r/pettyrevenge

Called my ISP today for generic WiFi troubleshooting triage, and inadvertently discovered that *my* employee discount is apparently still being used by my ex-fiance at our former residence, which I wasn't aware he was still residing at. The representative asked me if I'd like to terminate the discount at the former residence, and if I'd like to have it applied to my current address.

Why yes, yes I would, kind sir, thank you very much.

This is a man who believed banging his fists was acceptable behavior, and who also attempted to force intercourse on another occasion. Even when I declined and said no, he still tried to force intimacy, and went on a tirade about how I owed him. Dude isn't exactly suffering financially, either: he earns over $160,000+ per year in salary, an additional $3,000 per month from a side hustle that only eats up a few hours per month, another $1,500+ per month in *profit* from an investment property, and also recently pocketed over $100,000 from the sale of another property. Buddy can afford an extra $10/month for internet service. While I earn a comfortable salary, I also have a medical condition that has me on regular immunotherapy treatments, whereas he's totally healthy and able-bodied. I also work far longer hours than he does, not to mention I'm in a far more stressful profession than he is.

One small additional step towards administrative closure and course correction, one small recalibration in the ecosystem of righting wrongs.

This happened years ago, but the sub reminded me of it. After high school I was working for a company and used to hang out with a few coworkers. We were from different high schools, but within the general area. One afternoon we were in the local mall just hanging out. As we were walking a young attractive woman was walking toward us. One of the guys quietly said, “Check this one out”. I immediately recognized her as high school classmate and said, “Oh Hey I know her!” and I began to approach.

Now mind you, we graduated a couple of years earlier and sat next to each other in home room and had classes together for 4 years. We didn’t hang in the same friend group but we knew each other well enough.

As she approached I said, “Hey Donna!” The bitch walked right past me without any acknowledgment. Of course the guys I was with started howling in laugher saying, “Oh shit that embarrassing! Matt acting like he knows her. 😂😂😂”. It WAS embarrassing and humiliating and they didn’t let it go the whole day and for days after. I exclaimed, “Dude I swear know her, I don’t know what her problem was?” It finally petered out thankfully.

Flash forward 12 years and I was in a retail store buying some clothes. I was in a post breakup glow up glory phase. You know, working out like crazy after being dumped. I was solid and looking good I must say. As I walked to the register who was there? Ole Donna in all her glory. She wasn’t the cashier, but seemed like a manager or asst manager, but there were about 3 other female employees around the register.

As I approached she saw me and had this bright smile and said, “Oh hey Matt!” and said a few other things. I stood there and just looked at her. She finally said, “You have no clue who I am do you?” Of course I knew. I just shrugged and nonchalantly said, “I have no clue.” The women around her started snickering and she slinked off saying, “Oh shit that’s embarrassing!”

Now was that a little petty. Yes, but God Damn that felt good. Fuck you Donna. All you had to do was say hello 12 years ago.

I have to admit: I can't deal with shitty neighbors. I have severe PTSD (due to childhood and other things) and I explode everytime someone is being an asshole. I now have a PTSD service dog and he helps a lot, but I've decided I can't put myself in certain situations, and shitty neighbors are certainly a trigger for me.

I sold my property because of such neighbors.

They were constantly breaking into my place, helping themselves to my property, shooting their firearms in my direction, destroying my trees, they destroyed the only access road I could use so if I had a medical emergency I was really screwed, fucked with my well and my electrical panel, no amount of kindness or reasoning helped.

So I decided to do something about it.

In fact I told my friend and agent that I wanted him to find the biggest jerk on the planet, a territorial, confrontational asshole of epic proportions, the most anal and nitpicky nightmare guy possible and sell it to him.

It made the sale more challenging and complicated but HE DID.

6 months later he calls me laughing his head off, saying "your old neighbors? They're terrified of your buyer. He has more money than they do and threatens to sue them everytime they put a toe into his property line, he's got cameras everywhere, he's a Karen and a Rambo rolled into one plus he's friends with the local sheriff, they've been on the straight and narrow eversince he moved in and they're miserable" . He'd also put them on the "NO" list, which is a list that agents use to warn each other not to take on certain sellers, they've been wanting to sell their property because of the new guy, but no one will take them on as clients.

And me?

I bought a very cool RV with parts of the proceeds.

I am now a full time RVer with my dog, we travel everywhere, if the neighbors are assholes, I just pack up and move, though I don't have neighbors often because I boondock in the wilderness most of the time. I also save a ton of money with this lifestyle.

