriate, or am I reading too much into it?

3. How do I handle this without damaging my marriage?

I really do want to be fair to him and not let my insecurity ruin something good, but I also don’t want to ignore something that’s genuinely bothering me.

Any advice would be appreciated.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/1sdumak/wifes_parents_have_refused_her_to_leave_their/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Assalam alaikum, as so many of you viewed my first post just a day ago, I was blessed enough to receive something that has helped clear my mind and presented me with a path forward. The link above is to the original post.

I was working under the assumption that my wife could still be reached and convinced that our marriage is worth saving and I kept making dua and istikhara that my path for reconciliation was correct and if it was not then I should receive a sign. I did this for a week.

And just this morning I received an email from my wife BY ACCIDENT. It is a forward of an email I had written to her last week asking what the issue was and that we should discuss it to move forward. I was not sure if she had seen the email or not so I had also emailed her work email. Instead of replying she has forwarded it by accident, most likely intending to send it to her father/family.

I believe this has now confirmed to me that my wife has either been completely manipulated by her father and extended family who are always involved or had been planning this for a while with her constant gossiping with her family about me. It's extremely disturbing and heart-breaking but Alhamdulillah at least I now have a better understanding of the situation.

I will no longer look to contact her and wait to see how it plays out and ultimately it will be a great loss for her as she is almost 31, infertile and will now be trapped by the backward culture of her family. I can not believe she could be so deceptive, dishonest or even unintelligent but at least I now have an answer.

For the mods: Please allow this update to stay as a separate post as it my help others in the future as I know many husbands if similar problems with their relationships. Jzk.

Alhamdulillah

Assalamu aleikum - I recently met a guy for marriage potential we had 2 meetings so far and alhamdullilah it went well. We plan to have atleast 2 more before going ahead with the nikkah.

Right now I have my brother as my wali and that’s fine but he asked me if i wanted to be in a group with marriage potential, my brother and me. Honestly some family have mentioned it but like honestly I’m quite awkward and I know that’s fine, but I was wondering if anyone who has come across the same situation and what they did/talked about and how they went on about it.

People sometimes aspire to become influencers and readily offer advice on matters of marriage and relationships.

People pursue the privilege but forget that imparting advice and influencing others comes with great accountability.

The Prophets did not guide others out of a desire for recognition or fame; rather, they did so out of empathy seeking the success of people in this world and the Hereafter.

If our advice deviates from what Allah and the Prophet (saw) have said, then this would be a great misfortune.

Allah says:
“The day their faces will be turned about in the fire, they will say, ‘How we wish we had obeyed Allah and obeyed the Messenger.’”
(33:67)

People of hell will remember their influencers who misguided them:

“And they will say, ‘Our Lord! We obeyed our leaders and elite, but they led us astray from the right way.”
(33:68)

Each follower will say:
“Our Lord! Give them a double punishment and reject them completely.”
(33:68)

Scholar Umar Palanpuri (rah) commented, “Despite those leaders (influencers) having attained great social status in this world, they will have to endure significant horror in the hereafter.”

Incorrect advice is making marriage difficult, enabling abusive behavior and causing the breakdown of marriages.

People take great pride in the number of followers they have or how many people agree with what they say.

But if their advice is incorrect, that great number of followers will curse them in the hereafter.

They don't realize the greater the followers, the greater the curse.  

If the husband is in the wrong, smokes sells cocaine is abusive dont want to work and many more things, and the wife want to divorce what is the rulings? Does she have to pay half the mahar back?

this is going to sound really crazy and might not even make sense but I’ve been married to my husband for almost 7 years, we got together really young and built our entire life from nothing: marriage, kids, everything. I love him deeply, like it physically hurts how much I love him, and there’s honestly nowhere I feel happier than when I’m with him. We got married very young 18/19 without his parents knowledge and have worked for years to rebuild our life and come out unscathed and quite successful and accepted on both sides (he’s Arab im south Asian).

