I've been dating this girl for a brief time. During our fourth date we planned a hike in the afternoon, she made a bet with me that if it did not rain, she would pay for my dinner and the movie screening.
So there wasn't any rain during the hike, but in the end she changed her mind and wanted me to pay for dinner and movie screening.
I felt cheated, is it a red flag or it's something you all could let it slide?
is it just me or is every convo just “wyd” then it dies LOL
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Random question after a convo with friends.
I’m a local Chinese guy and recently considered getting circumcised for hygiene/comfort reasons, more of a personal preference thing. But apparently among my friends this topic is weirdly controversial lol.
Some said:
“More hygienic”
“Looks better”
“Can last longer”
Others said:
“Why mutilate yourself for aesthetics”
“Girls don’t care”
“Doing it as an adult is damn weird”
Now I’m curious from a dating perspective in SG:
Do girls here actually have a preference?
Would you find it strange if a guy voluntarily did it as an adult?
Guys who did it - did dating/confidence change at all after?
Feels like in Singapore this topic almost never gets discussed openly unless it’s for religious reasons or medical issues, but I suspect a lot more guys have at least thought about it before.
25M here on dating apps. Matched with an ideal girl- nice smile, cute, bubbly, works out. Unfortunately, our values didn't align. She do not want children and isn't willing to reconsider. We decided not to proceed any further because of this reason as I want children and it was a dealbreaker for me. Not just her as I have seen more and more girls that voicing out that they don't want children. That got me thinking if this is the norm now? I understand that having children is very expensive but I also look forward to the day where I can come home from a long day to see a family of my own.
Chat am I cooked… 20M no female interaction. ZERO. Don’t drink don’t smoke don’t club. Lowk no life lol… 😔😔Downloaded dating apps but they only allow limited likes a day??? And u gotta payyy for more?!?! 🦅🦅Inflation is crazy these days like how u gna put a price on love broo. It’s alr hard enuf to get a relationship in sg how am I supposed to somebody now. Someone please tell me howwww
Have you ever seen friends date people who don’t really meet what society considers “high standards”? Sometimes it makes you wonder why they chose that person, or even feel they could have done better.
It also makes me think, why is dating so difficult nowadays in Singapore? Are expectations becoming too high, or do people feel they themselves are lacking certain qualities?
Maybe social media and comparison have changed the way we view relationships and standards.
What do you think matters most in dating today, and is it still realistic to find meaningful relationships in this generation?
Recently, a TikTok video in which a Singaporean lady listed her non-negotiables in a romantic partner went semi-viral and was even shared on a subreddit associated with Singapore.
The TikToker said that her partner has to be someone who:
She also said that she was "already all of [those requirements] and more".
There were mixed reactions, with some commenters arguing that she was asking for too much, or that her "type" is impossible to find these days. She responded with a separate video, noting specifically that "no smokers, cheaters, and alcoholics" is the bare minimum. I think that most people would actually agree, and even have the same set of bare minimum requirements.
The salary criteria may be tougher to fulfill, since it is the equivalent of a 5.8k monthly pay. That being said, 5.8k is not an entirely unsurmountable level, especially for those who have worked for a few years. Some jobs, even at the entry level, would pay 70k annually if bonuses are included. Since she implied that she is earning more than 70k annually, it also seems to be a fair requirement. Physical attraction is subjective so we cannot comment much, but I was also surprised that the height requirement was posing a challenge for her, given that the average height of males here is about 173 - 174 cm.
The TikToker expressed difficulty in meeting men on dating apps who fulfill her list of requirements. Yet, given that her non-negotiables are fairly rational and reasonable, as well as the fact that dating apps are teeming with men, this is a very unusual outcome for her.
It has left me wondering whether we subconsciously allow ourselves to only accept standards way higher than our pre-defined "bare minimum". If that is the case, then is there truly a "bare minimum"? Or is it just something that we eventually settle for, when other ideal options run out? Otherwise, if the bare minimum is something we accept, is it something that we are really happy accepting?
What are your thoughts on the TikToker's requirements? I personally meet all of them, but unfortunately fall short (pun unintended) of her height criteria, so I would not say it is unrealistic. I would also love to see some discussion on what your bare minimum standards or non-negotiables in a partner are! More importantly, do share whether you would agree to go on a first date with anyone who fulfills them and satisfies a preliminary vibe check (I know that going beyond the first date is more contingent on chemistry, rather than just the bare minimum stats).
i’ll start with mine — my Hinge date queued up at Bakehouse HK to get egg tarts for me before we met up for our first date in SG. he was flying back from a business trip that day.
edit: we’ve been together since!
