Am I overreacting about my husband’s behavior toward his friend’s wife?
I really need some outside perspective on this because I feel confused and honestly a bit hurt.
I’ve (25f) been married to my husband (28m) for over a year now. Overall, he has been very good to me and is a practicing, caring partner. This is why I’m struggling so much with this situation — I don’t want to misjudge him, but I also can’t ignore how I feel.
From early on (even during our talking stage), he would bring up his friend’s wife quite a bit. He’d say things like he thought I’d get along with her and that we should all hang out together. At the time, I didn’t think much of it.
But when I eventually met her after our baat pakki, I noticed something that made me uncomfortable — he seemed a very awkward around her, and there was lingering eye contact between them that didn’t sit right with me. She is very pretty, and initially I tried to brush it off as insecurity on my part.
Still, I couldn’t help feeling uneasy whenever he brought her up again, but I kept it to myself because he never met her alone and didn’t even see that couple very often.He always seemed to remember more detail about her than any other of his friend's wives.
Then something happened that really stuck with me. On the night of our valima, after everything was done and we were lying in bed he brought her up again — specifically commenting on her outfit and asking me where I thought she bought it from. This is very unlike him, as he usually doesn’t notice or comment on women’s clothing at all. The fact that he remembered what she wore — at a vulnerable moment that was supposed to be about us — really hurt me. All those fears before my valima felt like they came true
After that, there were other instances: complimenting her cooking a lot, praising her work, and generally paying what felt like extra attention to her whenever we met. A part of me feels she knew, and liked the attention, but I'm not sure. Eventually, I told him that this was upsetting me.
At first, he brushed it off, but when I mentioned the valima incident specifically, he paused and apologized. However, after that, he started teasing me about her for a few days, almost daily, until I finally told him to stop because it was genuinely upsetting me.
Since then, he doesn’t bring her up anymore on his own. But he has said that he resents me for making it difficult for us to meet his friends, because I’ve said he can go meet his friend alone — I just don’t feel comfortable always hanging out as a group with her there.
I realise I have alot of insecurities of my own, and my husband has never drawn comparisons between us, but I still feel very upset at him mentioning her on our valima night. To top it all off, this girl has not been very welcoming either. I have tried to befriend her early on, to get over my anxiety and around my husband she is super nice but the moment it's just us she never asks me questions or shows much interest to get to know me, even in politeness.
Now I’m wondering:
Am I overreacting or being insecure?
Is his behavior actually inappropriate, or am I reading too much into it?
How do I handle this without damaging my marriage?
I really do want to be fair to him and not let my insecurity ruin something good, but I also don’t want to ignore something that’s genuinely bothering me.
Any advice would be appreciated.