But I constantly struggle with this feeling that he doesn’t love me the same way I love him. He shows love through actions, staying, providing, being there: but I crave something more emotional, more consistent, more intense. We recently had a really bad fight where we both said awful things (which hasn’t really happened in YEARS), but we repaired right after and he showed a lot of effort, apologized, and reconnected with me. He’s pretty avoidant and can be pretty harsh with words sometimes. Still, I can’t stop replaying it and questioning everything. I keep wondering if it was all worth it—fighting for this relationship, choosing him so young, shaping my life around this—if I’m not even his “dream girl.” The sad thing is i love him so deeply like im still in high school and a lovesick teenager and he is like mentally 30-35 (even though we’re only a year apart) and doesn’t feel that way i think. Like I want the crazy stupid love we had which will come on occasion and if i ask, but otherwise it’s like the silly things i do like im just a girl and not the mother of his children irritate him. At the same time, I know I don’t actually want anyone else. I’m just stuck between feeling deeply loved in reality and deeply uncertain in my head. Has anyone experienced this kind of emotional mismatch in love? Does this feeling go away or is it something I need to seriously reconsider? Or is there an Islamic cure (i.e. prayer or some dua or something)

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I’m a revert approaching my late 20s, and honestly, I feel exhausted by this rat race simulation of life.

I have a degree, and finding stable work right now is difficult. I’m in a position where I need to support myself, which means I have to focus on securing provision. At the same time, I hope to get married one day. But marriage feels very distant because I don’t have the means or environment to even meet potential spouses. I don’t have a community around me, I don’t really go out, and I live quite privately. That in itself limits things.

I came to the conclusion that focusing on something uncertain, like marriage, is not sustainable for me mentally. This isn’t to say I don’t trust Allah. I do believe that what is written will reach me even if I don’t chase it obsessively. But I realized I cannot center my entire emotional world around something I cannot control. So I decided to focus on furthering my studies and finding stable work, not necessarily building some grand career, but simply securing stability so I can support myself if marriage is not currently in my prospects.

But if I’m being honest, I feel tired.

As much as I value education, I struggle with the idea of “delaying” marriage for the sake of career-building (I don’t even purposefully delay it). It doesn’t feel empowering to me personally. The life I envisioned was never about climbing corporate ladders or being consumed by dunya ambitions. Yet I find myself needing to develop that mindset simply to survive. And sometimes it feels heavy on the heart.

I value marriage deeply, but I don’t want to force it or obsess over when or how it will happen. Thinking about timelines used to overwhelm me because only Allah knows the unseen. I understand that part of this journey is patience and trusting His decree.

At the same time, I also feel unsure where to even begin looking, especially without community or connections. I’ve spent my life single and waiting has never really bothered me before. But now I feel caught between wanting companionship and accepting that it may not be accessible right now.

Are there any sisters here who feel similarly? I thought maybe sharing this might help me find others who understand this strange space between trust, effort, patience, and exhaustion.

May Allah grant us what is best for our dunya and akhirah. Ameen.

Are you still sad after a breakup when you think about the beautiful moments you shared with your ex-partner? I often cry because of it. He was my best friend. When we weren’t arguing, every second with him was so much fun. I dont know if I miss him or just our time together …

We talk a lot about toxic relationship dynamics.

Let’s talk about what healthy actually looks like.

Not idealized. Not performative. Not Instagram therapy speak.

Healthy.

From a psychological and neuroscience perspective, a healthy relationship is not defined by the absence of conflict.

It is defined by nervous system regulation in the presence of conflict.

Here’s what research consistently shows:

In distressed relationships, partners trigger each other’s threat responses.

Heart rate increases. Cortisol rises. The amygdala activates. Defensiveness and contempt follow.

The body registers the partner as danger.

In healthy relationships, something very different happens.

The partner becomes a regulator.

Eye contact lowers heart rate. Tone of voice reduces cortisol. Repair attempts are accepted quickly. Conflict de escalates faster.

The body registers the partner as safe.

That is not weakness.

That is secure attachment.

Healthy looks like:

Disagreement without character assassination Emotional expression without punishment Accountability without humiliation Space without abandonment Power without domination

From a neuroscience lens, long term healthy relationships create co regulation patterns.

Two nervous systems learn each other.

Breathing synchronizes. Heart rate variability improves. Stress recovery accelerates.

You literally become safer in the world because of who you are in relationship with.

That is the standard.

