r/childfree

I’ll go first. When they call their offspring “littles”.

Anyone else so child free they don’t even want to be an aunt/uncle? I love my brother but he isn’t child free and I dread the day he has a kid and then I’m now stuck with a niece/nephew. It sounds messed up but I don’t even want the responsibilities of being an aunt. I don’t want to lose my brother to parenthood, to be forced to attend important life events for the child, gifts, helping in its raising, etc. I hope I’m not the only one who feels this way and hope this post came across as intended.

Today I was visiting my sister with her baby and maaannn, it screamed because of literally anything. I know that babies are like that, but I SWEAR THEY ALWAYS FIND A RANDOM REASON TO SCREAM.

Doesn't like a toy. Screams. Is sitting the wrong way. Screams. I look at him. Screams. I pass by. Screams.

Like what the hell? Drained, I go home, sitting on the train, and what is there? LOTS OF LITTLE KIDS BETWEEN 1 TO 5 YEARS OLD RUNNING AROUND AND SCREAMING.

Oh, and a baby behind me, like (screaming, of course) while I'm typing this. So now I am stuck on the train for an hour with 3 screaming little kids in front of me and 2 babies behind me. Just great.

Motherhood seems to be like a scam. In no universe can I be convinced that this is worth it. I look around, and the parents look so exhausted and full of regret. And honestly, I know people are trying to convince me that I am brainwashed for not wanting kids. “You don’t want kids because of feminism.” Uh, excuse me, what??

Sorry, needed to rant. I hope I will survive this train journey. Again, another kid crying for some stupid reason.

Send help.

Long vent ahead.

I'm a 33 year old woman, never been in a relationship, and just never wanted one that badly. Last year I started thinking seriously about whether or not I was going to have kids, and over the course of a year I realized I just don't want them. I kept putting off telling my mom but she asked me about it yesterday and I figured I might as well rip off the Band Aid. I recently told her I was genuinely okay if I don't ever get married, but we hadn't talked about kids.

She took it pretty badly and over the course of the conversation she said I wasn't the person she thought I was. I could tell it just slipped out, but regardless, it was brutal to hear.

My best friend passed away by suicide a few years ago, and it's been such a journey of coming to terms with the immense guilt I felt. The radical acceptance that I had to find spread to the rest of my life, and even though I always just thought my life would go a certain way, that I'd get married and have kids, I've accepted the fact that that's not actually the path I want (at least the kids part).

I'm the oldest daughter with younger brothers and definitely have "oldest daughter syndrome" - I was my mom's unsolicited therapist (until I drew a line after my friend's passing), and always tried to meet the expectations people have of female family members. Doing more housework, helping my mom get everything ready for family events, taking on more of the mental load of keeping the family and house organized, showing up to everything. And it feels like none of it mattered. I tried to be everything everyone wanted me to be, especially when I was younger. As an adult I've drawn more boundaries, but it still hurts to feel this way. I know I shouldn't care this much what my mom thinks, and a big part of me doesn't. But the little kid in me still does.

Today she she apologized for how she handled the conversation and said she would try therapy again - there's a lot of family stuff going on and she knows I'm not the therapist anymore.

I'm grateful she at least realized she should talk to someone. But I just wanted to post this vent. Thanks for the safe space.

So this is one of those things that I have always found absolutely terrifying for the sheer fact that it exists. A pregnancy that remains undetected until late in the trimesters or even until labor begins. Tests coming back false-negative, barely any symptoms. Occuring in about 1 in 400-500 pregnancies, which is still quite a lot. The horror of the fact that your own body took your autonomy away. Your own body is forcing you to go through a delivery. And to add insult to injury; the general reactions to such news is always "what a wonderfull surprise!". No. That is a traumatic expierence even for the women (or other people) who actually want children.

I've started noticing this annoying little pattern where people come into my apartment, look around for half a minute, and somehow decide I'm living in a waiting room for my "real" life. Not because the place is bare either. It isn't some random mattress-on-the-floor setup. I put real time into it. I picked furniture I actually wanted, not whatever was on sale and good enough. I have a desk that fits how I work, lighting that doesn't make the place feel like a dentist office, a couch I can actually fall asleep on, shelves with stuff I use all the time. The whole apartment is set up around my life being easier and calmer. And still, some people act like it's just a placeholder because there isn't a nursery shoved into one of the rooms. Like if a home isn't built around kids, then it must be some kind of trial version of adulthood. That part always gets me.

