Finding out about shifting has ruined my ability to accept the present and my CR. It’s ruining my life a bit.
I found out about it a few years ago. Ever since then I haven’t been able to accept my current circumstances more than I didn’t before. For a while I yearned for a do-over, I made the wrong decision in life when I was 19 and since then 7 years later it’s ruined the trajectory of what my life could’ve manifested into. Then I discovered shifting, and I had been obsessed with the idea that I could actually have a chance to go back and permashift to actually change my life for good.
But that’s the problem- I haven’t made a successful attempt but just been seesawing over just biting the pill and improving my current situation and going back, there’s been life experiences I’d lose if I went back but if I don’t I keep yearning for the past. I know people are gonna say “well you can do both! Improve your life here whilst attempting to shift!” It feels counterproductive.
Tbh now I’m trying to just accept my CR and leave it as a pipe dream, but even then so the idea of shifting and the what if’s in the back of my head even when I do try and forget about it still haunts me at the back of my mind and whatever I do to feel fulfilled in my CR feels like a weak attempt. Plus I have DPDR, and this has put gasoline on the fire in terms of that. I just wish I never even discovered it in the first place.