19m been approached or hit on by girls a good amount of times and i still hate my face with a passion
it's not like a constant thing but every once in a while a girl who i either know or dont know will approach me and ask for my number/instagram or hit on me in some way. i feel like this should be "evidence" that maybe im not as hideous as i think but it's like nothing can convince me that im not disgusting.
and as time goes on it gets so much worse. i feel like im getting worse looking month-to-month even though im trying to look better. and it's not like im doing super drastic or insane things to improve my looks. basically just gaining/losing weight and cutting my hair. but i look at pictures from july or august last year and i feel like i look so much worse now somehow. every picture i take is worse even though i cant actually put my finger on what the differences in the pictures/my face are. but at the same time i know that my bar for what i deem to be a good picture of myself is has raised so much. i have a picture from a couple years ago that i took right after going on my first ever date and for a long time i thought it was such a good picture of myself and now i look at it and i think "i look like shit."
ive been trying to lose some weight and i feel really lean because ive been eating a lot less and i like how slim my face looks when i look in the mirror. but then i take some videos and photos of myself and i see how disgusting and fat my face still is and that just absolutely demolished my motivation to keep going. im gonna try but after taking some videos i just wanted to go and grab some pizza and eat a bunch of microwaved shit because it's like what is this even for. im 6'3 175 lbs and i feel like a fat shit with a huge, fat head.
a couple months ago i saw some videos of myself that someone else took and it actually ruined like the next two weeks. i almost started crying just from seeing my own face. and literally just a few years ago i really didn't care. like i used to be able to take pictures of myself where i knew i didn't look great that i thought were just funny or something. like i could take selfies where i looked stupid or my hair looked bad and it was fine. i havent done that in like 2 years. people used to take videos or photos of me and i didn't try to hide my face so i didn't have to potentially see myself.
at the end of the day i know that confidence doesn't necessarily come from compliments from others or anything like that and it comes from within or whatever. but i still feel like the "evidence" should point toward that maybe im not as unattractive as i think i am. it's just hard.