r/Amitheassholeadvice

disclaimer this is a throwaway, everyone involved uses Reddit and I’m newer to the community

I (30F) am a single mother of two young children, my son (5) and my daughter (8 months). About a month ago, some friends and I planned a girls night out, I was excited because it is just my kids and I. I agreed and bought my own ticket in advance because I genuinely wanted a night to feel like myself again outside of motherhood. At the time, I thought I’d be financially okay by the time the event came around.

Well, now the event is three days away, and things are not going the way I expected financially. Even though I already have the ticket, I realized I need every extra dollar I have for bills, bus tickets (because I don’t have a car) , and keeping things stable for my kids. today I got hit with a shutoff notice for my electric bill, and the stress of trying to make everything stretch has been overwhelming.

The issue is that some of my friends are frustrated because technically I already committed, so to them it seems like I’m backing out last minute. But for me, it’s not just about the ticket itself. Going still means spending money on bus tickets, food, and childcare, and honestly putting myself in a worse financial position afterward. When I can just sell the ticket and put someone towards my bill which still won’t help.

What’s bothering me is the attitude I got afterward. A couple of them acted irritated like I ruined some huge investment for everyone, even though nobody paid for my ticket or expenses but me. One friend even told me that if money is this bad, I “need to put my children’s father on child support already instead of struggling like this.” That comment honestly rubbed me the wrong way because it felt judgmental and dismissive of how complicated my situation is. I understand people get annoyed when someone cancels plans, especially plans made a month in advance, and I do feel guilty because I was genuinely excited to go. But at the same time, I feel like choosing stability for my kids over one night out is the responsible thing to do.

AITA for backing out even though the plans were made a month ago ?

My close family moved abroad, and my aunt’s family did too. Me (19F) and my cousin (17M) ended up at the same boarding school. Since we didn’t speak the language and were both dealing with a huge life change, we became very close and relied on each other a lot. We took the train home together every weekend and later even switched to another school together, which felt comforting. I really valued him as family and a friend, never anything romantic. Sometimes he acted oddly, like playfully putting me in headlocks. I repeatedly told him to stop, but he didn’t really listen. Eventually I changed schools again and we stopped seeing each other as often.

When he was 16 and I was 18, his father’s side of the family hosted a Halloween party. I asked if I could come, and before the party I sent him a picture of a short dress I was considering because I wasn’t sure how conservative that side of the family was. He said it was fine, though I wore something else anyway. At the party I met a guy related to his father who I’m not blood-related to. We clicked immediately and spent most of the evening outside talking. He walked me home later, but nothing happened. The next morning my cousin sent me this message: “[my name], basically, I love you. I mean, I like you as a girl and I’ve always liked you, but lately you’ve become my ideal. Sometimes it even feels like you flirt with me. I want to be with you. I can’t hide it anymore. I’m in love with you and hope the feeling is mutual.”

I felt physically sick. I replied something like “what the actual fuck dude” and immediately called my mom. My mom told my aunt. Apparently my aunt confronted him and he basically said “I’m already over it,” and she brushed it off as “sweet” that he’d finally fallen for someone. No one understood how violated and uncomfortable I felt. I already hate being sexualized in general, but especially by family, who are my comfort zone. Later I sent him a VM saying I understood people can’t control their feelings, but why tf did he think confessing them to me was appropriate. He apologized several times, but I went no contact for six months. Since then we’ve seen each other at family events and things have been civil, but I still dread being alone with him. Recently he asked to see me twice and I made excuses both times. Tomorrow is his birthday and he invited me. My mom says to go easy on him because he’s family and probably just wants to talk. I might go since other people will be there, but I’m terrified he’ll try to corner me into a one-on-one conversation.
Am I the asshole for going no contact for six months and refusing to see him alone?

EDIT:i should clarify. i dont see him as a threat. he is a weirdo but i dont think he can hurt me in any way. i dread seeing him because i cant get over this confession - knowing that all this time he was in love w me. i do not want to talk to him about this.

