u/Dizzy-Ad-4521

Sweet baby Jesus my life feels like an endless secret gameshow. I have twin two year old boys. I seriously feel like every day is filled with secret bullet points of how to piss off a toddler and I'm the chump contestant!

Just a few random ones from the past few days:

1. I wouldn't allow one of my sons to shove his chips into the air conditioner and be successful in making the entire house smell like stale gym socks.

2. I wouldn't allow my son to shove his finger so far up his nose that he was scratching his brain wrinkles, resulting in a nose bleed.

3. I wouldn't allow him to play with his poop.

4. I told my son to stop when he was shoving his entire first down his gullet and causing himself to gag.

5. "No you may not play with Mommy's nipples."

6. We ran out of puff corn.

7. They aren't allowed to survive on milk alone all day.

Please feel free to continue with your own toddlers antics..

(Was told I should post my experience here)

I(33F), finally had enough of my(36M, Ian) husbands mothers horse crap and shenanigans, am now the hero of my husbands family and the worst person ever in MIL eyes.

Ian and I had been dating for about 6 months and I had come to find that this amazing human being was everything I knew I wanted in a partner and it was time to meet the parents as we had set the boundaries early on that we wouldn't meet each other's family until six months in so that we could focus on ourselves and our relationship before adding family and drama into the mix.

I had a family reunion coming up and so we decided to dive head first into my large families chaos. We are a pretty tight knit by large family and so it could have been seen as overwhelming but my husband seemed excited. I am the second oldest of 7 kids and each of my siblings had their own children. Not to mention all the aunts, uncles and cousins. Everything went off without a hitch and everyone welcomed Ian with open arms and we had a great time. Introduction to my family was officially a page in the history books. Now the time had come to meet his family.

I had obviously heard all about his family and the dynamic they all had. I knew his sister(Emily 25F) was sweet and quiet just like their father(Tom 57M). Ian's brother(Tyler, 31M) was loud and boisterous and full of life. His mother(Malenie, 56F) was pushy, domineering, and apparently, "the Boss" of the family. I understand that a lot of families view their elders as the "Patriarch" and "Matriarch" of their family and mine was very similar until my Pop-Pop passed. Now we are all on equal playing fields and all pitch in with each other.

I knew that he and his family didn't have family gatherings often due to how it turned out every time. His mother would always degrade every one of them the entire time until they each bid their farewells feeling deflated. I thought I was prepared when going in to meet his family but I can tell you that I was not. As the hours drew near the time of the family dinner I could see and feel a visible shift in Ian. His whole body grew tense and he would communicate through short clipped tones. He was stressed and was not looking forward to the dinner.

We got there a mere 5minutes late and his mother was waiting at the door, literally tapping her foot in impatience. "It's about damn time you got here." I almost laughed out loud because I thought she was joking until Ian replied, "Sorry mom, there was a train." And I saw his head sag on his shoulders and his mother continue with, "I don't want excuses but I expect the common courtesy of being on time or a phone call letting me know you'd be late." Already my flabbers were ghasted. I couldn't believe the exchange I had just heard and couldn't believe the events of the rest of the dinner as what I was warned about was exactly what happened.

Ian's mother was always the one talking, and asking questions. When I say talking, I really mean talking AT you and not in a conversational type of way. Tyler sat quietly as he poked his food around on the plate. Emily diligently ate her food in silence, not really looking around except for a few nervous glances my way. Tom sighed and closed his eyes tight throughout our time eating and Ian would randomly squeeze my thigh tightly when his mother would ask me questions.

I played my part well and just smiled as I was hit with a barrage of questions until she asked me what I did for employment. My eyes lit up because I truly love what I do. I told her that I was a case manager for at risk youth and was very passionate about it. I was pretty proud of myself for holding my own against the plethora of deep diving questions until I looked back at Melanie and could visibly see the wheels of judgement turning.

She sighed loudly and proceeded to explain that she just doesn't "get" people like me. Someone who is wasting their talents on individuals that mean nothing in the grand scheme of society. Individuals that should learn to do things on their own without being dependent on others. By the time she was done with her rant I was seeing red.

I didn't understand how someone could be so callous. I simply, sweetly, and innocently readjusted my halo that was resting on my horns and replied, "It's something that I am very passionate about. Some youth don't have a steady, safe, supportive or healthy home life to grow up in. Some need those positive and steady people in their lives to learn from. Plus I have plenty of empathy, patience, love and care to pass around. But you probably don't understand what that's like right?"

When I tell you that you could have heard a fly fart in that room, I am not kidding. Melanie's bottom jaw was flopping around so much it reminded me of the scene from Beetlejuice. Poor Tom instantly started coughing and choking on his food to the point I was ready to do the heimlic. Ian gripped my thigh so hard I expected bruises the next day. Emily randomly squeaked out that she had to pee and scurried off to the bathroom and Tylers eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as his head swiveled from me to his mother in rapid fire.

After a minute of remembering who she was, Melanie loudly gaffawed and announced she wasn't feeling good and going to bed. Tom sighed and said it was very nice to meet me but the evening had come to a close. We all said our goodbyes and when Tyler came in for a goodbye hug he said quietly, "That was epic! I like you already."

As time rolled by the months turned to years and Ian and I would often spend time with my side of the family and only a handful of times with his whole family. Often times it would just be his siblings and us as Melanie would often be "ill" when I was around. I would come to see Tyler really was the life of the party and Emily opened up a lot more and saw me as a sister.

Ian finally proposed two and a half years into our relationship and we couldn't wait for the rest of our lives. Then came a text in the family group chat from Melanie....

Melanie- "How dare you two get engaged without my knowledge or approval. Ian you know I wanted to be involved in all the major goings on in the family and you took this away from me. I'm ashamed of you and you should be too. I don't approve and won't give you my blessing."

Tom-"You two have my blessing."

Tyler-"Hell yeah!"

Emily-(Silence)

Ian-"Mom, your being rediculous"

Me-"Well Melanie considering you hide in your batcave anytime we...well mostly me come around there wasn't really any point in time to let you know our big news. And that's what it was.. NEWS. It wasn't going to be a question or permission asking. It was going to be a happy moment to share with family. We are all adults and as adults, we get to make our own decisions."

Tom-......

Ian-"She's right mom."

