u/xopearl_rosebudxox

I understand attraction is normal, **I MYSELF get crushes on men JUST by seeing them** So in a way I can understand the vain-ness(?)

Although, I am also VERY interested in his personality too and actually getting to know him .

I'm not just going to be obsessed with a man just by seeing him (yes I may create fantasies in my mind, which is more the idea of him, but to actually FALL I need to get to know the actual him of course)

And I know the same goes for most people.

However... I am a woman, and there are literally men who will only like a woman because of her looks, and it is sad.

All the talk about "men are visual"

But I want to be loved beyond my looks.

I used to ENJOY people looking at me and finding me pretty, but the last few days I have had some realisations **after reading of peoples experiences where they were treated absolutely horribly/worse before they glowed up**

It has just genuinely disgusted me so much and makes me feel quite empty!

When I'm in public, I want peoples kindness to be genuine, not just because I look good.

Iiii am kind to everyone , I have basic manners , not only when I like a person!

I can totally understand someone being a littleeee extra nice if they have a crush on you, that's quite normal I feel,

**I can also understand people treating you better when you look more polished, because it shows you respect yourself so you will then be GIVEN respect more**

What upsets me is people who ONLY be nice if they perceive you as beautiful..!

**It is also affecting my view on relationships and love**

Look I know attraction is natural, human nature etc, and most relationships start by attraction (or is it that attraction is needed in a relationship)

There are even people who aren't attracted at first UNTIL they get to know the person, which I find beautiful.

But it just makes my heart sad that there will probably be men who I will truly love, and he could truly love me too **but if I wasn't pretty, he probably never would have loved me**

I understand that looks are the first thing we see, and again, I too get crushes on men by their looks (I even have a "type")

**It just makes me feel a bit empty that some relationships never would have happened if the man/woman didnt perceive the other as good looking** I'm sorry but it just feels a bit empty although I do understand it.

I just want someone to truly love my soul, but I do enjoy beauty, looking after my looks etc and space, I've always been interested in beautiful things in general.

But I no longer really care about being perceived as beautiful by the world because it's just so empty? I am more than my looks, I want someone who falls for my whole self too.

Does anyone else feel the same ??? This has been affecting me a lot.

**What most affects me** isn't so much random people, it's the facts that there are men who will love me and I love him, but if he didn't like my looks at first meeting, we probably wouldn't have became anything.

I personally don't care about mens looks like honestly, but I do want someone who takes care of themselves and I very much desire it when he looks polished (dresses well etc)

But all in all it's who he is as a person that matters to me most, I could actually fall in love with a man if he was a BEAST if he treated me well genuinely!

-

**But most men couldn't say the same**

Right? I'm a woman so I already know this is very true, when I look better I get more attention, it's just sad that if I was an ugly beast I would probably get 0 men crushing on me which is just so superficial to me.

I myself can truly love a man despite his looks, hell, when I LIKE a man I fall in love with absolutely everything about his looks (seriously) - I know some men may relate but many don't.

I didnt mean to turn this into a men situation as men also experience being treated worse if they aren't viewed as attractive, it's all just very sad in general.

I want someone who will truly love ME - it's complicated because I also get it because I get crushes on men via their looks too 😅

Now I will stop to avoid repeating myself again.. -

How can I stop spiraling on all of this?

Also, perhaps this is just human nature? Is there possibly a scientific reason for this? But people who try to be kind will be kind regardless right?

I know good people do exist (I'm one of them! Hence why this bothered me so much! I gave myself hope)

And I know it's most important that I love myself and not want external validation (being desperate for people to accept me or find me beautiful etc like I used to do)

Now, I think I've "cracked the code" lol, I no longer care so much about how I'm viewed and INSTEAD, I want to "be the love" I will give out my real kindness out simply because I genuinely care about everyone.. 🤷🏼

Yes, it feels nice to think I'm being admired for my beauty or something else, but I'm realising how little it all actually matters now? If the people are genuinely kind then nice, but I don't want it from people who will only be kind if they like how I look that's so empty!?

I also just don't care as much anymore, my looks are me but I'm also my personality and soul , I will continue enjoying beautifying myself etc, but I'm starting to now look deeper at myself and life 😅😊

Has anyone else gone through this? It feels like a special awakening that people talk about. 😂

As a woman (21) who spent so much time (my whole life) wanting to be beautiful, wanting to be VIEWED as beautiful too,

Feeling like my looks are 80% of my worth (!!!) This is freeing, but all in all I'm disappointed at how fickle humanity can be. But I know good people exist too so that comforts me! 😊

I really yapped, I do apologise I am super tired lol.

I guess the answer is to love myself as I am , where as before I would want to change myself more (improve my looks) for me YES but also because I was excited about being perceived as even more beautiful by the world and men.

Weirdly, I struggled my whole life with lack of self love and the past year I kept trying to work on it and fix it, I think I even asked spirit or something to pls help me to love myself, as gut wrenching as this has all been for me, I think I finally now truly love myself ?

I'm no longer hyperfocused on the external validation and I do truly love myself as a person and I'm being kinder to myself regarding my looks because I wanted to embrace my natural looks more AND because I deserve kindness.

I'm looking for something where I won't have to worry about patchiness OR transfer

Do tanning moisturisers usually transfer?

Is there also a face safe one?

I plan to try self tanning but this scares me and almost makes me want to but out of it LOL.

Thanks!! I want to try it out, for a little confidence boost, I figure I won't mind maintaining it especially if I start "small" and I can of course always go darker if I feel it's not enough.

Okay so, I don't usually self tan although at times I do have an interest in it.

I did it a few years ago when I was 14 or 15, and my god..

So first off, I want to say, I do think I'm naturally pretty but not "super" like with some enhancements (makeup and hair tidy) it can really improve my look. I also feel like some days I do look ugly, I don't KNOW if I'm perceived as pretty most of the time and some days I look very average, (this is kind of important to the story lol)

However, with a tan, it really ENHANCED my eyes and beauty, I just looked prettier the one time I tried it, I remember just looking a lot prettier.

I started having more people notice me too, I remember food was delivered and I opened the door, the way the man treated me?? Very smiley, couldn't seem to take his eyes off me , and he also came back after either he forgot something or whatever but I could tell he was GLAD to have another chance to speak to me.

And sadly, my own aunt started treating me better, smiling at me more and complimenting me, I think people see me as if I don't take much care of myself looks wise (I even found out someone in the family said it) **because I don't do intense makeup or beauty treatments, I'm very natural**

But I DO take care of my appearance I literally do my (light) makeup everyday and make sure I'm always presentable.

Anyway.... Did anyone else have a similar experience?

This all wasn't much, but I could tell I was being treated differently and tbh it makes me a bit sad but I also get it, I can choose to be invisible if I just wear a hoodie lol and have closed body language but of course when you're looking pretty you're going to have more people crushing on you..

I always find this so vain (how people treat you better sometimes when you look "better")

But I don't think it's always that everyone is just vain, I think we carry ourselves happier and more confidently when we feel prettier which obviously gives people a different vibe of us and thus they may be more likely to speak to us etc.

I actually recently tested this , I was being more open and confident, and while I was walking home I noticed a girl seemed to he admiring me or just observing me but she was a little smiley 🤔

When I'm in a rush or looking stressed people look more concerned etc.

It is sad that some men will only be nice to you when they find you attractive, and men who only treat people with basic manners only if they like them dosgust me anyway, but I realised it's not so vain when a man is being extra nice to us if he just has a crush on you because that's actually quite normal, it only irks me if I can sense he's ONLY viewing me for my appearance or only being nice to me because of that.

Sorry this turned a bit long lmao but I think I do sometimes experience "pretty privalage" but most of the time I feel invisible so I genuinely don't know if I'm viewed as attractive.

Anyway did any of you have these realisations or experiences and such?

Sometimes if inconveniences happen, I can get a bit frustrated but I'm not shouting or screaming, often I just don't say anything and try to move on, it happened tonight - but my sister got mad at me she asked me "why are you getting annoyed"

The inconvenience was that I wanted to dry some of my laundry, but it is near her room so it was making her too hot, so I had to dry them on a cold one. This took SO, long.

