r/Hijabis

Salam, there’s a brother (28M) that I (28F) had been talking to for almost a year now. Family’s were involved almost immediately, everyone seemingly got along, and things were going great (at least what I thought). We talked everyday, had so much in common it was unbelievable, so naturally I developed strong feelings for this person.

He took me wedding ring shopping a few times and in our final appointment we got into an argument because I brought up the nikkah timeline as it’s a topic that originally we wanted to get married in the summer, but then he started bringing up reasons to avoid discussing it including work stress, grad school stress, etc. I decided to bring up the topic this day asking if getting married in the summer was still possible. He said no because in July his mom teaches summer school and then his sister is due to give birth in August. I said okay that’s fine, it didn’t really make sense to me especially with the summer school excuse because school is all year round so at what point would we actually get married? He was silent and then we both went home, and then he calls me and tries to call off everything and I refused. He then said he needs space so I gave it to him for 5 days. In between this I called his mom for clarity as to what’s going on and she said he probably just needs space and to give it a few days.

Upon the 5th day I called him and he once again tells me he doesn’t think this will work. I am shocked and ask why, and he said that I said we are incompatible (which I never said). During the initial discussion I simply asked him if our timelines were incompatible, but he seemingly took this the wrong way and also accused me of trying to leave him. I was adamant that this wasn’t the case and told him I would never say that, but I couldn’t change his mind and he wouldn’t give me the benefit of the doubt.

I couldn’t believe it so I asked him if there was any other reason and then he said after our initial argument the day we went ring shopping he said he stopped loving me. I clarified and asked if he stopped loving me after that one argument and he said yes. I begged and pleaded to no avail and eventually he ended hanging up and immediately blocked me everywhere.

I am incredibly hurt and confused. A person who once promised me he would never leave, left over what I think was a simple misunderstanding. Almost as if he was intentionally misunderstanding me? We rarely got into arguments, and if we did he was very understanding and open to change. This maybe happened only 1 or 2 times.

I remember early one when I met his mom she told me to contact her if I had any issues with him. At this point wondering if it’s still worth it to reach out? I miss him dearly.

I’ve recently started going to the gym and trying to eat healthier, and honestly… it’s been overwhelming.

I work a full-time job (9–6), but with getting ready, commuting, and occasional extra work, it takes up around 12 hours of my day. On top of that, I’m supposed to sleep 7–8 hours, but I barely get 6 (sometimes less). And on most days I am so exhausted after work, I don't feel like doing anything but I still try.

Cooking is another huge task. I have to buy groceries, clean them, cook, then clean the kitchen and wash dishes. I can’t even meal prep properly because my area has frequent power cuts, so food spoils quickly.

I feel like I don’t have time for anything else anymore. I used to love reading but haven’t picked up a book in weeks. I stopped journaling too. I used to wake up for tahajjud, but now I just try to catch up on sleep. Even my prayers feel rushed, and I haven’t read Quran in a while, which honestly bothers me.

I can’t even shift my schedule by 30 minutes without everything falling apart. Time just passes and I don’t even realize how. I have to come back from work, prepare dinner, clean the kitchen, do skincare, pray isha and at max I get about 30 mins before I can go to sleep to get sleep of 7 hours and wake up for fajr

Financially, my job doesn’t pay that much, so I’ve thought about building some passive income, but I genuinely don’t see how I could fit that in.

I also have basically no social life right now. And it makes me wonder… how do people manage all this and have a family and kids??

Even weekends are mostly chores, and I get maybe 2–3 hours max to either rest or do something I enjoy.

I guess I’m just feeling really overwhelmed and stuck in a loop.

How do you all manage your time and energy better?

How did yalk deal with feeling of taking off ur hijab?? This is NOT a religious post I'm just asking. I put it on 3 years ago when I was 13 and turn 16 in a few months (although it has been 3 whole years) and idk how I feel anymore tbvh. Its really exhausting is all I can say it feels as if I have to go to the extra mile for everything. My style has improved a lot, I grew more confident but it doesn't feel like it anymore and I'm tired. Also my parents never really liked it either so it won't be difficult for me to take it off. Seems weird to say but I'll be starting over anyways (new school, hardly any old classmates/friends just 1-2 of my close friends). Idek why I feel that way since everyone around me has grown to accept it more and I don't want to give up my deen for dunya either :((