Tyler-(shocked face emoji)

Emily-(silence)

Thankfully Melanie remained blessedly silent for the most part until the wedding. Of course this apparently was her time to shine. Before the ceremony started she stopped into the bridal suite telling me she "was so excited for today". She was wearing a very pretty light blue cocktail style dress and she looked very stunning and I was a bit shocked that she had become accepting of Ian and I getting married. She stopped in where the guys were getting ready and spent time with Ian as well. Then she disappeared...

No one could find her when it was time to start the ceremony. They looked everywhere. They called and text her with no reply. Assuming she changed her mind and went home in protest we decided to just proceed without her. Everyone was seated and I had just completed my walk and our officiant was just about to start speaking when the door at the back of the church creaked open and a cheerful, blushing, WHITE ADORNED, with a tiara and a gaudy, blinged out WEDDING DRESS, Melanie came flowing in like she was walking on a frigging cloud. As she came down the isle she shook people's hands(my family included) and thanked them for being here. Everyone FROZE. Ian and Tyler at one side. My sister, Emily and I on the other. Tom almost fell off his seat at the front and even the officiant was gapping like a fish.

Once she had fluttered her fairy little self to the front of the church all hell broke loose.

Melanie-"I am soooo sorry I'm running behind and I'm sure Ian forgot to tell everyone but we wanted to make this a double celebration. While Ian and my soon to be daughter in law get married, my beloved Tom and myself will be renewing our wedding vows!"

Ian-(slightly under his breath)"Mom, what the hell is this?!"

Tom-(sighing and standing up)"Melanie no, let's go."

Tyler-(of course delightfully entertained)"The fuck is happening right now?"

Me- (seeing 50 shades of homicidal red. Hiking my dress up and stomping to Melanie.) "Excuse us for a moment everyone. We have to have a quick family meeting to talk about this "surprise"

I grab Melanie by the wrist and practically drag her into the back hallway as she dramatically gasps and flails and Tom, Ian, Emily, and Tyler all tow the line behind us. When we reach a safe distance away from the crowd I turn and all I want to do is pummel the woman standing in front of me.

Me-"What in the actual hell are you doing and why the hell are you wearing that gawd awful dress?? Why in the hell did you think this would be ok?"

Melanie-"If you must know, I wanted to surprise my Tom and Ian and make this day even more special and something to celebrate."

Me- "And you didn't think your son getting married was already going to be the happiest day to celebrate? Nevermind, don't answer that. We are done Melanie. I want you to leave. I also resend my invitation to you for the reception. I resend my invitation to you to come to our home when you want to visit. If Ian and I ever have children, I resend any contact you may want with them. I can't speak to the rest of your family or even Ian but I will say that the way you treat your family and those you love is deplorable and disgusting. The world doesn't revolve around you and if you don't start realizing that, you're going to lose everyone."

After saying what I needed to, I pranced myself back into the church as Ian and his family finished saying what they needed. When everyone came back in, Melanie was no where to be seen and apparently left.

The ceremony continued and was heartfelt and beautiful and the reception was filled with love from our families.

As of present, all three siblings have decided to go no contact with their mother despite the hateful texts and phone calls she keeps sending their way. Tom and Melanie are in the middle of a divorce and he seems to have a much more airy and lighthearted personality. All of us still get hateful texts and calls from some individuals on Melanie's side of the family but I also have had thank yous from Ian and his siblings for giving them the courage to stand up to their mother.

I know it was long but thank you to those who stuck with it.

I have always been told that I have a very vivid imagination. I'm a writer and I absolutely love writing books! I can imagine things during the day while my brain is awake and I can see every tiny little detail. Like if you ask me to close my eyes and picture an apple I would be able to tell you what color it is, what size it is, if it has any imperfections in the skin, if it has little water droplets on it, if it has a stem, does it have a leaf on it. What I didn't know is this could carry into my unconscious brain while I'm sleeping.

Night after night I have the same dream but the dream continues each night. Like my unconscious brain puts a pause on itself when I wake up and then just hits resume when I go back to sleep the next night. And everything is so highly detailed! For example in one room I could tell you what color of the walls are, what kind of cabinets, what kind of gadgets are in there, what does the TV look like, down to the tiny little minuscule imperfections in the wood.

Is any of this stuff normal for dreaming? Or is it just because I have such a high visual imagination?

Frustrated momma here and just wish it would come to an end.

Backstory for context:

My husband had a week long tryst with a woman that he thought he had a potential relationship with. Come to find out that she was just using him for what he could give her financially. After he began to tell her no she completely changed and told him she wanted nothing to do with her further. This week long situation ended up with her being pregnant with twins.

I have known my husband since middle school and was there for him after this disaster. We became a couple a few months after. I have been there for every high and every low that he has been through with this situation. Bio mom became extremely manipulative and was using their unborn twins as leverage to try and get what she wanted. She would always ask for money because "she needed gas to get to appointments" but every time we told her that we would meet her at a gas station and fill her tank she would get angry, throw a fit, call him every name in the book and then block him for weeks.

She would make threats such as "maybe I just won't tell you when the twins are born". Every time we didn't fall in line and do what she wanted. Discontinued the entire pregnancy period and unfortunately she ended up keeping her threat and not telling my husband when their sons were born. He didn't find out until her sister called him and let them know they were born. So he missed the birth of his sons.

Shortly after the birth we get a letter in the mail from CPS stating that both boys were born with substances in their system. After talking to her about it she said, "I did it the entire pregnancy so why should it matter now?"

After establishing paternity we immediately went and filed for emergency custody. Our ex parte order was granted and we got emergency custody of the boys at 7 months old until Court was completed. So much stuff had come out during the court hearing that we had no idea of. Both boys were born with substances in their system resulting in complications at birth. They were in protective daycare during the day for 8 hours a day so that CPS could keep an eye on that. She canceled or no call no showed to 32 out of 50 medical appointments for the boys. Had relapsed on meth multiple times. There's honestly so much more that I could list but I won't get into it.

We ended up being granted full sole custody of the boys and she gets 6 hours of supervised visitations a week. Plus she has to attend rehab. And she has to be at minimum one year free of all substances. The very same day that we signed court papers she accidentally texted me asking for dabs. She won't keep employment because every time she gets a job they garnish her wages for her child support. She only utilizes 1 hour every two weeks to see the boys. We have to use a quart order parenting app so that all conversations are recorded by the courts. She will randomly pop in every couple weeks and ask the same obligatory question, "How are the boys?" Never anything else, never any deep diving questions.