Not passion. Not intensity. Not endurance.

Safety.

If your body relaxes around someone, that is information.

If your body braces, that is information too.

Healthy connection does not require you to shrink, over function, decode moods, or manage someone else’s ego to stay connected.

It feels steady.

Predictable.

Mutually protective.

That is what secure attachment looks like in adulthood.

And yes, it is possible.

Now, let’s go deeper.

Trauma bonded versus securely attached dynamics

Trauma bonds are built on intermittent reinforcement.

High intensity closeness. Sudden withdrawal. Relief after distress.

Dopamine spikes during reunion. Cortisol drops temporarily. The cycle feels like chemistry.

But the nervous system stays hyper vigilant.

Secure attachment is different.

It is boring to the trauma trained nervous system at first.

There is consistency.

Follow through. Emotional availability without volatility.

The nervous system does not spike. It settles.

That settling is health.

The neuroscience of repair

All relationships rupture.

Healthy relationships repair.

Research shows that repair attempts, small bids to reconnect, are the single strongest predictor of long term stability.

A touch on the arm. A softened tone. A small joke. 'I came in hot. Let me try that again.'

In secure relationships, repair attempts are received.

In distressed ones, they are rejected.

Repair lowers physiological arousal and restores emotional safety.

The goal is not perfection. The goal is return.

Why some relationships escalate and some stabilize

Escalation happens when two threat responses collide.

One pursues. One withdraws. Both feel unsafe.

The pursuer experiences abandonment.

The withdrawer experiences overwhelm.

Without regulation skills, the cycle accelerates.

Stabilization happens when at least one partner can remain regulated enough to slow the interaction.

Slower breathing. Lower tone. Clearer language. Boundary without attack.

Regulation is contagious.

So is dysregulation.

How childhood attachment patterns replay in adult relationships

Attachment patterns are not personality traits.

They are nervous system strategies developed early in life.

If love was inconsistent, you may cling. If love was overwhelming, you may distance. If love required performance, you may over function.

Adult relationships activate these early templates.

The goal is not blame.

It is awareness.

Secure relationships are built when two adults become conscious of their patterns and choose regulation over reaction.

Healthy relationships are not about intensity.

They are safety.

There is repair.

There is mutual regulation.

There are two adults who can disagree without becoming enemies.

That is what secure attachment looks like.

That is what healthy looks like.

Written by Sharon Benson

I’m an Asian was married to my now ex husband. After divorce, my in laws are offering me to stay in the country for my future because I have a diploma. I can extend my residence permit but I am confused. I am scared to start a life alone without a mahram. Additionally I am sick and perhaps no one would take care of me if I stay. On the other hand, there are many opportunities for my career compared with my own country. If you were me, what would you do?

Context: My 3 year old son and I were living in a different country (with my family) as my spouse and I were attempting to reconcile through a separation.

We had agreed upon achievable milestones for our return. One of which was getting our own place as we were living in his family house with his equally narcissistic parents for 2 years. He agreed and is financially capable.

Fast forward 3 months, war breaks out. 3 weeks in he’s hammering me about returning immediately. I told him gladly, will you rent us our own space to return to as agreed? He waffles and eventually says no. I tell him we are not returning in that case. He says consider your child to not have a father. Cut contact and child support since then.

Legal Islamic question: during initial request for divorce I clarified that in the case of divorce I am not interested in seeking shared property rights (50% of assets), I renounced my Islamic rights and only asked him to cover half of total child support.

Considering he has proven to have no word, am I wrong to try to secure my son’s rights through the western courts and shared property rights laws that we are both bound to?