When it was almost done, I asked my sister if I could put the heat on for just ten minutes so that it can be done and I can sleep (by now it was almost 1am!)

She got a bit puffy and said no.

I didn't say anything, and I later walked out to go back to my own room. During she asked me why I am mad (I wasn't even super mad, I didn't say anything or argue, I was just a little irritated because it's an inconvenience and yes, I felt like she could have let me dry the laundry on a warm setting for just ten minutes especially considering the TIME so I'm not stuck waiting for ages)

So my face was a little frustrated but I didn't argue or anything.

She uses these times to create arguments with me and it is draining.

I feel like I cant be human, I am not allowed to get mad even when it's valid, there are situations where I'm stressed and she tells me to calm down or stop being frustrated when almost anyone would respond the same.

Yes, I can definitely get irritated easily sometimes but there are also times it is valid and I'm not "allowed" .

I also just feel extra defensive around her due to this, I also grew up with my other sister constantly doing this to me, I just feel I can't be human, I struggle to know if maybe I really am a problem every time or if they're being too critical. I do feel somerimes I can deffo lack patience, and at times I was wrong for getting frustrated, but again there are times it is a normal response and I am critiqued.

I also sometimes feel like If the roles were reversed they'd be "allowed" to respond or react a certain way but when it is me it's wrong.

Same as some situations where I knew if things were flipped, **I'd still be the bad one**

I actually feel like the whole reason I can be so defensive around them is because of how the oldest one treated me when I was growing up, she would always pick on me, making comments about me or just being hypercritical and treating me a lot harsher than she did our other sibling . I felt targeted and it messed with my self perception :/

To this day she can behave the same way, being overly critical of any small mistake I do (like if I brush the floor wrong) silly small things, oh, and heavens help me if I do anything bigger because I feel like she almost takes enjoyment out of doing this to me.

I actually attribute my defensiveness at times (like where I struggle to speak up (I get shut down a lot or DEBATED if I talk about my side of things at times so it's genuinely scary)

so I will put on an irritated face or just shut down.

I almost feel like I have to protect myself around them. I can't just be.

They comment on any minor flaw I feel, it becomes draining. Yes I definitely have to work on being more patient but I'm often in stressful environments so how can I be expected to just be happy and calm ?

Does anyone at all relate? It also infuriates me, I feel picked on because of it.

And at times they speak as if they're all correct and I need to do serious inner work yada yada when really I'm already very self aware and them always criticizing me is a big reason as to why I'm like this around them. 🤷🏼

Not to mention the almost constant stress of having to care for an unwell uncle along with juggling housework and my own life, yes, sometimes I am going to be feeling down/frustrated and I'm tired of being expected to just be happy.

Yes, I'm going to lack patience sometimes if inconveniences happen because I'm damn tired of my life being a constant wheel of stress.

I can already see the times that I am in the wrong, I know I'm not perfect, but I can't help but feel in my gut that they treat me unfairly and don't truly see me nor care to as much as they could.

All the times I have to shut down and let them speak their view as if it's the most correct, because I know if I even try to state my side I'll be shut down or debated, as if it's a competition.

Dealing with this behaviour has messed with my psyche.

I genuinely feel like when I'm around them I act in unhealthy ways (like the putting on an irritated face vs just talking about my feelings) And I feel like it happens because of said behaviour, but it's also my own issues too of course so it is complicated.

When I'm alone or with friends, I'm so happy and peaceful and mature? But around them I can behave in ways that truly do make me look unhealthy or immature but I think I just feel so picked on by them at times that I become super defensive as a mechanism.

Does anyone relate?????

I have nephews, if they get a little frustrated at something, I calmly speak to them and try to help them process it OR if I feel its valid I just smile and say I understand, but for me I am always treated like I'm wrong for it even when it's a normal response. I can't just be some perfect calm unhuman all the time?!

I swear I was such a sweet girl as a child, and the real me is sweet, but being around my family brings out the worst in me I feel, and I don't think I can heal while around all of this especially due to the stress I deal with here, Nor do I feel I can truly speak up about my feelings in some situations because of how in the past I just got debated and treated like I'm WRONG and I even noticed my other siblings do this to their children as they did to me, unfortunately I think it's a pattern in how they treat people younger/weaker than them

I know at times I was wrong for just getting frustrated too easily and then being a little grumpy, but god damn I'm human and sometimes I think it's okay for absolutely anyone to react to bad circumstances or issues, whenever I do I'm treated like the above** I'm not saying it's okay for me to get mad if I "don't get my way"! Either. Tonight was just an inconvenience and not nice for me as I had to stay up extra late (I had to start laundry late due to the laundry room only being opened later in the day)

So yes, I did get a bit frustrated but I did NOT argue or anything I just accepted that I can't use a hot setting and went on my way? My sibling was the one who wanted to make comments about why am I mad yada yada , I told them calmly that I'm just a bit frustrated at the situation and that that's normal as it's an inconvenience - of course they just started arguing at me, told me I need to accept being told no (I am able to and I DID and if the situation was reversed I bet I'd be called selfish for not allowing her to use the hot setting)

Also, the reason why she's in charge is because it is just the dynamic here as she is older .

I have seen some (or one or two) people say how it's not that hard to maintain and apply it, basically it's no bother to them and is quick .

But most people find it stressful which makes sense, although I do understand that after you create a routine that works for you that can make it a ton easier.

I also see some people say how they only do it due to being insecure without, but that they'd prefer it if they could embrace their natural skin.

I am personally iffy, see I'd like a tan I know I'd look prettier, it'd definitely enhance my eyes and beauty, **but I also don't want to end up insecure of my natural pale skin etc** at the same time I dont mind self tanning FOREVER **if it's something that truly makes me feel better** the same way I do my makeup most days because I feel better when I do.

**A big reason I want to tan too is** in the summer, I can get very hot, this causes my face to become red which I HATE, it makes me feel so ugly, times like this make me want a tan as it'd hide this 😂

But it's mostly because I know I'd feel prettier and I do want a glow up.

I have seen some (or one or two) people say how it's not that hard to maintain and apply it, basically it's no bother to them and is quick .

But most people find it stressful which makes sense, although I do understand that after you create a routine that works for you that can make it a ton easier.

I also see some people say how they only do it due to being insecure without, but that they'd prefer it if they could embrace their natural skin.

I am personally iffy, see I'd like a tan I know I'd look prettier, it'd definitely enhance my eyes and beauty, **but I also don't want to end up insecure of my natural pale skin etc** at the same time I dont mind self tanning FOREVER **if it's something that truly makes me feel better** the same way I do my makeup most days because I feel better when I do.

**A big reason I want to tan too is** in the summer, I can get very hot, this causes my face to become red which I HATE, it makes me feel so ugly, times like this make me want a tan as it'd hide this 😂

But it's mostly because I know I'd feel prettier and I do want a glow up.

**it was not meant to get this long, but to anybody who does read it and takes the time to respond, I truly appreciate you, I feel like this is the only place I can find people who will ACTUALLY understand**

The title isn't as it seems, this story has more to it - I'm not saying I was bad to others and now am mad at them for being upset at me, I'm bitter because they don't truly see me and at how much grace I gave them and how much I tried and yet they don't seem to truly see it.

THEY are mad at me for things iiii could also be mad at them for but instead I was overly kind and kept trying to do everything myself which obviously led to burn out and caused me to become grumpy/agitated at times.

I will try to keep this short. - Me and my sibling (a year older than me) lived together with our uncle who took care of us, however he also had mental problems and as he got older physical ones too so he needed us to also care for him at times, of course this weighed us both down at times.

Along with this, sometimes we would slack on the housework, or, I would be doing it most of the time, OR , my sibling would be doing it most of the time.

At times, we'd both work together but we didn't keep up with it and I honestly don't hold judgement towards them or even me, it was HARD having to 1 balance your own life and self care, having to care for another adult, and then manage housework, it gets a lot. It probably doesn't sound like much but for people here who have ever had to manage most of the houses chores, you'll understand more.

There would also be clutter from my uncles old things that I/we would have to manage.

Anyway, -

I DID try, I really did, I tried with the home, I did, I remember all those times I spent burnt the hell out because I was so overwhelmed and mentally drained at how MUCH I'd be having to do

And during these times, my sister would also not rly be doing much housework but I didn't resent her for it.