My good friend (26F) used to live with myself (30F) and husband (37M) for a bit. We have been friends since 2020 and her and my husband have never seen eye to eye - they did not do well living in the same environment (he is super clean and she is not at all) and it just wasn’t working so we moved on and she moved out but we are still close. It is my birthday weekend and I invited my friend over to hang out by the pool today. This weekend my husband was supposed to be out of town for school (finishing his PT degree) but he got the dates wrong and wound up being in town. When I mentioned she was coming over to go by the pool my husband mentioned wanting to join for a bit in between school work and I said yes. My friend was running late so we went to the pool to wait and I told her my husband wound up being in town and asked if he could join us since he was already here, but specified if not it’s okay. She responded and was really upset my husband was around and said “she is cordial with him but doesn’t want to be around him” she lives 30 mins away and I said he would be gone 30 mins from now and she stated she had already turned around and didn’t want to be there. Literally he was already packing up and going back when i got this text from her and now I am wondering if I should have specified if he was here when I asked. I knew they had their differences in the past but she had never expressed that he made her that uncomfortable. Should I have told her that he was in town sooner? She is really pissed and I feel awful but also being the fact that he is my husband and we love together I don’t feel like I should have to tell my friends every time he is home especially someone that was in our wedding and lived with us. I don’t want to be insensitive but I am just really hurt and confused that she dipped out on a plan we had on our birthday weekend just because I asked her if POSSIBLY interacting with him was okay.

I could just really use some advice on how to approach this in the future. I feel a lot of guilt and like a bad friend and if I did anything wrong i want to make it right.

I am selling a car on Facebook marketplace and a potential buyer came and looked at the car and offered me $5200 for it (I was asking $5600). I accepted the offer but it was late in the day and the banks were closed. He asked if he could come back the next day after he got the money. I said I have other interested buyers but I’ll hold it for him and not sell to anyone else for $100 down. He agreed, paid me $100 on Venmo, but then did not show up the next day. He then messaged me and said he found a different car for $300 cheaper and wants me to refund him his $100.

I told him NO because he wasted my time and lost out on other potential buyers. What’s the take here?

My husband 43M and I 36F have been together for 16 years, married 11, and I’m struggling with something that I can’t tell if I’m overreacting to or not.

For context, there has never been infidelity in our relationship. Years ago, early in our marriage, there was a female friend of his that he had known for 20+ years. Nothing inappropriate ever happened between them, and I genuinely believe that. But what hurt me at the time was the secrecy/lack of transparency around the friendship. It made me feel emotionally shut out, and I think that wound never fully healed.

Fast forward to now. Recently, I became aware that over the course of about a month, my husband was repeatedly messaging a mutual female friend of ours (his best friend’s girlfriend/wife) after getting off work in the early morning hours asking if he could stop by and hang out. She always either said no or said she had work, so nothing ever actually happened. But he kept asking, probably about once a week for a month.

What bothers me is not that I think he was trying to cheat. I genuinely do not believe that. I trust him, and I believe in his heart and intentions. What unsettles me is:

- the repeated attempts to meet up privately with another woman,

- the lack of transparency about it,

- and the fact that I only became aware of it indirectly.

To make it more complicated, his best friend has previously expressed discomfort with his girlfriend/wife being alone with men, even my husband. So it makes the repeated attempts feel even more inappropriate to me socially/emotionally, even if not romantically.

Then yesterday, he specifically messaged her Happy Mother’s Day even though he wasn’t generally sending Mother’s Day messages to everyone else, and it just added to the feeling that the communication was emotionally intentional rather than casual.

The thing I keep getting stuck on emotionally is: what would have happened if she had said yes? Not necessarily cheating, but was he really planning to repeatedly go hang out privately with another woman after work without even mentioning it to me?

I know some people are going to focus on this part, so I’ll own it upfront: my anxiety got the better of me and I did look through messages. I’m not proud of that, and I know it wasn’t the healthiest way to handle my feelings.

But I also can’t tell if I’m genuinely being unreasonable here or if my discomfort makes sense. Again, this is not about believing he intended infidelity. It’s more about emotional boundaries, secrecy, transparency, and feeling emotionally considered/protective of the marriage.

AITA and am I overreacting?

I (28F) & my boyfriend (30M) have been living together for about a year. (Note: I own the home)

I have always been an animal lover and have a HUGE soft spot for animals. I have had all different kinds of pets growing up, and currently have 3 rescue cats each found and rescued from different situations.