Assalamualaikum I'm 17F, I was SA'd during Ramadan, I wont go into detail, of what exactly happened, I was going to taraweeh its a 5 min walk from my house to the mosque and i was late my mum already left before me and my siblings and dad so i was the last one out, on the way there it was dark and it was like a quite one way road , I was in a rush so was speed walking and there was like a middle aged man walking towards me everything just happend so fast i was stood in shock, he just touched me innapropriatly and it felt disgusting and just walked past like nothing happend, i stood there for a good few seconds in shock then i started swearing at him and he was like I didnt do anything I went up to him and kicked him in his balls I just did everything in impulse and stupidity i mean he could easily overpower me because he was so big , and the one way road is attached tothe main road so the way he was walking was towards the main road and i started hitting him because i was so angry and disgusted and crying out of anger an people gathered around they knew what happend but i dont know what happened after that as i went back to taraweeh because I was already very late and my mum would start shouting at me so after taraweeh finished i told my mum what happend, and I was shocked at her reply i went and told her because i trusted her and she's also a woman and my mum but she started saying it's my fault, and the reason she gave was she said I am already really attractive to people and look physically attractive and on top of that she said i Act like an attention seeker, just because my personality im very extroverted and dont really care what other peopke think about me and i laugh out loud alot in public and talk loud anf etc.. it's not something i do on purpose that's just how i am, she said that it's my fault even though i was alone at that time and wasn't doing anything like that i wear proper hijab with an undercap and cover all my hair and was wearing a loose abaya nor do i even look at anyone in public or try to grab attention as she said as I have no interest in that, but she keeps giving me dirty looks as if im doing it on purpose and i was crying so much but she didn't do anything to comfort me I didn't tell my dad only my mum knew i couldn't sleep the whole night not because i was SA'd but shocked at how my mum treated me, I know im physically attractive at a certain age people do start realising how they look to other people and thats why I covered myself properly and never done anything to start grabbing attention, i went college last year and my mum made me drop out because she said she didn't trust me they keep me caged at home im not even allowed to go anywhere and only can go out with my family not friends not even to the shops downstairs, I know how to keep myself safe, yes I've done some things which i regret and repented for and she knows that, Im very close to my deen I try my best Im not perfect, but she always treats me like everything is my fault and im a like shameful woman or make me feel disgusted of myself sometimes and feel like it's my own fault even though it isn't, at this point I dont even know what to do , maybe she's right? is it my fault honestly? and should i change my personality? and are they right to keep me caged in the house like this? I didn't choose my looks, and it doesn't make sense she said that as even niqabis or people who arent considered physically attractive by majority also experience SA , Im starting to hate myself and how i Look and pray to Allah to make me ugly so atleast I can go outside and they can trust me, and have a bit of freedom i know parents should have some strict rules in place for their kids but there is a limit and they have Alhamdulillah tought me good things and atleast should trust me everyone makes mistakes and they did too so why do they act like im the worst person on earth and literally make me disgusted of myself sometimes, I dont even wear makeup only occasionally and when i do she starts saying who are you trying to impress and girls shouldn't be weaing makeup it attracts guys like wtf I barely wear it, Ive lostso muchweight because of the constant stress she has given me throughout my whole life, she is a very beautiful woman Alhamdulillah very pretty features much more beautiful than me, and ofcourse beautiful features attract, and I know she has been through alot too then why does she do this to me I feel like she hates me sometimes, i usedto be more beautiful but since i have lost weight my face and body are very skinny and i look like a child, and I'm kind of more happy because being beautiful isn't always good, even though i knew how to carry myself and my limits and had self respect, it was still uncomfortable at times even though i acted like I didnt care, wether your physically beautiful or not you have to facehardships with both so one is not better than the other, I'm sorry if this is really long!!! I just have a habit of explaining the most simple thing in detail, I really need help on this matter and I'm very confused on what to do and who's right and if Im being too sensitive?

Salam sisters! I’m a convert so be patient and understanding please 😅 I don’t want to commit any sin and I just need help in understanding this topic.

I was wondering, do you wear anything under a light coloured clothes?

The summer is really hard for me not gonna lie. I sweat a lot and in long sleeves I feel like I’m boiling. I started wearing only cotton/viscose/ linen but they’re often a bit see through. I mean, I asked my husband he’s born Muslim and I showed him how I want to dress - I had a white shirt and a nude coloured vest top without sleeves and with a turtleneck and he said it’s okay and he can’t see nothing. I was wondering maybe I worry too much? I’m trying to find the best compromise for staying covered and not boiling lol

The only thing I wasn’t sure about is the arms part - the shirt was just a bit transparent not so much and he said it’s normal but I think I have tendencies to push myself too hard and trying to be perfect.

What are your thoughts on that?

girlies can you give tips, or social media accounts maybe to follow that help with wearing skirts /dressing more modest.

