r/AutismInWomen

I feel a bit stupid tbh. I was referred to this autism group and ngl its just as bad as I thought. Everyone there fits into exactly what autism is depicted as. I dont. Am I even autistic? I got diagnosed at 10!! As a girl thats incredibly rare. Yet ive literally never felt represented by anything to do with autism..what is the point!!!

Honestly just wanted to vent a bit.

I have a level 1 diagnosis. I am very able to live alone, have a job, be independent, most people don't have any idea I'm autistic unless I tell them. But I also just spent the weekend barely sleeping, having to take beta blockers for anxiety, crying all the time because I was too overstimulated on vacation. People think I'm rude or unapproachable a lot, I have huge problems making or keeping friends. All my bosses end up hating me. People get angry with me often online and sometimes in person because I'm blunt and honest.

I see many autistic people who might have higher support needs but easily can be themselves and make friends. I feel like I have severe social issues and pretty bad sensory sensitivities but because I can live by myself I'm supposed to be only low support needs. It makes me feel dramatic for ever bringing up my autism or god forbid asking for support.

Also because I seem so normal in some ways, whenever my disability actually affects me people take it personally. As if I'm doing it for attention. I see it all the time, someone knows I'm autistic nd pretends to be accepting but then when I have a moment where I struggle with something they get very offended and act like I'm being that way out of laziness or to spite them.

For example my previous supervisor went on and on about how her daughter is also autistic and she wanted to support me (which was problematic already because she was constantly probing about my autism), then ONE TIME I hesitated to talk to a visitor for a couple minutes and my supervisor called me into her office to berate me about how she can't even trust me to do my job. And then I ended up later having to leave that job because she kept weaponizing and blaming stuff on my autism but that's a whole other thing...

I feel like I'm always in between being a regular person who has an independent life and being too disabled to function as expected. Having to act like I'm fine or having to scream for anyone to know I need help. Even my therapist in our last session asked me if I think that someone else might think I'm using my autism as an excuse.

I am so jealous of everyone who got help with their autism and the other mental & physical illnesses it comes with. Hell, "Support needs levels" literally assumes there's anyone willing to provide support.

I cannot relate to it at all. Ever since I can remember, I had to solve everything on my own and if I had a problem, I only got blamed for it. When my burnout got so bad I couldn't shower or get out of bed let alone perform at school, they just called me lazy and acted like I was actively choosing this miserable state of existence. Like "oh [name] is just messy and lazy like that". Every single time I got better it was me crawling out of the hole all alone.

Never, not once, did they treat anything about me like a disability or a symptom of an illness. Everything was a personal failure, something I intentionally did to myself so naturally it was all my fault and I should be the one fixing it.

Hi Everyone. 31f here, diagnosed after having my 18Mo girl. Becoming a mom has been honestly the most exhausting experience. I thought the baby phase was tough but managed it with the help of noise cancelling, unscented everything and as much routine as my kid would allow. I could put her down somewhere safe and break off for a few minutes without notice.

Now I have a clingy toddler who is super attached. Everything points to this being a good thing and obviously normal. But geez, I can barely breathe sometimes. From 7am to 7pm, Im sat on, weighed down. Anything I eat and drink is inspected by curious grabby hands. Squealing and crying that makes my teeth itch. Im followed to the toilet and she even tries to sit on my feet when I cook. 'Mama, mama, mama.... hiya!'. The less said about the smells or the gummy kisses the better.

I know this is all normal and my bub is the sweetest, funniest kid. I just miss being able to retreat into myself and my interests. Not having to mask my boredom of toddler activities. Biting back a meltdown when getting licked and instead forcing calm, bland responses. Honestly this is by far the hardest thing in an already hard to navigate world.

If anybody has stories of their own. Struggling with motherhood or toddlers in particular, I hear you and relate so bad. Or people with stories of silver linings or when it got better for them, I'd love to hear that too.

I want to know what going "non- verbal" is sometimes, I feel like I don't wanna talk... But I can but talking feels like a chore.. Like doing your least favorite and hardest subject hw.

Is this what is? Or is this something else?

I don't wanna Offended/speak out of line if I said anything or out of place pls tell me

Hello! I am self diagnosed after my children both received a confirmed diagnosis. However, everything about me aligns with a high masking autistic woman. That aside, this is the first time in my life i’m in a relationship where autism is acknowledged, and plays somewhat of a role. I’m no longer with my kids dad, and my new partner is aware of my self diagnosis. It’s been freeing in some ways, because I don’t feel the need to mask and that makes me feel safer since he’s seeing the “real” me.

However, lately I feel like it’s causing issues?! My bf is neurodivergent as well (ADHD), and i’ve always kept it in the back of my mind that he has different struggles as well so I try not to take everything personally. Lately we’ve kind of been in a slump. We’re 5 months from our 2 year anniversary, and my pattern recognition skills are in overload right now. I feel like he’s pulling away, and I keep bringing up examples to him of ways that his behavior is changing. He reassured me last week that everything was fine, and he isn’t leaving me. I’ve been wrongly diagnosed with BPD in the past, but the emotional pain right now is killing me and making me feel like HEY, maybe that diagnosis wasn’t so wrong? Irrelevant I guess. But yeah. I’m losing my mind.

