r/AskIndianWomen

19f in first year of engineering in a private college. Don't really have friends and i am quite introverted. I met this girl from other branch, we are kinda friends and meet everyday, one day she asked me if i am br@hmin. She made me meet her other friend, mind you i met him for the very first time in my life and he asked me if i am br@hmin. I asked him why and he says your face looks so. Tf is this supposed to mean. I dont know if something's wrong with me or my surroundings, but this is definitely not my first time in college(never been subject to caste discrimination in school ). Personally i think its very offensive to ask such invasive questions, however it doesn't seem to be an issue here. Am i overreacting or is this considered normal

Hi everyone, I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for over 3 years. We have a great relationship, both families are involved, and we’re planning to get married next year.

I spend a lot of time with his family because he includes me in everything. They’re very warm and physically affectionate people (hugs, cheek kisses, etc.), which is quite different from my family.

He has a female cousin (21/22), and they grew up together but weren’t very close for a few years due to family issues. Even now, they don’t really talk much, they meet maybe once in 6 months or even once a year, and don’t stay in touch regularly.

On family trips, since we’re the youngest, the three of us sometimes end up sharing a bed. My boyfriend sleeps in the middle, with me on one side and her on the other.

What makes me uncomfortable is that while sleeping, they’re casually physically affectionate, like he might rest his hand on her in a relaxed/hug-like way, or she might put her arm over him or rub his shoulder. It doesn’t seem intentional or inappropriate, and he’s also holding or hugging me at the same time, but something about it still feels off to me.

I’ve spoken to him about it, but he thinks I’m overthinking and viewing it in a weird way. From his perspective, it’s just normal family affection. (Which I agree to considering their family dynamics and also the fact that my boyfriend would probably do the same to anyone else sleeping beside him as well)

I’m not sure if this is just a difference in upbringing (since my family isn’t physically expressive at all), or if my discomfort is actually valid.

Would really appreciate honest opinions, am I overreacting here?

TL;DR:

Boyfriend is casually physically affectionate with his adult cousin while sleeping (on shared family trips), even though they rarely meet or talk otherwise. Nothing explicitly inappropriate, but it makes me uncomfortable. He thinks I’m overthinking, am I?

Edit 1 - also please note, the said cousin seems like a genuinely nice person and she is nice towards me also. We 3 do also have a lot of fun together.

I'm getting married in 3 months. But IDK what's wrong with me that even hearing the word marriage makes me have an anxiety attack and cry like a baby.

Everyone is so excited. But I'm literally avoiding doing anything. I haven't started a single preparation yet. I have not been doing any skincare or other stuff brides normally do now-a-days. Not decided outfits or anything.

I see a wedding reel on insta, I cry. When my parents tell me about a ritual , I cry. I see the word "Vidai and Kanyadaan" , I GET A FULL BLOWN ANXIETY ATTACK AND literally stop breathing through my nose (Can't ditch them, parents want to do everything by the book).

The guy is really good. ADORABLE. I love talking to him day and night.He makes me laugh when I'm crying from all this. In-Laws seem like good people but traditional. It's an AM. Plus I have never moved out of my house. I won't be living with the in-laws. Just me and husband.

I always feel like I'm leaving my parents. I am the eldest daughter. And they depend on me so much for many things. I'm very attached to my family and they are quite sentimental people too, So I feel they'll cry a lot at my wedding and it gives me literal nightmares. They thought of leaving my parents and siblings alone, what would they do in circumstances when they need me. And I'll be not there. Not doing the festival preparations with them, when I mostly do so much work, how'll they manage. Parents are getting old too. How will my siblings look after them. My family is simple middle class, they panic so much in emergencies. I am LITERALLY their strength at moments like these.

I hate even imagining the moment of seeing my parents and siblings cry during my wedding just because I'm a girl and I'll have to supposedly leave. EVEN SYMBOLICALLY IN THE RITUALS.

Plus, I'm super antisocial and introvert. I wanted a simple court marriage but alas! it's 500 people and a 6 day function now! How tf am I going to tolerate so many people dancing on my head with all their conservative thoughts and superstitions and rituals!

I don't wanna do anything. I HATE BEING A BRIDE. How do I stop these thoughts? It hurts so much! Like physical chest pain hurt. I know I'm overthinking but I just can't stop!