I struggle sometimes walking with a heavy say denim skirt , or maybe I'm just not used to it 😭 and I'm not sure what you wear underneath and how you style outfits with skirts

Salaam sisters,

My name is Wardah.

I do not usually use Reddit, so I'm not sure if this is something that is usually done in this sub, however, I felt the most comfortable here to ask.

Four years ago, when I was 15, my father died, leaving a heavy financial strain on me and my mother. I don't have any siblings and it's just us.

For years now, I have been wanting to get accepted into a college that would provide me with a full ride because of our household income and really great opportunities in general for my career, while still being close enough to home that I wouldn't have to leave my mom alone.

I was rejected out of high school, but got deferred initially. I tried to transfer last year, but was still rejected. I have been working incredibly hard on my transfer application again for this year, and I just feel so hopeless; I spent so much time and effort for something that could truly change my life and take financial strain off of my mom.

If I got in, we wouldn't have to worry about college tuition, and I could possibly get better job opportunities with higher pay and other paid opportunities to support her.

I am truly truly truly so desperate, and asking you all to please make dua for me and my acceptance to this school this year.

I have heard that a stranger's dua is powerful, and so I am asking you all this.

Thank you so much, in sha Allah all of our duas will be accepted and granted.

I was originally going to make a post about how I felt like I looked like someone’s auntie every summer in hijab and how much I hated not feeling like a girl my age 😭 but I think it’s actually deeper than that.

For me the biggest thing wasn’t even the hijab itself it was how visible it made me feel. I mean, I put it on and thought I looked better in it anyways.

I didn’t feel like a person anymore, I felt like a label. Not even just “Muslim” but specifically “HIJABI” in all caps. Like before I even spoke, people already had a version of me in their head. I hated constantly having to prove that I am a cool and open minded person, hated the stares, hated the surprise at me having normal hobbies or being interested in certain niches, hated the constant anxiety and hyper vigilance.

I’d get that split second look from people before they correct themselves and acted normal, but I honestly don’t even blame them with way we’re presented, the reputation that muslim men have given the community - how could I? If anything they weren’t completely wrong, but having to clock that all the time is exhausting.

And I’m already neurodivergent, so I feel like I spend a lot of time just trying to be a “normal girl” anyway. Like masking, learning social cues, figuring out how to exist in different spaces. The first year wearing hijab I didn’t care but when it came back, it came on like a truck and it felt like I lost the ability to just blend in and be a face in the crowd. I didn’t want to be part of the ‘in’ group, but I didn’t want to be outside of it either, I didn’t want to be anything, I wanted to be a person like other people and just blend into the crowd, show my personality or identity when I wanted to but other than that simply be a boring face among other boring faces.

As someone who already has to consciously learn and perform, hijab made that feel even more out of reach. I was miserable and an anxious mess, and the mental impacts of holding it all in started manifesting into physical stress indicators.

At the same time, I hated how disconnected I felt from my own style. I’m not a super girly girl, but I had always alternated between more casual street style and more feminine clothes other times. As hijabi in winter I could kind of make it work. However, I hated how the more relaxed outfits like a sweatsuit with uggs or sambas looked effortless/clean girl on others but more like I rolled out of bed on me (hijab, no makeup etc.). I felt underdressed in those kind of outfits so I was limited to proper pants or jeans with nicer tops. I had to look perfect and never dressed down like a ‘hobo’. I didn’t have fresh heatless curls or a clean girl makeup look to compensate. But summer?? It was actually awful. It felt like my only options were:

\- wear some random linen two-piece set / maxi skirt and look like I’m 35

\- or try force my usual style with layers and long sleeves and it just looks off and uncomfortable (visually unappealing to me and a sensory nightmare)

Either way I didn’t feel like me. And it sounds small but it builds up. You see others just throwing something on and existing, and you’re there overthinking every move, every appearance to no avail. And combined with already feeling watched all the time, it turned into this constant hypervigilance. Even small things felt weirdly exposed, like shopping for underwear or just existing in normal “girl” spaces or any space. I didn’t feel like I could just be. I would show up to campus library to do the work on my own then leave late when it was less busy on campus. I didn’t want to see anyone with hijab on, new or old it didn’t matter, I couldn’t handle the observation at this point, and if I thought my mental or physical health was bad at the 2 year mark, coming up to 3 years it was exasperating.

I’m not even trying to make a big statement with this, I just don’t see people talk about this side of it a lot the identity part, the visibility, and how it interacts with things like masking or not fitting into a typical feminine box.