Or is this just a polite way of saying not with you or I don't like you? Because sometimes they say it, then two weeks later they’re in a relationship with someone else. It’s confusing but also kind of universal at this point...
hello. i’m in my 20s and still a student. my bf is as well.
my friend recently came to me and said a few things.
- “ITS BARE MINIMUM FOR GUYS TO PAY FOR THEIR GF’S FOOD”
- “THEY SHOULD BE BUYING THEM GIFTS”
- “IM SURE HE WOULDNT WANT U TO PAY FOR HIM. LIKE ITS SO EMBARASSING.”
tbh it made me mad hahaha because personally i don’t believe in her kind of bare minimum la.
and NO i did not ask her for any advice or anything. she said all those things when i casually mentioned that i wanted to treat my bf to a meal. below are just questions out of curiosity based on what she said, that’s all.
which prompts my question to the guys:
1. how do yall feel if a girl or your gf offers to pay for you?
2. do yall actually feel embarassed if a girl or your gf wants for pay for you?
my bf just says he doesn’t want me to spend my money. but same for me i also don’t want him to spend his money…
and my question to the girls:
1. as students(if yall were students), do you really expect guys to always pay for you?
like i said. my bf and i are in our early 20s, and we are students. while i get that some girls want guys to pay for certain things or meals and buy gifts, i’ll have to say that my bf is literally a student. his family is quite well off, but they simply don’t want to give him much allowance, and he has a part time job but it’s hard for him to get shifts. so i especially do not want him to pay for my things or my meals.
for food we usually pay our own share, 50/50, sometimes we pay for each other. sometimes he just asks me to pay first at the counter, but he immediately transfers it to me when we leave the store.
she tells me that my bf shouldn’t let me pay for food. she said
- “so paiseh bro u make a girl pay”
- “if i was working there i will judge the dude bro”.
i just was kinda mad la so i said “why i cannot pay, i pay first he transfer me back mah, is just ppl dont know” then she said “ppl just see like eyer why this guy let the girl pay, but its also weird if he pay first then u go and transfer him back”
how is it weird bro. it’s not like she doesn’t know my bf doesn’t get much allowance and it’s hard for him to get part time shifts. he already gives his availability but still doesn’t get scheduled, it’s not his fault. so he goes and finds random event jobs to do here and there, and honestly i’m proud of him.
then the moment he gets work, he immediately tells me he wants to go out with me more and even lists multiples places he wants to eat at together, and want to do more activities with me. i of course heart pain la, he work so hard then just spend the money with me. so i say i want to treat him to a meal. to me it didn’t seem like he was embarassed or anything…he just turned it around and say i’m not working and he doesn’t want me to spend on him. he say im unnecessary wasting money 😭
then my friend still want to say all these things… like bro, i just want to treat him cannot meh. anyway my bf also agreed to it alr. LOL. tbh my allowance is quite high (i think it’s quite high for a student lah..), higher than my social circle, and sometimes i pay for him, sometimes i buy him stuff. if i can afford and i just want to pay, cannot meh? he gets so excited when i buy surprise him with some small gifts, and honestly his reaction is damn sweet and cute (so lowkey makes me want to buy more just to see his reaction cos I LOVE IT HAHA)
we are still students, so i don’t expect anything monetary from him. just give me your love and be loyal. THATS IT.
for the record, he also likes to buy me random gifts and insists on paying for my meals whenever he manages to get some shifts. even if he doesn’t get many shifts, he still buys for me lor. so idk what’s my friend on about. don’t make me dulan pls.
In a relationship, at what point is it doing too much?
My gf was upset about no one to go with for a concert and I offered to go with her but she keep refusing telling me no, because the tickets are damn expensive and also I’m not even a fan of the singer so she doesn’t want me to waste any money, just to go to the concert for her.
Is it really not okay for me to go just to support her?
Ps: I m willing to pay the money and I’m okay with not being a fan.
I was out the other day and saw a guy just sitting alone at a cafe and it made me wonder… do guys actually like when someone makes the first move or do they find it weird?
For me, it’s consistency. Not grand gestures or sweet words once in a while, but someone who shows up the same way every day. I feel like people focus too much on chemistry that they forget peace and stability are green flags too.