I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mama and our lover so I'm so very much!! We had to get one of our son's a helmet to reshape his head because she favored one son over him and so his head was misshapen from being laid down too much. They are both in physical therapy, occupational therapy, eating in speech therapy, as well as early intervention. We bust our ass to give our sons every opportunity in life to meet their milestones. They also have autism assessments coming up this year finally after a very long wait time.

The things that frustrates me is I don't understand from a mother's point of view how you can't make your children your priority? Why you would not try to utilize every moment you could get with them. And every time we talk it always turns into more manipulation. We are constantly getting blamed for what's happened. It's always our fault that the boys were ripped away from her. There's never any accountability on her end. Never understanding that every choice that she's made has gotten her to this point.

Has anybody had any similar situations? Does it get better?

28 years later and I am still dealing with the death of my dad. I have been through counseling and therapy but it STILL says away at me. He unsubscribed and I blame myself. Everyone keeps telling me it wasn't my fault and there were a lot of extenuating circumstances that contributed to it. Logically I understand this. Emotionally I can't come terms with it and I may never be able to

In the area I live there are always individuals on the side of the road or in parking lots in the busy areas of town.

They are always holding cardboard signs asking for help. Stating they are homeless, jobless and going without.

Often times they will have their children out there with them to add to the allure.

I know that there are individuals that actually really need assistance. I will buy them some groceries or get them some fast food burgers but I refuse to provide them with money. Unfortunately I've seen some people gather cash that was given and buy things like alcohol or substances.

I've also heard stories of people who make begging for money a career.

I may be an a**hole for saying this but I don't think I should help and provide for someone who is able bodied and able to gain employment but just doesn't want to work.

So now comes my confession. There is one woman that is constantly moving around different areas of town. She isn't asking for employment. She isn't asking for food or personal supplies. She is only asking for money. Her sign says, "I am homeless. I need money." That's it, nothing else. On one of my days off I waited and watched for a few hours. After about 6 hours she packed up her things and walked off. As I followed her, she had walked 2 blocks away and pulled out a key fob and unlocked a damn Dodge charger and got in. I snapped a few pictures on my phone and proceeded to follow her until she pulled up to a nice looking house, threw her hair up into a fancy bun and walked herself right into the front door. After snapping some pics of her on the way to the door I drove home and posted the pictures on social media and also sent it in to our local news page.

After about a week I had stopped seeing her altogether

I(33F), finally had enough of my(36M, Ian) husbands mothers horse crap and shenanigans, am now the hero of my husbands family and the worst person ever in MIL eyes.

Ian and I had been dating for about 6 months and I had come to find that this amazing human being was everything I knew I wanted in a partner and it was time to meet the parents as we had set the boundaries early on that we wouldn't meet each other's family until six months in so that we could focus on ourselves and our relationship before adding family and drama into the mix.

I had a family reunion coming up and so we decided to dive head first into my large families chaos. We are a pretty tight knit by large family and so it could have been seen as overwhelming but my husband seemed excited. I am the second oldest of 7 kids and each of my siblings had their own children. Not to mention all the aunts, uncles and cousins. Everything went off without a hitch and everyone welcomed Ian with open arms and we had a great time. Introduction to my family was officially a page in the history books. Now the time had come to meet his family.

I had obviously heard all about his family and the dynamic they all had. I knew his sister(Emily 25F) was sweet and quiet just like their father(Tom 57M). Ian's brother(Tyler, 31M) was loud and boisterous and full of life. His mother(Malenie, 56F) was pushy, domineering, and apparently, "the Boss" of the family. I understand that a lot of families view their elders as the "Patriarch" and "Matriarch" of their family and mine was very similar until my Pop-Pop passed. Now we are all on equal playing fields and all pitch in with each other. I knew that he and his family didn't have family gatherings often due to how it turned out every time. His mother would always degrade every one of them the entire time until they each bid their farewells feeling deflated.

I thought I was prepared when going in to meet his family but I can tell you that I was not. As the hours drew near the time of the family dinner I could see and feel a visible shift in Ian. His whole body grew tense and he would communicate through short clipped tones. He was stressed and was not looking forward to the dinner.

We got there a mere 5minutes late and his mother was waiting at the door, literally tapping her foot in impatience. "It's about damn time you got here." I almost laughed out loud because I thought she was joking until Ian replied, "Sorry mom, there was a train." And I saw his head sag on his shoulders and his mother continue with, "I don't want excuses but I expect the common courtesy of being on time or a phone call letting me know you'd be late."

Already my flabbers were ghasted. I couldn't believe the exchange I had just heard and couldn't believe the events of the rest of the dinner as what I was warned about was exactly what happened. Ian's mother was always the one talking, and asking questions. When I say talking, I really mean talking AT you and not in a conversational type of way. Tyler sat quietly as he poked his food around on the plate. Emily diligently ate her food in silence, not really looking around except for a few nervous glances my way. Tom sighed and closed his eyes tight throughout our time eating and Ian would randomly squeeze my thigh tightly when his mother would ask me questions.

I played my part well and just smiled as I was hit with a barrage of questions until she asked me what I did for employment. My eyes lit up because I truly love what I do. I told her that I was a case manager for at risk youth and was very passionate about it. I was pretty proud of myself for holding my own against the plethora of deep diving questions until I looked back at Melanie and could visibly see the wheels of judgement turning.

She sighed loudly and proceeded to explain that she just doesn't "get" people like me. Someone who is wasting their talents on individuals that mean nothing in the grand scheme of society. Individuals that should learn to do things on their own without being dependent on others. By the time she was done with her rant I was seeing red. I didn't understand how someone could be so callous.

I simply, sweetly, and innocently readjusted my halo that was resting on my horns and replied, "It's something that I am very passionate about. Some youth don't have a steady, safe, supportive or healthy home life to grow up in. Some need those positive and steady people in their lives to learn from. Plus I have plenty of empathy, patience, love and care to pass around. But you probably don't understand what that's like right?"