Obviously the producers and the set environment is toxic and unsuitable for women so I am not surprised that the on screen dynamics reflect that but it still irks me off . I havent really watched much of it though so I could be wrong . it’s honestly hard to ignore how weirdly sexist it is once you stop looking at it as “just a wholesome family show.”

Every single family in Gokuldham basically runs on the same structure:
men work, women stay home. No character ever goes “hey, why is all the housework automatically the woman’s job?” It’s just accepted as default. Popatlal has ranted about not being married a lot and he always talks about how having a wife means he'll have someone for chores and kids ( not company)

All the women are constantly shown cooking, serving food, cleaning, waiting for their husbands. Even the way scenes are framed makes it obvious who the “main” characters are. Women are always assigned a work in crisis , do X while we do Y etc , they never let the women go anywhere even to places as basic as a police station despite men always messing it up.

Popatlal is another thing that just gets brushed off as comedy. His entire character is “I want to get married.” And the way the show handles it is high key uncomfortable if you think about it for more than 2 seconds. He always goes for much younger women and thinks about getting married if the women as much as ask a address from him.

Yeah, once in a while they’ll do a “women empowerment” episode or give some speech about respect. But then literally the next episode it’s back to the same women in the kitchen, men sitting and being served. Its a running gag that other men make of someone like Bhide who helps around a bit and he is extremely flustered by it.

Am so excited : ) my husband asked me to create a wishlist, said he'll get me all of it hehe. but there are so many recommendations everywhere that it’s hard to tell what people keep using vs what just sounds good initially. i dont wanna be buying too much either. what are some things that will genuinely help me in the first few months? pls suggest!

I feel like I am losing behind. I don’t know how I will be able to buy a property with my current salary. Did you guys take loan ? How much did your first property cost? Was it good an investment. Ladies who have bought properties, please enlighten me

So yesterday, for the first time ever... I stayed till the pheras at a friend's wedding.

It was a sundowner, everything was beautiful, soft lights, happy faces...

and I remember thinking let me actually listen this time.

Like really understand what's being promised here.

And within a few minutes... something inside me just broke.

The pandit started saying the vachans for the bride and I swear, with every line, I felt more and more uncomfortable.

He said

if you want to travel anywhere, you cannot go without vour in-laws' nermissionI paused. Like... did I hear that right?

And then came the one that actually made my chest tighten

he said,

you can visit your parents whenever you want... but if there's ever a conflict between your parents and your in-laws,

then you cannot go meet your own parents without their approval.

And I just I couldn't process it.

In that moment, surrounded by so many people, cameras, rituals..the bride just stood there and nodded.

Like she's supposed to agree. Like this is normal.Like this is what marriage sounds like.

And I kept thinking how are we still saying things like this out loud... in 2026... and no one even questions it?

Is this what the "saat vachan" actually are? Or are we just repeating things that were never meant to be rules in the first place?

Because this didn't sound like love to me. It sounded like control packaged very softly as tradition.

And I don't know... maybe I'm overthinking it.

But I know one thing for sure

if I ever stand there one day, mv vows will not take awav mv freedom to exist as adaughter,

as an individual,

as a person.

Because marriage should add to your life... not quietly take pieces of it away.

What do you think?

Most of the couples around me who demanded, gave dowry for marriage, now engaging in extra marital affairs. I know few in my own society and gym. But I dont judge them or interfere. Most probably they have open marriages. Who knows?

Because people who strictly married each other for money, its pointless to expect loyalty from them.

I mentioned that in reddit comment and some men came forward to support dowry.

I have no opinion about dowry. But my question is, if I have to buy a man paying money, why would I treat him like a respectable husband?

If someone agree to sell his entire life to me for some cash car and gifts, then whats their life quality anyway?

I dont support or promote extra marital affairs. But I understand why so many couples are going for open marriages these days.

I’m an only son with elderly parents, and I know I’ll have some responsibility toward them as they age. At the same time, I completely understand that many women value privacy, independence, and the ability to build their own space after marriage.

For women here who’ve been in a similar situation (either personally or through friends/family):

What kind of living arrangement worked for you (same house, separate floor, nearby, etc.)?