Did anyone else feel like this at any point?

hi girlies, i have a question especially for abaya/dress only girls. I have decided to use only natural fabrics such as cotton including undergarments like tights, socks etc. normally i was wearing a short, a long thin socks and a lining under abaya during summer. now that I want to switch to cotton fabrics, long socks or tights like that are really hot so I wanted to ask what are you wearing under your abayas/dresses during summer except pants. thank youu!

Before anything, I need to mention that I am nearing 17 and am about to do my IGCSEs in four days. I hope this shows how much this thing has been weighing on my mind, and it’s quite frankly ripping me apart.

There was a time we used to live a decent life- not luxurious - but enough. I was too young to value those blessings. It is now torture to look back as those blurry memories.

When I became 10 everything started falling apart. My dad stopped working because of the covid-19, and afterward everything became better, he continued to not work.

Let me tell you our situation now. No we don’t have a car or any vehicle. My father can barely afford basic necessities such as clothes and food. He finds it hard to pay for me and my sibling’s education. Hell, even printing worksheets is a trial for him. We are down to two single phones- the only devices in the house. And let me tell you that they are borrowed.

As time passes, everything is deteriorating slowly by slowly. The printer, the iPad, the laptop, all gone. The fridge and washing machine in horrible condition. It’s pathetic really.

And too top it all of, all my dad is doing is watching the damn phone like his life depends on it.

Wallahi, I am scared. I have no idea what to do. I’ve already struggled to study in these conditions. Idk how he is going to afford university at this point.

Because alhamdulilah, one of the things I have is good memory. I don’t want to just quit after alevels. I wanna study and get a job and be what my father wasn’t. But none of those will happen without being able to afford it.

He didn’t even let us about the financial situation. I got it from my mom venting to me about it.

I don’t know. My duas arent working on this. It’s a horrible pattern. I ask sincerely for a while tears and all. Then I lose hope, feel like it’s hopeless and it’s slowly stops. Then I start asking again and the cycle resumes.

This has been how it was for these 6 years.

Im really really scared. Is Allah angry at me? Why is everything becoming more and more difficult rather than easy? I am sick of everything.

I wish it would all end.

Assalamu'alaikum

I recently started wearing the hijab Alhamdulillah, but I'm honestly struggling to find affordable options that are actually ethical. I really don't want to support brands like S-h-e-i-n/ T-e-m-u etc..because of the whole forced labour issue, but at the same time...I'm broke😭

I'm a student so I can't be spending $60+ on every single hijab or abaya. I just need simple, everyday pieces that are affordable but still ethically sourced.

Also looking for ninja caps/undercaps if anyone has good recommendations!

If you know any online stores (especially that ship to Australia) that are budget-friendly and ethical, please share 🙏

Thank youu🫶🏻🫶🏻

i didn’t know where else to write this and i think this is the most suitable place

i’m a 17 year old who has a very weird on and off relationship with salah. for the past few weeks i’ve been trying my best to pray on time and to pray all 5 prayers.

but everytime i pray my heart feels so heavy and i feel like i’m going to have some sort of panic attack and my breathing is shortened and hurts.

i don’t know if this is guilt for all of the past prayers i’ve missed and the sins i’ve committed and feeling like allah won’t forgive me no matter how much i repent or if it’s something else.

i cant help but feel like this may be shaytan as well but this feeling has really been bothering me and makes me not look forward to salah and want to get over with it as quickly as possible just for this feeling to go away.

Assalamualaikum,

So for context I have 2 best friends, ‘A’ & ‘B’, in which both of them are not Muslims. A is a Hindu while B is a Buddhist.

Recently, A has been on a slow journey to deconstruct religion and has been more vocal about her criticism towards religions to us. The issue lies with A sending tiktoks to the group chat or to even me personally, indirectly targeting my religion. Many of the content she has sent has very ill comments about Islam, or the practises. Every time we hung out, there’s at least just once she would somehow end up mentioning religion in the conversations, and as someone who is visibly the most “religious” as I wear the hijab, I always found myself defending and complying to her needs. B, on the other hand, is super respectful and does not question many things. She’s always been the more polite, laid back type to not provoke anyone / anything. She is curious about my faith but not to the extent where we debate.

The thing that is so confusing to me is that A always asks us to pray for her, and that she prays for us too. She says even in her own religion she enjoys certain aspects but there are some things she doesn’t agree with either. One time, I talked about this man who read hundreds of books but ultimately only the holy Qur’an is his favourite, and that I just found it amusing he’s so dedicated to his faith. She, however looked confused and asked how can a religious book be someone’s most personal favourite? I remember hearing this and B awkwardly remained silent, and I had to say why not? I wish I spoke more, and my mood actually went down after that because she’s making me question what she truly feels about me sometimes.