When I tell you that you could have heard a fly fart in that room, I am not kidding. Melanie's bottom jaw was flopping around so much it reminded me of the scene from Beetlejuice. Poor Tom instantly started coughing and choking on his food to the point I was ready to do the heimlic. Ian gripped my thigh so hard I expected bruises the next day. Emily randomly squeaked out that she had to pee and scurried off to the bathroom and Tylers eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as his head swiveled from me to his mother in rapid fire. After a minute of remembering who she was, Melanie loudly gaffawed and announced she wasn't feeling good and going to bed. Tom sighed and said it was very nice to meet me but the evening had come to a close. We all said our goodbyes and when Tyler came in for a goodbye hug he said quietly, "That was epic! I like you already."

As time rolled by the months turned to years and Ian and I would often spend time with my side of the family and only a handful of times with his whole family. Often times it would just be his siblings and us as Melanie would often be "ill" when I was around. I would come to see Tyler really was the life of the party and Emily opened up a lot more and saw me as a sister.

Ian finally proposed two and a half years into our relationship and we couldn't wait for the rest of our lives. Then came a text in the family group chat from Melanie....

Melanie- "How dare you two get engaged without my knowledge or approval. Ian you know I wanted to be involved in all the major goings on in the family and you took this away from me. I'm ashamed of you and you should be too. I don't approve and won't give you my blessing."

Tom-"You two have my blessing."

Tyler-"Hell yeah!"

Emily-(Silence)

Ian-"Mom, your being rediculous"

Me-"Well Melanie considering you hide in your batcave anytime we...well mostly me come around there wasn't really any point in time to let you know our big news. And that's what it was.. NEWS. It wasn't going to be a question or permission asking. It was going to be a happy moment to share with family. We are all adults and as adults, we get to make our own decisions."

Tom-......

Ian-"She's right mom."

Tyler-(shocked face emoji)

Emily-(silence)

Thankfully Melanie remained blessedly silent for the most part until the wedding. Of course this apparently was her time to shine. Before the ceremony started she stopped into the bridal suite telling me she "was so excited for today". She was wearing a very pretty light blue cocktail style dress and she looked very stunning and I was a bit shocked that she had become accepting of Ian and I getting married. She stopped in where the guys were getting ready and spent time with Ian as well. Then she disappeared... No one could find her when it was time to start the ceremony. They looked everywhere. They called and text her with no reply. Assuming she changed her mind and went home in protest we decided to just proceed without her.

Everyone was seated and I had just completed my walk and our officiant was just about to start speaking when the door at the back of the church creaked open and a cheerful, blushing, WHITE ADORNED, with a tiara and a gaudy, blinged out WEDDING DRESS, Melanie came flowing in like she was walking on a frigging cloud. As she came down the isle she shook people's hands(my family included) and thanked them for being here. Everyone FROZE. Ian and Tyler at one side. My sister, Emily and I on the other. Tom almost fell off his seat at the front and even the officiant was gapping like a fish.

Once she had fluttered her fairy little self to the front of the church all hell broke loose.

Melanie-"I am soooo sorry I'm running behind and I'm sure Ian forgot to tell everyone but we wanted to make this a double celebration. While Ian and my soon to be daughter in law get married, my beloved Tom and myself will be renewing our wedding vows!"

Ian-(slightly under his breath)"Mom, what the hell is this?!"

Tom-(sighing and standing up)"Melanie no, let's go."

Tyler-(of course delightfully entertained)"The fuck is happening right now?"

Me- (seeing 50 shades of homicidal red. Hiking my dress up and stomping to Melanie.) "Excuse us for a moment everyone. We have to have a quick family meeting to talk about this "surprise"

I grab Melanie by the wrist and practically drag her into the back hallway as she dramatically gasps and flails and Tom, Ian, Emily, and Tyler all tow the line behind us. When we reach a safe distance away from the crowd I turn and all I want to do is pummel the woman standing in front of me.

Me-"What in the actual hell are you doing and why the hell are you wearing that gawd awful dress?? Why in the hell did you think this would be ok?"

Melanie-"If you must know, I wanted to surprise my Tom and Ian and make this day even more special and something to celebrate."

Me- "And you didn't think your son getting married was already going to be the happiest day to celebrate? Nevermind, don't answer that. We are done Melanie. I want you to leave. I also resend my invitation to you for the reception. I resend my invitation to you to come to our home when you want to visit. If Ian and I ever have children, I resend any contact you may want with them. I can't speak to the rest of your family or even Ian but I will say that the way you treat your family and those you love is deplorable and disgusting. The world doesn't revolve around you and if you don't start realizing that, you're going to lose everyone."

After saying what I needed to, I pranced myself back into the church as Ian and his family finished saying what they needed. When everyone came back in, Melanie was no where to be seen and apparently left.

The ceremony continued and was heartfelt and beautiful and the reception was filled with love from our families.

As of present, all three siblings have decided to go no contact with their mother despite the hateful texts and phone calls she keeps sending their way. Tom and Melanie are in the middle of a divorce and he seems to have a much more airy and lighthearted personality. All of us still get hateful texts and calls from some individuals on Melanie's side of the family but I also have had thank yous from Ian and his siblings for giving them the courage to stand up to their mother. So.....AITAH?

I(33F), finally had enough of my(36M, Ian) husbands mothers horse crap and shenanigans, am now the hero of my husbands family and the worst person ever in MIL eyes.

Ian and I had been dating for about 6 months and I had come to find that this amazing human being was everything I knew I wanted in a partner and it was time to meet the parents as we had set the boundaries early on that we wouldn't meet each other's family until six months in so that we could focus on ourselves and our relationship before adding family and drama into the mix.

I had a family reunion coming up and so we decided to dive head first into my large families chaos. We are a pretty tight knit by large family and so it could have been seen as overwhelming but my husband seemed excited. I am the second oldest of 7 kids and each of my siblings had their own children. Not to mention all the aunts, uncles and cousins. Everything went off without a hitch and everyone welcomed Ian with open arms and we had a great time. Introduction to my family was officially a page in the history books. Now the time had come to meet his family.

I had obviously heard all about his family and the dynamic they all had. I knew his sister(Emily 25F) was sweet and quiet just like their father(Tom 57M). Ian's brother(Tyler, 31M) was loud and boisterous and full of life. His mother(Malenie, 56F) was pushy, domineering, and apparently, "the Boss" of the family. I understand that a lot of families view their elders as the "Patriarch" and "Matriarch" of their family and mine was very similar until my Pop-Pop passed. Now we are all on equal playing fields and all pitch in with each other.

