r/Divorce_Men

Not long after my divorce petition went in I dabbled on some dating apps. It was too soon and after I hooked up with someone, I called it off because I wasn't over my ex. This hookup continued to message me, and recently in a moment of weakness I went on a second date with her - telling her that I didn't want to get into anything serious at all and that I wanted to take it much slower than last time. I think that may have just been my way of saying 'no' without actually saying it.

She's successful, interesting and interested in me - but she has been messaging me multiple times a day, proposing to meet daily, etc. The problem is, unless I'm feeling horny or envious of other couples, I don't want a relationship at all - let alone with her.

Part of me is simply relishing in the fact this well educated, successful lady wants to lavish attention on me - particularly after all the shit my ex put me through with a dead bedroom, infidelity and then spending all our counselling sessions trashing everything from how boring I was to how ugly I looked.

I think my initial gambit of having a few dates worked - I got some validating attention - but now I find myself caught between the desire for a warm body and a considerate person, and the obvious fact that I should not be in any kind of relationship this early, and if I were then it would be with someone different to this person. The fear of rejecting companionship after I have been cast aside by my ex?

I feel like I'm basically asking for sanction to tell this person 'no, this really isn't working out after all' - but I'm also asking for reassurance that it's both the right thing to do, and that it will still work out OK.

I’m a husband and father of two young daughters (both under 5), currently going through a divorce that I never wanted. For months leading up to the filing, I blamed myself for everything and was willing to do whatever it took to fix our marriage.

Recently, during mediation, everything came to light—my wife admitted to at least an emotional affair. That hit hard, especially after spending so long trying to take responsibility and fight for us. What’s confusing now is that after all of this came out, she’s suddenly saying she wants to work on the marriage and try to rebuild.

I feel completely stuck.

On one hand, I’ve already been grieving this relationship for months. I’m exhausted, hurt, and starting to believe I might actually be better off focusing on myself and being the best dad I can be outside of this marriage.

On the other hand, I think about my daughters. They’re so young, and I can already see this separation affecting them. Part of me wonders if trying to rebuild—even after everything—might give them a better chance at having both parents together in a healthy home.

I don’t know what the “right” decision is anymore. I don’t know if rebuilding after something like this is realistic, or if I’d just be setting myself up for more pain down the road.

Has anyone been in a situation like this—where the other person only wanted to fix things after everything was exposed? Did you try to rebuild, or walk away? And how did you know what was the right call

So my wife cheated on me and we are getting a divorce. We have 2 kids 7 and 1. I feel so disgusting. It’s been about 3 months now she is totally in love with this guy she met on TikTok live btw😂. I have lost 60 pounds and have 30 to go to hit my goal but I still feel so ugly and fat. I don’t feel I will ever find a woman I’m attracted to and that I can trust. I’m 28 and I have had a few interactions but the woman I’m actually attracted to always fade, of course this girl I used to date in highschool is totally in love with me but she has gained a lot of weight and has a bf! I don’t want to participate in cheating in any form but I am so lonely and she is the only girl giving me attention. Sorry this took a turn basically am I cooked? Am I gonna find a good woman? Is this the worst time for dating?

My wife just served me the divorce papers. I feel all sorts of emotions. Angry, sad, confused you named it, i just don’t know what to think. I feel numb. She told me she had no feelings for me anymore. And what wanted to end the marriage. But me on the other hand don’t. Our relationship has gone down for a year now. She’s ignoring me for a year. And today is the day we discuss of separation. But i don’t know man, i just don’t know what to do. I still love her but it has become a one sided love. So please help me.

The etg hair follicle kind anybody? My side of things, just got served 2 weeks ago, 3 young kids, yeah I work in a brewery and I like beer, a lot, about 6 a day on average, not every day but most days until recently, no incidents no troubles just my quiet contentment at the end of the day.

I have stalled it right back to once a week,I’ll have a 6 pack.

How did your test go?

I’m worried they’ll force me to take the test and I haven’t been well behaved enough until recently.

