Still think of what that one guy said to me.
One time I made a big mistake as a minor, what really triggered my bdd back then was looksmaxxing during 2022. I was not toxic at all, well, toxic to myself for sure yes. But not to others, one time I met a guy online and he asked people to rate him so I said he looked good and blah blah blah, I asked him to rate me and showed him selfies and he said I have potential to be an 8/10 if I “lost weight” and that I’m 5/10 rn, and that my weakest feature was my nose. And my strongest features were my eyes
at the time, the selfies I sent I was 41k*g I suffered with anorexia, and people irl noticed how skinny I was. I looked sick. So sometimes, I still think about whats wrong w me. Ppl irl think I look better if I gained weight whilst ppl online already think im fat when im 41k*gwhen I was extremely skinny, if I gotten any skinnier than that I would’ve died.
also I have suffered with thinking of my nose as piggy looking for the longest time, it’s not necessarily big. Just not my perfect vision of a skinny nose. Mine was just gross to me.
I’m tired, I’m really tired to be honest. Ik it’s my fault even asking for that guy’s opinion, I was a stupid kid. but I still think about what he said, it lingers in my mind everytime. It feels like no matter how I try, I won’t rlly live up to the standard.
sometimes I just wanna rip off my face completely. I don’t wanna be in this body. Not one bit. Even if ppl do call me pretty sometimes I still don’t believe it, sometimes it actually drives me crazy cause I start overthinking and over analyzing them. Or even asking for reassurance from my family members only, constantly. I js wanna know how I look like, I feel miserable living this way