Less than 2 months ago, I was driving to work and found a dog running on the side of the road. I immediately stopped my car and did everything I could to catch him. Long story short, I did lure him into my car with beef jerky, took him to the vet, located his old owner, who told me her husband did not like dogs and offered me to keep him.

I did.

He is a very sweet 5 year old dog who is affectionate, goofy, and snores adorably loud. The cats have been getting more used to him, and my boyfriend started to really like him — even though he did NOT want to keep him and was adamant at first he wanted to give him away.

Fast forward to now, things were good and we have enjoyed our new dog aside from some accidents inside the house and the occasional trash raid.

However, today I arrived home and was preparing food. I dropped a wrapper on the floor and our dog picked it up and walked away with it. I asked my boyfriend to grab it so he doesn’t swallow it.

He walks up to our dog from behind, reaches for it, dog growls, then snaps at his hands and successfully gives him a cut on both hands. He takes a step back, stands there, frozen — still staring at our dog, and the dog jumps up and snaps once more at him. Before anything else could happen, I stood up, shouted “ *dog name* NO!” And our dog immediately stopped. I let him outside and shut the door.

My boyfriend did not have serious injuries (scratches on his wrist, one 1”-1.5” long cut that bled a bit on his finger) but was visibly shaken up.

My boyfriend immediately told me he wanted to splatter the dogs brains all over, that he would kill him if he ever did anything like this again, or take him directly to the vet to be put down, that “that’s what happens when a dog bites the hand that feeds them” and was upset that I did not want to kill my dog over this.

I tried to compromise by immediately booking a consultation for anti-food aggression dog training, and that for now if it made him feel safer we could use a shock collar (I know, I didn’t want to but this was a last resort).

He told me he no longer felt comfortable in the home with our dog there, would not come downstairs if the dog was here, and refused to let him outside or feed him anymore.

I completely understand he is upset and was injured. It’s not okay. However, I do not agree with him that I should kill my dog over this.

I feel slightly bad because after it happened I asked him why the hell he crept up behind our dog and tried to grab food out of his mouth — that he could have shoved him away from him and asserted some kind of dominance.

Boyfriend also left to get food and before he would come back in the house, he made me lock the dog outside. I eventually let him back in and our dog was back to his normal self, not even a bark, and is currently sleeping.

I’m not sure what to do to make this eventually better…he says that “thing” is no longer his dog, and he wants it dead. He said I downplayed what happened and I didn’t take him seriously.

I’m honestly still shocked this happened because our dog has never done anything at all like this before to me. Even my boyfriend has taken things away from him before without incident. I also feel the way he handled and reacted to this incident made me lose a little respect for him…although yes he was bitten, I am a little confused how he was this terrified. I admittedly have had big dogs my whole life and have actually been bitten similarly a few times, but never once wanted to kill an animal over resource guarding.

I told him that I would not get rid of my dog, and that if he was afraid to stay here he could move out. I’m worried that we will end up breaking up over this.

So Reddit, AITA for choosing my dog over my boyfriend?

My daughter has been wanting to go to UC Santa Cruz or UC Davis.

She’s smart, beautiful, social, but she’s a procrastinator and doesn’t communicate well with us. My wife and I told her that she can go to UC Davis if she got in, but she got waitlisted. She got into UC Santa Cruz and she wants to go, but we can’t afford it and we don’t trust her to go so she has to go to the local csu.
She told us she understood the situation and will commit to the local csu because that’s what we asked of her, but i can tell she’s not happy.

We’re low-income, we have 8 kids, and we live in a small house. My 5 older kids have gone to this local csu due to us being low-income and the aid giving them 3k a semester. With aid, my daughter is paying around 7k per year after grants for ucsc.

My wife and I are afraid of her becoming a failure, we are very worried about her future and we don’t want her to graduate in debt. We are stressed out, my daughter has been crying, and I would let her take the CC + TAG route because she has mentioned it to me but I think it’s an unstable path. I told her she should just suck it up though because Sac State isn’t a bad school. What is her deal with crying you know?

What should I do?
Am i in the wrong?

