u/Visible-Criticism425

I want my old friend back, but it seems things are not right. What should I do?

I’m a 30M and one of my closest platonic friends is a 36F married coworker. We’ve known each other for around 4 years. The first 2 years were honestly great, we were fully supportive of each other, not judging each other, always laughing,etc . We used to talk a lot, laugh together, support each other emotionally, and I genuinely felt valued in the friendship.

But over the last 2 years, especially after more people became part of our office circle, her behavior toward me has changed in a way that keeps confusing and hurting me.

When we are alone, she is usually very warm and comfortable with me. She shares personal things, asks me for favors, calls me when she needs emotional support, and overall acts close to me. Even now, if she needs help, wants chocolates from outside, or wants to vent, I’m usually the person she comes to first.

But in group settings, especially around 7–8 coworkers, she becomes a completely different person. She ignores me, excludes me, barely engages with me, and acts much more lively and interested with everyone else. We all stand together daily outside a tea shop after work, and I’ve noticed something repeatedly: when I’m standing there, she becomes quiet or disengaged, but the moment I step away to pay or pick up tea, she suddenly starts laughing and talking actively with others. Then when I come back, she withdraws again.

She also behaves differently toward me socially compared to others. If she wants to go to lunch, she directly invites others, but with me she’s indirect like “where are you going?” instead of openly including me. Sometimes it genuinely feels like she doesn’t want to be seen choosing me in front of others.

Another thing that affects me is how she reacts when people disrespect me. If someone jokes about me or misbehaves with me, she often laughs with them instead of supporting me. But if I defend myself or react back, later in private she tells me I shouldn’t have retaliated. It feels like she becomes protective of others even when they disrespect me, while my feelings are rarely considered.

Even one-on-one, she sometimes subtly insults me, curses at me, or behaves disrespectfully, though not all the time. The confusing part is that sometimes she can also be genuinely caring and supportive, which keeps pulling me back emotionally.

Professionally, we work together too. She’s disciplined and good at her work, and although she has more experience, I’m the Team Lead. Most things are fine professionally, but there have been moments where I felt she indirectly teamed up with others to pressure or corner me at work socially.

Overall, I feel like privately she depends on me emotionally, but publicly she distances herself from me and values others more. Sometimes she seems happy for me when we are alone, but the moment others join, her energy shifts completely toward them and I feel invisible.

I know there are red flags, but I’ve become emotionally attached and I’m struggling to understand why someone can be caring in private but dismissive in groups. Part of me wants answers, and part of me wants her to realize how much this behavior has affected me.

What I find good:

She drinks water from her bottle, and mine. No one else.

Whenever we all go for lunch she is only comfortable to pillion on my bike and no one else.

She never goes to anyone else's desk except mine, not only for work but for off topic discussion too.

What I find bad:

She ignores me when we are in group setting or even any third person joins.

She has stopped laughing with me but never fails to laugh at me.

She teams up with others but not me.

She has never cursed anyone else except me (once she cursed me because I dont take leave and boss compliemented me about it).

She once made a new friendship with a guy who disrespects me, The problem is after becoming his friend she started to disrespect me, they both always made me feel left out, never considered me, she always declines me whenever I stand for myself against this guy or anyone else.

She now only remembers me most of the time when she needs favour or wants to be emotionally heard.

Once in every 1-2 months she behaves like I am special to her, this is when I feel good about myself. Then again she is back to bad patterns as mentioned above.

TL;DR:

Close female coworker friend is warm and emotionally dependent on me in private, but ignores, excludes, and sometimes joins others against me in group settings. She rarely supports me publicly and often takes my feelings for granted, while still coming to me for emotional support and favors. This confusing push-pull dynamic has been going on for 2 years and is affecting me emotionally.

Recently on 13th April I got one tooth filling done. It was deep, but the x-ray shows no sign of rct. The dentist first did a temporary filling for 8 days, no pain or soreness in those 8 days, the x-ray was again normal. The dentist on 21st April did the Permanent filling. No pain or soreness I drink hot or cold liquid, no reaction of pain on that tooth everything was normal until last Thursday 7thMay, suddenly I feel sharp shock pain while drinking cold water for 3-4 seconds, no pain otherwise only soreness sometimes. I contacted my dentist, x-ray was again normal, filling was intact. She observed inflammation on the gum area around that tooth, she gave an anti inflammation gel and also applied some desensitizing gel/coat. I have not yet tried anything cold after that, I am scared to try. But I have observed after the last visit the soreness has increased, no pain yet, while lying down on one side, I feel soreness on that nerve or under tooth, gum still feels swollen. I have not yet informed my dentist about this. Is it normal or there is a need for rct.

