AITA for telling my long time bsf that she should wear smth a bit different to my birthday?
So i (f) am having a milestone birthday coming up pretty quick, and i have two best friends, one who we’ll call Jess and the other Lily (not real names).
So I’m having a tangled theme party and I told my bsf’s to dress up as characters, I am gonna be Rupunzel, Jess is gonna be mother Gothel and Lily was gonna be Pascal, cute right? Wrong. I have this corset that Im planning on wearing and I love it so much, can you guess who bought the exact same one? If you guessed lily who was gonna be PASCAL, YOU’RE RIGHT!
She bought it specifically for my party, without asking, and she KNEW what I was going to wear and knew it was the same one! So when she shows me her outfit, very similar to mine, I mention that maybe she could wear a white shirt underneath it so it would look a bit different than mine, she said “okayyyyy”.
I show Jess her outfit and express my concerns to her and Jess decides to txt her saying “oh hey girlll, that dress ur wearing is rlly similar to OP’s, are y’all matching?” And she responds with “nooo we’re not matching, she actually told me to wear a white shirt underneath it but it doesn’t look good so idk i might not.”
Now Jess keeps defending me (she’s texting her in a really nice way and trying to not make it obvious that I asked her to do it.) and Lily eventually gets super defensive and says she’ll wear something else in a really passive aggressive tone and now we’re worried she’s going to show up to my party and be super passive the whole time
(important context: she has a tendency to get super passive aggressive when anything doesn’t go her way).
I just need to know aita and if I should just let her wear it.
UPDATE!!!
(Context) I had this post in my drafts for a bit so I could update ppl to tell them what happened!
So after this fight she told me that she wasn’t even gonna come to my party anymore!! I told her I want her to but she disagreed. We when no contact for 2 days bc SHE was mad a me.
After that I decided to hopefully break the tension by inviting her to a movie over at my house with Jess so we could “ desensitize” her to horror movies.
Context me, Jess and Lilly planned on desensitizing Lilly to horror movies so that she could come to the sleepover/after party and watch a horror movie with the rest of the group. Horror movies are my favourite genre of movies. That is why we were going to watch one. Lilly agreed to this deal. She can come to the sleepover if she watches two horror movies with me and Jess.
Last time Lilly watched a horror movie with us. She went home crying. Because it was too scary, we watched scream 1 😭.
Back to story.
Lilly said she NEVER Agreed to this both me a Jess and another mutual friend were there when she agreed. Then she said she will NOT watch any horror movie with us. We went back and forth for a bit then I eventually said “then ig you can’t come bc you broke the deal”. She was super upset for a good reason.
I told her very nicely that I want her to come to the main party but it would be best if she just hung out for a bit after the party then go home so we could watch horror movies. I thought this was a very good deal.
She was so upset she got her mom to message my mom about it. Mind you my mom is entirely on my side and I’m 81🔄 so what was she gonna do.
My mom explained to lillys mom and that put a strain on their relationship but whatever.
UPDATE 2!!!!
So me and Lilly had a long talk about it we figured out what she was going to wear (she ended up js changing her entire outfit which was her choice I was good with js the white shirt underneath the corset.)
She was back invited to the sleepover. I did tell her that we were gonna watch a horror movie she said it’s oki and she will js sit on her phone for that part if it’s too scary.
DAY OF THE PARTY
Jess and Lilly were coming to help set up as earlier agreed upon Jess was 2 hrs late… I was rlly pissed but whatever we talked it out.
Party time rolls around Lilly tells me she has to leave (it’s an hour in to my party) bc she has to babysit for a family friend bc Lillys mom invited her over.
I said she should js tell her mom no she’s at my party, Lilly says “I can’t I have to go but I’ll only be gone for an hour ish” I said “I rlly don’t want you to go bit it’s fine”
Lilly leaves and then 10 min later I get a message from her. “My mom said I can come back if I just bring Timmy (fake name) with me to your party” I said “no we are swearing and talking about things little kids don’t need to know about” I don’t want a FOUR YR OLD at my party!!!
Lilly started getting rlly mad at me and saying I was being unfair and unreasonable. Sorry I don’t want a 4 yr old at my party…
Lilly comes back an hour and a half later in a pissy mood and she doesn’t talk to ANYBODY for a good solid 45min. She sits in the corner saying nothing.. like what?
I try to get her to dance or come sit with the rest of the group (12 other ppl) she says no bc everyone hates her. I was so confused I walked away.
She eventually started to talk to ppl so I was happy she was having a good time.
AFTER PARTY
A group of 6 of us Jess and Lilly included, We go back to my house from the venue and we get all settled in to start playing games (which we play for abt 2 hrs) it’s only like 10pm and we are all getting ready to watch a movie (horror) and Lilly says she’s gonna watch it!!
I look over and 10 minutes in she’s asleep. I obviously let her sleep, the rest of us go to bed around 2:00am. In the morning Lilly gets a text that she has to go home, she goes upstairs to my room to get her stuff the rest of us are chilling eating breakfast in the living room and 15 minutes go by..
I ask the group hey has anyone seen Lilly they all say no and so I go upstairs to check and she’s not there.. she js left with out saying goodbye or happy birthday (sleepover was on day b4 my birthday so we all woke up on my actual birthday) I get no text no call no nothing she ghosted me for FOUR MONTHS I finally messaged her to see if she wants to watch a show we both enjoy she says she doesn’t want to.
So to end I still don’t know why she stopped talking to me she’s very friendly when we see each other (she’s one of my neighbours about 15 houses down so I see her often) her mom is still rlly friendly and nice.
But i think it’s better this way it was clearly toxic on both parties, i have my group and i hope she has hers. So I guess this is a bittersweet ending
Thank you for reading