Things between us have been rocky for years I debated filing for divorce for years but wanted to stay together for our kids 11 year old boy and 5 year old girl, we have been married for 11 years. She has been extremely distant and doing odd things around the house that made me expect things including taking all photographs throughout the house that had us in them together and the same on social media. When confronted it turned into a big argument and a few days later I was informed I would be receiving papers from a constable.

I make around 90-100k a year while she made 37k a year last year because she is part time in nursing school. She says she wants to keep things civil and won’t go after assets hard if she can get the house from me we bought 3 years ago that I have been making all the payments for entirely. In assets I have roughly 150k between my accounts which from what I have researched I heard they can get half of that.

I’m just wondering am I completely screwed in our situation? I see a lawyer on Friday which I’m hoping makes me feel somewhat better but from everything I researched it seems like I’m going to have to move back in with my parents and lose basically half of everything I have. Any thoughts or advice?

I’ve (41M) been married to my wife for 17 years now and we have two kids (11) together. Things have been bad on and off through the years, but recently everything has gotten so much worse. Any conversation has the potential to turn into her exploding. We haven’t been intimate for 8 months and we don’t touch at all.

I’ve been the sole breadwinner for 5 years and have asked her repeatedly to get a proper job again (she tried starting her own business), but she’s refused. She now has a part time job earning $700/month. Despite having more free time, she seems resentful when I expect her to take on more of the kids front (despite that they’re in school all day!). I do all the grocery shopping, cook 90% of meals, clean regularly, and even got a cleaner to come every other week. Still, she seems always annoyed. I have come to just hate living with her. She makes snide remarks or otherwise just has a crappy attitude.

I make a good salary (212k base and with bonus and stock around 390k). Even so, we live in a HCOL area and I estimate with child support and alimony I will have to pay at least ~5k/month.

Is a divorce worth it? I suppose we could go on living together, but half the time I feel miserable. I don’t even need a relationship at this point - I just want peace. Our kids have started to notice the tension and after a few explosive arguments also cried and asked her if we were divorcing.

How do you decide when it’s finally over?

I’ve considered couples therapy, but there is so much resentment, and I’m not sure I want to even be in a relationship with her anymore.

After 20 years together i served my wife papers and it was the hardest thing i have ever done. She is a predictable narcissist and i predicted her Reponses and order she would use them in. What makes me upset is I should be sad or at least upset. But after serving her the papers this is the most at peace i have felt in our relationship. Have any of yall had a similar experiance?

Curious how many out there that had ex-wives try to come back, and if so, when?

Mine did about 6 months post-divorce. I remarried her and divorced again. They don’t change, some advice for anyone in this boat…

10 months ago she left after twenty years. I am doing pretty well and have been for a while now, but last week I fell down the last two stairs after tripping over a few empty boxes some genius left on the steps. This was in a shop building and I hit the cement floor HARD, and in the process severely twisting my ankle and nearly dislocated the joint.

The end result was the worst lower leg injury I have ever had in my life. I thought I broke my ankle honestly, but it seems to just be a very deep and serious sprain. I have never had an injury like this, and it put me mostly in or on the couch with it elevated for the entirety of last week.

I had heard that when you are hurt or sick the first time after divorce that your mind reaches for the comfort and assurance of your old life. Holy hell is that true!

After just two days I was literally dreaming about reconciliation and wanting to call my ex-wife. I couldn't sleep very well so I ended up being awake at all sorts of weird hours (just like what had happened initially when she walked out) and I fell into a pretty deep depression which is not really how I ever am. Thankfully I knew that deep down this was just a temporary feeling and didn't act on any of this, but it was a rough week that I wasn't sure what was going on. It's been about 8 days now and I am heading out back to work today probably at about 75% recovered on the ankle, but 100% recovered in the head.

But I wanted to give you all a heads up if you find yourself in the same place someday.. Remember if you get incapacitated and start ruminating it is just your mind looking for a source of comfort and it's not a sudden realization that things are going to change or that you would want them to.

