Considering divorce in CA
I’ve (41M) been married to my wife for 17 years now and we have two kids (11) together. Things have been bad on and off through the years, but recently everything has gotten so much worse. Any conversation has the potential to turn into her exploding. We haven’t been intimate for 8 months and we don’t touch at all.
I’ve been the sole breadwinner for 5 years and have asked her repeatedly to get a proper job again (she tried starting her own business), but she’s refused. She now has a part time job earning $700/month. Despite having more free time, she seems resentful when I expect her to take on more of the kids front (despite that they’re in school all day!). I do all the grocery shopping, cook 90% of meals, clean regularly, and even got a cleaner to come every other week. Still, she seems always annoyed. I have come to just hate living with her. She makes snide remarks or otherwise just has a crappy attitude.
I make a good salary (212k base and with bonus and stock around 390k). Even so, we live in a HCOL area and I estimate with child support and alimony I will have to pay at least ~5k/month.
Is a divorce worth it? I suppose we could go on living together, but half the time I feel miserable. I don’t even need a relationship at this point - I just want peace. Our kids have started to notice the tension and after a few explosive arguments also cried and asked her if we were divorcing.
How do you decide when it’s finally over?
I’ve considered couples therapy, but there is so much resentment, and I’m not sure I want to even be in a relationship with her anymore.