u/Top_Mix_5555

I’m seventeen years old. I was never a girl who thought highly of herself, or thought she was so pretty and gorgeous that she could get any guy she wants, i never even interacted with boys for that matter, but i had some kind of self confidence enough to feel pretty.

But two years ago i fell in love and was with my ex for 2 on and off years, many problems arose between us but the main one was about my looks.

He’d call me pretty but not pretty enough, i was AT the limit of what he finds attractive, and continuously made it clear to me that he found girls from his past relationships much prettier (Because they were ABOVE the limit).

It even went as far as him cheating on me with one of those girls because he found her much more attractive than me.

He never gave me a specific physical trait he didn’t like about me but it absolutely destroyed me— that one of the main reasons we couldn’t work out was because his loyalty was shaken by my looks.

For a while it seemed like that problem between us was fading and i tried my best to believe him when he complimented me, and it felt genuine and truthful if i’m being honest.

But then right before we finally broke it off for good he brought up the SAME problem again, claiming i’m beautiful and gorgeous— just not as much he wants to think.

He claims he wants to see me as the most breathtaking woman ever (and i also believe so— that you should see your significant other as the most attractive person to you) but he simply doesn’t feel that way.

Unfortunately he seemed to be a very honest person, i’m not longer in contact with him but the scar he left is too deep.

I can barely even look at myself in the mirror without feeling worthless and not enough.

Trust me i’ve tried multiple times to love myself and embrace my beauty, and i’m not saying i’m not beautiful, i just don’t believe my beauty could be a trait enough for someone to see me or acknowledge me enough to get to know me and develop feelings for me.

It seriously fucked me up so badly i’ve found myself pathetically fishing for compliments by posting myself continuously online or trying on tons of makeup or styling my hair differently.

I don’t like how i am right now, i don’t want to feel like some kind of whore or a pick me girl by fishing for compliments, which i also noticed it try to get more of from guys (But as i said i’m not one to interact with guys, my ex was my first boyfriend and the first guy i’ve ever even talked to)

so that also includes me pathetically trying to get male attention to believe i’m even somewhat pretty.

Because who will love me and remind me of my beauty if my own at-the-time boyfriend couldn’t.

I seriously don’t want to keep doing this, i’ve always been a good person and a girl who never felt the need of attention, i’ve always been on the low even if i felt insecure because i never felt like getting compliments, especially from guys, would do any difference.

But now even a single like on my story from a guy can make me happy the entire day because a guy finds me pretty or attractive. It’s so pathetic and I hate myself for being like this and i really want to change it.

i didn’t know where else to write this and i think this is the most suitable place

i’m a 17 year old who has a very weird on and off relationship with salah. for the past few weeks i’ve been trying my best to pray on time and to pray all 5 prayers.

but everytime i pray my heart feels so heavy and i feel like i’m going to have some sort of panic attack and my breathing is shortened and hurts.

i don’t know if this is guilt for all of the past prayers i’ve missed and the sins i’ve committed and feeling like allah won’t forgive me no matter how much i repent or if it’s something else.

i cant help but feel like this may be shaytan as well but this feeling has really been bothering me and makes me not look forward to salah and want to get over with it as quickly as possible just for this feeling to go away.