I dunno I’ve been feeling v defeated recently, for context I’m 17f in poly rn and my past few experiences romantic wise has been so bad😬
I’ve only had talking stages cuz the guy doesn’t wanna commit and stuff, but they still want me to be exclusive with them..? I think it’s fine staying loyal and taking to one person at a time if the intent is getting into a rls but if the intent isn’t there isn’t tht js a bit manipulative? Other than that I also have guys who are the opp and js lead me on while talking to multiple girls. Ig it’s my fault for not making it clear what the intention is at the start but still 😬
Another thing is js how lustful SOME guys are in general, like it gets to a point whr all u want is just to get off… it js feels icky sometimes 😬 like they can js go hookup or do fwb without having to play w ppl’s feelings no..?
Also is hookup/fwb culture normalised now? I feel like thts more of the norm now rather than ppl Actly looking to get into a rls ☹️
I recently noticed my bf has been noticeably spacing off, more tired and stressed from work. I’m worried and try to give him ample space too so I don’t overwhelm him. We haven’t been hanging out much lately since he’s drowned with work and I have my exams coming up.
I try to show care in my words that I’m proud of him and here if he needs someone. He’s someone that would contain his feelings inside of him and not tell me if things get too much for him. I’m afraid his work has pushed his mental state to his limits.
Is there any other way that I can do to make him feel better or cared for?
TLDR: Could anyone share their experience with mail-order bride? Do share if you have any contacts for the arrangement. Thank you!!! __________
Longer story below only for those who're really bored:
I am a 30+ y/o local chinese male working in finance (MNC, international hours kind), have a stable job, already staying on my own (no longer eligible for BTO), uni & house loans already fully-settled, decent amount of savings - can travel at least twice to thrice a year (sometimes paying for family / friends is ok too) while still accumulating savings. I can cook very extensively, clean up quite well, manage my own household chores, do basic repair & maintenance around the house. I spend weekends with light exercise and self-care routines, and I keep in touch with my own mental stability and emotions via monthly therapy sessions and self-care routines.
I'm not doing so well on the dating scene... I use almost all the apps: Tinder, Bumble, CMB, Hinge, OKCupid, Tantan (yes I tried using overseas and 'rates' are much better, though still nothing suitable). I do also make known to my social circle that I'm single and looking - so they can introduce me anyone whom they think are suitable (none on that front).
My experience with dating is not so good... I plan out dates, spend about $200 - $400 per month just bringing random dates out on meals every other week, spending up to $300 - $500 per occurance on gifts for dating periods which crossover birthdays/special occassions (Valentines / 520 / CNY / Christmas, etc) for my dates. Sometimes, I cook for them and go on weekend trips with dates. Unfortunately, despite my efforts, I'm still single.
Dating locally is really quite challenging and I cannot find myself meeting the needs / wants of any of my dates, and none of my dates seem to be genuinely interested in me either (yes, some I asked directly too - 'no' was clear cut and 'see how' was not a good answer, and I only discovered some were already married / attached when I asked this).
With the amount and time I regularly spend, I was wondering if its more time and/or cost-effective to spend on a mail-order bride instead.
Could fellow redditors share your lobang / indicative price range / process flow, etc? Are there any concerns that I should look out for?
Thank you in advance for sharing!
Note: Discrimination against mail-order brides vs 'true love' is less of a fear / concern than my bad experience with the local dating scene... Some of these dates have left me quite traumatised and disappointed in both society and myself. Hence, it is likely that mail-order bride would be a better 'solution' for settling down than trying to date locally.
Hi guys so am wondering for those married out there, how did you meet your partner?