So this is about my friend 19F and 19M. My friend Dashia has been letting her boyfriend Quincy come over to her house to spend some days together. Quincy told Dashia he had experience with his past relationship without condoms. He tried to convince her to go unprotected like he did before, after he did not know how to put on a condom. Dashia refused and asked him to get tested. He did and then tried to convince her to go unprotected (which I thought was coercion) she did refuse. They end up getting to do the do and he tries to put on the condom he gets performance anxiety (as in gummy worm). Whilst watching tv he confesses that he is actually a virgin and it is because he could not find the vaginal canal in his last relationship and she broke up with him after. So in those situation is it wrong for her to break up with him because he lied. I did get permission to post this.

My father departed 1yr ago on 5/13. Three mo to the day, my mother wanted to begin dating a man she's known since high school.

My father was a "fall on his sword before losing dignity" type of man. His health took a rapid decline, and he began having to wear adult diapers.

My father ended up drinking himself to death to create complications with the prescription medications his doctors prescribed. He wanted to end life quicker but knew my mother would not receive his life insurance if the death did not look like an accident.

Even on his deathbed I had to listen to my mother talk about how she hated him for not loving her enough to live, but she would complain every time he had an accident and missed the toilet, not for a lack of trying. The last 5yrs, they slept in separate rooms, and she would carry these long conversations with me about how she hated him and wanted him dead.

She married my father in 1975, directly out of college. She has never truly been on her own, and she is now in her 70s. Her new "boyfriend" has a major prescription pill problem & likes to hit powdered slopes (we are located at the beach = no snow), and she's begun selling my father's items, despite 45 years of marriage.

While my father was dying, my mother kept wanting to use my 9yo daughter as a therapeutic comfort "object" to distract her attention from "dealing" (caring) for my father.

She claims she is afraid to introduce me to her boyfriend because I will "attack him," but I can count the number of physical altercations on one hand with 2 fingers to spare.

On Wednesday (May 5th), my former foster daughter lost her infant daughter. We have been trying to support her, help with funeral arrangements, and mediate between my foster daughter & the baby's father (BAAAD break-up). The baby's wake is this Sunday. I asked my mother if she would watch my daughter. My mother's response was she had plans with her boyfriend, which they made today, and she has known about the passing of my foster daughter's baby since it occurred.

She told me no, she had plans. I told her to enjoy her weekend. She accused me of being insulting and inconsiderate about her plans, but I repeated I wished her an enjoyable Mother's Day; however, I will be tied up with familial matters.

Here is the thing: She said she didn't think there would be a funeral, and if I wanted her to watch my daughter, I needed to ask with consideration. I began asking for her assistance with "Hey, what plans do you have on Sunday? The baby's wake is at 3 & I do not feel it is a safe emotional space for my daughter. Apparently, my wording did not "imply needing assistance," and if I wanted her to watch her grand daughter, I need to give a weeks notice.

I told her to enjoy her day, and I hoped she had a good Mother's Day. Now she has my family calling & and texting, saying I should apologize. Am I the asshole for not apologizing for wishing her well?

I’m in college and moved into an apartment with a new roommate through a school instagram posting where she said she was looking for a new roommate for the next year. in the post, she stated that her previous roommate had a cat and she has a dog at home, so if I had an animal it would be a bonus. Unfortunately, my dog passed away before college, so I wasn’t going to have a dog immediately, but in my first message to her I explicitly stated my plans to get a dog throughout the year. She told me she would be so down with living with a dog.

Once we moved in and started talking about pets, i explained to her that I was waiting until I could get a job to buy a puppy, and she said that made sense. As the year went on she kept mentioning how much she missed living with a cat, and I had stated before that I didn’t love cats but was okay with them, but also I’m pretty scared of them. We had a conversation that whoever got a job first would get either their cat or dog. During winter break, right after she found a job, she texted me about our neighbors finding a cat on the side of the road that she wanted to keep. I told her that I was happy for her and wanted to her to have a cat like she wanted. At this time, I was under the impression that she was moving back home after this year, seeing as she was graduating this year. I didn’t really want to live with a cat, but I knew how much it meant to her and wanted her to be happy if I hadn’t had a dog yet.

Throughout our time with the cat i’ve explicitly said multiple times a week how much I wanted a dog and missed dogs, and whenever I would see a dog on campus or in town I would freak out and almost cry because I missed living with a dog so much. I resigned my lease way before her, and she didn’t sign it until the day after it was required to sign, and I had realized that meant I was living with this cat for another year.

