AITA for dumping my best friend because he gave me an ultimatum?
Long time lurker, first time poster so forgive any mistakes. Also, posting from my phone so format may be messy.
I (44f) had a best friend (40m) J for several years. We were in our late 30s and did EVERYTHING together. We were each other's plus 1 for events, my kids called him uncle, and we spent nearly every single day together. We spent many nights at my house, even often the same bed (never so much as kissed, it wasn't like that). He had several girlfriends over the years but because of a traumatic and abusive marriage I didn't date much. That brings us to the problem... I started dating. Mostly it was nothing more than a date here or there. He would make jokes about me starting to date and seemed overjoyed when I came home to report that it didn't go well or whatever. I mostly dismissed the jokes and comments because everyone told me he was just being protective. J had a friend, M, that originally I didn't like at all but after a while M grew on me and we started dating seriously. J suddenly HATED M and talked so negatively about him which didn't make sense because they had been friends for years. First, J wouldn't come around if M and I were together. Then, he announced an ultimatum. Either I choose being friends with J or dating M but I couldn't do both. Now, after years of a controlling and abusive marriage, that didn't sit well with me. I chose to keep dating M. Not because that relationship was more important but because HE didn't try to control me or give me the ultimatum. That relationship lasted another 2 years before we broke up. I still don't talk to J but every few months over the last couple of years he (I assume gets drunk) and sends me random hateful texts with things like "you ruined everything" or "you didn't deserve the time I wasted on you". He acted as though I cheated on him or something but we were NEVER a couple! I truly regretted losing that friendship but I couldn't handle the change in personality and the ultimatum. He apparently was truly hurt by the situation because I still get the occasional nighttime drunk text from J after all these years. WITAH to cut him out completely when he wouldn't respect my decisions and life choices? Obviously that relationship didn't last, but instead of letting me live my life he tried to control my decisions. Every time I get one of those random texts, I feel guilty all over again. Should I reach out and try to fix things? Did I miss something important?
Note: we once talked about dating but he told me I "wasn't his type at all so why ruin a good thing".