I’m M (30) need some advice for my current relationship situation
back in 2016 I know my current gf in university, now we know each other for almost 10 years, after uni 2018 we both started to work together in the same company. All was going well , we rent a room together in SG, spend time together, stay together etc like what normal couple would do except she doesn’t want to have sex because she wanted to keep her virginity for after marriage and only give me blowjob, which i respect and never cross that boundary. We stayed together about 2 years she started asking me for marriage and at that time marriage wasn’t in my plan/priority. All I want was earn enough money first. So we on and off keep arguing about marriage and one day she decided she had enough and wanted a break up. I tried my best to keep her to stay but she still wanted to break up. So we ended breaking up
That time when we break up , I just started a new job in different company but we still in contact and we both moved out she stayed at central and I stayed at north side. After break up we still keep in touch like messaging and will often come out to meet and have a meal. Most of the time is I go all the way to central to find her. Our relationship was still strong and we both know we can’t let go of each other but because of she wanted marriage and I don’t. We keep in touch this way for about 2 years and at the same time in my new company I have a female colleague which started to have feeling towards me but I DONT as I still in love with my ex, I work with this colleague for 1 year then she started to likes me and start to chase me for 1 year, like she will make food for me to eat in office , always wait for me after work, will ask me to go out to spend time together during weekend etc but we didn’t do anything sexual/couple thingy she didn’t confess to me but all my other colleague told me is very obvious she likes me
This is where things get messy, I started to have feeling towards my colleague as what she did for that 1 year I feel touched but also I still keep in contact with my ex which I also still have feelings. At the same time I have been keep asking my ex to get back together with me but she doesn’t want to. So after that 2 years, I asked my colleague one day whether she likes me and she say yes, we started dating and the time spend together got more frequent, she invited me to her house and make food for me and slowly we make up and have oral sex few times and sex only once. But we didn’t make it official bf/gf
At the same time of the above happening my ex decided to get back together with me which I made a terrible mistake here, I have to admit. I agreed to get back together with my ex which she doesn’t know that I have been with my colleague
for about 1 months, I have been struggling and wanting to make things clear so I decided to let go of my colleague and choose my ex , I decided to stop seeing my colleague and told her I’m choosing my ex and we will be getting back together but she still keep wanting to be together with me (this moment I already with my gf) so my colleague have been keep wanting/begging me choose her for about one month and my gf started to suspect me
One day my gf found out and we have a fight and I told her everything and I apologise but she can’t accept and ask for break up but this time I really don’t want to let her go and promise her we will get married this time and I rented a room and moved her in to stay with me till now
For about 2 years
For that 2 years of staying together with my gf , I have been suffering and being disrespect by her , she scolded me and saying things that is so bad that just to hurt me all of because what I did to her. I told her I will give her time to heal and we can move on but for the past 2 years she will keep bringing up the past and start a fight with me which I can’t do anything but being silent and apologize
As I rented the room , I left the company and blocked out all of my colleague social connections and I’m jobless but have some emergency funds to stay alive. She told me when I found a job , she ask me to leave but during this 2 years my believe was if I treat her good enough she will forgive me and at least give our relationship one last try but I was wrong , I understand she can’t forget whatever I did to her but I swear I never ever started a fight in our relationship before , it was all her and she can’t stop bringing up the past , which I really disappointed with myself for doing all those shit that I did
Now my current situation is I found a new job and I told her I will be moving out soon to let her go as that’s what she want , BUT after all those 2 years of her scolding but I still treated her good , she want me to stay and say let’s discuss if we both are suitable for marriage, which I was fine as that’s what my initial intention is but during our discussion again I feel that she isn’t yet fully heal and still keep bringing up the past to hurt me and blame me. I’m not saying that I’m not wrong but I have apologize again and again but is going nowhere as she saying she will try to stop bringing up the past anymore
I still really love my current gf as she is someone who is really kind and treat me very well , she will cook for me , take care of me when I was sick etc , is just that when it comes to what I did, she can’t help but being negative and all the blaming and shaming thing come out
Now the question is should I stay and see where things go?
or
move out is a better choice? My thinking is to move out and we break up for a year and revisit again to see if we can still be together after that.
Anyone? Feel free to say anything, I’m fine with whatever comment coming
> 22M here turning 23 soon. Just some late night thoughts I was considering when finding a potential partner.
> Firstly, is it often that you find someone with the same interest / hobbies as you?
> Just feels that what I do is quite niche (exploring ard SG) and the only other potential interest I have is fitness (I'm 60kg 187cm), so it would be hard to use my hobbies as a common topic :/
> And whenever I date people, I end up feeling like I'm carrying the convo, and the other person just replies with a few letters, I can't tell if I'm boring or is it cause we need a common interest lol
> The second part is love language, does it play a huge role when you find a relationship?
> Mine is personally quality time and touch, which I'm unsure if its a rare combo to have.
> Have met people who can't even commit a day out on a weekly basis, but for me, I gain energy with people and mixing with them so its hard when its purely just texting all week long when I just want to spend time with my partner :/
> Next is physical touch such as PDA, which I'm quite chill about. But I just find it romantic to be able to cuddle and hold hands with your partner and the warmth you get when you get to hug them, but I'm not sure if I'm alone in this
> Some even thinks that physical touch just means I'm looking for FWB (which I find icky), but I just want a genuine long-lasting relationship that can remain committed, which I also feel like its rare nowadays.
> Honestly feels like the dating scene here is quute rough and its hard to find a decent partner that can hold a conversation, but what do you think?
How much is too much from female POV on males to date to marry ?
What other criteria do female look at honestly speaking ?