u/Direct_Muffin9293

my boyf says he’s 80 percent sure he wants to be with them. we got in a fight as im ready to leave my parents for him and he doesn’t reciprocate the same, i felt bad.

we’re young right now, but i wouldnt want to continue this if our lifestyle pattern after marriage doesnt align, he says abhi se kyu sochu shadi ke bare me abhi boht time hai. everyone in his family knows about me.

why do indian men want to be with their parents all their life, i mean even i love my parents i will still do everything for them after marriage but why are men like this?

what should i do how to deal with this

21F, 23M

I told my boyfriend that after marriage, I want only both of us to live our own house, and not move in with his parents. (In our culture, it’s very common for sons to continue living with their parents after marriage and for the wife to move into their house.)

He said he’s not expecting me to leave my parents and come live with his family, but he also said he has never seriously thought about this (leaving his parents) before and needs time.

The thing is, I feel like his mom puts a lot of emotional pressure on him. Even though I’ve only talked to her a few times, she constantly says things like “children should do a lot for their parents” and “parents should be known by their children’s names.” It has started feeling pressurizing even to me, so I wonder what effect it has had on him growing up. But whatever the reason be, I cannot compromise on this thing, i just cannot move in with his parents.

He says that even if I chose to live with his parents, I would get all the love, affection, freedom and princess treatment from them, which is not true at all, his mom has already taunted me slightly for not picking her call up immediately on my bday, even after i already apologised as i had guests over.

For me, this is a major compatibility issue and not something to “figure out later.”

I told my boyfriend that after marriage, I want only both of us to live our own house, and not move in with his parents. (In our culture, it’s very common for sons to continue living with their parents after marriage and for the wife to move into their house.)

He said he’s not expecting me to leave my parents and come live with his family, but he also said he has never seriously thought about this (leaving his parents) before and needs time.

The thing is, I feel like his mom puts a lot of emotional pressure on him. Even though I’ve only talked to her a few times, she constantly says things like “children should do a lot for their parents” and “parents should be known by their children’s names.” It has started feeling pressurizing even to me, so I wonder what effect it has had on him growing up. But whatever the reason be, I cannot compromise on this thing, i just cannot move in with his parents.

He says that even if I chose to live with his parents, I would get all the love, affection, freedom and princess treatment from them, which is not true at all, his mom has already taunted me slightly for not picking her call up immediately on my bday, even after i already apologised as i had guests over.

For me, this is a major compatibility issue and not something to “figure out later.”

I told my boyfriend that after marriage, I want only both of us to live our own house, and not move in with his parents. (In our culture, it’s very common for sons to continue living with their parents after marriage and for the wife to move into their house.)

He said he’s not expecting me to leave my parents and come live with his family, but he also said he has never seriously thought about this (leaving his parents) before and needs time.

The thing is, I feel like his mom puts a lot of emotional pressure on him. Even though I’ve only talked to her a few times, she constantly says things like “children should do a lot for their parents” and “parents should be known by their children’s names.” It has started feeling pressurizing even to me, so I wonder what effect it has had on him growing up. But whatever the reason be, I cannot compromise on this thing, i just cannot move in with his parents.

He says that even if I chose to live with his parents, I would get all the love, affection, freedom and princess treatment from them, which is not true at all, his mom has already taunted me slightly for not picking her call up immediately on my immediately, even after i already apologised as i had guests over.

For me, this is a major compatibility issue and not something to “figure out later.”

How do I make him understand that I need clarity about this now and that this is not a small thing for me?

TL;DR: I told my boyfriend I want us to live separately after marriage instead of with his parents. He says he needs time to think because he never considered this before, but for me this is a major compatibility issue and I need clarity now, not years later.

I told my boyfriend that after marriage, I want only both of us to live our own house, and not move in with his parents. (In our culture, it’s very common for sons to continue living with their parents after marriage and for the wife to move into their house.)

He said he’s not expecting me to leave my parents and come live with his family, but he also said he has never seriously thought about this (leaving his parents) before and needs time.

The thing is, I feel like his mom puts a lot of emotional pressure on him. Even though I’ve only talked to her a few times, she constantly says things like “children should do a lot for their parents” and “parents should be known by their children’s names.” It has started feeling pressurizing even to me, so I wonder what effect it has had on him growing up. But whatever the reason be, I cannot compromise on this thing, i just cannot move in with his parents.