However, she has now basically switched on me it feels, as I thought she also understood me the way I have her,

she told our other sibling how she feels, and I understand, but it infuriates me because it is being viewed as if I didn't try/enough, my other sibling who seems to LOVE critisicing me, takes whatever my sister told her and I can just tell she's not even thinking about MY side, never did she ask me about mine, she speaks to me in a "down" tone like as if I'm the bad one here, so does my sister who lived with me.

I feel like I have to fight to be heard, I am immediately viewed as wrong or as if my opinion is less correct, **they are just so strong in their views, but it gets to a point where they are looking down on me or something, not even considering MY view or side as important. **It makes me feel so alone, and as a result I have basically shut down around them when it comes to my feelings, we keep a connection but I have let go of the idea of them ever truly hearing me out and understanding my side TRULY with some things** I don't want to try to speak up ever again to them because it usually just makes me feel SICK and WORSE and even more invalidated (my sister can also become very debateful!)

**Here is a flaw of mine from back then** because I felt like I was carrying most of the house cleaning, I would sometimes add to it in little ways, why? Because I knew I'd be fixing it all later on anyways** however, because I was so burnt out ALL. THE. TIME. Sometimes, it took me weeks to months to finally start!

Another one is, because of how damn burnt out I was, yes, I could sometimes speak in a slightly annoyed tone, it wasn't constant but it happened sometimes, usually I'd apologise and I know it was wrong but I also feel like of course that would happen to me with the things I was dealing with (at these times, my sibling was dealing with less usually, I was trying extra hard to fix everything)

Her resentment at that is valid but I already apologised and explained the cause. So when she keeps bringing it up it does get irritating especially because she could do the same to me but she's allowed to have reasons for it, I am not so much.

Now, my sister sometimes brings up these times, the times I was also messy, and she speaks about her resentment of it and how I didn't need to do that, etc, she understands I was burnt out and such, AND, I understand HER,

But she has made me feel like she doesn't truly understand and see my side, she has resentment about how I didnt maintain the housework etc etc, and I get it, **but why didn't I** WHY was it so hard for me to?

And what about all the times I did?

She says she understands that I was stressing and drained, yet still she brings up those times, still she talks to our other sibling about how the housework would be and they basically both treat me like I didn't try enough or something.

It is now infuriating me, I feel like I'm starting to not shut down anymore, for so long I would just go quiet and barely speak my true side because the times I DID I get debated or brushed off or I can tell they don't clearly understand nor care to.

I now have so much resentment towards THEM for treating me this way, for how they refuse to truly acknowledge my suffering and side, they literally behaved the same at times? THEY were not always being tidy, there were even **times I cleaned and they just made mess right after with no care** yet that seems to go unacknowledged and I struggle to even speak up of these times (I explain why later)

I plan to leave and move out, live alone etc, but I am stuck financially right now and I feel guilty to not continue living with my uncle to care for him, especially as this will leave him all to my sister rather than BOTH of us helping him, but I can't do this all anymore.

I'll probably be viewed as selfish but I don't want to waste my 20s stressed all the time - nor do I want that for my sibling, I view it as "hopefully they will choose themselves too" I'm not just basically going away and leaving them with lots of stress.

I can't continue being a carer for my uncle, I can't continue staying here or around people that make me feel lonely at times, me and this sibling can get along, and I do believe she truly does see my side when it comes to my burn out, but the way she sometimes speaks about back then, how I didn't really clean the home much, my being untidy at times, I already told her WHY it happened to me,

**I can't continue it all AND build my own life, finish my education, I CAN'T manage it all I really can't** !!

**And most of all I tried a LOT, there were times I was doing it all by myself and nobody noticed or seemed to care how stressed I was or how hard that was** and I get it sometimes people dont notice but that's why all of this angers me so much now.

I was also having to look after two pets and I remember when one was unwell, I couldn't get any sleep because I had to keep an eye on him else he could have actually died, I asked this sibling if she could watch the pet ONCE or for a night and she said no, which is fine, but that made me rly realise/feel how people didn't truly see how much I was carrying and how stressful it was .

It was damn obvious but I'm clearly viewed as dramatic by my family and I get it I don't deal with stress well (I can become stressed easily but that's usually if I'm dealing with too much , so I can pack patience, become irritable etc) But I still feel I deserved better treatment than all of that.

In my life, I struggle to say no to people, yet this sibling has called me "selfish" at times which also infuriates me.

Also, because I know she would only get mad at me at times because SHE didn't want to do said things but she wanted ME to do it and because I didn't, she would "have" to so she'd get mad at me, **this was about looking after our siblings kids whenever they'd ask, I was learning to say NO after years of being USED with no true appreciation and I was so so SO drained so I literally had to say no for my own sanity**

This causes me resentment too.

And, because she is being all resentful at me, its making me stop giving her so much grace, I'm now starting to remember the times I was so forgiving and kind to her and let things slide, the same kind of things she now brings up despite me already explaining what happened, and I already apologised for.

**She is resentful at me because I can be a bit snappy, how sometimes I was messy, although I am being better now and I only became that way because I was overwhelmed with carrying ALL the mess myself**

I understand, but sometimes, I also feel like "of course id become like this??!?!!" genuinely, I sometimes feel like a single mother.

I look in the mirror, at 20 years old I realised I lost myself because of all the stress I had here, later on I realised I HAVE to leave, I'm now 21 and I agreed months ago when I was 20 that I'd stay to help with the uncle but I am betraying myself at the same time.. It also crushes my soul how alone I feel due to all this.

In the end, I feel like my burn out and behaviours CAUSED by it was sort of inevitable, almost anyone put into the situations that I was would have responded the same. I can and could see how the life I had was negatively affecting me, how it was making me behave in ways that were negative and not ME, and I tried to fix it but the truth is I don't think I can be a happy, calm person here, BEING EXPECTED to be calm, happy, while dealing with this is making me resentful.

I almost feel like a wife who is carrying the world and her husband is mad because she's becoming resentful and bitter and not happy and cheerful anymore.

I'm almost constantly drained, oh and, whenever an inconvenience happens in the family, they come to me or my sibling for childcare and often times I'm the one that agrees because my sister doesn't want to do it and I'm being kind but why am I letting myself down so much?

It's just time I truly choose myself, I understand it is normal for my sister to have some resentment, especially about the times I could be a bit grumpy (I wouldn't say mean things but my tone of voice could be a bit rude, this only started happening in my pov, the last 2 years a few times (which makes sense because that's when I started having ENOUGH) but my sister claims I did it more , yet I remember being normal and being ACCUSED of being rude when actually SHE was rude to me)

Also, I can't talk to her about that, the times a few years ago when she kept speaking rudely to me, she has blamed it all on me, either I was rude to her first (had another sibling do this to me too🙄) OR its because she was mad at me because she felt I wasn't trying with housework (I could have said the same about her, but I saw how she did try at times, how come she can't do the same for me?)

I just feel done, being around this has ruined my mental health, I have this big feeling that "I'm the problem" even if I have PROOF that I'm not the overall problem , it's like I can't trust my own perception anymore, and it's seriously taking a toll on me because sometimes I literally feel crazy because of it.

I am done with all of this, I have already given up on trying to truly heal things with this sibling because of how they make it into a debate as if it's a competition or something, or how they speak to me in a down tone as if I'm wrong or dumb.

I will continue talking to her because we can get along but unfortunately I have to live with this.

Does anyone here have any similar experience? How did you feel?

How did you overcome it?

I have had to learn MANY times to just validate my self, be there for myself and try not to care about being wrongly viewed and judged but it IS hard, SO damn hard sometimes.

Edit

I plan to cut contact with most of my siblings because they can be toxic but in a way where they won't admit or try to hear me out.. + some racist views that I don't want to be around, I feel empty around them sometimes due to how different I am from them and how I know they don't truly appreciate my existence & mostly want to use me for convenience.

But the one I made this post about, no, because we have always been close otherwise, and I think we can overcome this with time but right now I can't deal with it all, I don't want to try to speak up more of my side because they literally DO shut me down because of how strong they are of their views.