I knew that he and his family didn't have family gatherings often due to how it turned out every time. His mother would always degrade every one of them the entire time until they each bid their farewells feeling deflated. I thought I was prepared when going in to meet his family but I can tell you that I was not. As the hours drew near the time of the family dinner I could see and feel a visible shift in Ian. His whole body grew tense and he would communicate through short clipped tones. He was stressed and was not looking forward to the dinner.

We got there a mere 5minutes late and his mother was waiting at the door, literally tapping her foot in impatience. "It's about damn time you got here." I almost laughed out loud because I thought she was joking until Ian replied, "Sorry mom, there was a train." And I saw his head sag on his shoulders and his mother continue with, "I don't want excuses but I expect the common courtesy of being on time or a phone call letting me know you'd be late."

Already my flabbers were ghasted. I couldn't believe the exchange I had just heard and couldn't believe the events of the rest of the dinner as what I was warned about was exactly what happened. Ian's mother was always the one talking, and asking questions. When I say talking, I really mean talking AT you and not in a conversational type of way. Tyler sat quietly as he poked his food around on the plate. Emily diligently ate her food in silence, not really looking around except for a few nervous glances my way. Tom sighed and closed his eyes tight throughout our time eating and Ian would randomly squeeze my thigh tightly when his mother would ask me questions.

I played my part well and just smiled as I was hit with a barrage of questions until she asked me what I did for employment. My eyes lit up because I truly love what I do. I told her that I was a case manager for at risk youth and was very passionate about it. I was pretty proud of myself for holding my own against the plethora of deep diving questions until I looked back at Melanie and could visibly see the wheels of judgement turning.

She sighed loudly and proceeded to explain that she just doesn't "get" people like me. Someone who is wasting their talents on individuals that mean nothing in the grand scheme of society. Individuals that should learn to do things on their own without being dependent on others. By the time she was done with her rant I was seeing red. I didn't understand how someone could be so callous.

I simply, sweetly, and innocently readjusted my halo that was resting on my horns and replied, "It's something that I am very passionate about. Some youth don't have a steady, safe, supportive or healthy home life to grow up in. Some need those positive and steady people in their lives to learn from. Plus I have plenty of empathy, patience, love and care to pass around. But you probably don't understand what that's like right?"

When I tell you that you could have heard a fly fart in that room, I am not kidding. Melanie's bottom jaw was flopping around so much it reminded me of the scene from Beetlejuice. Poor Tom instantly started coughing and choking on his food to the point I was ready to do the heimlic. Ian gripped my thigh so hard I expected bruises the next day. Emily randomly squeaked out that she had to pee and scurried off to the bathroom and Tylers eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as his head swiveled from me to his mother in rapid fire.

After a minute of remembering who she was, Melanie loudly gaffawed and announced she wasn't feeling good and going to bed. Tom sighed and said it was very nice to meet me but the evening had come to a close. We all said our goodbyes and when Tyler came in for a goodbye hug he said quietly, "That was epic! I like you already."

As time rolled by the months turned to years and Ian and I would often spend time with my side of the family and only a handful of times with his whole family. Often times it would just be his siblings and us as Melanie would often be "ill" when I was around. I would come to see Tyler really was the life of the party and Emily opened up a lot more and saw me as a sister.

Ian finally proposed two and a half years into our relationship and we couldn't wait for the rest of our lives. Then came a text in the family group chat from Melanie....

Melanie- "How dare you two get engaged without my knowledge or approval. Ian you know I wanted to be involved in all the major goings on in the family and you took this away from me. I'm ashamed of you and you should be too. I don't approve and won't give you my blessing."

Tom-"You two have my blessing."

Tyler-"Hell yeah!"

Emily-(Silence)

Ian-"Mom, your being rediculous"

Me-"Well Melanie considering you hide in your batcave anytime we...well mostly me come around there wasn't really any point in time to let you know our big news. And that's what it was.. NEWS. It wasn't going to be a question or permission asking. It was going to be a happy moment to share with family. We are all adults and as adults, we get to make our own decisions."

Tom-......

Ian-"She's right mom."

Tyler-(shocked face emoji)

Emily-(silence)

Thankfully Melanie remained blessedly silent for the most part until the wedding. Of course this apparently was her time to shine. Before the ceremony started she stopped into the bridal suite telling me she "was so excited for today". She was wearing a very pretty light blue cocktail style dress and she looked very stunning and I was a bit shocked that she had become accepting of Ian and I getting married. She stopped in where the guys were getting ready and spent time with Ian as well. Then she disappeared...

No one could find her when it was time to start the ceremony. They looked everywhere. They called and text her with no reply. Assuming she changed her mind and went home in protest we decided to just proceed without her.

Everyone was seated and I had just completed my walk and our officiant was just about to start speaking when the door at the back of the church creaked open and a cheerful, blushing, WHITE ADORNED, with a tiara and a gaudy, blinged out WEDDING DRESS, Melanie came flowing in like she was walking on a frigging cloud. As she came down the isle she shook people's hands(my family included) and thanked them for being here. Everyone FROZE. Ian and Tyler at one side. My sister, Emily and I on the other. Tom almost fell off his seat at the front and even the officiant was gapping like a fish.

Once she had fluttered her fairy little self to the front of the church all hell broke loose.

Melanie-"I am soooo sorry I'm running behind and I'm sure Ian forgot to tell everyone but we wanted to make this a double celebration. While Ian and my soon to be daughter in law get married, my beloved Tom and myself will be renewing our wedding vows!"

Ian-(slightly under his breath)"Mom, what the hell is this?!"

Tom-(sighing and standing up)"Melanie no, let's go."

Tyler-(of course delightfully entertained)"The fuck is happening right now?"

Me- (seeing 50 shades of homicidal red. Hiking my dress up and stomping to Melanie.) "Excuse us for a moment everyone. We have to have a quick family meeting to talk about this "surprise"

I grab Melanie by the wrist and practically drag her into the back hallway as she dramatically gasps and flails and Tom, Ian, Emily, and Tyler all tow the line behind us. When we reach a safe distance away from the crowd I turn and all I want to do is pummel the woman standing in front of me.

Me-"What in the actual hell are you doing and why the hell are you wearing that gawd awful dress?? Why in the hell did you think this would be ok?"

