u/poststalloneuk

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/1sdumak/wifes_parents_have_refused_her_to_leave_their/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Assalam alaikum, as so many of you viewed my first post just a day ago, I was blessed enough to receive something that has helped clear my mind and presented me with a path forward. The link above is to the original post.

I was working under the assumption that my wife could still be reached and convinced that our marriage is worth saving and I kept making dua and istikhara that my path for reconciliation was correct and if it was not then I should receive a sign. I did this for a week.

And just this morning I received an email from my wife BY ACCIDENT. It is a forward of an email I had written to her last week asking what the issue was and that we should discuss it to move forward. I was not sure if she had seen the email or not so I had also emailed her work email. Instead of replying she has forwarded it by accident, most likely intending to send it to her father/family.

I believe this has now confirmed to me that my wife has either been completely manipulated by her father and extended family who are always involved or had been planning this for a while with her constant gossiping with her family about me. It's extremely disturbing and heart-breaking but Alhamdulillah at least I now have a better understanding of the situation.

I will no longer look to contact her and wait to see how it plays out and ultimately it will be a great loss for her as she is almost 31, infertile and will now be trapped by the backward culture of her family. I can not believe she could be so deceptive, dishonest or even unintelligent but at least I now have an answer.

For the mods: Please allow this update to stay as a separate post as it my help others in the future as I know many husbands if similar problems with their relationships. Jzk.

Alhamdulillah

PLEASE ONLY MUSLIM MEN RESPOND

I say that as this seems to be a problem husbands have to contend with. My wife of 4+ years tells her parents everything...and by that I mean any negativity or arguments between us and never the positives. It was obvious to me that this was happening so I kept asking her to stop, first as this is extremely disliked in our religion and because it ultimately decreased my respect in their eyes. She kept saying she was not doing it but would continue to do so.

Over time, the main contention that seemed to grow in my in-laws hearts was that my wife was not going to visit them often enough. Over the last several months they kept making snide remarks that such and such husband loves his wife so much she is always visiting her in-laws. Things of that nature. My wife would never step in and speak the truth, which is that it was her decision not to visit. She really enjoys time with her in-laws, her nieces and nephews etc. Plus she works full-time and uses at least one weekend day to cook and do house work although I always help out as much as possible. In fact I can say this with hand on Quran I would often tell her to go visit her parents and leave cooking for the weekend but she didn't do so. Why she never told her parents this I may never know.

Her parents, in particular her father have always been extremely possessive of her, especially as she was an only child for 15 years and she herself did not escape his control. This led to problems as he is not a particularly religious man and did not even teach her basics such as more than 3 or 4 surahs or how to clean yourself after using the toilet (Same goes for the mother).

As I taught her more of these things she started to wear the hijab, improve her hygiene etc. Our marriage for the most part was quite happy but we recently experienced issues with getting pregnant and she was due to start fertility treatment when Eid incident occurred. Her mother was rude to me over the phone and when we visited she was rude in person and this led to me eventually arguing with my wife.

I was particularly angry because she again refused to defend me in front of her parents and interfering extended family who were all making snide remarks throughout the day.

My wife then stated she would visit again the following weekend and speak to her parents. When she did, it led to a big argument which then, it seems, led to her spewing details of our argument and now the father-in-law has stopped all contact. Not just with me but the entirety of my family. My last phone call with her was her calling me sobbing, out of breath, stating she had to take her phone back from her dad and she was coming home yet she never did.

I got the police involved but they are quite useless and essentially said she was fine at her parents.

I believe they are angling for a khul but cutting off contact between husband and wife is haram from what I have read. There has also been no attempt at reconciliation or mediation.

Any thoughts or advice from men who are going through or have been through similar situations? I feel at a loss and don't know what to do.