Hang in there guys, and be sure to use the handrails 🙂

Hey guys, long time lurker, probably because I've seen the writing on the wall.

My partner, we live in a state with domestic partnership, just told me she was leaving me and our shared marital home to pursue her pop music career. We have a 3-year-old baby what the heck am I supposed to do?

I've already found child care for him tomorrow full time Monday through Friday it's going to be a $375 per week.

We have a mediations session scheduled tomorrow at 2pm. She has agreed to me having full custody and to waving spousal support verbally. (I'm the higher earner).

Also by the way she's moving into some affordable housing complex about 2 hours away with some dude named Sean.

She wants visitation once a week, I'm going to push for visits to be local here and not around whatever crazy situation she's in now.

Any advice on splitting assets? Everything is in my name, I’m not trying to completely lose my shirt in a messy divorce. I understand I’m going to lose somethings but I’m also bitter about losing things that I’ve put time and effort into the house the car etc I worked to provide and set my family up better than what I had and now it’s all going to be gone due to poor decisions and zero accountability of my so called spouse.

I just can’t wrap my head around giving someone something that has put zero effort in maintaining any of our assets and has zero understanding of equity. Everything has been just been given to her for years maybe I’ve created this idk but handling all the hard stuff.

My Ex wife left me in 2023 and I have 2 kids who are now 7 and 5. But who were only 2.5 and 5 at the time when she left. They’ve been starting to ask questions about why mommy and daddy don’t live in the same house. I sometimes struggle to not give them an emotional response.

Sometimes I’ll say that it was your mom’s choice to live somewhere else because she thought she would be happier. Other times I’ll say she made some hurtful decisions.

I don’t know what is right to say, all I know is that parts of this process, 3-4 years down the road: just never gets easier. I can never forgive someone who has hurt me so deeply or my children.

My wife and I are working towards divorce. She got a consultation last week and when I picked up her phone yesterday, I noticed it was recording. I checked and she has multiple voice recordings of our conversations from the past few days.

I thought her behavior was super weird the night before when we were talking and after she said she was going to take half my 401k, she'd go after the money I put towards my retirement as well. I got frustrated and said "I don't even know why I'm trying." She has this weird shit eating grin on her face and I just walked away.

I don't know what it all means, but I just can't believe this. Last night I took a bottle of scotch up to my office to mourn the loss of my wife. I knew we were getting divorced, but we have young kids. I didn't think that this is what I'd be dealing with. Just disgusted and creeped out.

FWIW I'm 37M and my STBXW is 47F in Missouri. Single consent is legal. Fucking bullshit to be recording in your own house, but I'm confident I didn't say anything crazy. I offered her ~$20,000 as part of spousal support which I'm sure she recorded, but nothings in writing so guessing it's not worth much. After finding all of this, there's no more offering of any support. I'm gladly pay my child support every month, but unless I'm ordered otherwise that's it.

Long story short my divorce was only initiated after forcing my stbx to finally file after agonizing limbo for a couple weeks. I blocked her on all forms of social media except email to talk through last knots to tie. Now, my sister at lunch tells me my ex called her to catch up and meet for lunch coincidentally a week prior to our decree finalization coming up this Tuesday. Is she up to something I should prepare my sister, or possibly regrets over her emotional decision to leave? Either way, all I’m getting from it is beautiful bliss knowing decree is signed and I am not in line to pay for shit.

​

I’ve been lurking here for months and wanted to post something for the guys who are right at the beginning of this.

Back in October, I was a mess. Properly.

Still living in the old house, hoping for reconciliation, completely emotionally burnt out, and honestly just trying to get through each day.

I remember that feeling of:

waking up with a pit in your stomach

replaying everything

thinking you’ve lost your future

wondering how the hell you rebuild

Fast forward to now (mid-April), and I feel like I’m on the other side of it—or at least solidly out of the storm.