Edit The complicated thing is, of course my sister also felt how I felt and feel, I already knew that, but I don't think it's nice how she has acted as if she suffered more, or tried more yada yada when I did too and I could even say there were times I probably tried more? I just didn't tell anyone, I'd literally just make a plan and get things done myself I didn't ask for help or tell amyone usually. I do truly understand her feelings and side but I'm bitter because my side isnt being truly seen too.

Does anyone do this anymore? I only rly see people contouring their face with self tan not actually tanning the whole face.

Thanks!

SO basically I am 21 and I have to be a carer at times for my mother too, I feel like she does not try to make it less hard for me, nor really appreciate me or how big of a deal this is, when she was my age she was free and could do anything without having to worry about her parents or if they'll be okay or tag them along with her all the time.

I also live with a sibling who I feel at times doesn't truly see me and it causes resentment. + If I speak up about my true side and feelings she can be very debate'y (she's not bad, just very strong in her views) but it causes me to just have to shut down and feel very alone and misunderstood which later causes resentment.

I remember once I was trying to make her understand a situation between me and our other sibling because I was being put as crazy when I wasn't I had valid reasons for feeling a little upset and uncomfortable by this sibling (they were potentially gaslighting me and just treating me worse than the others, being very hyper critical of me too commenting on any minor mistake)

She did not want to hear me, and only made me feel worse. She told me there is something wrong with me and that I need help and therapy. Just very dismissive but the hard part is that she genuinely believed that but if she just took a moment to actually try to hear me instead of debating me / talking over me, she would have got me.

Now I have a lot of resentment towards her at times, I have mentally detached from that other sibling too because I know it'll all happen again and there were signs they were actually gaslighting me and using me later on.

Also, we often get burnt out, me and the sibling I live with, this causes us both to slack on housework

Sometimes, I carried most of it and sometimes her.

There was a time where I kept doing so much myself along with having to take care of two dogs, I was severely burnt out, nobody seemed to care and this causes me resentment, it especially causes me resentment when this sister speaks as if I didn't rly try/help her when I felt the exact same at times but I don't rly speak up about that (**because she can become very debate'y or get mad and argue, she will make me feel like I'm wrong in the end which can happen a lot & it's rly not nice so I avoid speaking about my feelings/side sometimes as it feels pointless)

I saw it as we both could relate to this story, and in theory she does too and has said it, but at times she acts as if she had to suffer more and I didn't try enough when I did but got so drained many times that I literally could not continue with housework and gave up at times.

It's okay if this causes her resentment that's normal, but it also irritates me because I was trying and I feel nobody sees how much just because I gave up at times.

Anyway,

On to the next part, I can't just move out and travel if I wanted to, I can't live across the globe, **because I have to think about my mother** we both care for her but my sister is very .. not demanding but she talks rly enthusiastically about how I should stay here etc and I can tell if I ever do decide to leave she won't like that, she may also not always be available to care for our mother because she is in a long distance relationship so sometimes will be all the way in another country, **but I don't want to give up my youth and whole life to be stuck here when I'm unhappy most of the time or with that fate**

I know I'll probably be told I am selfish if I just leave (which wouldnt be until a few years) or she'd have a very strong opinion that I shouldn't, but I genuinely feel I lost myself here at times.

Sometimes I'm fine, but my mother can be a lot and uses weaoponised incompetence when she can do or learn how to do something, but because I'm here she puts it on me a lot. I've talked about my feelings but she doesn't work on that.

So ultimately I end up very very drained.!

I can't even focus on school and havent been able to for years because I've just been extremely depressed and burnt out, I got better at times but it's hard to not get drained or depressed when in this environment :(

My own life has been neglected and I don't feel like I can truly thrive or study if I'm here .

But I HAVE to get my education, for me it's a must, and I refuse to stay here if it means I'll be miserable, drained and broke all the time.

Has anyone been in a similar situation??? What happened next?

It's not even that I'm caring about opinions, I just feel bad to leave and let them down, me and my sister would feel bad to have our parent in a care home, and my sister would want me to care for our mother if she's not available to, she could also end up getting mad at me, but I'm at that stage where I don't care anymore about what people feel about my life decisions because I want to live for ME.

if I continue the way I have, I will waste my whole 20's and feel lost especially at 30, I'll regret it, so I'm trying to balance living for me and also being considerate but to be "considerate" often means letting my own self and life down.

I love them but I refuse to do it. 🤷🏼 (Let myself down) So I am going to most likely end up leaving in the future, I am going to be more "selfish" **I have had so much pain and stress already and I'm still so young**

I want my life to feel like my OWN. I will still help care for my parent but I don't think I'll decide to do it forever (which was my old plan) because I realised it'll only get harder and she isn't making it easier on me and I feel unappreciated a lot, **I will end up angry and resentful and then I'LL be the "bad one"** Why do it to myself for what ? I don't even get full appreciation from my mother and I just feel it's so wrong to let myself down .

What are some thing/s that made you believe in the existence of something more ?

I am too drained to name my experiences right now, but I've had many and yet I still doubt sometimes.

I am asking this post because I'm 21 and starting adult hood and I am scared and drained, I have some documents I must do that is stressing me out because it turns out I need to order another one to complete it which if not done soon could cause them all to basically be too late.

I just want to know that I'm not alone, I want to know there really is something more, I want to know I have support, and I just find comfort and intrigue in things related to spirits existing.

Hello, I am 21f and my mother has always had some mental health issues and physical when she got older. However, I do feel like she has taken advantage of me at times , seeing my willingness to help (or just me doing so to be helpful, or feeling like I should) **she sometimes acts as if she can't do things / anything at times**

She's in her 50s so technology isn't her thing, but she won't even try to learn a simple remote. I get so so drained because I feel she relies on me for everything.

I feel like my life is ruined because I'm so drained with the home life + housework which drains rhe he'll out of me, I just know I shouldn't feel this drained at such a young age :(

**I WANT to move out and live alone, infact, I REFUSE to live tbis life forever, this CAN'T be my life, I'm not even fully appreciated** 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ and me becoming resentful she treats me like I'm the problem when I get mad at her or rant at her, I end up apologising and explaining it's all just stressful, nothing ever fully changes tho **and DESPITE her knowing and SEEING how stressed and unhappy I can get, she doesn't try to make things easier on me**

She will continue to not try to learn easy things (I understand some things can be super hard for some, but she learnt how to drive and a 4 year old can learn to use a remote** I have to manage basically everything and I'm just burnt out a lot.

I have so much resentment at her.

** I don't even want to spend my life caring for her and losing myself over and over and missing out on my OWN life, especially because my efforts and hardship won't ever be truly taken into consideration** !

Sometimes when I voice how stressed I am or that she keeps doing something that she should not (like mess related! Things she CAN avoid) She sometimes speaks to me in a dismissive tone or keeps just saying "okay" and eventually she snaps at me to stop/arguing.

Yes, **her mental and physical problems are very real** but I know her and I can literally see?? The slyness on her face when she is acting like she can't do something, I know she just does it so I will end up doing it instead. At times I leave her be and she sometimes tries herself but most of the time she will not..

I just feel I have to carry a whole human .

On top of that she has the capability to try more but I feel ahe doesn't try to be a better mom to me, nor understand or even care much how hard this is all for me.

My sister is also causing me resentment because she is basically fed up of me sometimes arguing w mom she understands my stress tho, but I feel I'm expevted to just tolerate all this when rly she's getting harder to deal with **BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T TRY** she's getting older (mid 50s) And because in her past she didnt try much, it's making her even worse now and incapable.

I KNOW eventually she will need much more care and I can't do it

My resentment towards her for not truly appreciating me or my efforts is also making me not want to care for her forever which used to be my plan.

I have spent enough of my life being stressed and majorly depressed and the root cause? Family!!!!

I sometimes genuinely think of just leaving and going far not telling anyone where I am or about my plan and going

I have talked to my mom enough and warned her I will leave if she doesn't cooperate but i don't think she takes that very seriously and I'm currently trapped financially so I think she takes me for granted and sort of things it is all talk.

I genuinely lose myself sometimes.