He says that even if I chose to live with his parents, I would get all the love, affection, freedom and princess treatment from them, which is not true at all, his mom has already taunted me slightly for not picking her call up immediately on my immediately, even after i already apologised as i had guests over.

For me, this is a major compatibility issue and not something to “figure out later.” I don’t want us getting more emotionally invested only to later realize we want completely different lifestyles after marriage.

How do I make him understand that I need clarity about this now and that this is not a small thing for me?

I told my boyfriend that after marriage I’d prefer living separately. He said he needs time to think because he never imagined living away from his parents. He also said he’s not forcing me or expecting me to leave my family for his, but he says that if i chose to live with his parents, they will always love me a lot and do everything for me, treat me like a princess, which i dont agree to at all. and i told him that ill only marry if we have a separate house to live in

But honestly, I feel like his mom puts a lot of emotional pressure on him. Whenever I talk to her, she keeps saying things like “bachon ko maa baap ke liye bohot karna chahiye,” “maa baap bachon ke naam se pehchane jaane chahiye,” etc. We’ve barely talked 6-7 times in 2 years, but these topics always come up.

At first I ignored it, but after hearing it so many times, it started feeling weirdly pressurizing even to me, and I’m not even their child 😭 So now I keep wondering what effect this has had on him growing up. It feels like he genuinely believes he has to dedicate his whole life to serving them and setting an example as a son.

Recently on her birthday, she also taunted me twice for not picking up her calls immediately on my birthday two months ago, even though I had already apologized back then and called her back multiple times.

Now I’m confused whether I’m overthinking all this or if these are actual signs that living together later could become emotionally difficult.

my boyfriend’s mom called me on bday to wish me, but i was kinda sad at that time because of somethign, so i didnt pick up the call as i thought i wouldnt be able to talk properly, she called 2 times more. after 1-2 hours i called her back, 2-3 times, she didnt pick but then eventually when she picked up the call, i even said sorry that i courlnt pick ip that time as i haf some guests over and was busy with them. it genuinely didnt feel like a big deal at that time

Now fast forward to her birthday. I called her in the morning to wish her and she picked up immediately. Then she said something like:

“Dekha maine to ek hi baar mein phone utha liya tha. But jab maine D ko phone kiya tha usne kitni baar mein uthaya.”

(D is me.)

and i didnt know what to do or say but i just said sorry again and the explanation that i had guests over.

And idk, it just felt weird to me because why bring up such a tiny thing from two months ago, especially when I had already apologized back then?

The thing is, before this I genuinely used to think she was SO sweet and different from the typical Indian saasu mom stereotype. But after this comment I started wondering if she actually has that subtle taunting/passive-aggressive tone underneath.

Am I overthinking this or was that actually a little unnecessary?

i love burritos, need some good suggestions

(all this has happened over call/text)

Whenever I get upset or start crying, my boyfriend just repeats things like “I’m sorry” and “please don’t cry.” And that’s… basically it. If I ask him ki sorry ke alawa kuch nhi bolna tujhe when im crying so much, he says he doesn’t know what to say.

The problem is, it doesn’t make me feel comforted at all. It actually makes me feel more alone, like he’s not really with me in that moment. if i try to hang up he says dont go pls stay here dont cry alone but i just feel frustrated because hes not even doing anything, also he says mai karta hu terse ache se baat but ladai me muje nhi samaj aata kya karu

I’ve tried telling him that I need more than just “sorry.” I want understanding, something deep, that feels like it’s coming from his heart. But instead, he either says very generic things or tries to change the topic, like sending random reels or try to make me laugh or distracting me.

I don’t think he’s a bad person. I think he just genuinely doesn’t know how to handle emotions. But I don’t know if it’s fair that I keep feeling this way.

whenever i cry due to something that made me upset, he just keeps on repeating sorry, wipe your tears please, dont hamper your health, and when i ask if this is all he has to say, then ill just go if u have no love to give, then hes like no pls dont go, stay here, and again the same sorry loop.

i want some love, some words that make me feel that he loves me, but he just says 2-3 lines on repeat, sorry pls dont cry, and sorry i dont know what to say.

this behaviour makes me feel that he doesn’t even love me anymore

am i overthinking on this