​

I’m a 30M and one of my closest platonic friends is a 36F married coworker. We’ve known each other for around 4 years. The first 2 years were honestly great, we were fully supportive of each other, not judging each other, always laughing,etc . We used to talk a lot, laugh together, support each other emotionally, and I genuinely felt valued in the friendship.

But over the last 2 years, especially after more people became part of our office circle, her behavior toward me has changed in a way that keeps confusing and hurting me.

When we are alone, she is usually very warm and comfortable with me. She shares personal things, asks me for favors, calls me when she needs emotional support, and overall acts close to me. Even now, if she needs help, wants chocolates from outside, or wants to vent, I’m usually the person she comes to first.

But in group settings, especially around 7–8 coworkers, she becomes a completely different person. She ignores me, excludes me, barely engages with me, and acts much more lively and interested with everyone else. We all stand together daily outside a tea shop after work, and I’ve noticed something repeatedly: when I’m standing there, she becomes quiet or disengaged, but the moment I step away to pay or pick up tea, she suddenly starts laughing and talking actively with others. Then when I come back, she withdraws again.

She also behaves differently toward me socially compared to others. If she wants to go to lunch, she directly invites others, but with me she’s indirect like “where are you going?” instead of openly including me. Sometimes it genuinely feels like she doesn’t want to be seen choosing me in front of others.

Another thing that affects me is how she reacts when people disrespect me. If someone jokes about me or misbehaves with me, she often laughs with them instead of supporting me. But if I defend myself or react back, later in private she tells me I shouldn’t have retaliated. It feels like she becomes protective of others even when they disrespect me, while my feelings are rarely considered.

Even one-on-one, she sometimes subtly insults me, curses at me, or behaves disrespectfully, though not all the time. The confusing part is that sometimes she can also be genuinely caring and supportive, which keeps pulling me back emotionally.

Professionally, we work together too. She’s disciplined and good at her work, and although she has more experience, I’m the Team Lead. Most things are fine professionally, but there have been moments where I felt she indirectly teamed up with others to pressure or corner me at work socially.

Overall, I feel like privately she depends on me emotionally, but publicly she distances herself from me and values others more. Sometimes she seems happy for me when we are alone, but the moment others join, her energy shifts completely toward them and I feel invisible.

I know there are red flags, but I’ve become emotionally attached and I’m struggling to understand why someone can be caring in private but dismissive in groups. Part of me wants answers, and part of me wants her to realize how much this behavior has affected me.

TL;DR:

Close female coworker friend is warm and emotionally dependent on me in private, but ignores, excludes, and sometimes joins others against me in group settings. She rarely supports me publicly and often takes my feelings for granted, while still coming to me for emotional support and favors. This confusing push-pull dynamic has been going on for 2 years and is affecting me emotionally.

I’m a 30M and one of my closest platonic friends is a 36F married coworker. We’ve known each other for around 4 years. The first 2 years were honestly great. We were supportive of each other, laughed a lot, never judged each other, and I genuinely felt valued in the friendship.

But over the last 2 years, especially after more people became part of our office circle, her behavior toward me has changed in a way that keeps confusing and hurting me.

When we are alone, she is usually warm and comfortable with me. She shares personal things, asks me for favors, calls me when she needs emotional support, and overall acts close to me. Even now, if she needs help, wants chocolates from outside, or wants to vent, I’m usually the first person she comes to.

But in group settings, especially around 7–8 coworkers, she becomes completely different. She ignores me, excludes me, barely engages with me, and acts much more lively and interested with everyone else. We all stand together daily outside a tea shop after work, and I’ve noticed that when I’m standing there, she becomes quiet or disengaged. But the moment I step away to pay or pick up tea, she suddenly starts laughing and talking actively with others. Then when I come back, she withdraws again.