I don't like the angry person I've become , I realised I'm like a 24/7 support worker , my job is a support worker, but I go home and have to continue unpaid.

I can't afford to leave and I don't feel ready yet, I feel bad to not care for her but it is too much !!

If she actually tried to be more independent, and help me , meet me halfway yk, I could cope, but it just feels like I'm carrying so much and begging an unruly adult to behave and hear me out .

My resentment and anger at her is because she's still my mother and I deserved and deserve better and I know she could do better but she won't. I am not expecting much .

My sister will also be upset and mad if I leave anytime soon, because I agreed to take care of her for a few years.. so she could travel etc and get a break, but I think it'll be too much for me idk :(

I just don't want to be here anymore, in this city I mean, this lifestyle, I want to leave and start a new life .

But I don't even have proper education yet nor money, and I do worry about losing a job shall I ever find one in another city..! Then ending up homeless or something..

Life is just too much for me now, I don't rly feel excited for the future.

I rly always planned to keep my mother with me in my life but she definitely is ungrateful to me at times and doeant care to meet me halfway.

She sometimes makes excuses for herself too instead of just saying sorry it is annoying,I'm all for hearing your reasons but sometimes she straight up seems to just be using things as an excuse.

She has a good side and she's not a bad person but I'm tired of being taken for granted , I am, yeah in theory she appreciates me but not TRULY, all this stress is for nothing I'm not even being appreciated lol!

Why do it for the rest of my life and tolerate someone acting like they can't do anything at all just because they want me to come in and swoop their problems away or do everything for them,

When they also won't truly appreciate me or see my stress??

I can't do it

I feel terrible to put her in a carehome someday I rly do, but shes not making it any easier, I get she has her own struggles but she's not truly seeing my stress and wanting to help me .

**And yep I do believe she does weaoponised incompetence sometimes**

Just earlier she couldn't find her pocket and she had a mini tantrum and I could tell she was expecting/hinting at me to help her. Then she spilled soda all over the floors , I cleaned them, she didn't even thank me or acknowledge how that could have bothered or affected me 🤷🏻‍♀️ I was tired af.

I could literally see my future 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'd be doing almost everything for her and she's just see it as an expected

I also noticed when I cook food, nobody offers to help me, but when my sister does? My mother and our close family friend basically says to me to go and help my sister !

Nobody cares when its me tho? They probably think my sister has more stress as she has responsibilioes that I don't , that may be the reason but it is not fair and it's obvious I get super stressed too and I think because I became almost constantly stressed people started caring less and seeing me as dramatic which pisses me off but I know if they truly cared abt me and my feelings a lot they would treat them better.

I just am done.

This won't be my life but how can I put her in a carehome if I feel this guilt? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

- I have a sibling who can be understanding, but it is clear to me at times that she doesn't fully understand me or she basically makes something out of something when I didn't mean it that way (not in a toxic way!)

Basically, we both grew up in a house where there was no structure, and often times me or her did most of the housework. Sometimes she slacked, sometimes I did.

I viewed it as we both could be untidy and both weren't always keeping ahead of house chores, but I never judged her because I understood it 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know what it feels like to carry everything and get drained, I thought she does too but it's like at times she views it as if she was trying "more" or is above me or something in ways.

For example, she sometimes talks as if she's so so tired of it all and having to deal with it all and our mess, but that's **how I feel too** with the whole house

Her feelings are valid, but she basically acts as if she had to suffer and "deal with us" when I literally felt that way too!

And there were so many times I tried to fix the home by myself, I didn't rly ask for help but I'd sometimes ask people to be tidier.

Last year, I spent almost the whole year trying to fix everything in the home myself, while also looking after two animals - I got burnt out, and I became sick of this lifestyle and having to clean so often and carry so much even tho it wasn't all mine or it would be more fair if everyone took part. (Like general tidyings etc)

I decided I will move out, I ended up changing my mind a bit recently though to help care for our uncle who lives here too, anyway -

We have all had times where we tried to fix things. My sister would ask me to help more than I'd ask her, and to maintain the tidiness. I listened but would slack sometimes, or become so drained that I gave up at times for a while because I just felt like I was having to clean all the time or the knowing more mess would happen would drain me..

**I feel like last year near the end of the year, I gave up, I think I even told them out loud while ranting to myself, anyway, since then my sister started stepping up and she keeps speaking as if I barely tried and she had to be the saviour or something**

Now, my sister understands me, but she brings up the times she tried and how I didn't keep my word basically, and I understand her feelings with that, but I'm a bit resentful towards her because of the way she can act as if she has it worse or that it's only messy because of us **I too have been in her shoes my whole damn life**

I understand she's resentful but I gave her more grace and never went like this to her, but at the same time I understand her so it is complicated and I have to be mature but I'm also resentful because i feel like nobody truly SEES me.

Not only is It housework but I'm basically also a 24/7 support worker/carer to our uncle (she helps too but it's still very draining and at times I have to do more)

I'm just very drained living here. I feel like it's very understandable why I kept struggling to manage housework consistently. I understand her anger but I'm also angry AT her for not TRULY seeing my part.

SHE too had times where she didn't rly do it but she puts the blame onto us and I understand but I could basically do the same to all of them!

My sister isn't that messy but could be at times, I am not but can be sometimes too but I'm improving it.

*Sometimes I knew I'd have to clean soon even mess that isnt my own so I'd add to it a little*

I know it is okay for my sister to have resentment at me , but I'm having it at her too because of how she has put things as if she basically had to suffer because of us when I felt the same, I just didnt rly speak to her about keeping things tidy so she didjt have to have the talks about it but I told her of my experiences.

I even remember at age 14 my siblings were barely home so I could finally have clean floors, I could be shoe free, my feet stayed clean, that didnr last when they started being home more.

Like, I have literally dealt w this my whole life.

So, yes, **I am resentful when someone is putting it like they had it worse or something or that I didn't try too enough**

Although again I understand her point and I did slack at times when I wasn't supposed to..

**Last year, I actually had a real deep thought that I don't think I can even manage maintaining housework anymore while I live here because being here just drains me and the carer bit, I'm only 21 years old** !

I can't move yet, and yeah we are all truly working together now but I have a LOT of resentment at my sister for this, I was so forgiving to her, I didnt judge her I understood she got drained, I feel I don't get the same , but I also get her.

I know her feelings are valid and that this is kind of complex. She's not just not acknowledging my experiences either she does, but I don't think she truly understands and nothing I say can help that.

I just feel lonely now because of it, she told me that sometimes she's not as interested in speaking to me because she's annoyed at me for things and I understand, but I DID try but things just got too much so I fell off a lot 🤷🏻‍♀️ yeah she can have anger at me but I also feel anger at her for not truly just seeing that the same way I would for her.

We are now all truly working together and I told her that's a lot better because I won't feel as drained

Last edit I am also resentful at everyone who lived here last year, because I believe they didn't see how much I truly suffered, how hard I tried, etc.

I guess all I can do is move on and accept that she doesn't fully see me and that's life, I do understand her, the situation etc, but the way she speaks makes me feel disregarded at times and that is NOT nice and I'm tired of being seen as bellow or something in most situations, like I have to over explain myself to be understood etc, I'm going to start just being more ruthless and stand on what i said and just let people be if they don't see me truly because I have much more peace that way but it gets lonely!

Again, I understand my sibling but no, it's NOT fair that she paints the situation as if she had to try more yada yada, what about my efforts, the fact that I'm in the same situation as her, I could have got mad at her and acted like she didn't try as much etc etc but I do not so yes I will have resentment because it's not fair and my hard work was for nothing!

I will be called/seen as selfish for cutting off my siblings because one of them almost died + could be pregnant so will want/need my help but I don't want to deal with it all anymore.

I am just done, whenever any inconvenience happens in their life it always goes to me. They always ask me to look after their kids and at times, they over used me and would act like they needed me just because they wanted to run simple errands when rly they could have scheduled better i.e when the kids are in school or just bring them.

Not so long ago, it turned out one of them almost died due to their health issues. More particularly a heart problem.

At that time, I was the one contacted to rush to care for the kids. Of course it was an emergency so fine but I was already going through my own stuff and this moment kind of snapped me awake that if I don't cut them off soon, this will continue being my life.