Melanie-"If you must know, I wanted to surprise my Tom and Ian and make this day even more special and something to celebrate."

Me- "And you didn't think your son getting married was already going to be the happiest day to celebrate? Nevermind, don't answer that. We are done Melanie. I want you to leave. I also resend my invitation to you for the reception. I resend my invitation to you to come to our home when you want to visit. If Ian and I ever have children, I resend any contact you may want with them. I can't speak to the rest of your family or even Ian but I will say that the way you treat your family and those you love is deplorable and disgusting. The world doesn't revolve around you and if you don't start realizing that, you're going to lose everyone."

After saying what I needed to, I pranced myself back into the church as Ian and his family finished saying what they needed. When everyone came back in, Melanie was no where to be seen and apparently left.

The ceremony continued and was heartfelt and beautiful and the reception was filled with love from our families.

As of present, all three siblings have decided to go no contact with their mother despite the hateful texts and phone calls she keeps sending their way. Tom and Melanie are in the middle of a divorce and he seems to have a much more airy and lighthearted personality. All of us still get hateful texts and calls from some individuals on Melanie's side of the family but I also have had thank yous from Ian and his siblings for giving them the courage to stand up to their mother. So.....was I wrong to unintentionally implode MIL's family?

I(33F), finally had enough of my(36M, Ian) husbands mothers horse crap and shenanigans, am now the hero of my husbands family and the worst person ever in MIL eyes.

Ian and I had been dating for about 6 months and I had come to find that this amazing human being was everything I knew I wanted in a partner and it was time to meet the parents as we had set the boundaries early on that we wouldn't meet each other's family until six months in so that we could focus on ourselves and our relationship before adding family and drama into the mix.

I had a family reunion coming up and so we decided to dive head first into my large families chaos. We are a pretty tight knit by large family and so it could have been seen as overwhelming but my husband seemed excited. I am the second oldest of 7 kids and each of my siblings had their own children. Not to mention all the aunts, uncles and cousins. Everything went off without a hitch and everyone welcomed Ian with open arms and we had a great time. Introduction to my family was officially a page in the history books. Now the time had come to meet his family.

I had obviously heard all about his family and the dynamic they all had. I knew his sister(Emily 25F) was sweet and quiet just like their father(Tom 57M). Ian's brother(Tyler, 31M) was loud and boisterous and full of life. His mother(Malenie, 56F) was pushy, domineering, and apparently, "the Boss" of the family. I understand that a lot of families view their elders as the "Patriarch" and "Matriarch" of their family and mine was very similar until my Pop-Pop passed. Now we are all on equal playing fields and all pitch in with each other.

I knew that he and his family didn't have family gatherings often due to how it turned out every time. His mother would always degrade every one of them the entire time until they each bid their farewells feeling deflated. I thought I was prepared when going in to meet his family but I can tell you that I was not. As the hours drew near the time of the family dinner I could see and feel a visible shift in Ian. His whole body grew tense and he would communicate through short clipped tones. He was stressed and was not looking forward to the dinner.

We got there a mere 5minutes late and his mother was waiting at the door, literally tapping her foot in impatience. "It's about damn time you got here." I almost laughed out loud because I thought she was joking until Ian replied, "Sorry mom, there was a train." And I saw his head sag on his shoulders and his mother continue with, "I don't want excuses but I expect the common courtesy of being on time or a phone call letting me know you'd be late."

Already my flabbers were ghasted. I couldn't believe the exchange I had just heard and couldn't believe the events of the rest of the dinner as what I was warned about was exactly what happened. Ian's mother was always the one talking, and asking questions. When I say talking, I really mean talking AT you and not in a conversational type of way. Tyler sat quietly as he poked his food around on the plate. Emily diligently ate her food in silence, not really looking around except for a few nervous glances my way. Tom sighed and closed his eyes tight throughout our time eating and Ian would randomly squeeze my thigh tightly when his mother would ask me questions.

I played my part well and just smiled as I was hit with a barrage of questions until she asked me what I did for employment. My eyes lit up because I truly love what I do. I told her that I was a case manager for at risk youth and was very passionate about it. I was pretty proud of myself for holding my own against the plethora of deep diving questions until I looked back at Melanie and could visibly see the wheels of judgement turning.

She sighed loudly and proceeded to explain that she just doesn't "get" people like me. Someone who is wasting their talents on individuals that mean nothing in the grand scheme of society. Individuals that should learn to do things on their own without being dependent on others. By the time she was done with her rant I was seeing red. I didn't understand how someone could be so callous.

I simply, sweetly, and innocently readjusted my halo that was resting on my horns and replied, "It's something that I am very passionate about. Some youth don't have a steady, safe, supportive or healthy home life to grow up in. Some need those positive and steady people in their lives to learn from. Plus I have plenty of empathy, patience, love and care to pass around. But you probably don't understand what that's like right?"

When I tell you that you could have heard a fly fart in that room, I am not kidding. Melanie's bottom jaw was flopping around so much it reminded me of the scene from Beetlejuice. Poor Tom instantly started coughing and choking on his food to the point I was ready to do the heimlic. Ian gripped my thigh so hard I expected bruises the next day. Emily randomly squeaked out that she had to pee and scurried off to the bathroom and Tylers eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as his head swiveled from me to his mother in rapid fire.

After a minute of remembering who she was, Melanie loudly gaffawed and announced she wasn't feeling good and going to bed. Tom sighed and said it was very nice to meet me but the evening had come to a close. We all said our goodbyes and when Tyler came in for a goodbye hug he said quietly, "That was epic! I like you already."

As time rolled by the months turned to years and Ian and I would often spend time with my side of the family and only a handful of times with his whole family. Often times it would just be his siblings and us as Melanie would often be "ill" when I was around. I would come to see Tyler really was the life of the party and Emily opened up a lot more and saw me as a sister.

Ian finally proposed two and a half years into our relationship and we couldn't wait for the rest of our lives. Then came a text in the family group chat from Melanie....

Melanie- "How dare you two get engaged without my knowledge or approval. Ian you know I wanted to be involved in all the major goings on in the family and you took this away from me. I'm ashamed of you and you should be too. I don't approve and won't give you my blessing."

Tom-"You two have my blessing."

Tyler-"Hell yeah!"