This weekend was the weekend before my birthday and also mother’s day, so my family was coming up to visit me at college. While they were here, my mom surprised me with my dream puppy. I immediately texted her and told her I wanted to have a conversation with her about it, and that for now the puppy would be going home with my mom.

The next day we had the conversation, and she immediately told me she was not comfortable with me bringing a dog into the apartment ever for the remainder of her time living here. She said she had already talked to our apartment manager about another animal being a “hinderance to her cats job as an emotional support animal” and it was be illegal for me to bring a dog, despite if she was also an ESA (while also claiming she had “no idea” I still wanted a dog after she got the cat). I told her that I was willing to wait for the dog to move in, but to tell me I couldn’t have a dog here at all is unfair. She told me to move out if I wasn’t okay with it. I’m planning to talk to my apartment manager tomorrow. So, AITA for wanting my dog to move in?

I have been working for the same company with my father and a friend of mine (of 13 years)

About two years ago my father knew this friend of mine was looking for a job so he told me to ask him if he wants to come to his workplace. He gladly accepted and after a short while I came to work there as well.

During this two year period, he bought a lot of stuff that was very expensive for him (motorcycle, school for motorcycle license and three smartphones, the newest iphone for his girlfriend, an android and another iphone). He then worked a lot of supplementary hours to afford paying up for these, it was still not enough so he started to ask me for money so he can go to dates with his girlfriend, obuy cigarettes and food, or pay some stuff related to his father which I dont recall.(he also some of his money from work to buy league of legends wild rift skins and other in game purchases for other games).

During all of this I lost track of how much money he had to give back but it was somewhere in the range of 1000€-1500€. I did not pressure him to give the money back at all until my father found out that i gave him money all this time and got very upset and told me that I should not give money like this to someone so they can just buy whatever they want knowing that I will always accept to help them pay their purchases up. 

Then my father told me to get my money back. I messaged my friend and he told me that he will get some money from work and for another friend to pay me up, telling me that it is all his fault and he will help me solve this issue with my father so that I wont get into trouble. The next day he switched up a bit and told me that my father is an asshole and that he can only give me a lower amount of money than the one he initially proposed. I accepted that amount and he paid it full over the course of the week.

After a few days he started avoiding me at work, not even looking in my direction, not saying a word. It looked like he didnt want to have anything to do with me anymore. 

Another week passed and one day he showed up late at the spot where he was supposed to wait to get picked up by my father, which made my father not wanting to wait for him to show up because he used to do this a lot, or even waking up late or taking days off and not telling a word so we were waiting for him to show up for no reason. I then messaged him that we drove past him and he got very upset about this, he started cursing me and said that he will talk to the manager about this because we use the car provided by the workplace so my father was responsible for picking everyone up. 

I basically helped this guy out all of my life, took him to the same highschool as me, gave him money so he can actually pay up the bus driver when we went to school, i even shared my food with him because he didnt have any.

I genuinely don’t know what to think about all of this.

This is a bit of a long one but I’ll try and sum it up as best I can. My brother 26 feels like he cares about his friends more than he does his own family. I was at his graduation over the weekend and it felt like he wanted to be around his friends more than us. He doesn’t call or text or anything anymore. He has this one particular friend that just bugs the hell out of me. I feel that she has done a lot of manipulation over the years. This friend is in a relationship with a trans person and has had varying other LGBT relationships. I believe that this friend has in some respects used her orientation to manipulate his views. This particular friend always insists on inserting their opinions on everything and half the time it’s terrible advice. Anyway, this friend barely acknowledges my families presence even though we were sitting in the same room. I tried to offer to take a picture with her camera of her with my brother after graduation and she acted like I was a bother. She doesn’t talk to her own family because they don’t agree with her life decisions and I feel like she’s trying to manipulate him to be the same way. I want the version of my brother back that didn’t diss his family back and I feel like this friend is a hindrance to that. Am I a jerk for being bothered so much by this person. I’d like to add that I didn’t like this person before they came out because they said some things even way back then that didn’t sit well with me. AITA