I know it may seem selfish that that's what I thought of in such a serious situation! - but unfortunately I don't have a bond at all with that sibling.. I literally start to feel empty after being around them , and I noticed how this one gives me subtle disrespect.

I ofc have sympathy and care else I wouldn't have taken care of the children!

But keeping them in my life is seriously negatively impacting me.

They can be judgmental and I KNOW they will gossip and judge me about my life choices , \*\*I don't want people like that in my life\*\*

I know I need to bite the bullet and just cut them off as soon as, but I've avoided it for so long because I was worried of possible drama.

However, I'm having realisations that 1 my feelings and peace is more important, and 2!!! \*\*if I don't cut them off I'll have to deal with the stress whenever problems happen in their life so they need or want childcare, AND the general stress and negative impacts keeping them in my life does for me\*\*

I will also work more in the future , I don't even like sharing that with them but I'll have to! And I can just imagine them wanting or expecting me to take a day off or so if they have an emergency and getting mad if I don't.

Genuinely, \*\*if I wasn't around they would figure something else out\*\* !

Surely!

I just want to be gone from them, I wish them the best but keeping them in my life does nothing good for me I literally feel drained guys , DRAINED , and I start to feel sick, anxious and EMPTY when I do rarely spend time with them.

I know one or them views me as her free childcare person too.

The only unfortunate thing is their children would be sad and miss me has anyone done that??! But I would let them know they can keep in touch with me but I would want to keep it low contact until they're older..

I do NOT want these adults / siblings in my life anymore period.

I grew up in a family that had a lot of issues and judgmental people in it, I remember as a child I never felt truly connected to them and I still feel that way.

But now I'm an adult and I want to choose my family 💕 not hold onto people who literally bring me down just because of blood.

\*\*OH AND EDIT DAMN\*\* last thing, please read

I am also a bit resentful at the one who often wants childcare from me, \*\*because I KNOW damn well that her and her husband will want and expect me to help when the baby arrives, they'll also use her health condition as a reason to push it on me more\*\*

They did this with the last baby and her husband totally refuses to help much because he's a "man" and sees certain things as a woman's only Job.. even tho he used to help with the first two kids way more!!

I am happy for her but I feel a bit resentful and like "why did they have another one?!" She almost died from the last one and they agreed to not have anymore.

I'm sure it was not planned but I feel more precaution could have been put in place as this is serious!! They also aren't the type to get an abortion. I genuinely feel like they may be advised to abort the baby due to the high risks especially considering she already almost died (her heart stopped)

\*\*I am resentful because I just feel it was a stupid decision but I feel so bad for saying that! And also because I KNOW the stress of it will be put on me sometimes\*\*

I'm genuinely not in a place to deal with it.

I have had my own hard times and I mentally can't deal with their issues too, I can't deal with randomly being contacted and told it's an emergency, and having to basically rearrange my own schedule or simply just having to get up and go all the way to help.people for hours when I absolutely hate doing it and life can already be hard enough sometimes.

Guys, I am done, I wish them the best and I'm not selfish or cruel, I know some may think I should be more caring bla bla, but I already have helped enough I'm not.willimh to bend myself backwards for people especially when what in the hell do I get other than drainage ?

Oh , and \*\*this same sibling would PRAISE the hell out of me IF I was her husband's sister\*\* it's something I thought of and it causes me resentment.

\*\*There were also times she got rude towards me after getting comfortable with me, and times I tidied her home for her and she came back and acted as if nothing was done\*\* ??

Either she genuinely didn't notice but that's hard to believe lol. I remember the floor was rly messy , I tidied it up , I did like a quick ish tidy but I'd of appreciated it and when she came back she made comments about the house as if it was still super messy. It felt like a form of negging to be honest!

Or perhaps she just felt the home was overall dirty so she perceived it that way despite my tidying, but it didn't feel that way at the time, I had a strong feeling she knew damn well I tidied (I don't expect a reward) but she didn't want to acknowledge it.

Anyway, that's it, I'm done, I APPRECIATE so much anyone who comments because I rly do just need people to talk to about this :( and some advice on how to just choose my damn self!

Oh and edit... I lied about the timings for privacy, tonight is actually THEE night that I'm having to do childcare due to the emergency, I also overheard tonight that they have another baby on the way.. And I'm full of dread because I know theyll probably "need" me here when thr baby arrives AND even before the baby arrives.

And in such times I am pressured by a lot of family, many who already have children so "can't" help as much etc etc.

It infuriates me.

This same sibling said they would pay me last year, well basically her husband told her to pay me because I child minded for a few days (I've done that many times but never been paid, I guess this time he wanted to repay me) - My sister seemed to go all ego'istic and said "yeah, I was already going to do that" (which I HIGHLY doubt) \*\*guess what? NONE of them paid me\*\* it started off by them claiming their card machine wouldn't work, (they could have just sent it to my card or another family members lol!) It seemer like they just didn't want to pay me 🤷🏻‍♀️ I didnt even care about thr money it was the disrespect.

I have had this with cousins too! Them and their mother would promise to pay me or to take me out to get a beauty treatment, originally, I'd pick the beauty treatment! Guess what? Never happened. Once I even got ready and waited to be collected as promised and the cousin basically just ditched me it's disgusting.

I think now that they all did this intentionally? \*\*Like they wanted the ego boost of being able to brag that they did X for me but they didn't actually want to do it\*\* \*\*AND it was also a way to bribe me into continuing to help them with childcare for free\*\* I think they were worried I'd start feeling used (because I was being used) so they did that.

Once, I finally realised their game, so when they asked me do I want money or to be taken out for thr beauty treatment (nails) - I chose money and I could viblsibly see the irritation and discomfort on their face. They didn't want to pay me even though it wasn't much , I also think they realised I woke up to their tricks and didn't like that..

After that, I think I babysat less and less, and I remember talking about this to my toxic sibling and she told them back (I believe to cause drama) so they were all mad at me and stopped asking me anyway.

But I am not the bad one. I bet they found a new babysitter and paid HER.

It's disgusting, how people will treat someone who's genuinely kind and willing to help!!!

Then when my own sister pulled a similar thing on me, it disgusted me and made me think shes just like them.

Again, I don't know their financial situation but it's just the way they did me! It was so snakey..

**Edit to end**

This got a bit long but I hope it's atleast interesting!

I hope this is clear but they don't put absolutely all of Thier stress on me, but say when an emergency happens or if they simply want a help or so? They call me, iiii am the person, but genuinely if I didn't exist they'd figure something else out. I'd rather they do that.

I even feel like cutting them off won't stop them fully because they'll probably still try to turn up for emergencies (like real ones) and ask / expect me to do childcare for.them,

I also live with my parent and have to also care for them at times; I don't plan on moving away from her as I want to help my parent,

And my plan to cut them off was to do it via text, I wanted to just say that I don't feel a connection with them and don't want them a part of my life anymore but wish them all the best. Simple.

I have already distanced but it doesn't do it for me I want full no contact.

So unfortunately, I can't get away from these siblings physically as much because they can visit anytime etc.

I don't want contact with them and nothing can change that. Since my early teens I realised this. When I did cut them off I felt so much peace and freedom, and so much regret and dread after letting them back in.

There is no relationship, it is so surface level most of the time. Oddly I will miss one of them more because I actually started to enjoy her company more but unfortunately she can be toxic and switch up or enjoys drama.

I am just done, whenever any inconvenience happens in their life it always goes to me. They always ask me to look after their kids and at times, they over used me and would act like they needed me just because they wanted to run simple errands when rly they could have scheduled better i.e when the kids are in school or just bring them.

Not so long ago, it turned out one of them almost died due to their health issues. More particularly a heart problem.

At that time, I was the one contacted to rush to care for the kids. Of course it was an emergency so fine but I was already going through my own stuff and this moment kind of snapped me awake that if I don't cut them off soon, this will continue being my life.

I know it may seem selfish that that's what I thought of in such a serious situation! - but unfortunately I don't have a bond at all with that sibling.. I literally start to feel empty after being around them , and I noticed how this one gives me subtle disrespect.

I ofc have sympathy and care else I wouldn't have taken care of the children!