What really bugs me is how casual they are about it. They'll say stuff like "Oh you'll probably redo all this later anyway" or "This is cute for now" and just keep talking like they didn't say something insanely dumb. Cute for what exactly. For paying my bills, working, coming home, cooking in a kitchen I actually like, and enjoying the fact that nothing in here is sticky or screaming. I like that my second room is mine. Not a future kid room, not a holding area for some imaginary family plan, just mine. I like that I buy things because I want them and because they fit my actual life, not because they need to survive being thrown at a wall by a toddler. And I'm not trying to make some dramatic statement with the apartment either. I'm just living like a normal adult woman who knows what she likes. Somehow that still short-circuits people. The second they hear I don't want kids, every choice becomes "for now" in their head. My routine is temporary, the layout is temporary, the comfort is temporary. As if the only way a home becomes legitimate is if you eventually turn it into a daycare with nicer cabinets. The funniest part is a lot of these comments come from people whose houses are full of random plastic junk and noise and stuff piled in corners, and they're standing in my very normal clean apartment acting like I'm the confused one. I had somebody in my kitchen not long ago tell me the place would make more sense "later" while I was literally making coffee in a kitchen designed exactly how I wanted it. That was kind of the whole answer right there , and she still didn't get it.

Had my annual checkup last week. New doctor, mine retired. She's fine, thorough, asked all the right questions. Then she gets to the family planning section and I say what I always say, no kids, not planning on it. She pauses, looks up from her screen, and does the thing. "You're only 29, you have time to decide." I told her I've already decided. She tilted her head in that specific way people do when they think you're confused about your own life and said "well, you might feel differently once you meet the right person." I have been with my partner for six years. I mentionned this. She said "that's sweet, but people surprise themselves." I genuinely did not know what to do with that sentence so I just stared at her until she moved on. The part that gets me every time is that these conversations are never actually about me. Nobody is curious about my reasoning or my life. It's always just this reflex, like the idea that someone might not want children is a glitch that needs to be gently corrected by a stranger with a clipboard. I've had this exact conversation with hairdressers, coworkers, my dentist, a woman behind me in a grocery line, and now my GP. At some point you stop being surprised and just start mentally cataloguing it. This one goes in the medical professionals folder, right next to the gyno from 2021 who told me I'd "understand when I held my own baby." I'm good thanks.

Back in the day when I was a teacher I met this women (also teacher) She was in her late 60s and childless. At the time I was 18 and asked her “Did you ever regret not having kids”(now I know that’s a dickish question to ask 😅🤣😫) and she simply replied with “Absolutely fucking not. Kids are expensive , you’ll never get your time back. The won’t take care of me when I’m old anyways. You should only have kids when you’re bored honey and baby I have never been bored a day in my life.”

That stuck with me.

I am now 30 Childfree teaching others that it’s a choice .None of that “oh well they will heal all the trauma you had” Thats BS and a lot of pressure to put on a child. I know this because I was the end result of that statement. If anything being raised by someone who was severely mentally ill taught me to break a cycle.

STAY STRONG LADYs and GENTS 💛🫶🏻

Ugh. After claiming she was child-free for almost 10 years of our friendship, she drops the bomb on me by telling me she’s pregnant. I tried to have a positive reaction, but honestly I wanted to cry.

Not wanting kids was something we bonded over from the very beginning. I felt like I was going to have at least one friend couple who could go out with my partner and I with the freedom of not having children. It just feels like I’ve been lied to this whole time. And her reason for having a kid? “She has done everything she’s wanted to do with her husband.” Ma’am, it sounds like you should get divorced then? To make things even worse, I don’t think he even wants a kid. Classic.

Now every time I see her looking more pregnant I just feel dread. They’re also scrambling to do a bunch of “fun things” before the kid comes and I’m confused why they even want one then.

Now I feel like if I want our friendship to continue I have to be the chipper, supportive friend that pretends to gush over the baby so I don’t look like an asshole.

I’m just overall very sad and angry and frustrated. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

I’m so sick of never being able to just have some peace in my own home and garden.

My next door neighbours are incessantly loud, them, their kids, their dogs even who continuously bark at everything and whine for hours when they’re left alone in the house.

They have 3 young children between 2-7 I believe, oldest was 2ish when they moved in and from a young age all she did is SCREAM, one time I was cleaning the room that backs onto the shared wall and the kid screamed, mother just screamed back - it’s honestly no wonder the younger ones have gone the same way, as theres clearly no discipline in that house. The children are regularly up past 10pm because we can hear them when we’re in bed.

If it isn’t enough that we can hear them regularly through the walls, they let their kids make so much noise outside too, completely stopping me and my fiancé from enjoying our garden in peace.

