r/vaginismus

I’m barely on my dilator journey so I’m barely on dilator 1 and I’m fairly certain that the root of the problem is that my mind is scared of the pain that penetration might cause. I’ve told my pt this and the only thing she says is “it’s not going to hurt” which is not very helpful. My question is to those who have similar problems…what do you tell yourself as you move forward with the dilators? I feel like deep down I know it won’t hurt but I’m still somewhat scared of a pain.

I just got the first pack (sizes 1-4) of the intimate rose dilators and can already reach size 3 pretty easily. I have only used them twice, and my mom’s concerned that im progressing too quickly. It was my third time using them today and I was able to use size 4, but it definitely took a minute to get in. Im just not sure if it hurts too much (pain can be confusing for me). Is this good progress or should I slow down?

I’m in my 20s and I was abused before. How can I tell? I can insert one finger into my vagina, but not two, it really hurts, and my vagina feels very tight. If I’m a virgin, is that normal?

And should womans be able to insert fingers at any time (even when we’re not aroused) without pain? 🥺

hey, so ive been really upset recently and feeling down and self conscious reading reddit stories about how boys have been falling out of love with their girlfriends due to vaginismus,

me and my boyfriend have been together for around 7ish months and im worried he will start feeling resentment towards me or fall out of love because i cant have PIV s*x.

it is something that really bothers me and i cant help but cry after doing anything with him because im worried i cant fill his needs.

hes very respectful and has been patient and supportive so far, but im worried as time goes on hes going to start getting irritated and disappointed.

and part of me feels like he already is disappointed and annoyed but he may not want to say it

is there anything i could do to prevent him from having resentment towards me or falling out of love with me?

or losing interest?

if i could get any support or advice from men or women it would be a lot of help! thank you ❤️

Are they ever ‘prescribed’ by doctors or would I have to go out of my way and spend lots of money on a set?

hello, i have had a couple of online consultations with doctors in my area regarding vagina botox. i’ve decided to go ahead with one and i have a face to face consultation next week! after the f2f consultation, we will decide the date of the botox.

the doctor said they’ll apply local anaesthetic, administer the botox, and then insert the largest dilator in me. i’ll have to drive home 1 hour with the dilator in, and they’ve advised to keep it in as long as possible.

i’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, and if so, did it ache/cause pain at all the days after? i have to go to work in an office everyday, so im just wondering if i can get the botox done on a weekday and still work the next day?

i also go to the gym regularly and join HIIT classes, would i be able to continue this straight after?

thanks in advance! x

What kind of non penetrative foreplay do you guys participate in that your partners actually enjoy?

My boyfriend thinks using the vibrator is boring, he doesn’t give me oral and getting my clit rubbed doesn’t come close to cutting it.

I finally had PIV sex yesterday!

Never used tampons in my life, first time anything went in was when my bf tried fingering me with one finger 6 months ago. It was incredibly painful. He barely got it in and he said that my opening was really small.

We tried with fingers inconsistently (with weeks of breaks in between) but no luck. That was until we got a vibrator! I would press the vibrator to my clit and the vibrations actually helped ease the pain and helped me relax a lot more. After a couple more weeks of trying we finally got 2 fingers in (though with a lot of pain).

Tried inserting a dildo smaller than him but it hurt too much.

Yesterday we tried again. 1 finger then 2. A lot a LOT of foreplay was involved. With the help of the vibrator on my clit he tried pushing his in and it went in! It wasn't completely painless (there was a specific spot inside that was particularly tight and painful for me) but it went in successfully!

It was actually less painful than with 2 fingers(nails).

Honestly I think I think without the vibrator it wouldn't have been possible for me to get to this point. My bf becoming more understanding and patient with me about my vaginismus also helped a lot(struggled with a lot of mental blocks and anxiety)

Hi everyone! I see so many questions here and try to answer where I think I can help. I’ve been “cured” meaning able to have sex and use tampons for about a year. I put the word cured in quotes because I still struggle sometimes with a little bit of tightness here and there. But I consider myself cured after never being able to put ANYTHING in there my whole life and getting nauseous at the thought.

Please ask me anything!

I have a set of 7 Intimate Rose dilators as well as the vibrating wand with charger. They were barely used and I have sanitized. Can ship to anywhere in the lower 48 in the U.S. $85

Okay y’all I’m 27 years old, and I have NEVER been able to insert anything, the first time I used a tampon I passed out from the pain….so anyway. When I was around 20 I started pelvic PT and trigger point injections, this went on for YEARS with no relief. I’ve had relationships end, I really truly thought I would never be able to experience sex, I wasn’t even hoping for pleasurable sex, just PIV with moderate pain was all I was hoping for. Last year I finally got up the courage to get vaginal Botox, and I had such high hopes…….and it didn’t do shit. I was totally heartbroken. Fast forward to a year later, I’m in a new relationship and I’m like okay, let’s give Botox another try. So I got a second round of injections, and the started using my Milli dilator every day (which is a dilator that expands inside you and vibrates so it helps IMMENSELY with entry pain) and about 3 weeks after the Botox I was able to have PIV for the first time, I still had some entry pain, but a few minutes in there was no pain at all!!!!! And it felt GOOD!!!!! Now I’m able to have PIV multiple times a week and really truly enjoy it. I had lost all hope of ever getting better, so I thought I’d throw my story in here to show you all of you’re feeling low that if it can happen for me it can happen for you. Now I dilate on days I don’t see my boyfriend, And use a gabapentin cream at night to help with the entry pain/ burning. This has been a life long struggle for me and I can’t believe I can finally say I’m healed.