AITA i (18F) and my (19M) bf live together we have a 3 bedroom home and a baby on the way he works construction and i’m a sahm he works whatever hours he wants a week usually 40-60hr a week 8-12hr a day 5 days a week sometimes he does work a full week i obviously take care of everything at home cleaning, cooking etc but im currently 30 weeks pregnant and have asked him to help around the house a little simple easy things that take 5 minutes like vacuum the floors or do the dishes once a month and to pick his clothes up and take the trash out every time it needs out which still doesn’t get done till days later or till i get tired of asking multiple times a day and i do it myself even when im not pregnant i could still appreciate the help but he feels because he works all day and he’s tired and he brings home all the money and i sit at home all day he shouldn’t have to help. i would prefer a man’s opinion that works long hours but all are appreciated

Before you think I’m a jerk, here’s my story. For context, I donate to charities all the time, and if I see a homeless person, I help them. But today was different. My kids and I were walking to the movies when a homeless man asked, “Ten dollars, please.” I was giving my kid money for the movies, so I didn’t feel like it. Then he pulled out what looked like a gun, grabbed my son, and said, “Give me money or else.” The gun seemed fake, so I pushed him and uppercut him.

Rented a VRBO that has an amazing pool. I paid over $600 a night for my family of 5. It has an amazing pool with 2 hot tubs and a water slide. Lots of outdoor entertaining space. We were all really looking forward to a 3 day day extended weekend with lots of pool and BBQ time. Once I arrived at the rental and read the house manual I learned that we are only allowed 3 hours of slide and hot tub time until we are charged $50 an hour. The hot tub runs on a different pump apparently and is a 2 hour minimum. Which means if we ever want the hot tub, that automatically takes 2 hours off and then one hour of slide. This was never disclosed in the listing when we booked. What is also annoying is I have to text the owner every time we want to turn it on. Wait for them to read the text and then remotely they turn it on. The first day the slide kept turning off after 20 minutes. I have 3 kids that would continually be let down when the slide water would abruptly stop. The owner said it was on for an hour each time. I had to argue and show them the time stamps of my text requests before they said “oh it must be set to 20 minutes”. There have been other inaccurate statements like that throughout our stay. The outside patio lights are super bright and we can’t sleep with them on. They are on a timer and owner said they turn off at 10:00. Well last night they turned off at 11:30. We had to have pillows covering our eyes. After the lights went off we took off the pillows and started hearing rats in the walls gnawing and running around. Pillows went back on but this time over our ears. I recorded that for the owners. AITA for wanting to report this to the VRBO peeps. Honestly, I thought this was going to be my coolest rental ever and it’s turned out to be the worst.

I (46F) have been married to my husband (34M) for a year and a half and we have been together for about 2 1/2 years. I have a (17F) daughter from a previous relationship who lives with us full time. She is in her 11th grade of school and does it on-line. She is a very introverted teenager and rarely leaves her bedroom much less the house. She really only has a few friends. She has 1 friend, her best friend (17F), that she hangs out with primarily. The first time her friend came to the house she was very quiet and shy, like not make eye contact shy. They hung out in my daughter’s room for a few hours and then she left. Well, my husband did not like her because she didn’t say hi to him and we got into a huge fight because he wanted me to tell my daughter she couldn’t come over anymore and they couldn’t hang out again. I don’t agree that him not liking her for not saying hi and saying they can’t be friends anymore. He says I should have his back because he is the man of the house and the wife is supposed to always support her husband. He says she disrespected him in his own home. I compromised and said that she can’t come over to our house anymore, but that I wouldn’t ban my daughter from going over to her house. He agreed, but then the next time they hung out, her friend came to get her and we had another fight about it. This time he said he didn’t even want her in the driveway. Fine, I agreed. This last time they hung out, we had another fight. Now he is back to her not seeing her best friend at all. I don’t think that is the right thing to do. The arguing has gotten so bad and neither of us are budging. So, AITA?

Long time lurker, first time poster so forgive any mistakes. Also, posting from my phone so format may be messy.