I’m a 23F and I met this guy (23M) more than three years ago. We are both from the desi community. He told his family about me a few months into knowing each other because they are a bit more progressive, they were very accepting and happy with me and still are. I have gotten to know his family over time and am close with them, specifically his mom. My family is very traditional so I didn’t tell them until about eight months of knowing him and suggested that I would like my parents to meet him and that I am interested in him for marriage. My parents were severely against this and said a lot of negative things about both him and me. He is a childhood cancer survivor and walks with a bit of limp that resulted from a surgery that replaced his knee-hip-femur with titanium. He has some limitations in his day to day but not many, he’s very active, plays pickleball for hours everyday, but more importantly, a very good man and good Muslim. Regardless of how active he is, I accept him as is. I don’t see those things as a problem. My parents eventually agreed to meet him and his family, which went very well, but they ultimately said that his limp looked bad and that he is weak and could get sick again, therefore I can’t marry him. I fought with them over this for a while, it’s been over two years, but they have still not agreed. They have consulted with my extended family members who say the same thing. No one in my family is on my side. My dad constantly says I am a bad daughter for wanting a love marriage. Although my mom doesn't agree, she says this specific marriage is not okay and backs my dad. I don’t know what to do anymore. They would constantly threaten to kick me out of the house, which they did not do and stopped threatening eventually. Now everytime I discuss this with them they give me an ultimatum to marry him and leave the house or stay in the house and leave him.

TLDR: my parents won’t let me marry him because he is a cancer survivor with a limp.

Really disoriented right now.

I am tired of keeping everything inside and right now I’m bursting.

I just had a massive fight with my mother much like other fights she once again said she is ending her relationship of being a mother with me.

(Ye rishta aaj khatam hu gaya hai maa beti ka hamesha ke liye)

A little context before main issues:

TL;DR (or tldr): Black magic, bad relationship of family which were happier before, husband picking up on families bad behaviour and treating me bad because of it, unresolvable issues with mother and it pains to see her in pain.

My mothers and my relationship was very calm, non-confrontational till age 18, no connection of pyar etc though. Just kaam ki baat, and we would not talk back on her complains or dant or whatever ever. And do as she would say, she would also cover for us, take care of food needs etc., if we ever expressed any needs we were strongly discouraged by my father in a harsh way. (He even disliked us laughing, hearing us talk, baat baat pey mama ko talaq ki dhamki but for the world he was this generous, kind, empathetic being, loved by thousands, very well respected)

But we used to live in a better place liveability (runaaq) wise things were a bit better, us siblings still used to joke and laugh together, sneak out sometime or cover for each other. Try our best to be there for each other, still extremely different life to kids around us, like zameen asmaan but khushi dhondh letey they chup chup key.

Then we moved to a new place which was rather sunsaan, we could not go anywhere without a car, which ofc we were not allowed to take anywhere, so barely any human contact living here. And it was a hell hole.

But still only my father talked and ruled and everybody listened. But ghar ka mahool felt like a confinement. We all started to get depressed even outside home, the sadness got deeper and deeper.

2 years after moving he passed away,

But after that things were bad in a different way, my brother who took my fathers only bad qualities who also doesn’t earn, was the ruler, and so was my mother and subh ki apas mein laraiyan shuru hu gain, humney jinney kabhi maa ke agay kuch bola nahi tha subh batamizi karney lag Gaye, subh ke dil mein Pourani, nayi subh batain yaad aa gain hai, I feel it was like breathing after coming out of survival mode so everything started resurfacing for everyone which was building since years. In everyone trying to feel safer, everyone was morning of the abuse of years they endured.

Idk kis ka kasoor hai but bad-gumaniyan, hate, harsh zubaan, baray bhaiyon ko shikayatein aur naye naye rules aur tamashhey.

All of this was bad but I would say still better slightly than when my father was around, as a family we went to a restaurant for the first time after he passed away, we didn’t know anything of the world. And we were middle middle class. People around us had all luxuries even for free which we also had access to but where never allowed.

I have 3 step brothers living abroad. who have always been kind to us but the eldest puts us down every opportunity he gets saying tum logon ney kuch dekha hi nahi hai in a condescending way, humney tou ye kya wo kya, like every single time, in return we’ve always quietly listened to it always. After father passing away he is now the head as well as another brother who lives with me and mother.