What adjustments or boundaries helped avoid conflict?

What did your partner do right (or wrong) in handling this balance?

I’m trying to understand how to approach this in a fair and practical way, without making either side feel neglected.

My girlfriend’s friend(24F) is in a abusive relationship with her parents. She is singh and her bf is a rajput and had been in a relationship for a while. Her father is in forensics dept and mom is a teacher. They got to know about their relationship somehow and got furious and threatened her not to continue this. They would beat her as well related to this issue because of caste difference. The guy also did meet the parents tried explaining, but nothing works ,they don’t like him, his height ,nothing about him and want a guy with a govt job. They asked him to crack UPSC in one year if he wants to get married (which ofc is almost impossible) but he still said he would try but they keep bringing up other issues.

It is becoming emotional and physical torture for her as they would beat her often now, keep her locked in room even though she’s a working woman!

She also makes small content videos and apparently they saw it and did the same thing again, like don’t put these things and all. ( and those videos are just fine, nothing even wrong with it, they have problem showing her face in ig also )

This evening she asked my gf that if I don’t reply or answer consider they have locked and kept my phone away and call police on them.

What should be done ? Is there women helpline? Any lawyer. Any help is appreciated!!

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share something from my elder sister’s wedding that might help other women who are getting married, especially in inter-caste setups.

In our case, instead of choosing a priest from either side’s regional or cultural background, my parents decided to bring in a Vedic scholar (pandit) from a peetham. Some relatives preferred that we stick to our “own” traditions, but my parents were very clear about this decision.

And honestly, I’m really glad they did.

These Vedic scholars are not just priests but they are people who have been studying the Vedas rigorously since childhood, often trained in the guru – shishya parampara, and are well-versed in all four Vedas. Their approach felt very different from what we usually see in weddings.

A few things I personally noticed:

- They were completely neutral and egalitarian and no bias toward either side

- They didn’t make any patriarchal or unnecessary comments

- The focus was on the actual meaning of the rituals, not just performing customs for the sake of it

- No confusion about “whose tradition to follow,” which made things much smoother

It felt like the ceremony was rooted in something more authentic and universal, rather than being influenced by regional or caste-based expectations.

For any soon-to-be brides here and especially those navigating inter-caste or inter-cultural marriages, it might be worth considering this option. It really helped create a more balanced and respectful environment for everyone involved.

Would love to hear your thoughts or experiences 🤍

i always sleep with tied hair but recently my psychologist told me to be in open hair and not make a tight braid/ponytail as it receds hairline, i have zero idea so i wanted to ask here.

Though i have short hair like upto neck only n i still feel hot with open hair n it confused me cuz i do get hairfall 😭

I’ll go first. I get extremely competitive in sports or at the gym, to the point that I feel jealous of anyone better than me 😅

My parents love me but they are very controlling. i come from a upper middle class family. so weighing my options here. Bdw 26F here, so I should be married by now according to them.

my options are either to leave home and start an independent life from scratch and I don't think I have survival instincts for that. but staying at home is bothering me a lot. I want health, wealth and a healthy relationship. I am not even at the starting point. I don't want to get into AM. i want to travel a lot. I know its a bit much.

please tell me if somebody left their homes without any help, how to build myself with nothing and without a safety net.

Back in October, I (21f) somehow found a way to log into my brother’s (18m) Instagram. I honestly thought it would be funny to snoop and see what he says about me. It really wasn’t. I found messages between him and his friends where they were saying vulgar things about me. My brother didn’t just stay quiet. He actually participated in those conversations.

I showed the messages to my parents. My dad supported me, but my mom kind of brushed it off and said it was “just a joke.” That hurt a lot. I’ve always stood up for my brother and tried to help him whenever I could, so seeing him act like that behind my back felt like a betrayal.

I even contacted the parents of those friends and showed them the messages. They were genuinely ashamed and apologized. They supported me more than my own mom did.