Emily-(Silence)

Ian-"Mom, your being rediculous"

Me-"Well Melanie considering you hide in your batcave anytime we...well mostly me come around there wasn't really any point in time to let you know our big news. And that's what it was.. NEWS. It wasn't going to be a question or permission asking. It was going to be a happy moment to share with family. We are all adults and as adults, we get to make our own decisions."

Tom-......

Ian-"She's right mom."

Tyler-(shocked face emoji)

Emily-(silence)

Thankfully Melanie remained blessedly silent for the most part until the wedding. Of course this apparently was her time to shine. Before the ceremony started she stopped into the bridal suite telling me she "was so excited for today". She was wearing a very pretty light blue cocktail style dress and she looked very stunning and I was a bit shocked that she had become accepting of Ian and I getting married. She stopped in where the guys were getting ready and spent time with Ian as well. Then she disappeared...

No one could find her when it was time to start the ceremony. They looked everywhere. They called and text her with no reply. Assuming she changed her mind and went home in protest we decided to just proceed without her.

Everyone was seated and I had just completed my walk and our officiant was just about to start speaking when the door at the back of the church creaked open and a cheerful, blushing, WHITE ADORNED, with a tiara and a gaudy, blinged out WEDDING DRESS, Melanie came flowing in like she was walking on a frigging cloud. As she came down the isle she shook people's hands(my family included) and thanked them for being here. Everyone FROZE. Ian and Tyler at one side. My sister, Emily and I on the other. Tom almost fell off his seat at the front and even the officiant was gapping like a fish.

Once she had fluttered her fairy little self to the front of the church all hell broke loose.

Melanie-"I am soooo sorry I'm running behind and I'm sure Ian forgot to tell everyone but we wanted to make this a double celebration. While Ian and my soon to be daughter in law get married, my beloved Tom and myself will be renewing our wedding vows!"

Ian-(slightly under his breath)"Mom, what the hell is this?!"

Tom-(sighing and standing up)"Melanie no, let's go."

Tyler-(of course delightfully entertained)"The fuck is happening right now?"

Me- (seeing 50 shades of homicidal red. Hiking my dress up and stomping to Melanie.) "Excuse us for a moment everyone. We have to have a quick family meeting to talk about this "surprise"

I grab Melanie by the wrist and practically drag her into the back hallway as she dramatically gasps and flails and Tom, Ian, Emily, and Tyler all tow the line behind us. When we reach a safe distance away from the crowd I turn and all I want to do is pummel the woman standing in front of me.

Me-"What in the actual hell are you doing and why the hell are you wearing that gawd awful dress?? Why in the hell did you think this would be ok?"

Melanie-"If you must know, I wanted to surprise my Tom and Ian and make this day even more special and something to celebrate."

Me- "And you didn't think your son getting married was already going to be the happiest day to celebrate? Nevermind, don't answer that. We are done Melanie. I want you to leave. I also resend my invitation to you for the reception. I resend my invitation to you to come to our home when you want to visit. If Ian and I ever have children, I resend any contact you may want with them. I can't speak to the rest of your family or even Ian but I will say that the way you treat your family and those you love is deplorable and disgusting. The world doesn't revolve around you and if you don't start realizing that, you're going to lose everyone."

After saying what I needed to, I pranced myself back into the church as Ian and his family finished saying what they needed. When everyone came back in, Melanie was no where to be seen and apparently left.

The ceremony continued and was heartfelt and beautiful and the reception was filled with love from our families.

As of present, all three siblings have decided to go no contact with their mother despite the hateful texts and phone calls she keeps sending their way. Tom and Melanie are in the middle of a divorce and he seems to have a much more airy and lighthearted personality. All of us still get hateful texts and calls from some individuals on Melanie's side of the family but I also have had thank yous from Ian and his siblings for giving them the courage to stand up to their mother. So.....was I wrong to unintentionally implode MIL's family?

I(33F), finally had enough of my(36M, Ian) husbands mothers horse crap and shenanigans, am now the hero of my husbands family and the worst person ever in MIL eyes.

Ian and I had been dating for about 6 months and I had come to find that this amazing human being was everything I knew I wanted in a partner and it was time to meet the parents as we had set the boundaries early on that we wouldn't meet each other's family until six months in so that we could focus on ourselves and our relationship before adding family and drama into the mix. I had a family reunion coming up and so we decided to dive head first into my large families chaos. We are a pretty tight knit by large family and so it could have been seen as overwhelming but my husband seemed excited. I am the second oldest of 7 kids and each of my siblings had their own children. Not to mention all the aunts, uncles and cousins. Everything went off without a hitch and everyone welcomed Ian with open arms and we had a great time. Introduction to my family was officially a page in the history books. Now the time had come to meet his family.

I had obviously heard all about his family and the dynamic they all had. I knew his sister(Emily 25F) was sweet and quiet just like their father(Tom 57M). Ian's brother(Tyler, 31M) was loud and boisterous and full of life. His mother(Malenie, 56F) was pushy, domineering, and apparently, "the Boss" of the family. I understand that a lot of families view their elders as the "Patriarch" and "Matriarch" of their family and mine was very similar until my Pop-Pop passed. Now we are all on equal playing fields and all pitch in with each other. I knew that he and his family didn't have family gatherings often due to how it turned out every time. His mother would always degrade every one of them the entire time until they each bid their farewells feeling deflated. I thought I was prepared when going in to meet his family but I can tell you that I was not. As the hours drew near the time of the family dinner I could see and feel a visible shift in Ian. His whole body grew tense and he would communicate through short clipped tones. He was stressed and was not looking forward to the dinner.

