r/IndianRelationships

So guys pata hai aaj kya hua sab se pehle hamari normal talk hoti thi but I was love with him and he knowed that but he still choose to pretending strange when I did confess straight forward and he was like iam processing it Idk man I tell him ki take your time and he take 17 days to think whether it is Right or not and usne abhi message ki "Han toh ab direct bol leta hu....it's not from my side iam really sorry for that....u will get better someone soon abhi kafi life hai " arey if for these things he takes 17 days iam stucked guyz I can't even imagine this and wasn't expecting this uz he gave me hints like big hints maine isiliye confess kiya I thought he is also interested but guys see what his reply was and iam really disappointed and a little insecure.. uncomfortable don't know what to do my last words to him was "you are narsist" tho this is true like he is so so obsessed with himself thinking ki mai hi hu hero...and he wants attention from me everytime he was like take my interview in every single talk I thought isko bhi interested better to be straight forward...but after his reply Iam fully stucked at it help me out

Hey everyone I am writing this because I really do not know how to deal with everything that has happened and I could really use some advice from people who have been through things.

I am an engineering student. I used to be an average student.. Over the past few months my life has kind of fallen apart. I now have a backlog from my semester and even failed two subjects in my mid semester exams. I know it is my fault. A big part of it is how much this relationship with my ex girlfriend affected me mentally.

I was in a relationship where I gave it my emotionally, physically and financially. I would skip meals just so I could buy my ex girlfriend food when we went out. I even saved up around ₹10k for my ex girlfriends birthday gift even though it meant cutting down on my needs. I thought that if I gave more my ex girlfriend would feel loved and things would work out between us.

My ex girlfriend kept telling me I did not have enough time, patience or money for her. That really messed with my head because I was already stretching myself much. Yet it was never enough for my ex girlfriend. Looking back my ex girlfriend also never really recognized my efforts in the way I had hoped she would.

At the time my ex girlfriend was very affectionate and clingy. My ex girlfriend showed a lot of love. Always wanted me around physically which made me feel like she really cared about me.. Over time it also started to feel like most of what my ex girlfriend wanted revolved around physical closeness and intimacy and less around actually building something stable together between us.

There were also patterns that confused me a lot about my ex girlfriend. My ex girlfriend would often play the victim in situations even when I felt like I was the one putting in effort. My ex girlfriend could be very controlling at times. Reacting to things like me going out with friends or making me feel guilty for not meeting her expectations even after we broke up. My ex girlfriend also had kinds of conversations and behavior with some of her friends that made me uncomfortable and unsure about where I stood with my ex girlfriend.

As the relationship with my girlfriend progressed I also came to know about aspects of my ex girlfriends life that were deeply unsettling for me. These included smoking, substance use and involvement in things like selling explicit content and having transactional relationships for money. None of my ex girlfriends friends even knew about this and I only found out while I was with my ex girlfriend, which added a lot of emotional stress and confusion to my life.

Despite all of this I truly loved my ex girlfriend. I ignored a lot of things because I thought my ex girlfriend was the one for me. I believed things would work out somehow between us. (this is only 50% of the horrible stuff she did. i don't wanna talk about the rest because its too tiring and just straight up horrible and toxic).

After the breakup with my ex girlfriend things somehow got even messier. I went out with a friend once and out of respect for my ex girlfriend I did not even take pictures or anything. I told my ex girlfriend about it honestly. She got really angry and again said I never had time or money for her. That made me realize my ex girlfriend still had some sort of hold over me.

Then it got worse. Some of my friends leaked my chats where I was venting about my ex girlfriend and it reached my ex girlfriend.. In a moment of frustration I ended up sharing details about my ex girlfriends past with someone I thought already knew. I regret that now. Everything was just so chaotic at that point.

The whole situation with my ex girlfriend has left me drained. I feel like I lost myself trying to make it work with my ex girlfriend. Now I still get thoughts about my ex girlfriend constantly. I know this whole situation was bad for me. I can clearly see how much it has affected my studies and my life but I still cannot fully let go mentally of my ex girlfriend. idk why but i still feel connected to her because i truly truly loved her and did so much for her and she called my love fake. even then i still.. idk what this is but i genuinely want to get over her.

I really need advice on how to deal with these thoughts when they come up about my ex girlfriend. How do I stop thinking about my ex girlfriend. Get back on track with my studies? And also I would appreciate your perspective on this whole situation, with my ex girlfriend. What do you guys think about it?

Any advice would really help me move on from my ex girlfriend

Sometimes “taking it slow” can mean building something thoughtfully. Other times, it can become prolonged ambiguity where intentions never get clearer. The line between patience and being kept in limbo can be hard to read.