Now my sister is married, she’s struggling because of traumas and my eldest brother interferes in her life telling her to do this or that, where he would basically communicating to her and her husband that you guys will only be happy if she sacrifices all of herself. She earns and runs the house, does all the house work, while her husband has no job, doesn’t do anything at home and gives her silent treatment but my brother found her fault somehow, and everytime he visits infront of her husband tells her how she should scrub the sink, and ye tumhara kaam hai, which gives her husband more audacity, recently even though I’m only in nikkah, he has started doing this with me too, that makes my husband get extremely rude with me so much so he told me your family wants to get rid of you, they don’t care about you etc, for rukhsati now my brother telling me to get my bridal from a cheap local market and have no desires for anything and his words (kisi aur ke paisay lag rahay hutey hein iska matlab ye nahi huta ke uskey paisay lagao) maybe cause he will be paying for the shaddi, but he knows that I’ve asked him I don’t want anything in Shadi jitni saddgi sey hu skey wo karein, cause I don’t want more ehsaan over my head. I even asked my husband to just come on one decorated car and take me, i made it out to be that i can’t be away from you so let’s just make it quick but he wants a grand wedding, my brother every single time he calls tell me to even if they ask for what kind of dress you want, don’t say anything just say ap kar lein ap kar lein. Like?? I told him that the ask me constantly but he said that again ke apni cheezein nahi rakhna shuru hu jatay samney ye chahiye ye chahiye. Which I never ever did. Allah is witness. like last time his sister stayed on call with me to take measurements, and ask about what colours and stuff like that, even then I told her I’ll love whatever you’ll get me constantly because of pressure from home, I only told her I like pastels for nikkah. That’s all. During all of these things it was communicated to my husband, I have no value in my home. Everytime he talks to my husband he makes a remarks that demeans me, which my husband later on uses in fights.

My struggle is that how can I minimise his this behaviour that affects my life so so much. It took me so long after his calls for me to establish in my husbands head again that no my family values and cares for me. Only then he started respecting me again. I don’t know what’s to come on rukhsati. My brother has made many comments infront fo his family as well that tell them in other words ke issey paon ki joti bana ke rakho but my in laws in return would say nahi iski marzi huni chhaiye, ye donon mil ke kar lein gey, husband ka bhi utna hi huta hai jitna biwi ka etc.

I feel so stuck as if I wear a lehnga from raja bazar 40k ka and the hall etc done by them is 30 lac ka decor, all his family members as well as him will see my value.

My brother has specifically told me to get the dress from there as he got that made for his own daughter in law, while my bhabhi wore dresses worth more than the bridal lengha. Idk why he’s doing this, I don’t have a problem with the dress or anything as I’ve never expected anything from home, no kindness or care as such, but I’m afraid of the treatment I will receive after this is communicated to them.

My brother also had a problem for why I picked a design of my own choice for the wedding ring, but my fiance then was pushing me to select myself constantly. So I picked it, though I told him multiple times I will like that more what you pick for me.

My mother never has anything good to say about any of us to anyone, despite other people singing praises of their kids, but she did at times made fun of us with other people. My brother asks him for things at home and she would like to be perceived as a victim, so she would say things like Merey liye tou kisi ney kuch nahi kya, etc.

Meanwhile the little that I earn I spend on her and at home, I also take care of home, food, washing dishes, clothes etc, take care of everything when guests come except for the main dish which she cooks, I take care of everything else, take care of her when she’s sick, taking her to hospital, groceries, all the time, cleaning kitchen everyday, anything she says I go it immediately, despite that she’s constantly on my head nagging, saying negative things, telling me ye kya mujhsey tou khayi hi nahi gai, aah Bara koi kaam kar dia 1 hath laga dia 2-4 din, kabhi kuch nahi kya, Bari meharbani ko samaan ley ai,

At this point I’m living under her roof, and eating her food, I will not take anything from his home, I try to stay at peace in my own room, try to go whatever needs done at home but if she can’t complain about anything she’d say I don’t do anything, just cause I cook salan every 2-3 days cause we’re only 3 people and there’s enough left so what should I do keep making it everyday? When I know she will also complain about that?