Hi!! Has anyone developed this condition during a relationship? We used to have a great sex life and I can’t handle it anymore, it’s too painful. The pain came out of nowhere and just keeps getting worse.

Our frequency just keeps going down and down, we’re now at once every couple months and my partner is surely disappointed but mostly understanding. I think he grieves what used to be, but I just can’t open myself up to that pain. How do you guys work through this? I’m also working through my hesitancy and lack of desire in therapy, and just had my first session of pelvic floor therapy. Does it get less painful? I was almost jumping off of the table in pain at certain points. Thank you!

I have been doing my exercises (breathing, general other stuff) but haven’t been penetrated lately. So today I was bleeding more than usual and decided it was time to try a tampon again, for the first time in awhile. It’s in and I did it correctly (angled, all the way up) whatever. But I do feel like. I don’t know if it’s a mental thing or because of vaginismus the muscles are still pretty tight. Is this normal or did I actually not insert the tampon in correctly?

Hey -

I have an upcoming smear on 27th. Nurse Practioner is amazing. Literally does everything she can do make it comfortable for me.

I am unable to get ahold of prescription lidocaine fhis time round. I bought some GLC gel with 4% lidocaine. . . I am going to try ajd get ahold of my doctor today

help!!!

i have to take thrush medication (even tho i don’t have symptoms) as i tested positive for it

however i have a MASSIVE fear of tablets and pills, i cannot take them no matter what it’s just not on the table at all.

the alternative is a pessary, im terrified i wont be able to use it

i can use tampons though, so maybe i can?

please help!

As my tittle said, this month would be my 1 year overcoming my vaginismus and im very happy to say that I can have sex freely now!

I’m writing this post because hoping it would help this community to keep going :) I’m married for 4 years and never PIV but when 2026 came, we do PIV like rabbits every week!! (lol)

I’m in my mid 20s, never piv or insert anything including finger and tampons. I think I have vaginismus because I’m so scared of it and also because of religious matter. Last year I want to achieve or change something as a year resolution and I did. April 2025, I went to a women clinic for the first time to overcome my vaginismus.

I will keep it short on what I think it helped during my journey:-

• Always confident that you CAN overcome it. Say it to the mirror if you have to!!

• Dilate always. I dilate every week, not everyday because sometimes I just don’t have the energy to do it but do find some time and dilate. I bought the dilator from my doctor which had 4 sizes

• Use lubricant as much as you want. Don’t be afraid to use it

• Kegel exercise do help me! Some yoga poses too. What I did was the basic kegel like baby poses or the cat cow one. I don’t do it often anymore now, just the butterfly pose since its easy

• Try to be calm and relax as much as you can. I was always anxious before, my doctor always tell me to be more calm. Try meditation, get a massage or listen to water sounds on youtube.

BONUS: Find a good doctor!

I still remember the day of my first PIV, January 2026 my husband was away for a week. When he came back, missing him so much really make the PIV happend! It was hurt at first but eventually it felt really good

The early phase of PIV, I still use lubes and not fully comfortable but we tried 3-5 times a week (as my doctor advised us to) so now I’m pain and lubricant free!

During my recovering journey, I had sooo many days where I cried, giving up and asking myself why is it so hard to have sex like other people. Now I’m more confident and very grateful that I went to get help because a ‘small’ last year resolution. I hope my post would give people motivation to keep going and don’t give up! ❤️

I’m about to enter my 30’s..

I haven’t been able to achieve PIV because I have a bad mental block caused by vaginismus and to top it all off I am in a dead bedroom (I’m not the one with the low libido). I sometimes wonder if I’d be able to do PIV things would change. I feel so embarrassed. I know he loves me but it hurts so bad.

Anyways it makes it so hard to try. Although I try on my own I feel discouraged due to the lack of desire I feel from my partner.

I have so much on my mind. I want nothing more than to be a mother and now the clock is ticking and not being able to achieve PIV is stressing me out. I want it so bad. I want nothing more than to be a mother.

I have had really bad vaginismus for about 2 years. Dilators and pelvic floor therapy haven't helped me. One time my husband and I were trying, he didn't fully get inside but I ended up getting pregnant. I ended up having a beautiful boy but I couldn't even complete the cervical checks. They actually ended up giving me an epidural early just so they could do the checks. After I gave birth I didn't have sex for about 6 months because I had an episiotomy and was disconnected from my body. Just wanted to focus on healing. When we started to have sex, I could have pain free intercourse! I was so happy and I finally felt normal!

I ended up getting pregnant again and when I had the transvaginal ultrasound I was in so much pain I was crying. The doctor asked if I wanted to stop but I knew I needed to just complete the ultrasound so I tried to persevere. Now whenever my husband and I try, it doesn't work and I am back to the beginning.

I don't know what to so. The pelvic floor therapy and dialators aren't helping. Does anyone have any other strategies? I thought I was healed but I'm so discouraged that I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.

is this common?

me and my bf are 20 and have been together for 3 years

1st year we had sex no probs but i’ve had vaginimus for past 2 years

the past couple months ive had no desire to have sex or anything, even kissing i can’t be bothered with

my boyfriend is gorgeous and in such great shape so it has nothing to do with that, he’s an angel about my vaginimus and is always up for other things

i can’t help but feel guilty about this, have i lost the spark? is this a phase? i do hope so