We got there a mere 5minutes late and his mother was waiting at the door, literally tapping her foot in impatience. "It's about damn time you got here." I almost laughed out loud because I thought she was joking until Ian replied, "Sorry mom, there was a train." And I saw his head sag on his shoulders and his mother continue with, "I don't want excuses but I expect the common courtesy of being on time or a phone call letting me know you'd be late." Already my flabbers were ghasted. I couldn't believe the exchange I had just heard and couldn't believe the events of the rest of the dinner as what I was warned about was exactly what happened. Ian's mother was always the one talking, and asking questions. When I say talking, I really mean talking AT you and not in a conversational type of way. Tyler sat quietly as he poked his food around on the plate. Emily diligently ate her food in silence, not really looking around except for a few nervous glances my way. Tom sighed and closed his eyes tight throughout our time eating and Ian would randomly squeeze my thigh tightly when his mother would ask me questions. I played my part well and just smiled as I was hit with a barrage of questions until she asked me what I did for employment. My eyes lit up because I truly love what I do. I told her that I was a case manager for at risk youth and was very passionate about it. I was pretty proud of myself for holding my own against the plethora of deep diving questions until I looked back at Melanie and could visibly see the wheels of judgement turning. She sighed loudly and proceeded to explain that she just doesn't "get" people like me. Someone who is wasting their talents on individuals that mean nothing in the grand scheme of society. Individuals that should learn to do things on their own without being dependent on others. By the time she was done with her rant I was seeing red. I didn't understand how someone could be so callous. I simply, sweetly, and innocently readjusted my halo that was resting on my horns and replied, "It's something that I am very passionate about. Some youth don't have a steady, safe, supportive or healthy home life to grow up in. Some need those positive and steady people in their lives to learn from. Plus I have plenty of empathy, patience, love and care to pass around. But you probably don't understand what that's like right?"

When I tell you that you could have heard a fly fart in that room, I am not kidding. Melanie's bottom jaw was flopping around so much it reminded me of the scene from Beetlejuice. Poor Tom instantly started coughing and choking on his food to the point I was ready to do the heimlic. Ian gripped my thigh so hard I expected bruises the next day. Emily randomly squeaked out that she had to pee and scurried off to the bathroom and Tylers eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as his head swiveled from me to his mother in rapid fire. After a minute of remembering who she was, Melanie loudly gaffawed and announced she wasn't feeling good and going to bed. Tom sighed and said it was very nice to meet me but the evening had come to a close. We all said our goodbyes and when Tyler came in for a goodbye hug he said quietly, "That was epic! I like you already."

As time rolled by the months turned to years and Ian and I would often spend time with my side of the family and only a handful of times with his whole family. Often times it would just be his siblings and us as Melanie would often be "ill" when I was around. I would come to see Tyler really was the life of the party and Emily opened up a lot more and saw me as a sister.

Ian finally proposed two and a half years into our relationship and we couldn't wait for the rest of our lives. Then came a text in the family group chat from Melanie....

Melanie- "How dare you two get engaged without my knowledge or approval. Ian you know I wanted to be involved in all the major goings on in the family and you took this away from me. I'm ashamed of you and you should be too. I don't approve and won't give you my blessing."

Tom-"You two have my blessing."

Tyler-"Hell yeah!"

Emily-(Silence)

Ian-"Mom, your being rediculous"

Me-"Well Melanie considering you hide in your batcave anytime we...well mostly me come around there wasn't really any point in time to let you know our big news. And that's what it was.. NEWS. It wasn't going to be a question or permission asking. It was going to be a happy moment to share with family. We are all adults and as adults, we get to make our own decisions."

Tom-......

Ian-"She's right mom."

Tyler-(shocked face emoji)

Emily-(silence)

Thankfully Melanie remained blessedly silent for the most part until the wedding. Of course this apparently was her time to shine. Before the ceremony started she stopped into the bridal suite telling me she "was so excited for today". She was wearing a very pretty light blue cocktail style dress and she looked very stunning and I was a bit shocked that she had become accepting of Ian and I getting married. She stopped in where the guys were getting ready and spent time with Ian as well. Then she disappeared... No one could find her when it was time to start the ceremony. They looked everywhere. They called and text her with no reply. Assuming she changed her mind and went home in protest we decided to just proceed without her. Everyone was seated and I had just completed my walk and our officiant was just about to start speaking when the door at the back of the church creaked open and a cheerful, blushing, WHITE ADORNED, with a tiara and a gaudy, blinged out WEDDING DRESS, Melanie came flowing in like she was walking on a frigging cloud. As she came down the isle she shook people's hands(my family included) and thanked them for being here. Everyone FROZE. Ian and Tyler at one side. My sister, Emily and I on the other. Tom almost fell off his seat at the front and even the officiant was gapping like a fish.

Once she had fluttered her fairy little self to the front of the church all hell broke loose.

Melanie-"I am soooo sorry I'm running behind and I'm sure Ian forgot to tell everyone but we wanted to make this a double celebration. While Ian and my soon to be daughter in law get married, my beloved Tom and myself will be renewing our wedding vows!"

Ian-(slightly under his breath)"Mom, what the hell is this?!"

Tom-(sighing and standing up)"Melanie no, let's go."

Tyler-(of course delightfully entertained)"The fuck is happening right now?"

Me- (seeing 50 shades of homicidal red. Hiking my dress up and stomping to Melanie.) "Excuse us for a moment everyone. We have to have a quick family meeting to talk about this "surprise"

I grab Melanie by the wrist and practically drag her into the back hallway as she dramatically gasps and flails and Tom, Ian, Emily, and Tyler all tow the line behind us. When we reach a safe distance away from the crowd I turn and all I want to do is pummel the woman standing in front of me.

Me-"What in the actual hell are you doing and why the hell are you wearing that gawd awful dress?? Why in the hell did you think this would be ok?"

Melanie-"If you must know, I wanted to surprise my Tom and Ian and make this day even more special and something to celebrate."

Me- "And you didn't think your son getting married was already going to be the happiest day to celebrate? Nevermind, don't answer that. We are done Melanie. I want you to leave. I also resend my invitation to you for the reception. I resend my invitation to you to come to our home when you want to visit. If Ian and I ever have children, I resend any contact you may want with them. I can't speak to the rest of your family or even Ian but I will say that the way you treat your family and those you love is deplorable and disgusting. The world doesn't revolve around you and if you don't start realizing that, you're going to lose everyone."

After saying what I needed to, I pranced myself back into the church as Ian and his family finished saying what they needed. When everyone came back in, Melanie was no where to be seen and apparently left.

The ceremony continued and was heartfelt and beautiful and the reception was filled with love from our families.

As of present, all three siblings have decided to go no contact with their mother despite the hateful texts and phone calls she keeps sending their way. Tom and Melanie are in the middle of a divorce and he seems to have a much more airy and lighthearted personality. All of us still get hateful texts and calls from some individuals on Melanie's side of the family but I also have had thank yous from Ian and his siblings for giving them the courage to stand up to their mother. So.....was I wrong?