r/stayathomemoms

Hi all, I figured this would be a good space to get this off my chest.

Fair warning, this is MY life and my personal feelings. Anything I say that maybe you did or do as a mom is not a reflection on you as a mother. So please don’t take offense.

So, my mom put me in daycare at 5 weeks old. Over the years I’ve seen the ramifications of that decision. I don’t feel close with her as she does with me. My brother is closer with her, and she stayed home with him for the first almost 3 years of his life.

She also helps when it’s convenient to her. For my own daughters I would drop everything for them. For example; I’m a SAHM and 33 weeks pregnant, and pretty sick. My husband gets up at 3 am and gets home around 4-5pm. I’m truly struggling right now and feel like death. I almost never ask for help (because I usually know the outcome already,) but I asked for help today. Her response “I’m sorry honey Tuesdays are my ceramics class and I don’t want to get sick.” I can understand not wanting to get sick (even if I wouldn’t care for my own kids, I’d go to them in a heartbeat, especially if they were that pregnant) but ceramics, really? It just really hurt. She hasn’t really helped me at all this pregnancy.

She’s very materialistic in her affection, something I’ve had to unlearn as an adult as that is how I was raised. So instead of coming to help me she was like “But I DID buy your daughter some pajamas she needed!” Which I very much appreciate and am grateful for, but I could have bought those myself. I don’t want your money, I want your love.

When push comes to shove she does show up. When my daughter was hospitalized as a newborn she came to the hospital and stayed with her once or twice. But I feel like this behavior only happens in extreme circumstances.

Maybe I’m being a whiney little b word who has no place to be complaining. I’m just very pregnant, sick, and feel like a hurt little girl again. But we know as SAHMs it can be really isolating, and I think being part of “the village” even as family, takes being Inconvenienced. Would it be inconvenient for me to get sick if I helped my pregnant daughter? Yah absolutely that would suck. But to me that is what family does, show up for one another. I would and have helped my best friend when she was stressed and sick, and I know she’d do the same for me (but right now we all have the same sickness lol.) I just sometimes feel like my mom doesn’t care, or that I find it hard to connect with her.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent into the void fellow SAHMs. Thank you if you’ve read this far:)

So I know my husband isnt ordering flowers and will wait until the day of to pick up flowers... I have 2 sons I'm raising guess who is learning how place an order for flowers today... not going to let my future daughter in laws feel forgotten

9 month old. We’re literally sick once a twice a month!! Might as well be in daycare with those numbers lol. We do occasionally go to the children’s museum, we go grocery shopping, to family’s houses, etc etc.

But shit, I thought being a SAHM would save us some of the hassle of being sick all the time. Anyone else?

My sister has asked me basically every week to babysit my 4 year old niece. She also told me “we might need your help Tuesdays and Thursdays for the summer”. My brother in law recently started working part time so they’re relying on me to fill in the gaps. I’ve not been offered any type of compensation.

I have two kids- 19 months and 10 year old. My oldest and my niece butt heads so when he’s not in school and my niece comes over i’m constantly having to put out fires between them.

I feed her and entertain her and occasionally pick her up from school and i’m tired. I know we’re supposed to be each other’s villages but i can’t help but feel like I’m being taken advantage of because i’m a SAHM. It’s so hard to say no to my sister. I love her and i obviously love my niece but my plate is already full without having a third kid to take care of.

I'm a FTM and SAHM to a 7 month old. I thought I'd be in a better place mentally after 6 months but things are just worse. I can't take the constant whining and crying. I feel awful admitting it because he's a baby doing baby things and he's going through a lot. He's teething, he isn't crawling, and he hates being a baby. We're a one car household living in an apartment, so it's not like we can go anywhere or have a backyard to hang out in. Entertaining him is so difficult. I'm lacking energy to even take him for a walk. He hates tummy time and cries when I try to motivate him to crawl. I've just been sobbing through it all the past couple days. I don't know if anyone has any advice or solidarity to give but I just need to get this out.