This whole thing also made me think about how my mom has treated me growing up. She has humiliated me in front of relatives, neighbors, and even my friends’ parents when I messed up. I get that I wasn’t a perfect teenager, but that still didn’t feel right. There were several times she crossed boundaries too. She threw a glass of milk at me when I was 12 because I didn’t want to drink it. She forced me to wear things I didn’t want to as a kid. She kicked me out of the house twice and then told my dad that I ran away. I remember wearing a glittery dress for my birthday once and she followed me around with a wet rag wiping wherever I sat because glitter would fall. Whenever I ask her for help she messes up, even for tiny things. It sounds small but it stuck with me.

She is also very obsessive about cleaning. It causes a lot of arguments because she doesn’t respect my boundaries, but at the same time she doesn’t even want help. I’ve tried helping her before, but she just redoes everything I do. It’s exhausting and honestly not sustainable for me because I have my own responsibilities like school and work. She barely treated my brother the same way through all of this.

I’ve never really felt close to my mom and I find her thinking regressive. I don’t feel inspired by her and I don’t want to be like her. We’ve barely had good moments. My dad, on the other hand, has been much more supportive. We actually spend time together and get along.

I tried to forgive my brother. That lasted about a week. Recently my dad gave him a chore, and he asked me to do it so he could go to his friend’s house. I said no, but he left anyway and I ended up being forced to do it. That just showed me he still feels entitled and nothing really changed.

I brought it up the next day and it turned into a big argument. My dad said something like it’s better to raise a pervert than to raise me. That made me so angry that I slapped him, and it went too far.

Now I’ve blocked my mom and my brother. I don’t even look at my brother anymore. My dad keeps telling me to forgive them and that I’m holding onto the past, but it doesn’t feel that simple. Forgiving them right now just feels wrong.

At the same time, I do miss how things used to be with my brother. I miss hanging out with him. But I can’t ignore how he acts now either. I feel stuck between those two things and I don’t really know what to do. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are valid. I sometimes feel like I will be an orphan when my dad dies because I can’t even trust my mom and brother. I wish I had a happy family.

i broke my relationship with my girlfriend four months ago in December. she literally stalks me on social media, watsapp, even calls my number with random peoples phone so i can pick her call. how to make closure to this toxic behaviour. i quit that relationship because of need to constant changes, fitting into her standards and always not ok if i say no to anything. i felt drained my energy, efforts and feelings. I'm dead from inside. but she doesn't understand this because she's desperate for me, for the things i did her for and i think no man will ever say ok to get like me. now she's harassing me like this, i feel anxious, stressed. please if someone delt with this kind of situation before kindly drop your solution and help me to what to do

This is not just ragebait or a made-up story. I see this happening around me in my extended family and among friends. Many girls who talk about feminism and equality do not see their mothers as individuals. They depend on their mothers to keep doing the cleaning, cooking, and childcare even after marriage. This is the same kind of burden patriarchy placed on women before, and now it is still happening to mothers in a different way.

Most people will deny this, but deep down many of us know it happens. It feels like selective equality and selective feminism focused only on freedom in dress and lifestyle, not on how mothers are treated at home.

Hi All,

So my bf's parents are coming in the city to meet him and they want to meet me too.

We are dating for 2 years and are planning to get married next year.

It will be a very causal meeting and I will be meeting them first ever time.

I don't want to be all dressed up since it's causal, but also want to look good and comfortable in this heat.

Please advice what should I wear?

Thank you!

10 weeks pregnant and I am loosing my shit

For context:

First pregnancy ended in Miscarriage

I am epileptic and that adds more stress as I have bi-weekly blood draws and EEG to monitor my epilepsy

Currently I am taking 17-18 tablets a day plus daily injections to protect the pregnancy

I have been a fit person doing workouts for almost a decade now and perfect BMI and yet this pregnancy medications are too much for me

To top it all , currently in Middle East hence the war uncertainty

And yes I can’t just pack my bag and return to India as our parents are from small town with little access to medical care and we don’t have any source of income apart from our salary

Every day I keep thinking whether it is a right decision to have baby even though we have been planning for more a year considering my epilepsy medications to be changes etc changed

I feel so depressed that i don’t even like to talk to anyone

Our families still doesn’t know yet as we are planning to tell around 12 weeks

My husband is very supportive very loving btw so that part is sorted

I don’t know if this feeling is right or if people go through such emotions .Writing this has filled my eyes with tears and I have no idea why

TlDR: Hugh risk pregnancy and living in Middle East and that is making me rethink my decision