But keeping them in my life is seriously negatively impacting me.

They can be judgmental and I KNOW they will gossip and judge me about my life choices , **I don't want people like that in my life**

I know I need to bite the bullet and just cut them off as soon as, but I've avoided it for so long because I was worried of possible drama.

However, I'm having realisations that 1 my feelings and peace is more important, and 2!!! **if I don't cut them off I'll have to deal with the stress whenever problems happen in their life so they need or want childcare, AND the general stress and negative impacts keeping them in my life does for me**

I will also work more in the future , I don't even like sharing that with them but I'll have to! And I can just imagine them wanting or expecting me to take a day off or so if they have an emergency and getting mad if I don't.

Genuinely, **if I wasn't around they would figure something else out** !

Surely!

I just want to be gone from them, I wish them the best but keeping them in my life does nothing good for me I literally feel drained guys , DRAINED , and I start to feel sick, anxious and EMPTY when I do rarely spend time with them.

I know one or them views me as her free childcare person too.

The only unfortunate thing is their children would be sad and miss me has anyone done that??! But I would let them know they can keep in touch with me but I would want to keep it low contact until they're older..

I do NOT want these adults / siblings in my life anymore period.

I grew up in a family that had a lot of issues and judgmental people in it, I remember as a child I never felt truly connected to them and I still feel that way.

But now I'm an adult and I want to choose my family 💕 not hold onto people who literally bring me down just because of blood.

**OH AND EDIT DAMN** last thing, please read

I am also a bit resentful at the one who often wants childcare from me, **because I KNOW damn well that her and her husband will want and expect me to help when the baby arrives, they'll also use her health condition as a reason to push it on me more**

They did this with the last baby and her husband totally refuses to help much because he's a "man" and sees certain things as a woman's only Job.. even tho he used to help with the first two kids way more!!

I am happy for her but I feel a bit resentful and like "why did they have another one?!" She almost died from the last one and they agreed to not have anymore.

I'm sure it was not planned but I feel more precaution could have been put in place as this is serious!! They also aren't the type to get an abortion. I genuinely feel like they may be advised to abort the baby due to the high risks especially considering she already almost died (her heart stopped)

**I am resentful because I just feel it was a stupid decision but I feel so bad for saying that! And also because I KNOW the stress of it will be put on me sometimes**

I'm genuinely not in a place to deal with it.

I have had my own hard times and I mentally can't deal with their issues too, I can't deal with randomly being contacted and told it's an emergency, and having to basically rearrange my own schedule or simply just having to get up and go all the way to help.people for hours when I absolutely hate doing it and life can already be hard enough sometimes.

Guys, I am done, I wish them the best and I'm not selfish or cruel, I know some may think I should be more caring bla bla, but I already have helped enough I'm not.willimh to bend myself backwards for people especially when what in the hell do I get other than drainage ?

Oh , and **this same sibling would PRAISE the hell out of me IF I was her husband's sister** it's something I thought of and it causes me resentment.

**There were also times she got rude towards me after getting comfortable with me, and times I tidied her home for her and she came back and acted as if nothing was done** ??

Either she genuinely didn't notice but that's hard to believe lol. I remember the floor was rly messy , I tidied it up , I did like a quick ish tidy but I'd of appreciated it and when she came back she made comments about the house as if it was still super messy. It felt like a form of negging to be honest!

Or perhaps she just felt the home was overall dirty so she perceived it that way despite my tidying, but it didn't feel that way at the time, I had a strong feeling she knew damn well I tidied (I don't expect a reward) but she didn't want to acknowledge it.

Anyway, that's it, I'm done, I APPRECIATE so much anyone who comments because I rly do just need people to talk to about this :( and some advice on how to just choose my damn self!

Oh and edit... I lied about the timings for privacy, tonight is actually THEE night that I'm having to do childcare due to the emergency, I also overheard tonight that they have another baby on the way.. And I'm full of dread because I know theyll probably "need" me here when thr baby arrives AND even before the baby arrives.

And in such times I am pressured by a lot of family, many who already have children so "can't" help as much etc etc.

It infuriates me.

This same sibling said they would pay me last year, well basically her husband told her to pay me because I child minded for a few days (I've done that many times but never been paid, I guess this time he wanted to repay me) - My sister seemed to go all ego'istic and said "yeah, I was already going to do that" (which I HIGHLY doubt) **guess what? NONE of them paid me** it started off by them claiming their card machine wouldn't work, (they could have just sent it to my card or another family members lol!) It seemer like they just didn't want to pay me 🤷🏻‍♀️ I didnt even care about thr money it was the disrespect.

I have had this with cousins too! Them and their mother would promise to pay me or to take me out to get a beauty treatment, originally, I'd pick the beauty treatment! Guess what? Never happened. Once I even got ready and waited to be collected as promised and the cousin basically just ditched me it's disgusting.

I think now that they all did this intentionally? **Like they wanted the ego boost of being able to brag that they did X for me but they didn't actually want to do it** **AND it was also a way to bribe me into continuing to help them with childcare for free** I think they were worried I'd start feeling used (because I was being used) so they did that.

Once, I finally realised their game, so when they asked me do I want money or to be taken out for thr beauty treatment (nails) - I chose money and I could viblsibly see the irritation and discomfort on their face. They didn't want to pay me even though it wasn't much , I also think they realised I woke up to their tricks and didn't like that..

After that, I think I babysat less and less, and I remember talking about this to my toxic sibling and she told them back (I believe to cause drama) so they were all mad at me and stopped asking me anyway.

But I am not the bad one. I bet they found a new babysitter and paid HER.

It's disgusting, how people will treat someone who's genuinely kind and willing to help!!!

Then when my own sister pulled a similar thing on me, it disgusted me and made me think shes just like them.

Again, I don't know their financial situation but it's just the way they did me! It was so snakey..

Edit to end This got a bit long but I hope it's atleast interesting!

I hope this is clear but they don't put absolutely all of Thier stress on me, but say when an emergency happens or if they simply want a help or so? They call me, iiii am the person, but genuinely if I didn't exist they'd figure something else out. I'd rather they do that.

I even feel like cutting them off won't stop them fully because they'll probably still try to turn up for emergencies (like real ones) and ask / expect me to do childcare for.them,

I also live with my parent and have to also care for them at times; I don't plan on moving away from her as I want to help my parent,

And my plan to cut them off was to do it via text, I wanted to just say that I don't feel a connection with them and don't want them a part of my life anymore but wish them all the best. Simple.

I have already distanced but it doesn't do it for me I want full no contact. So unfortunately, I can't get away from these siblings physically as much because they can visit anytime etc.

I don't want contact with them and nothing can change that. Since my early teens I realised this. When I did cut them off I felt so much peace and freedom, and so much regret and dread after letting them back in.

There is no relationship, it is so surface level most of the time. Oddly I will miss one of them more because I actually started to enjoy her company more but unfortunately she can be toxic and switch up or enjoys drama.

Right what I mean: I am VERY prone to getting depressed, I will put off tasks a LOT.

And overall my whole life I've struggled with feelings of doom and gloom unfortunately.! And lack of hope, lack of motivation and so I basically go into these slumps . I eventually snap out of it and feel more motivated, and excited for life. But unfortunately it all repeats.

Anyway, sometimes I meet or see people that just have this beautiful energy, they don't seem to delay things, they just DO things,

For example I can plan to go to the library tomorrow, but tomorrow I may feel gloomy or anxious or something so I won't go or I'll simply lack the motivation to get myself there, then it can take me WEEKS to actually do it .

But then there are people who can just do things AND I notice they are much more positive than me! They dont have this lack of hope atleast it's not often nor as high as mine!

I LOVE speaking with them, it actually helps me to snap out of my negative ways ! It truly helps me see the world more positively, almost like it fills me with sunshine! Idk what It is about their energy but a cousin of mine has it and I've always just loved being around her, period.

I have also met it in strangers .

Similar to this though \*\*a bit different this one but pls read\*\*

See if you see a photo or videos of a beautiful home, and a beautiful life - like someone living in an area that's beautiful, them running errands, I obviously get some sort of "vibe" from them and sometimes I use that and try to create it in my own life!