Just wondering if anyone else feels like i do. I moved to a new state 6 years ago and met by husband and had kids. So since then i’ve made a few friends but i stopped working and the had a falling out with those friends. So all i have left now is long distance friends and it’s feeling kinda lonely.
And i feel like I’ll never form really close friendships again.I have my sister in law who’s like a best friend but that’s it.

my child's father and i have been together for 5 years & we have a 4 year old. we live together, i stay home with our child & dad works. dad works a lot and is never around, i'm basically a single mom and i have our child 24/7 taking care of them and their needs, making/taking them to appointments and basically doing everything and anything that has to do with our child. dad is never around, he works a lot but even when he doesnt work there is always an excuse and he "has something to do" so even on his days off he is never around our child.
i'm constantly being judged by my child's father that i'm not "raising our child", our child just turned 4 and is wild and all over the place but nothing out of the ordinary for a 4 year old. well since our child "doesn't behave" and "doesnt listen" its "my fault" and i'm a "shit parent" for "raising him like that". i'm doing the best that i can, our child is super smart, has good manners but yes they are also 4 years old and sometimes doesnt wanna listen or sometimes they are impatient and fussy but i dont think its my fault and i dont think i should be criticized and mocked and called "mother of the year" (in a sarcastic tone) because our child is "acting up".
my child's father told me today that i'm a horrible parent and i'm doing a horrible job raising our child because our child was impatient and ready to leave the restaurant we were at. dad started judging everything i do as a mother and told me i don't do anything for our family and i'm not a "parent" because i don't work or pay rent or pay bills. my childs father went off on me in the restaurant while we were waiting for the bill, i couldnt help but start tearing up and feeling hurt and extremely embarassed. then once we got to the car my child's father continued to say how i am a "leech" for not working and providing for our family or contributing to rent and bills. he makes a great amount of money monthly from work, after paying the bills he still has a lot of money and i don't ever ask for money and everything i get for our child i use either my credit cards or i sell my child's old clothes and stuff in consignment sales. so i'm being called a leech becahuse he pays all the bills and i "am under is roof and would be homeless if it wasnt for him paying rent/bills"
i am the only that that takes care of our child and is with our child 24/7, i do all the home chores alone (laundry, cooking, cleaning, buying stuff for the home).

i'm just upset and butthurt that the person i share a home with and have a child with thinks i'm not a good parent and thinks that i'm raising our child poorly because our child "doesnt behave". i've had so many random people always tell me they can tell i'm a good mom or that my child is well behaved yet the person i have a child with talks down to me and judges me and puts me down.
i don't think its fair that my child's father basically thinks i do nothing but sit around all day. my whole life is dedicated to our child and everything i do surrounds our child yet i'm being told that i'm not a good mother and that i'm a leech because i don't work or pay any bills.

has anyone else experienced their partner putting them down for not working or contributing financially? i couldn't even get a job if i wanted to because my child's father is too busy to help out with our child.
i dont know i just needed to vent, i'm upset and butthurt and also embarassed.

last year was my first mother’s day so i had it all planned and knew what i wanted (when to chicago, went to the zoo and lunch!) this year: i have no idea. 🥲
i have no idea what i want as gifts, or what i want to do. what are you doing / getting?

This was my third Mother’s Day. I always have low expectations because my husband is NOT a holiday/birthday guy. But I still always hope for a little something (even just words of affirmation would go a long way, I don’t need gifts). To be fair, we are in the thick of it with a 2 year old and a newborn, so the fact that yesterday actually sucked and I had a big meltdown just is what it is.

But I’m wondering for the future… what should I actually be expecting or asking for? For those of you who actually enjoy Mother’s Day, what do you do? What does your partner do? If I need to really spell it out for my husband, what kinds of things should I tell him about how to go about it? Have any husbands who failed in the early years been able to get it together as the years go on?