I can’t stop researching relationships, milestones, stupid articles like, “Ten Signs your Partner is ‘Quiet Quitting’ the Relationship”. I feel like i’m going insane. He suggested we get counseling last week because of my feelings, which I shot down because it seems silly to do that in a 1.5 year relationship?! I don’t know what to do. Every time i try to explain to him that my pattern recognition and his behavior is why i’m feeling this way, he tells me i’m thinking too much and that my brain is doing this to me. Maybe. I still can’t help feeling like I’m about to be abandoned shortly.

I 26f with autism dont know very many people so I think of random questions a lot

What kind of pets do you guys tend to have I choose guinea pigs so I can use them to keep me stimulated when I don't have anyone to talk to I talk to them all the time and pet them

I'm curious if autistic, AuDHD, or otherwise neurodivergent women tend to have more success finding compatible partners at a younger age or later in life in comparison to the current average age? Or if there is any pattern or correlation?

Hi everyone <3

A couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with autism level 1 at 30 years old. For the past two weeks, I’ve been on sick leave from my office job because of burnout, anxiety at work, and depression. Today, I feel like I’m going through something like grief. Grieving who I thought I could be until recently, when I still believed I could live a “normal” life and eventually “catch up” with the people around me with steady partners, houses, families, and stable careers.

I’m very lucky to have some lovely friends, and I’ve shared my diagnosis with a few of them. They all tell me this doesn’t change how they see me. I truly appreciate that, and they’ve been wonderful to talk to, so no shade at all. But I also wish people understood that it has changed how I see myself. All my life, I’ve been pushing through and trying to “better myself,” not in a healthy or productive way, but in a way where I was constantly hard on myself and frustrated for not being “normal.” Now I know that this will probably not happen.

Until quite recently, I always wanted children. It’s not that I don’t want them anymore, but I’m no longer sure it’s a good idea. I get overwhelmed easily, demands from others can be too much, and I really need control over how I spend my time to feel at peace. Because of that, I’m not sure I would be the calm and patient parent that children deserve. Also, autism runs in my family, and several close relatives have struggled with serious mental health issues. A cousin of mine took her own life. It feels likely that I could pass some of this on, and I would never want to put that onto another person.

Right now, I’m just exhausted. I feel like I got pretty far by pushing through for so long. I live on my own, I like the city I’m in, and I have a career in mind that I would love, even if I don’t know yet whether I can get there. But it also feels like the past decades are catching up with me. I know I’m in a relatively good position, and I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I am lucky. But today I just feel sad, like a big purple cloud is sitting over me.

If anyone else is feeling something similar, you’re not alone. Lots of love <3

I hate it when people ask me to recall something, even if it’s something simple. It’s like my brain immediately errors out or something. I got in a bit of a row with a friend because we were in line at an amusement park and the family next to us was REALLY social (not a bad thing!) but they made us join their game where you go around the alphabet and name a movie you’ve seen beginning with the letter you’re on. Movies are specifically one of my special interests, it should not be that hard! But every time it came around to me and I have 10 people looking at me telling me to name a movie staring with “m” I got so flustered I couldn’t think of one even when I spent the whole round trying to come up with one it’s like I just couldn’t do it. So I started passing and my friend got mad saying I was refusing to participate and being really rude and I kept saying I like movies and it’s not hard but I swear I am trying but I just can’t do it!

That’s just one example but whenever I’m out on the spot and asked to recall something…. I can’t!

Is this a just me problem or does anyone else have this?

Absolutely humilated myself by having a "mask-slip" verbal meltdown while we were staying at my in-laws this weekend.

It's a very small space and there was no safe place for me to unmask and get away. I tried desperately to control every factor I could, used all the coping skills etc. for 2 days but upon reflection I think it was inevitable. I just cant stay in other people's homes and this is a boundary I will have to set going forward even if it offends my partner's family. I just feel like a monster because they were so kind and tried to be accommodating all weekend but I know my SIL thinks my behaviour is terrible and she's basically said as much to my partner. She doesn't have much experience with autistic people and I dont think she understands b/c I appear very high functioning (diagnosed Level 1) so they havent seen me pushed to my limit b/c I've always had breaks in the past like when they've stayed with us (bigger home and I can get away to unmask). So many factors contributed including sleep deprivation and I'm angry at myself for letting this happen because the damage is done and I cant undo it.

I'm afraid I ruined the relationship I have with them and it looked so so bad that I was verbally lashing out at my husband (in hindsight I was trying to exert some control b/c I knew i couldnt direct others' behaviour). He wasnt happy obviously because it was embarrassing for him and what I said really was mean so I didnt expect him to defend me to her.

