u/nationmagieydn

this is going to sound really crazy and might not even make sense but I’ve been married to my husband for almost 7 years, we got together really young and built our entire life from nothing: marriage, kids, everything. I love him deeply, like it physically hurts how much I love him, and there’s honestly nowhere I feel happier than when I’m with him. We got married very young 18/19 without his parents knowledge and have worked for years to rebuild our life and come out unscathed and quite successful and accepted on both sides (he’s Arab im south Asian).

But I constantly struggle with this feeling that he doesn’t love me the same way I love him. He shows love through actions, staying, providing, being there: but I crave something more emotional, more consistent, more intense. We recently had a really bad fight where we both said awful things (which hasn’t really happened in YEARS), but we repaired right after and he showed a lot of effort, apologized, and reconnected with me. He’s pretty avoidant and can be pretty harsh with words sometimes. Still, I can’t stop replaying it and questioning everything. I keep wondering if it was all worth it—fighting for this relationship, choosing him so young, shaping my life around this—if I’m not even his “dream girl.” The sad thing is i love him so deeply like im still in high school and a lovesick teenager and he is like mentally 30-35 (even though we’re only a year apart) and doesn’t feel that way i think. Like I want the crazy stupid love we had which will come on occasion and if i ask, but otherwise it’s like the silly things i do like im just a girl and not the mother of his children irritate him. At the same time, I know I don’t actually want anyone else. I’m just stuck between feeling deeply loved in reality and deeply uncertain in my head. Has anyone experienced this kind of emotional mismatch in love? Does this feeling go away or is it something I need to seriously reconsider? Or is there an Islamic cure (i.e. prayer or some dua or something)