I’m tempted to just ban Mother’s Day in our home so I don’t keep being disappointed but maybe I need another approach.

For background my daughter is four and has one year of Pre-k and then will be in kindergarten in a year.
I quit work last year to be a stay at home mom to be with my one year old and to spend more time with my now four year old. We were going to do a preschool a few times a week but she is thriving in her current program and they don’t offer part time. She’s going in the morning around 9 and then I pick her up around 3 after my son’s nap. Is that too long? She does dance, splash pad, etc and she tells me that she loves school every day. She also loves spending time with her best friend there. I felt as though keeping her home or switching schools would do more harm than good. She is good with routine and struggles with transitions. I was thinking maybe some days I could pick her up before my sons nap so it would just be 9-11:30 some days but I’m not sure if she would do better on a consistent routine. Currently I watch another baby in my home 8-11ish for socialization but it’s going to be more part time soon so I’ll have more time to pick up my daughter earlier.

I feel like I’d be guilty if I kept her home and guilty if I kept her in school. I also have worked in the elementary school system so I know how beneficial preschool can be. But I’m also aware these years are fleeting and my daughter is growing up so fast…

Mom guilt is so hard

Here's a place to chat about whatever you want if you don't feel like making a post.

i’m planning on becoming a stay at home, mom in the next couple months. Is there anything that I should invest in by now that I have an income that will make my time as a stay at home mom easier? When I make the transition of staying home, my now infant will be a year old and I’ll have a two year-old.
i’m talking about anything from kitchen to living room, to bathroom.
Also, I’m making this decision because I work on the leadership team at the daycare my babies attend. However, I don’t make enough to even cover tuition anymore and make a profit at the same time. So I thought why not just stay home instead of busting my ass for roughly $700 every two weeks.
thank you. And any tips are appreciated.

What are you all doing when your husband gets sick but you and baby aren't? Staying away?

My husband travels for work and was just gone for 4 days.

Have a 15 month old and I'm pregnant with #2. I want a break and to pass kiddo off to dad a bit but I also don't want us to get sick either. Just got over a cold that lingered for like a month 😩

I moved to the other side of the country to live with my husband, no village nearby, as his family lives to the east and my family to the west. We are stuck in the middle. I got pregnant very early into marriage, and I was filled with a pit of dread; I was excited and had always wanted a family, but I was so scared.

I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum by my first OBGYN appointment and was in and out of the ER for the next nine months. I suffered a placental abruption in labor, and we also discovered baby was breech. C-section recovery was brutal. I cried a lot. I am still crying. Constantly.

My husband works from 7am well past 11pm most days. He goes straight to bed. I feel resentful (I do not want to feel that way; my husband works very hard to provide for us, and his higher-ups are just awful to him) and defeated.

Seeing two therapists now and ready to admit I am struggling with some PPD. In-law drama, and they now do not want to visit us here and state I/we should come to them, but a) I cannot imagine traveling with a baby and b) I really do not feel comfortable flying until the baby is a year old and has received her measles vaccine. Constant clouds over me.

So, how does anyone do this? And without a village? I have lost myself. Baby is 3 months now and only wants contact naps, does not take a bottle, and is no longer taking pacifiers either. I will be hiring a postpartum doula starting next week (which took convincing my husband and I feel like a disappointment because of it). Difficult to see the clear skies from here. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you for reading my ramblings of a sad FTM.

*posting anonymous as family follows my main*

My LO is 11 month old and ever since my maternity leave ended in September, my husband and I have discussed SAHM. He wants me to do it, and has run the numbers and things would be tight but he thinks we could make it work. I, on the other hand, don’t want to quit, and every time we have this conversation makes me feel like a shifty mom.

It also doesn’t help that when we discuss this my husband has this idea in his head of what we’d do all day and I keep trying to tell him it’s not realistic. He thinks if I’m at home I’ll have this whole schedule like Monday we’ll do storytime at the library, Tuesday will be a zoo day. Wednesday will be music time, etc. He also mentions how he thinks the summer will be a “waste” as we will only have XX amount of time on weekends to do fun things and that something I could do with our baby if I was home.

