u/kirbieirene

My good friend (26F) used to live with myself (30F) and husband (37M) for a bit. We have been friends since 2020 and her and my husband have never seen eye to eye - they did not do well living in the same environment (he is super clean and she is not at all) and it just wasn’t working so we moved on and she moved out but we are still close. It is my birthday weekend and I invited my friend over to hang out by the pool today. This weekend my husband was supposed to be out of town for school (finishing his PT degree) but he got the dates wrong and wound up being in town. When I mentioned she was coming over to go by the pool my husband mentioned wanting to join for a bit in between school work and I said yes. My friend was running late so we went to the pool to wait and I told her my husband wound up being in town and asked if he could join us since he was already here, but specified if not it’s okay. She responded and was really upset my husband was around and said “she is cordial with him but doesn’t want to be around him” she lives 30 mins away and I said he would be gone 30 mins from now and she stated she had already turned around and didn’t want to be there. Literally he was already packing up and going back when i got this text from her and now I am wondering if I should have specified if he was here when I asked. I knew they had their differences in the past but she had never expressed that he made her that uncomfortable. Should I have told her that he was in town sooner? She is really pissed and I feel awful but also being the fact that he is my husband and we love together I don’t feel like I should have to tell my friends every time he is home especially someone that was in our wedding and lived with us. I don’t want to be insensitive but I am just really hurt and confused that she dipped out on a plan we had on our birthday weekend just because I asked her if POSSIBLY interacting with him was okay.

I could just really use some advice on how to approach this in the future. I feel a lot of guilt and like a bad friend and if I did anything wrong i want to make it right.

My good friend (26F) used to live with myself (30F) and husband (37M) for a bit. We have been friends since 2020 and her and my husband have never seen eye to eye - they did not do well living in the same environment (he is super clean and she is not at all) and it just wasn’t working so we moved on and she moved out but we are still close. It is my birthday weekend and I invited my friend over to hang out by the pool today. This weekend my husband was supposed to be out of town for school (finishing his PT degree) but he got the dates wrong and wound up being in town. When I mentioned she was coming over to go by the pool my husband mentioned wanting to join for a bit in between school work and I said yes. My friend was running late so we went to the pool to wait and I told her my husband wound up being in town and asked if he could join us since he was already here, but specified if not it’s okay. She responded and was really upset my husband was around and said “she is cordial with him but doesn’t want to be around him” she lives 30 mins away and I said he would be gone 30 mins from now and she stated she had already turned around and didn’t want to be there. Literally he was already packing up and going back when i got this text from her and now I am wondering if I should have specified if he was here when I asked. I knew they had their differences in the past but she had never expressed that he made her that uncomfortable. Should I have told her that he was in town sooner? She is really pissed and I feel awful but also being the fact that he is my husband and we love together I don’t feel like I should have to tell my friends every time he is home especially someone that was in our wedding and lived with us. I don’t want to be insensitive but I am just really hurt and confused that she dipped out on a plan we had on our birthday weekend just because I asked her if POSSIBLY interacting with him was okay.

I could just really use some advice on how to approach this in the future. I feel a lot of guilt and like a bad friend and if I did anything wrong i want to make it right.