At what point do you feel “taking it slow” stops being healthy pacing and starts becoming a situationship?

​

So, our families have been friends for about a decade, but we didn’t really talk much growing up.

Around 3 years ago, there was her mama’s wedding, and that’s when we actually started interacting more. At that time, she used to call me “bhaiya” because I didn’t have any feelings for her either. But during the wedding, we became really close friends. We genuinely enjoyed each other’s company.

She had a great time with me, and slowly, I started developing feelings for her.

We only hung out for about 5 days during the wedding. After that, we stayed in touch through chatting, but not very frequently. She lives in Bangalore, and I live in Lucknow, so we didn’t really get to spend much time together in person.

Last night, I finally confessed my feelings to her.

She said that I’m really sweet and fun to be with, but she doesn’t see me as a boyfriend right now. She told me that she always thought of us as just very good friends and can’t imagine us being together.

I respect her feelings, but I really love her. What should I do to change her perspective?

Just bored, classes got over and have nothing better to do other than helping out my fellow human beings.

​

I am 19M in a relationship for 2 years now so it all started in 2024 i used to like this girl whom I have been friends since childhood i finally confessed my feelings and she rejected me because she liked my best friend but he wasn't very responsive to her , so i decided to play the hero and i convinced my best friend to get into a relationship with her , but it didn't work out between them it lasted like 2 months only

(Just for context she studies at a place away from hometown there she allowed to use phone only twice a week) So long story short It didn't work out between them and then we started talking more and then we got into relationship and it has been normal untill back in last year diwali when she was at home she told me ki she is having sort of overthinking about my best friend and she wants to clear things with him but she didn't have the guts to message him so again i convinced my friend to message her and clear things up ( My friend doesn't know we are in relationship) so they talked and he told her that he wants to end up with her and things backfired on me she got sort of confused between me and him and told me we should break up I was genuinely heart broken but then she apologized and told me it won't happen again so I let it go

But again in January this year she forgot her account password and remembered that she gave it to my best friend when they were in relationship and she told me ki I'll ask him so I was very insecure this time because of what happened last time but she didn't listen to me and added him to her account and talked to him and she told me to 'grow up' but again I let it go

But i could notice that things are starting to get cold between us

Because she was in town for holidays and she has smart phone and we used to talk almost everyday when she gets in town because obviously for 2 years we haven't talked much

But i started noticing coldness so i confronted her and she told me ki can't fight the urge to talk to him and I got hurt very bad and i told her ki finally choose between me and him she hesitated but chose me

But we almost broke up because of two reasons first was my friend and second was that she had doubts about our future and overthinking

But again I let it go and things got back to normal

But whatever happened it's just trauma for me because in my entire life never have i ever abused her or even raise my voice but this year i got abused she told me to 'fuck off' when i confronted her and she told me to grow up when i conveyed what hurted me

And one more time when things were normal again she sent follow request to my friend

I don't know what to do

Here is a transcript simplified with the help of ChatGPT.

The idea is that attraction isn’t just about looks, money, or being a good person. It’s a mix of two things:

1. Tangible factors (basic stuff)

- looks, height, genetics

- money / financial stability

- social status

This is what people call hypergamy — choosing the “better option.”

But real life doesn’t always follow this.

Example:

- Pete Davidson — not conventionally attractive, has health issues, yet dated multiple women who were richer and more famous than him

- Shruti Haasan — successful actress, dated someone far less famous (many people didn’t even know him before)

Even extreme cases:

- Stories where a well-settled guy (like a merchant navy officer) gets cheated on for an unemployed guy

- Or women financially supporting partners they themselves don’t even respect fully

So clearly, “better looks/money = attraction” isn’t the full story.

---

2. Psychological factors (more important)

Based on Carl Jung’s idea of Animus:

Women may have an unconscious “ideal masculine image” which they project onto men.

This evolves in stages:

- Bad boy / adventurous phase (confidence > actual competence)

- Action/leader phase (bosses, decisive men — workplace attraction)

- Wise man phase (intellectuals, mentors, experienced people)

- Later → more grounded/stable expectations

So attraction is often about how well someone fits that internal image, not just objective traits.

---

3. Why attraction suddenly drops

The claim is:

If a guy starts:

- over-explaining

- seeking validation

- becoming insecure

it “breaks” that projected image, and attraction drops fast.

---

4. “Tests” (controversial but interesting)

The idea is women (often unconsciously) test men through:

- delayed replies

- teasing / “you look weird today” type comments

- saying things like “I only date 6ft+ guys”

- sudden pullbacks or disappearing

- bringing up an ex randomly

These supposedly check:

- confidence

- self-respect

- emotional stability

Failing leads to a decrease in attraction.