We don’t have help from family in our area and we are starting to discuss a 2nd child. He hates the idea of my entire paycheck going to daycare, and that we should give more attention to our children. I feel that he is focusing on the kids and his ideal family situation, where I’m focusing on the health of our family. If I dislike being a SAHM parent, is that even healthy for our kids? Am I being selfish for wanting to work, if it makes me a better parent? I want to show my kids that they can do anything.

It also doesn’t help that the LO was up at 4am, took 90 minutes to go back down for an hour and then was back up for the day today. Sorry for this being all over the place

Do you make your bed everyday? Curious how many grown ups do this. I would say I am a 50/50. Depends on the day, like if I still have a kiddo in my bed when I get up, or if my morning is just slow paced.

I am the most bored I’ve ever been in my entire life 😭 my son is 18m and I feel like I’m constantly doing the same thing all day every day. The same routine, the same messes to clean and meals to cook and nap time schedule to follow. I try my best to entertain him and keep the days fun for him, but it’s beyond boring for me which I know sounds selfish but hoping this is a place I can say that 😂 I love being with him all day and watching him learn and grow, but I feel like my brain is deteriorating by the minute, turning into literal mush. Going to stores or on outings is tough because he is wild and in a defiant stage, doesn’t like being in the carriage or holding my hand to walk 🫠 so it’s just stressful to try to run errands with him or taking him to kids places. My mom watches him one day a week but I spend that whole day catching up on everything I can’t do with a toddler. My husband works 5-6 days a week depending, we are both small business owners. I can only work during nap or at night which is rare since I’m so tired by the time my son goes to bed. I used to love my work it was my creative outlet but now it feels like just another thing to manage. I feel like I have no enjoyment or identity outside of being a SAHM. I am grateful for what we have and know some women would kill for this opportunity and that makes me feel guilty like I’m wasting it complaining. Can anyone relate or offer advice?

My daughter is 10 and attends public school- I have stayed home since she was born and there is really no return to work in sight ( unless of course we needed it for an emergency, but it's not in the plan) my husband works from home 100% if the time as well

I am educated and had worked professional.jobs prior to staying home.

He and I both have recently noticed when I tell someone I am a stay at home mom, they give me an odd look, when they know we have 1 school aged child.

For those of you that have older or grown children and are still SAHM what do you call yourself if someone asks.about your employment or anything?

At this moment I don't even volunteer anywhere,.so I can't say that!

Current stay at home mom and I meet a lot of other moms. At the park and library and just kid events and it's normally super easy to talk to them. However I see this pattern emerge where everyone wants to get along but they don't really. Like everything will be going well until one mom finds out another mom doesn't let her kids eat sugar, then they are still polite but now one mom doesn't like the other. It seems as if one mom meets another mom that does things differently from the other mom causes this unspoken tension.

Or it's like this strange competition where every mom wants to be seen as the super chill, friendly best mom ever. Which I guess isn't wrong. It's just it can come over as controlling, because they seem to accomplish this by defining what is good and bad in their mind. And if you do anything to contradict that you are a problem. Like one mom doesn't pick up her kid when she cries, she just makes sure she is ok and encourage her to keep playing. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. However my kid falls and cries after and I pick them up, the mom would tell me you should encourage them to self soothe it's not good to keep coddling them etc. It's taken as an attack somehow nevermind our kids are at different development stages. So I feel hopeless at ever really making genuine mom friends. I feel like I would need to find someone who is exactly the same as me, because if we have any differences someone will end up feeling judged. Anyone else going through this?

Happy day Mamas! Keeping this short and sweet!
If and specifically how did you ask your husband for support in the potty training process? Or, was there anyone else who supported you, and if so, how?

Thank you in advance!!!