u/vipthebig

So, I have this friend. He's a cis gay man and most of the time, he's really chill. He has some moments that are like 'yeah, he's definitely a man', but those are few and far between, except for this one:

He has a tendency to joke about being a lesbian, and that many women call him a lesbian, and that hes spiritually lesbian, or whatever. 

After I first heard the jokes, I sort of wondered if he might be an egg - but then he brought up that people said he gave 'trans woman vibes' and he very plainly / flatly denied it. It did make him uncomfortable, but it sounded like that was because he was not comfortable with that label, even as a joke. Again, a little 'eggy', but he's very proudly a gay man- as in, he's very open and happy about being a gay man in a gay relationship.

The reason why his jokes irk me is that they feel a little.. mean about it? Like, obviously not homophobic, but definitely a little too much toying with a term that doesn't at all apply to him. It feels reductionist, or something, idk.

For a bit more context, he has once or twice joked similarly about being a black woman and a stud, despite being a very very white man. I quickly shut that down, because our friend group is mainly just white people and that.. no. it's just not a good joke, or something he should 'identify' with even as a joke. I can't imagine that not coming from a racist place, even if done light-heartedly / with no ill intentions. With that in mind, it also makes the lesbian jokes feel.. meaner?

idk, i feel like i might be overreacting, or maybe that i'm getting jealous because of my difficulties feeling 'worthy' enough of the term ( trans woman, so there's a lot of frustrating / alienating "discourse" around it :c ). thoughts?..

So, I have this friend. He's a cis gay man, and 95% of the time he's genuinely really cool and great to be around.

however, he has a tendency to 'half-joke' about being a lesbian, and how many women call him a lesbian, and that hes spiritually lesbian, or whatever. This.. really irks me - primarily because, no, you're a cis man, you cannot be a lesbian. it feels like you're conveying that queer women & non-men are a joke, and it also feels weirdly 'comp-het'?..

secondly, he's dating a trans man. calling himself a lesbian.. it feels sorta transphobic? his bf doesn't seem to mind it, but to be fair i haven't asked him if he does mind it. but like.. wouldn't that imply a 'womanly-ness' to his bf?.. it, idk, it's weird. 

thirdly, i get a little jealous. I feel like i have to sorta prove myself 'worthy' of that term due to being trans ( not specifically that friend group, but like.. just in general). I've had some issues where I feel reduced to an 'amab' or where i dont feel like i'm taken seriously. i feel like i have to justify being myself to society, and then this cis guy just jokes around with a label i have a hard time 'fighting' for?

oh, and also, he called himself a black woman maybe once or twice? - i.e that people say he's 'like a black woman', and he tried to call himself a stud. I quickly shut that shit down. We're a friend group of mostly white people, myself included. I get that lesbian might be a bit of an ambiguous term, but calling yourself a black woman?? that's gotta be racist, no? 

idk how to really feel. this is kind of a vent as it irks me really bad, but i also worry that i might be taking it too personally? thoughts?

not specifically just about autism, but this feels like the safest place to ask?

am 19, and strongly suspect myself to have autism/ADHD, and possibly some other mental health issues and stuff.. I feel like I've been on a downward trend since I was 10, life has just been progressively harder to deal with every passing day despite adults encouraging me to 'press onwards' as 'this is temporary' and that 'things get easier'. It has kind of culminated into me spending the past like.. 18 months doing the same thing every day - which is nothing. Just me, alone in my room, wishing I could do something but I just lack any energy to try despite really really wanting to.

What little energy I do have, I 'store up' for infrequent attempts at getting my mental health issues sorted out - i.e trying to meet some professional and hoping they give me a 'chance', ig. However, I always run into the same issue with these meetings - I'm always met with 'there isn't enough here to do anything' ( ig diagnoses, or like.. future meetings? ) or I'm told to 'get a job'/'get back into studying'. I'm quite frankly tired of being told to run my head into a wall over and over again, as I've heard it from my parents, my friends, my teachers, school counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists and myself so many times with it changing nothing in the long run.

sry for the wall of text, but ig i just want to know: Is there anything I can do to be taken more seriously?

I understand that I'm young, and that becoming an adult is hard, but I've been running on fumes for so long ( from my perspective ), and I can feel in my soul that it is not sustainable. I've more recently ( past 2 years ) been taking more notes of / journaling about my issues, but I'm never able to talk long enough to bring it up without coming across as im like.. fishing for diagnoses or meds 😭 I don't even know if I 'want' meds, I just want answers for why my brain doesn't work, but I feel like I'm constantly being withheld from life-saving answers because my issues arent 'visible' on me ??