She also behaves differently toward me socially compared to others. If she wants to go to lunch, she directly invites others, but with me she says things indirectly like “where are you going?” instead of openly including me. Sometimes it genuinely feels like she doesn’t want to be seen choosing me in front of others.

What hurts most is how she reacts when people disrespect me. If someone jokes about me or misbehaves with me, she often laughs with them instead of supporting me. But if I defend myself, later in private she tells me I shouldn’t have reacted. It feels like she becomes protective of others even when they disrespect me, while my feelings are rarely considered.

TL;DR:

A close female coworker friend is warm and emotionally dependent on me in private, but ignores, excludes, and sometimes joins others against me in group settings. She rarely supports me publicly and often takes my feelings for granted, while still coming to me for emotional support and favors. This confusing push-pull dynamic has been going on for 2 years and is affecting me emotionally.

I’m a 30M and one of my closest platonic friends is a 36F married coworker. We’ve known each other for around 4 years. The first 2 years were honestly great, we were fully supportive of each other, not judging each other, always laughing,etc . We used to talk a lot, laugh together, support each other emotionally, and I genuinely felt valued in the friendship.

But over the last 2 years, especially after more people became part of our office circle, her behavior toward me has changed in a way that keeps confusing and hurting me.

When we are alone, she is usually very warm and comfortable with me. She shares personal things, asks me for favors, calls me when she needs emotional support, and overall acts close to me. Even now, if she needs help, wants chocolates from outside, or wants to vent, I’m usually the person she comes to first.

But in group settings, especially around 7–8 coworkers, she becomes a completely different person. She ignores me, excludes me, barely engages with me, and acts much more lively and interested with everyone else. We all stand together daily outside a tea shop after work, and I’ve noticed something repeatedly: when I’m standing there, she becomes quiet or disengaged, but the moment I step away to pay or pick up tea, she suddenly starts laughing and talking actively with others. Then when I come back, she withdraws again.

She also behaves differently toward me socially compared to others. If she wants to go to lunch, she directly invites others, but with me she’s indirect like “where are you going?” instead of openly including me. Sometimes it genuinely feels like she doesn’t want to be seen choosing me in front of others.

Another thing that affects me is how she reacts when people disrespect me. If someone jokes about me or misbehaves with me, she often laughs with them instead of supporting me. But if I defend myself or react back, later in private she tells me I shouldn’t have retaliated. It feels like she becomes protective of others even when they disrespect me, while my feelings are rarely considered.

Even one-on-one, she sometimes subtly insults me, curses at me, or behaves disrespectfully, though not all the time. The confusing part is that sometimes she can also be genuinely caring and supportive, which keeps pulling me back emotionally.

Professionally, we work together too. She’s disciplined and good at her work, and although she has more experience, I’m the Team Lead. Most things are fine professionally, but there have been moments where I felt she indirectly teamed up with others to pressure or corner me at work socially.

Overall, I feel like privately she depends on me emotionally, but publicly she distances herself from me and values others more. Sometimes she seems happy for me when we are alone, but the moment others join, her energy shifts completely toward them and I feel invisible.

I know there are red flags, but I’ve become emotionally attached and I’m struggling to understand why someone can be caring in private but dismissive in groups. Part of me wants answers, and part of me wants her to realize how much this behavior has affected me.

TL;DR:

Close female coworker friend is warm and emotionally dependent on me in private, but ignores, excludes, and sometimes joins others against me in group settings. She rarely supports me publicly and often takes my feelings for granted, while still coming to me for emotional support and favors. This confusing push-pull dynamic has been going on for 2 years and is affecting me emotionally.

I got my tooth filling done, the decay was deep and I was not experiencing pain, but X-ray showed no need for a root canal, but for assurance my dentist suggested temporary filling for a week, there was no pain, or discomfort, everything was normal. So the dentist decided to do permanent filling, it has been 20 days since the permanent filling, there was no discomfort or pain, suddenly from yesterday onwards I am feeling sharp pain while drinking cold water. The pain lasted for 3-4 seconds, but I got scared. Then I visited my dentist and she observed the gum around that was weak, and suggested something like Astringent, Analgesic liquid, and told to apply it for a few days. But still I am unsure is it the right way?

Looking for a Single occupancy room Male with attached bathroom.

Budget is max 16k

No brokerage