Our washing machine takes time to wash clothes, she would put clothes in without telling me when it’s done I don’t get to know that there clothes in it so they stay there for hours then when I know I have to wash them again, she also has a problem that I don’t take interest in the house. Even though I often once or twice a week dedicate my whole day for 4-5 wash cycles, taking out and drying them, taking them off then folding and putting them in places while doing everything else. I am always thinking of how to improve her health, I would suggest them things she would dismiss them all, with a face a disgust, she often ignores me doesn’t even reply even if I ask 4-5 times then I go away cause I don’t know what else to do. If I make roti, she hates my roti and then says 1 roti bhi nahi naseeb na hu, and then that she will make it herself. So I let her even though I feel bad, I always follow YouTube if I’m trying something new, cause if I have to ask her she gets annoyed, I often used YouTube, Google and reddit for random questions if it’s about a technically about ratios etc. I know these are small things but these small things make up our days, and what hurts me is her hate towards me despite everything, but also that she’s in pain because of it. My mother rejects everything’s, anything good anyone does towards her she rejects it, like gifts, food, any care, she would say’s weird things about it to me and to other people on their faces. Doesn’t show much affection towards my small nephews and nieces either but always tell them don’t do this don’t do that, for every little thing. She once throw a pack of candies that she used to eat for her throat on the floor cause they used to ask for it. I can’t imagine the hurt those things felt.

Anyways.

After my father passed away, as his grave is in the village, other family embers found taweez from it, we don’t know what was written on it neither did anything let us know after that, everyone dismissed it.

I don’t know if it’s black magic or what but our happiness is eaten alive and I feel like taking my life.

No matter what we do, we loose job for absolutely no reason, loose money for no reason, for sheer dumb luck for yearsssss. All of us. The only sibling the most and extremely well to do is my eldest brother, the most privileged of us all even in terms of the investments my father had made on him.

My father especially hated us new 3 kids which he never wanted from my mother, he only married her to take care of my older brothers but my mother wanted kids, but he hated us but he had special hate for us daughters. But only his own.

I have forgiven him a million times, and almost have to do that everyday as every I’m reminded of everything the 22 years of abuse, but I can’t get rid of the person I’ve become because of this.

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I’m having a problem with marriage , I’m 23M white revert from the west and months ago I met a syrian girl who seems to really willingly marry me and she’s pious as well. We’ve met in person two times and made an attempt to go to the mosque and marry however wasn’t possible so we’re waiting .

The problem is I’m noticing toxic patterns on her end and it’s making me depressed because as a revert I did fell in love with her and she did too , but not long ago she came back from Umrah and is now telling me how many men approached her , how many mothers were telling her to marry their sons and telling me she has a lot of options and that if she wanted to rush this she would after I told her better to go slow etc but maybe she said this because I did block her not long ago and unblocked her and ghosted her and maybe she noticed the pull and is now saying this to get me back in ? I blocked her because I was already noticing toxic behaviour then unblocked because realised I like her .

Now some of you might think this is good because she chose me but at the same time is very toxic and I don’t know what to do . I hate that she tells me how desirable she sis to other men and I’m also afraid she might be talking with more guys behind my back . One thing I noticed is that she came back from Umrah super thirsty for me literally triple texting me and saying she got signs from Allah that I’m the one etc , many sweet things . Maybe because I’m white and good looking I stand out from the crowd in saudi for example where she got her numbers but idk what to think of this tbh . I just didn’t expect this she kept going and going how many men talked to her she even got one number and also how many men she has on her country wanting her thinking she’s a goddess Astaghfirullah .

I just want to have a normal woman in my life and a normal marriage like everyone man. The only woman I genuinely like physically and her deen , how she makes me feel turns out to be toxic .

Assalamu alaikum everyone,

I really need some advice because I feel confused and honestly a bit hurt.

My husband recently visited me and spent 10 days with me. Everything felt normal and good while he was here. But ever since he went back to the US (it’s been about 7 days now), his behavior has changed.

He barely texts me anymore and has only called me twice since he left. Before, he would message me more often, especially in the morning, but now I wake up with nothing. What bothers me more is that I can see he’s active sometimes when I send a message, or even after, but he doesn’t open it or reply.

When I asked him about it, he said he wants to focus more on work and that he’s busy. I understand that, but I feel like sending a quick message or calling for a few minutes isn’t that hard, especially in a long-distance marriage.

I don’t want to come across as needy or like I’m begging for attention, but at the same time, I feel like something is off and it’s making me overthink.

P.S : nothing bad happened while he was here. We had a great time and he kept saying how grateful he was for me. It was literally amazing.

Am I overreacting? How should I handle this in a healthy and respectful way?