This has just been so difficult for me because we have been friends for over 8 years now, since we were like 12 and somehow I always feel like I’m never fully embracing my identity? They are both very respectful of my hijab, they would help me pull it up when it’s showing my skin etc… we have so many similar interests, we love cheering on for each other, we love being close, and I can go on. I genuinely don’t know how to get out of this situation, because A is on her own spiritual journey and it seems like perhaps she’s been projecting her own feelings and doubts on to me, which of course without her even realising it makes me feel… uncomfortable. I also never know if I should confront, because I’m worried about the after math, and if we will become awkward with each other…. They have been very helpful and impactful in my life many times throughout… so I can’t find myself losing them :(

If you read this far, thank you so much- and any advice is appreciated 🫶🏻🥹

My dad cheated on my mom..I was 6 when I saw him talking to some woman on the phone and he told me the next day while I was playing that I shouldn't tell anyone what I saw

This went for years and years till I just burst I couldn't I just couldn't seeing him everyday just sitting there possibly cheating on my mom hurt me broke me, so I let it all out didn't hold back sobbing shouting yelling..

He made excuses like oh I was talking to her because she saw interest in Islam!! Then dropped that excuse quickly and then said another excuse where he was in those weird chat rooms because he was talking about politics!! Now 3 years later he doesn't even deny that he was just straight up talking to a woman.. he says it like it's normal he tells me it's none of my business and that why do I care? It's not like I will be the one judging him on the day of judgement Allah will, his usage of religion makes me so sad and hopeless..

Another thing they like to tell me is that my stubborns my عقوق will be the reason I'm miserable in life, it will be the reason I struggle in life and it feels so invalidating my experiences, I didn't just randomly start being rude to my dad it was built up resentment

I am so scared and I don't know what to do and I'm only 16 aswell.

I think I might just be oversaturated online (and I’m not complaining, because they’re very lovely) but all the hijabis I see online are very lovely, very feminine women, and I am decidedly not lol

I can probably blame it to having brothers , and the fact that my dad always encouraged me to learn everything, not just ‘womanly’ tasks (funnily enough he taught me to cook and clean too so there’s that). But genuinely, I’m not imitating men, just personality-wise I’m not very stereotypically feminine. I’m not very dainty. Sometimes I wish I was because I would looove to be traditionally pretty but I also know a lot of my styles and interests are not dominated by women.

Just to be clear, I’m not imitating a man. I very much wear women’s clothes and such, I just think I tend to be very practical about clothes and share a lot of interests with my brothers which makes me seem more tomboyish lol

There must be more of us lol

was seeing ads of hijab crown all over my instagram. The original Taj Crown is super expensive for us south asians, so I gave in and bought one. I am so disappointed. The brand Zera though is quiet good, known for its luxe chiffons etc but why do they have to launch this crown! Theres no friction on its surface and the fabric just doesn’t stick to it at all. Tried jersey and modal…

I don't believe in wearing makeup and jewelry outside unless I'm in an enclosed space, around family, and etc so that is not an option for me.

I've acknowledged that I look average at best and struggle with the fact that I have a harder time looking nice because unfortunately, I don't have the natural beauty that the majority of the hijabis in my community have. And when I do manage to look good then I attribute it because my clothes are what look nice, not I.

I have to be very strategic about how I style my hijab, when taking my picture and even having a rough time wanting to proceed with talking to a potential spouse because I fear I'm not as attractive as any other sister my potential other could end up with.

I understand that the hijab isn't supposed to make you feel amplified in beauty, but I want to be content with myself and feel that I am presentable. It's hard when I see others talk about how easy adjusting their mindset was or how easy it is being a hijabi when alhamdulilah they're conventionally atttactive.

I just want to find a way to make peace with myself, I don't have the usual black "baddie" features (full lips, button nose, prominant face, curvy figure, strong makeup, edges) either so I just don't know what to do with myself.

I can at least say that I'm grateful that I don't feel jealousy towards my friends, it's more that these insecurities manifest in me beating myself down.

Any advice on how to combat these feelings would be wonderful, jazakallahu khair.

call me a hater but why are reels being posted classified as “full coverage” if the hijab doesn’t even cover the chest area 😭

just bc it covers the neck and hairline doesn’t mean it’s “full coverage”. cover the actual goods, sis!!

and this is my two cents but I don’t want to hear about the whole “hijab is a journey”. I fully understand but how much journeying does it take to actually come to what is actual full coverage of the hijab?