I (44f) had a best friend (40m) J for several years. We were in our late 30s and did EVERYTHING together. We were each other's plus 1 for events, my kids called him uncle, and we spent nearly every single day together. We spent many nights at my house, even often the same bed (never so much as kissed, it wasn't like that). He had several girlfriends over the years but because of a traumatic and abusive marriage I didn't date much. That brings us to the problem... I started dating. Mostly it was nothing more than a date here or there. He would make jokes about me starting to date and seemed overjoyed when I came home to report that it didn't go well or whatever. I mostly dismissed the jokes and comments because everyone told me he was just being protective. J had a friend, M, that originally I didn't like at all but after a while M grew on me and we started dating seriously. J suddenly HATED M and talked so negatively about him which didn't make sense because they had been friends for years. First, J wouldn't come around if M and I were together. Then, he announced an ultimatum. Either I choose being friends with J or dating M but I couldn't do both. Now, after years of a controlling and abusive marriage, that didn't sit well with me. I chose to keep dating M. Not because that relationship was more important but because HE didn't try to control me or give me the ultimatum. That relationship lasted another 2 years before we broke up. I still don't talk to J but every few months over the last couple of years he (I assume gets drunk) and sends me random hateful texts with things like "you ruined everything" or "you didn't deserve the time I wasted on you". He acted as though I cheated on him or something but we were NEVER a couple! I truly regretted losing that friendship but I couldn't handle the change in personality and the ultimatum. He apparently was truly hurt by the situation because I still get the occasional nighttime drunk text from J after all these years. WITAH to cut him out completely when he wouldn't respect my decisions and life choices? Obviously that relationship didn't last, but instead of letting me live my life he tried to control my decisions. Every time I get one of those random texts, I feel guilty all over again. Should I reach out and try to fix things? Did I miss something important?

Note: we once talked about dating but he told me I "wasn't his type at all so why ruin a good thing".

So i (f) am having a milestone birthday coming up pretty quick, and i have two best friends, one who we’ll call Jess and the other Lily (not real names).

So I’m having a tangled theme party and I told my bsf’s to dress up as characters, I am gonna be Rupunzel, Jess is gonna be mother Gothel and Lily was gonna be Pascal, cute right? Wrong. I have this corset that Im planning on wearing and I love it so much, can you guess who bought the exact same one? If you guessed lily who was gonna be PASCAL, YOU’RE RIGHT!

She bought it specifically for my party, without asking, and she KNEW what I was going to wear and knew it was the same one! So when she shows me her outfit, very similar to mine, I mention that maybe she could wear a white shirt underneath it so it would look a bit different than mine, she said “okayyyyy”.

I show Jess her outfit and express my concerns to her and Jess decides to txt her saying “oh hey girlll, that dress ur wearing is rlly similar to OP’s, are y’all matching?” And she responds with “nooo we’re not matching, she actually told me to wear a white shirt underneath it but it doesn’t look good so idk i might not.”

Now Jess keeps defending me (she’s texting her in a really nice way and trying to not make it obvious that I asked her to do it.) and Lily eventually gets super defensive and says she’ll wear something else in a really passive aggressive tone and now we’re worried she’s going to show up to my party and be super passive the whole time

(important context: she has a tendency to get super passive aggressive when anything doesn’t go her way).

I just need to know aita and if I should just let her wear it.

UPDATE!!!
(Context) I had this post in my drafts for a bit so I could update ppl to tell them what happened!

So after this fight she told me that she wasn’t even gonna come to my party anymore!! I told her I want her to but she disagreed. We when no contact for 2 days bc SHE was mad a me.

After that I decided to hopefully break the tension by inviting her to a movie over at my house with Jess so we could “ desensitize” her to horror movies.

Context me, Jess and Lilly planned on desensitizing Lilly to horror movies so that she could come to the sleepover/after party and watch a horror movie with the rest of the group. Horror movies are my favourite genre of movies. That is why we were going to watch one. Lilly agreed to this deal. She can come to the sleepover if she watches two horror movies with me and Jess.

Last time Lilly watched a horror movie with us. She went home crying. Because it was too scary, we watched scream 1 😭.

Back to story.
Lilly said she NEVER Agreed to this both me a Jess and another mutual friend were there when she agreed. Then she said she will NOT watch any horror movie with us. We went back and forth for a bit then I eventually said “then ig you can’t come bc you broke the deal”. She was super upset for a good reason.

I told her very nicely that I want her to come to the main party but it would be best if she just hung out for a bit after the party then go home so we could watch horror movies. I thought this was a very good deal.