Today is probably the first actual warm day of the year and it’s a bank holiday where I live and seeing the weather would be nice I ordered new furniture for the garden so I could sit and enjoy the weather, (to clarify I have no issue with them being outside to enjoy the weather too, the unnecessary noise is my issue) and could only manage a few minutes before one of them started playing a game with the volume all the way up (because of course they’re also iPad kids) their dogs barking for no reason and in turn my dog barks back.

So I gave up and came inside to build some Lego flowers and I can still hear them.

One day I would happily move somewhere with zero neighbours for miles but financially it’s not gonna be doable for some time. Things like this is what makes me hate the phrase “you’re entitled to a childfree life, not a childfree world” because even in my own home I can’t avoid them.

Edit to add - we wanted kids when we moved here so being in a community type neighbourhood was very appealing, these neighbours are probably 80% of the reason we are now childfree.

My sister in laws both had kids early which prompted them getting married and are popping them out now on a yearly basis, or trying to. They don’t think that my demanding work as a founding executive at multiple start ups at a time, and having two dogs to take care of, that I could ever imagine being a mom or what they go through. It’s like they see me as less than and choosing the easier path, or that they are superior to me for being mothers?

Anything I say gets slammed as having it easy or assuming my ability to understand their duties which are posed as being more difficult than mine/having a higher purpose.

Both of them and a lot of my other female friends have told me they want to have kids and be SAHM’s purely because they don’t want to have to work. They want to retire and live off a husband so they have kids. The guys they choose can’t even afford rent on their own most of the time. I find this reasoning pretty disgusting and superiority complex a little insane.

I’ve also gotten commentary that being a mom just isn’t my destiny or purpose on this earth like it is for them, because I am being responsible trying to create a stable life with financial stability as much as possible- with my own money and success that can’t be taken away from me or my potential future child. Seems irresponsible to “figure it out” and rely on a guy now of days who aren’t even making much as it is without a dependent, much less two dependents.

Anyone else ever heard of this or deal with something similar? Am I the assh*ole here?

My area is one of the most expensive areas in the usa for property taxes. They keep going up massively every year. The reason? "We have the best schools".

Ok great. However, I pay the 3rd most in the entire town and I have never and will never use the schools.

If parents get tons of tax advantages for having kids, they cant throw us a bone and give a tax rebate for living in a town X years and not ever using the schools (which are like 75% of the property taxes).

I get that it "takes a village" and therefore am not asking for a full refund, but SOMETHING would be nice..

I’ve been recently watching the show unexpected and my first thought is always abortion but I know the premise of the show wouldn’t exist so I suck it up and watch. I hope it is convincing people especially teenagers to not have kids. The show is awful, the boys (because they’re teenagers are awful) they don’t respect pregnancy or giving birth, they usually never stay or help out the next season you always see the couples have split up if they even came back for the next season. There’s always fights and arguments. The men saying a bunch of crap to these young girl. And they’re super young between 14-19 years old getting pregnant sometimes having 2 kids that young. I don’t get it. Idk if that’s just what high school is about but I hope it is convincing the new generation to be childfree because it looks like a nightmare.

I’ve noticed that as soon as I say I don’t want kids, people suddenly act weird around me. It’s like I broke some unspoken rule

Does anyone else get this? How do you deal with the constant questioning or judgment without losing your cool?

What are the Pros and Cons of being a SINK?
What is your daily routine?
How does management work?
What is your whole experience being a SINK?

I'll start this off by saying I was naive and ignored so many signs. I used to come on this sub and tell people that people with kids as friends aren't all bad and used my (ex) best friend as an example.

I am sorry. I was terribly wrong amd I learned a really hard lesson from this.

I was best friends with this woman, whom I met in my 30s. We were very different from each other but I liked that and embraced learning a new perspective from the eyes of someone else. When we first met she had 2 younger kids and 4 older ones that could care for themselves. She then got pregnant with the 7th kid. Something drastically changed. Before she would find time for just her and me. We could hang out and go places together without kids but then once she had the 7th, she would never go anywhere without that one young kid. I dealt with it for a long time and just assumed she needed to be around to help the little one. Then they got a bit older and it was still going on. Then she got a boyfriend, she is married and they are ok with that dynamic and I supported that.

She would put the bf over me and our time any chance she got. At first, I was trying to be understanding still. Then she would ditch me, show up multiple hours late for plans we had made, or not show at all. When I brought it up to her, she cried liked a 2 year old, made it all about herself and how she's the victim and told me her relationship with her new bf was not the same as her and my relationship, that her love for her bf was much stronger than our friendship. This really hurt me, and my therapist said my only two options were 1. reevaluate the friendship to the terms of how my friend wants it and deal, or 2. end the friendship that wasnt doing anything for me anymore. I decided to continue the friendship because I dont have many girl friends and really wanted this to work.