Not “perfect,” not “done,” but stable, grounded, and actually excited about life again.

Here’s what actually helped me (and what didn’t):

1. Accepting it was over (this was the hardest part)

I went through a phase of trying to fix it, then anger, then trying again.

The turning point was realising:

If it was right, it wouldn’t require this level of force.

Once I accepted that, everything started to move.

2. Structure saved me early on

Gym. Work. Sorting living situation. Looking after the kids.

Nothing fancy—just doing something every day that moved life forward.

3. Therapy wasn’t optional—it was essential

I had to understand:

my patterns

where I over-invested

where I ignored red flags

how I showed up in relationships

That stopped me repeating the same mistakes.

4. Dating too early is a trap (but also part of the process)

I jumped into dating pretty quickly, if I’m honest.

Some of it was distraction. Some of it was validation.

But over time I shifted from:

“I need someone”

to

“I’ll choose someone who actually fits my life”

That was a big change.

5. The biggest shift: learning to be okay on my own

This is the one everything else sits on.

Once I knew:

I could handle being alone

I could build a good life myself

I’d be okay even if things didn’t work out

That’s when confidence came back properly.

Where I am now

I’ve got:

a solid routine (gym, work, kids)

a clear head

proper emotional stability

and I’ve recently started something with someone that actually feels… easy

Not forced. Not confusing. Not draining.

Just two people showing up and it working.

And the mad thing is:

this only happened once I stopped chasing it.

For anyone at the start

I know how brutal it is. There’s no shortcut through that part.

But I can honestly say:

it doesn’t stay like that

If you:

do the work

face the uncomfortable stuff

build your life back piece by piece

You don’t just “recover”

You come out better.

If you’re in that early phase right now—hang in there.

It feels like everything’s falling apart, but it’s actually the start of something else.

Happy to answer any questions if it helps someone 👍

My wife and I have been living in the US for 6 years. We're both from Europe. 2.5 years ago we had a baby girl. Wife decided to quit her job, so we were down to one salary, with all the financial struggle that this implied. I had pressure to finish my work asap from my wife so that we could return to Europe. Due to immigration and visa policies, she couldn't work in the US. This situation dragged for 2 years, making our relationship very tense. She searched for a job in Europe, and she found one, so we decided we would move back even if my project was unfinished. Before moving, she started expressing doubts about the continuity of our marriage. We moved to her hometown. She has here a support system, I don't. 4 months after moving, she mentioned in a couples counseling session that she has decided to separate, there is not coming back. I feel devastated. My job ends in June, and I can't continue the career path I envisioned for myself in this city, because I want to be close to my daughter. I feel devastated and my mind goes to dark places often...

Broke me.

House is empty, bed seems huge.

Would it somehow be possible to fabricate a girlfriend to rub into the X’s face? Big set of tits. Great taste in fashion. Lol Let’s spit ball this possibility. She would probably need a FB profile or some history.

My ex and I have been BATTLING over this one for over two years now. She says her boyfriend has parental authority over our teenage children and has the authority to discipline them. I am vehemently against this, she is the sole authority figure at that house. He has taken my son's cellphone away from him multiple times before he was to go with me on a trip, I told him he can't do that, and got cussed out for it. He says that since he took it away I cannot override his decision. One time I took it away and he calls me up and told me that "You will bring the phone back to my house as you were instructed to do!" and then he sent my ex to my house to get the phone from my son because I was at work and couldn't kick her out. Am I wrong for thinking he has no right to discipline my kids? I have kept a very calm and cool demeanor and not blown up on him for fear of going viral and/or losing my clearances at work because I work with kids. This has gone on for so long I am wondering if crashing out on him would actually work. He has gotten loud and tried to embarrass me publicly at all three of my kid's schools and I've done nothing due to me not wanting to risk losing my job, going to jail, and/or getting trespassed. Any insight would be appreciated. I am at my wits end with all of this. To crash out and show him who the real boss is, or to wait out the storm and pray it subsides. That is the question.