She was so upset she got her mom to message my mom about it. Mind you my mom is entirely on my side and I’m 81🔄 so what was she gonna do.

My mom explained to lillys mom and that put a strain on their relationship but whatever.

UPDATE 2!!!!

So me and Lilly had a long talk about it we figured out what she was going to wear (she ended up js changing her entire outfit which was her choice I was good with js the white shirt underneath the corset.)

She was back invited to the sleepover. I did tell her that we were gonna watch a horror movie she said it’s oki and she will js sit on her phone for that part if it’s too scary.

DAY OF THE PARTY
Jess and Lilly were coming to help set up as earlier agreed upon Jess was 2 hrs late… I was rlly pissed but whatever we talked it out.

Party time rolls around Lilly tells me she has to leave (it’s an hour in to my party) bc she has to babysit for a family friend bc Lillys mom invited her over.

I said she should js tell her mom no she’s at my party, Lilly says “I can’t I have to go but I’ll only be gone for an hour ish” I said “I rlly don’t want you to go bit it’s fine”

Lilly leaves and then 10 min later I get a message from her. “My mom said I can come back if I just bring Timmy (fake name) with me to your party” I said “no we are swearing and talking about things little kids don’t need to know about” I don’t want a FOUR YR OLD at my party!!!

Lilly started getting rlly mad at me and saying I was being unfair and unreasonable. Sorry I don’t want a 4 yr old at my party…

Lilly comes back an hour and a half later in a pissy mood and she doesn’t talk to ANYBODY for a good solid 45min. She sits in the corner saying nothing.. like what?

I try to get her to dance or come sit with the rest of the group (12 other ppl) she says no bc everyone hates her. I was so confused I walked away.

She eventually started to talk to ppl so I was happy she was having a good time.

AFTER PARTY
A group of 6 of us Jess and Lilly included, We go back to my house from the venue and we get all settled in to start playing games (which we play for abt 2 hrs) it’s only like 10pm and we are all getting ready to watch a movie (horror) and Lilly says she’s gonna watch it!!

I look over and 10 minutes in she’s asleep. I obviously let her sleep, the rest of us go to bed around 2:00am. In the morning Lilly gets a text that she has to go home, she goes upstairs to my room to get her stuff the rest of us are chilling eating breakfast in the living room and 15 minutes go by..

I ask the group hey has anyone seen Lilly they all say no and so I go upstairs to check and she’s not there.. she js left with out saying goodbye or happy birthday (sleepover was on day b4 my birthday so we all woke up on my actual birthday) I get no text no call no nothing she ghosted me for FOUR MONTHS I finally messaged her to see if she wants to watch a show we both enjoy she says she doesn’t want to.

So to end I still don’t know why she stopped talking to me she’s very friendly when we see each other (she’s one of my neighbours about 15 houses down so I see her often) her mom is still rlly friendly and nice.

But i think it’s better this way it was clearly toxic on both parties, i have my group and i hope she has hers. So I guess this is a bittersweet ending

Thank you for reading

I (15M) Saw like 3 kids ding dong ditch a house, 1 rang the bell and all of them ran, I was chilling at the stairs and they were close to the house but not too close, I was minding my business and then a girl Opened the door, Looked around and Told me: "Are you the one Who Ding Dong Ditched?" I Told Her "No, I Just Got here and I'm Waiting for a friend", I was telling the truth but she Didn't buy that, She Kept Pressing me and I Kept Repeating "No Ma'am, I Haven't Ding Dong Ditched you, I literally just got here and I'm waiting for a friend", Then Eventually a Girl who I think is her sister or her friend Came out the Door and Told me "We're you the One who ding dong ditched us?" I again said No but she didn't believe me, They Kept going on telling me "Why Did you Ding Dong Ditch us?" or some crap like that, I Stood my Ground and then like 15 Minutes Later the Second Girl told me "Just Go Away" and They both got Inside and Slammed the door, I Left thinking I'm the Bad Guy, Tell me What y'all think, Am I the Asshole?

Edit: English is my 2nd Language so some sentences don't make sense and im here to correct them: "I was chilling at the stairs" as in there are stairs that take you up and down and the house was close to those stairs but not too close to the point that its connected to them. Sorry for the Inconvenience!

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