After that day I thought this could still work, I just needed to stop being so needy in the friendship.

So I still tried. Which meant anytime we hung out, I would have to be around all 7 of her kids all of the time. I hated it. I loved her so much but I hated being around her kids and never getting time alone with her. It was like I wasn't worth her time. I felt sad and lonely in the friendship even with all of these people around me the entire time. I even tried to embrace it and took her 19 yo daughter on as my apprentice at work. We got along fine but her daughter was a gen z kid and terrible with social skills, which is needed in my profession. I worked with her daughter for a year and 4 months before I fired her for being lazy, having no social skills, and not showing up. The moment I fired the daughter, my friend came at me harshly..told me her kid has so much talent (she did not) and that she was so proud of her for going through such a hard life (which she did to her daughter by being in a weird cult when she was younger).

I told her thats fine but her daughter just wasn't cut out for the job and she needed to find what she wanted to do in life instead of wasting my time teaching her things her mom should have already taught her. Before this, we made a pact on how if it didnt work out and I fired her daughter we would still be friends. She agreed completely and said she knew how to keep things separate. Well guess what? That wasn't the case. She sent me a long winded text stating our friendship was not one she wanted to continue anymore because Im too strong headed for her and "intense". She's more of a rainbows and butterflies kinda woman and always has the mindset of an innocent uneducated child. I threw it off like she was positive and saw the world in a different light than I did. I sad and heartbroken my friend of 7 years decided to drop me as soon as I fired her kid.

Moral of the story, people with kids will never be your best friend. They will never choose you first. They will never have respect for your time or feelings and I should have listened to all of the stories I read on here. But I had my rose colored glassed on and couldn't see. I'm sorry I didnt listen. You were all right.

TLDR: my best friend dropped me after I fired her daughter from an apprenticeship and I thought she was different from the rest. She was not.

Has any one else noticed this? I was scrolling the other day when I saw another “heartwarming” baby post. It dawned on me that I get a lot of mommy/baby content even though I’m actively engaging with childfree content. I don’t get ANY cf content on my feed unless I type it in. It’s a bit fishy and suspicious to me. Tiktok definitely has an agenda

I fully support parents having flexibility for school pickups, sick kids, all of it. That makes complete sense to me and I'd never argue against it.

But as a childfree person I've genuinely started to wonder why we haven't extended that logic to all adults living full human lives.

Your elderly parent needs you for a medical appointment? You should be able to flex your hours without lying or burning leave. Your pet is seriously ill and needs a vet trip? Same. A close friend is going through a crisis and needs support? Same. You want to clock in an hour later because you have a morning routine that keeps you mentally well and functional? Same.

The progressive case for parental flexibility is fundamentally about recognising that people have lives outside of work that make them more sustainable employees, not less. That logic doesn't stop at "has children."

And the fact that a lot of us have to lie or carefully frame things just to access basic consideration at work says something uncomfortable about how we still implicitly rank whose life obligations count as legitimate. Pets aren't "real" family. Friends aren't "real" dependents. Your mental health routine isn't a "real" reason to start late.

Adulting without kids isn't adulting-lite. We have beloved animals, aging relatives, friendships, bodies and mental health to tend to as well.

Flexibility should be a human thing, not a parent thing.

if I'm being honest, as someone who's childfree, I don't think it would do anything for me on an emotional or personal level if children stopped existing

Maybe it's because I've never wanted to be a dad.

Maybe it's because I've never wanted anything to do with kids (outside of entertainment purposes since I'm an artist)

Maybe it's because I hate when old generations claim they want kids only to shit on the new generation's way of thinking despite the fact that they're the ones who chose to raise them in a completely different world

Maybe it's because outside of our biology or maternal/paternal instincts, I don't understand how not having kids would be a bad thing for childfree people

Especially when *some* of our day-to-day lives have nothing to do with kids in the first place

I'm open for an answer of any kind. Cause it just doesn't make sense to me

We all know the typical accusations of being "selfish" or whatever, and they are annoying as hell. What else is there that annoys you - either because it's completely false or because it applies to only a tiny percentage of the childfree, yet it's extrapolated on every single of us?

To me, one of the weirdest assumptions is that we must be loaded just because we have no children. Sure, some of us are well-off, but having no children is not an automatic way to become a millionaire. Besides, just because we don't spend money on kids, it doesn't mean we're free from other expenses.

I'd like to hear what your experiences are.