---

5. Career growth factor (important example)

Another claim is:

If the woman’s growth is greater than the man’s, attraction weakens.

Example:

- Real-life cases where a man supports his partner’s education/career, but after she becomes successful, she leaves him

Celebrity-type example:

- Angelina Jolie & Billy Bob Thornton

- Initially, he was more established

- Later, her career skyrocketed while his slowed down

- Their mindset and direction diverged

---

6. Big takeaway

- Attraction is not a reward for being nice

- It is heavily tied to:

- perceived strength

- consistency

- psychological fit

Once respect is gone, effort, love, or niceness usually doesn’t fix it.

---

My question:

How much of this is actually true vs overgeneralized?

---

TLDR:

Being a “good guy” isn’t enough for attraction. What matters more is confidence, emotional strength, and how you carry yourself.

Women don’t just choose based on looks or money — they respond strongly to psychological traits like decisiveness, self-respect, and consistency.

They often have an internal ideal and are attracted to how well you match that image. If you become needy, insecure, or lose your frame, attraction drops quickly.

Also, things like delayed replies, teasing, or sudden distance are often tests (conscious or not) to check your confidence and reactions.

Once respect is gone, no amount of effort, love, or being nice can fix it.

I’m navigating some new territory and honestly, I’d rather get perspective from someone who’s actually been around the block. Guys in their early 20s are just... a lot of work. Looking for some mature advice on how to handle things when the vibe is right but you want to keep it low-key.

so there's this guy jiske saath I am in a relationship peechle 3 saal se , although kuch time se I have been noticing ki uske behaviour me change aagya h.. although am very sure woh cheat nhi kar rha but uske efforts drastically kam hogye h and ab jab mai ussey kehti hu ki initial days me tum ekdam out of the box jaake cheezein karte the and ab terese paragraph bhi nhi likha jaata..he always gets irritated..toh mereko bohot time se aisa lag rha tha ki I wanna get out of this relationship thing... meanwhile there's this another guy who was in my school and I had a convo with him....and tbh I felt good bohot time se I was very isolated ( coz the guy I was dating had insecurity issues) ..so kuch din baat karne ke baad I kind off felt for this guy,.....+ I have known him bachpan me ..and he's very clear about things ....now I don't wanna overlap people...mai agar apne friend ke saath relationship me aungi toh mere abhi ke boyfriend ko aisa lagega ki I cheated on him...and I too have mixed emotions...I feel for this friend too and I don't wanna hurt my boyfriend..HELPPP

I just completed my graduation and took a 1-year drop to prepare for MBA entrances. Around the same time, my relationship also ended, and honestly, its been hitting me harder than I expected.

College ending already felt like a huge change but losing that person too made everything feel strangely empty. Before, there was always someone to talk to, share random things with, someone who motivated me, encouraged me, and just made life feel a little less heavy. Now it feels like I’m dealing with everything alone.

I stay at home most of the time because of studies, and have never really been the type to go out a lot or casually meet new people. Dating apps don’t feel right either- they seem way too focused on looks, and I’ve never connected with that whole setup.

What makes it worse is seeing people around me posting happy stories with their partners, and it makes me wonder if I’ll have that again. I know I should focus on myself right now, and I am trying, but loneliness hits hard, especially at night.

Honestly, I feel like I really need someone in my life rn. Not just for the sake of being in a relationship, but someone genuine- someone who cares, stays, and makes life feel a little less lonely. I miss having that kind of connection, and sometimes it feels like I’m stuck between trying to move on and still wanting that emotional support again.

Has anyone else gone through something like this after college? How did you deal with the loneliness without forcing yourself into the wrong relationships?

So my boyfriend (21M) earns around 30k, and I’m still in college with no stable income. The thing is… we split the bill every single time. There’s never a moment where he just offers to treat me.

Once I was short by just 300 and he still asked me to pay him back. That didn’t sit right with me at all.

He also forgot our special day, even though I got him a thoughtful gift worth around 4k. And in the 9 months we’ve been together, I’ve asked him just once for flowers — just a small gesture — and he’s never done it.

Also, it’s not like he has major responsibilities — his family is well-off, so it’s not a financial pressure thing either.

I’m not asking for expensive things, just some effort and thoughtfulness once in a while.

Am I expecting too much, or is it fair to feel hurt about this?

Like the things you want to share with your partner but can't due to the fear of critisism or what they will think.

Weight on your heart that you want to be lifted.

The habit you don't like about your partner.

Your expectations from your partner.

which you are not able to say.

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