I did a decent job masking until the final afternoon when it all started falling apart. Now i feel ashamed and I had a full mask-off shutdown when we got off the plane and I was safely in our car again. I've been skirting the edges of burnout for a while due to job stress and grad school and this finally pushed me over the edge. I feel totally frozen today.

Sorry i just had to vent. If anyone has been in a similar situation and managed to salvage the relationship with extended family, I'm all ears. I do absolutely intend to send an apology message to my SIL today but idk what I should say by way of providing context on my behaviour without it sounding like an excuse because its important for me to take accountability.

I’ve always felt extremely disconnected with my name. I feel like it’s a random name my family call me but it’s not truly mine for whatever reason 🫠 I guess it just feels like a label that doesn’t reflect me as a person, I don’t feel bothered enough by it to change it though.

Do you also feel disconnected with your name or does it feel like it represents you correctly?

does this reasonate with anyone? exercise for example if i have a strict gym regime i fall apart and it becomes too much to maintain, If i try and be as active as i can eachday this is easier for my brain to process. Meanwhile if have a routine which i maintain everyday

When I look back at my childhood friendships, there’s a consistent theme - a sort of intense fixation and emotional reliance. I had 3 different best friends between 2nd grade and the end of high school, and every single one ended the same way.

I’d gravitate toward girls who were also on the outside socially - and looking back, at least one of them seemed to almost seek me out, like she wanted someone to take under her wing. She was very popular.

But no matter how the friendship started, they all ended the same way… me missing social cues, clinging too hard, and eventually either being confronted about being ‘obsessed’ - or just being abandoned entirely and then bullied by them and other girls afterward. Each of them got to a point where they just couldn’t stand to be around me. And seemingly resented me for it.

I do think I was fixated on them, and relied on them for support, especially in navigating social situations.

I’m just curious if anyone else had similar kinds of friendships with girls growing up? I find it interesting that this same pattern showed up for me with multiple friendships in life.

I don't really know how to describe it, but I don't like it

I was standing in line while grocery shopping and the older, way taller man in front of me turned around and looked down to me

He was just looking, nothing sexual, nothing weird, he just turned around, looked for some seconds, and turned back

And I realized my dad always did that when he was angry
He was a bitter, drunk, "tough luck" man and he wasn't the best dad, and he always towered over me and looked down to me to intimidate me instead of using his words

And when the man turned around, I felt like fawning
Like I was shrinking, making big eyes to "appear harmless", my pulse went through the roof and I wanted to instantly disappear, if that makes sense

I feel so stupid
I am 24 and I feel like a stupid child anytime a man towers over me

Like normally, I am introverted but don't mind strangers, I don't have problems interacting with them, sometimes I enjoy a tiny chat with other women when they come up to me and ask something, but when it's a man towering over me, it's basically over with normal interaction

I know therapy would help, and I've been looking for a therapist, but so far none of them took new clients and I keep looking, but I wanted to know if others have the same problem and what they do when trauma kicks in?

My mom says I caused my cat chronic kidney disease because I don't clean his water enough. and she suggested she takes over. but I refused. I clean his stainless steel water fountain every 2 days with boiling water and soap and take apart every piece and also change the filters every time. honestly she makes me feel guilty. like I actually did something wrong or caused it to my cat. it makes me sad and overwhelmed. when I used to let her be responsible for his water, she would treat me horribly and label me irresponsible and would complain. I feel horrible. I'm sorry English is not my first language.

At my job, I work in a department separate from the main branch. My department rarely interact with the rest of the branch and I could go the whole day without seeing anyone outside of my department.

The other day I recently found out through a coworker that everyone outside of my department had dubbed me as the ‘scariest’ person.

At first I thought it was a joke, I don’t see myself as scary. But then my coworker was saying that a lot of people say that I am scary because I don’t really talk or approach people and I have this blank look. She said I just look “so strict”

I could tell she was joking and meant it in a light hearted way. But it sort of hurt me because I feel like no matter the setting, how hard I worked to be approachable, I always end up the most unlikable person in the space.

The people in my department like me. And when I told my boss about what our other coworkers dubbed me as, she thought it was funny since I am the least scary person. She didn’t understand why it bothered me.

I know this seems like such a minor issue but I always have issues with coming off not being approachable. Whether it was at my previous jobs, or with old college roommates, or my family. It’s a constant issue,

So, I 27F basically started questioning if I’m autistic and I go back and forth, mostly because my boyfriend of 5 years has insisted that I’m autistic.

Mostly dudes I dated or was FWBs with (before my bf) called me autistic. Always when I had taken adderall, because I totally stop being able to keep up small talk, normal politeness, fake laughter, etc to make interactions easier. Not asking to be diagnosed based on this, just saying I’ve had more than 5 people say this.

My brother and I had a “neuropsych evaluation” in middle school where we were both given IQ tests, diagnosed with ADHD, and he was diagnosed with autism.

Do you think it’s possible that a doctor could have missed the autism in me because I’m a girl? The testing was done in like ~ 2010.