It has worked but I eventually fall into my old ways but I'm trying to change my whole life and mindset as of recent because I'm DONE letting slumps etc take over my life.

It's not that I'm trying to steal their personality or energy!!!! I'm just taking inspo \*\*they help me to see a whole new world\*\* !

It's so easy to get used to what we have around us, and sometimes things in our life are actually taking a negatve toll on us and weighing us down.

I'm definitely going to do a whole life reset , get rid of old things and try to "create new energy" same as how I sometimes feel like the air is just stagnant or cloggy, so I'll tidy up and get some fresh air in and it truly does change the vibe especially if the area was messy beforehand!

Has anyone else done this? There is also a woman I follow on tiktok and she is basically exactly the woman I want to be (but ofc I want my own body and skin I just mean she has my style and the life I want)

And somerimes I watch her and she helps me to remember I do have control over my life and we DO create our lives via our daily habits and our goals and routines etc !

She helps to inspire me if I ever fall into depression or so.

Everyone is beautiful as they are, but one thing I also want to definitely work on this year is eating healthier and losing some weight, I LOVE food but I over eat so I gain weight sometimes and I currently have a very bloated face 😂 I feel heavier too and I dont like it.

Guess what? I've said that before!! As I said, I put things off a LOTTTT.

But I am genuinely done , I'm so tired of life but also of myself putting things off which could genuinely cause me even more stress in the future because I could end up in situations I don't want or like because I'm not putting myself first or locking in.

I am basically being lazy. However it's just burn out so I need to manage stress etc better . It's easier said than done but I'm going to start small!

Currently, for the first time ever btw, my room is a MESS , yes it has gotten messy in the past, but for months now I just got so overwhelmed by life and general housework that I started to neglect myself and my own room, I started to not care as much about throwing wrappers or boxes on my floor, I kept thinking "I'll do it soon" and because I also had other housework to do, it felt a bit like it's not so bad to add a bit to it since I'll do it all soon.

Soon didnt rly happen, somerimes sure but I never got it fully done.

I am now done living like this, I don't deserve it, and it is only making me go even lower!

I can't believe I turned into that! My room is truly a mess it is embarrassing, food boxes and such all over the floor, but it also makes me sad that I got so low. I'm giving myself love too of course as should anyone here who relates!!

Lets all get our lives fixed and on a better path! WE CAN DO IT

Comment the ways you're going to start improving your own life of u relate :)

It sometimes feels isolating because so many people seem to be able to just get things done and not struggle with burning out so often, but I know people like me exist too and absolutely everyone gets drained sometimes (I definitely do more than most tho unfortunately)

I want a softer life, when I have the funds I actually plan to get a house cleaner once a week just because housework is the bane of my existence.. I HATE it and maintaining it causes me so much stress.

Right what I mean: I am VERY prone to getting depressed, I will put off tasks a LOT.

And overall my whole life I've struggled with feelings of doom and gloom unfortunately.! And lack of hope, lack of motivation and so I basically go into these slumps . I eventually snap out of it and feel more motivated, and excited for life. But unfortunately it all repeats.

Anyway, sometimes I meet or see people that just have this beautiful energy, they don't seem to delay things, they just DO things,

For example I can plan to go to the library tomorrow, but tomorrow I may feel gloomy or anxious or something so I won't go or I'll simply lack the motivation to get myself there, then it can take me WEEKS to actually do it .

But then there are people who can just do things AND I notice they are much more positive than me! They dont have this lack of hope atleast it's not often nor as high as mine!

I LOVE speaking with them, it actually helps me to snap out of my negative ways ! It truly helps me see the world more positively, almost like it fills me with sunshine! Idk what It is about their energy but a cousin of mine has it and I've always just loved being around her, period.

I have also met it in strangers .

Similar to this though \*\*a bit different this one but pls read\*\*

See if you see a photo or videos of a beautiful home, and a beautiful life - like someone living in an area that's beautiful, them running errands, I obviously get some sort of "vibe" from them and sometimes I use that and try to create it in my own life!

It has worked but I eventually fall into my old ways but I'm trying to change my whole life and mindset as of recent because I'm DONE letting slumps etc take over my life.

It's not that I'm trying to steal their personality or energy!!!! I'm just taking inspo \*\*they help me to see a whole new world\*\* !

It's so easy to get used to what we have around us, and sometimes things in our life are actually taking a negatve toll on us and weighing us down.

I'm definitely going to do a whole life reset , get rid of old things and try to "create new energy" same as how I sometimes feel like the air is just stagnant or cloggy, so I'll tidy up and get some fresh air in and it truly does change the vibe especially if the area was messy beforehand!

Has anyone else done this? There is also a woman I follow on tiktok and she is basically exactly the woman I want to be (but ofc I want my own body and skin I just mean she has my style and the life I want)

And somerimes I watch her and she helps me to remember I do have control over my life and we DO create our lives via our daily habits and our goals and routines etc !

She helps to inspire me if I ever fall into depression or so.

Everyone is beautiful as they are, but one thing I also want to definitely work on this year is eating healthier and losing some weight, I LOVE food but I over eat so I gain weight sometimes and I currently have a very bloated face 😂 I feel heavier too and I dont like it.

Guess what? I've said that before!! As I said, I put things off a LOTTTT.

But I am genuinely done , I'm so tired of life but also of myself putting things off which could genuinely cause me even more stress in the future because I could end up in situations I don't want or like because I'm not putting myself first or locking in.

I am basically being lazy. However it's just burn out so I need to manage stress etc better . It's easier said than done but I'm going to start small!

Currently, for the first time ever btw, my room is a MESS , yes it has gotten messy in the past, but for months now I just got so overwhelmed by life and general housework that I started to neglect myself and my own room, I started to not care as much about throwing wrappers or boxes on my floor, I kept thinking "I'll do it soon" and because I also had other housework to do, it felt a bit like it's not so bad to add a bit to it since I'll do it all soon.

Soon didnt rly happen, somerimes sure but I never got it fully done.

I am now done living like this, I don't deserve it, and it is only making me go even lower!

I can't believe I turned into that! My room is truly a mess it is embarrassing, food boxes and such all over the floor, but it also makes me sad that I got so low. I'm giving myself love too of course as should anyone here who relates!!

Lets all get our lives fixed and on a better path! WE CAN DO IT

Comment the ways you're going to start improving your own life of u relate :)

It sometimes feels isolating because so many people seem to be able to just get things done and not struggle with burning out so often, but I know people like me exist too and absolutely everyone gets drained sometimes (I definitely do more than most tho unfortunately)

I want a softer life, when I have the funds I actually plan to get a house cleaner once a week just because housework is the bane of my existence.. I HATE it and maintaining it causes me so much stress.

I have noticed when I get very stressed or tired it obviously affects my appearance. I'm only 21 though and I want to keep myself looking good but the way I look sometimes... **Makes me think WHY EVEN TRY** but then there are days I look and feel beautiful.

However I think I'm definitely maybe lacking that glow? You know when someone just looks fresh and truly glowing?

It figures since I'm stressed a lot of the time, I'm going to find ways to manage it better but sometimes it's not rly avoidable I feel..

Oh and what's with the difference looks in different lighting?! The reason I think I may look dull is because at my home mirror, I will look beautiful and normal , some days I look very well.

But then somerimes I'll see myself in day light lighting, and I noticed my skin somehow now has this weird bumpy texture on my cheeks that I literally NEVER notice or even feel??

And I just look less good, suddenly my pimples are more red too.

I WOULD like to find a face cream or foundation that's LIGHT and breathable that'll basically provide a subtle coverage on my skin and brighten it up (I usually go for rly pale concealers for this effect but idk any good ones)

However it also starts from within, ofc I want to also make myself shine from within.

Are there any healthy eating or healthy habit tips that could help me with this? I know we will sometimes look more haggard that's life! But I feel it can be so often.

I've even noticed this in others, there are just days we look better than other days!

How can I stop this? It does help to have a little treat like iced coffee but I can't always afford to have that at home.

It's becoming such a problem because I make myself oversleep because I just don't want to get up.

I feel miserable in the mornings and only later in the day do I start feeling more positive :/ it's like I get morning depression?

Any of you relate? Let's help eachother get out!!