Constantly weighing evidence
Is there any way to stop? I’m constantly weighing evidence to try and figure out whether i’m ugly or not. Thinking well this person said I was attractive but they could’ve been lying, or if I was as ugly as I think this person wouldn’t have said this, or I’ll think if I was actually attractive X would have happened or be true. I’d have more friends, people would like me and want to be around me, i’d be in a relationship, people would say X about me, etc. Or maybe I just look mean or intimidating like I’ve been told so people stay away. Then I find a way to discount every positive/compliment, it was online they didn’t see me in a bad angle or lighting, if it was in real life I’ll be convinced it was an exaggeration, a full on lie or backhanded in some way. Always feel I get stared at my public facing job because of a real feature/deformity I have. But because of very nice compliments i’ve gotten I think maybe it’s because they think i’m really attractive cause i’ve been told that too. But if it wasn’t as bad as I think I wouldn’t have gotten made fun of for it every day or gotten told I should see a plastic surgeon.
Idk it’s just so exhausting, I was actually feeling pretty decent about myself and then I saw a new angle I’d never seen that’s so horrific and worse than I could’ve ever imagined. Seeing a new psychiatrist and going back on meds tomorrow so I guess that’s a good thing. Any way to stop these never ending thought loops/patterns?