So yeah in a way they did chase me off my land, but I decided to teach him to be careful with what they wished.

I just read another post on here and it reminded me of this situation. Figured my fellow nature nuts and bee lovers would share my petty joy.

Once I had a neighbor come over and tell me I should "take care of" (kill/poison) my dandelions because it was affecting their yard. They were so snotty about it, they tried to frame it as though I was lazy, not ecologically mindful. They took a lot of pride in their yard, including dosing it with Roundup and other sh*t.

I usually leave the dandelions up for the bees and don't mow early spring. It's the right thing to do, especially when your yard is 4 acres. I think it makes a big difference. Anyways, I tied a stick behind my ride on mower, so it was like a bar behind there. Hanging off either side with a yellow rope. Gentle enough to shake things up but not heavy enough to flatten anything.

I hiked my blade all the way up so it didn't really touch the grass and I proceeded to do laps around the yard once all my dandelions went to seed. Needless to say there was a nice little breeze, and the neighbors yard was a sea of yellow within a few days.

🐝

This happened a few years ago when I was living in the dorms at college.

If you’ve ever done laundry in a dorm, you already know… it’s basically a gladiator arena with lint. The dryers were not cheap, so I always tried to be strategic and economical. I’d set a timer, show up early, so i could get my clothes out right when it was finished.

One day, I came back a few minutes before my cycle was done, with my bag of snack sized doritos feeling very responsible, only to find my clothes had been pulled out early and dumped onto a table. Annoying already, but it gets better. The table was covered in a puddle of soda. So now my almost-dry clothes were damp, sticky, and smelled like a pepsi.

I was furious. Not “mild inconvenience” furious… more like “I paid for that dryer time and now I have to rewash everything” furious.

Now, I’m not a destructive person. But I do believe in… educational pettiness.

I noticed the person’s clothes were still in the dryer. So, I added the full bag of snack-size Doritos into their laundry load, shut door and set it to high heat and let the cycle continue.

When that dryer finished i happened to be hanging out in the lounge outside the laundry area. A girl came out looking angry with a laundry basket full of orange streaked dorito smelling clothes.

Was it mature? No.

Did it restore balance to the universe? Also no.

Did it make me feel better in that exact moment? Absolutely.

Moral of the story: don’t touch other people’s laundry. Or you might end up smelling like a walking snack aisle.

Lemme tell you about Keith.

I had posted some old video games for sale, n64 titles and some side stuff related to it on Facebook marketplace. Keith messaged me and told me my prices were too high, but he did not make an offer. I asked him to make me an offer, and he again told me the price was too high, but he did not make a counter offer.

We go back and forth for a while until he is full on insulting me, and admittedly I’m egging him on. He never sent a counter offer. Then he calls my wife a fat pig.

So I look back in the messages. At one point in his insults towards me, he had started bragging about his business(roofing) and his money. He stated that he had 50k in cash at his house in a safe So I googled his address and sent it to him. He laugh reacted it, claimed it was his parents home. So I did another google search, found another address the matched it to pics on his Facebook, sent the address to him. Big change

Now he’s telling me he’s gonna call the cops and tell them I said I’d rob him, he’s still calling me names but he’s clearly more panicked, he’s freaking out. I keep sending him messages back making fun of him for being stupid and telling him he should’ve just made a counter offer.

Then I get a phone call. It’s a “cop”. Now I have no reason to doubt, necessarily, that it was a cop. It’s just funny to me they’d even call. The person on the line claimed to be a county deputy, said what I was doing could be considered stalking(lmao) etc etc. I told her it wasn’t, I just googled something. She can go tell Keith to not insult strangers online and that I had won.

Haven’t heard anything back. About once a month I call his company and book a consultation to some random property. Last I knew he does them himself to hopefully I’m wasting his time lmao

Someone parked their expensive vehicle in a way that blocked the handicap parking spot where we used to live, even crossed the blue line slightly. There were only two people, one being myself, who had a handicap plate... I knew the other person who needed it would not be able to get out of their car, so I didn't take the second handicap spot. While we both have valid plates for handicap parking, they needed the spot more than I did.

I love it when someone invites me to play the FAFO game... Cue my behavior modification plan: The parking spot on the offending vehicles other side was available with it being that vehicles driver's side. I decided I was going to park in a way that left them under 6 inches to get in their vehicle, I even pushed my passenger side mirror in to get a close as possible. Leaving them with the only choice of crawling in from their passenger side.

Between the day this occurred and when we moved out 6 months later, that vehicle never repeated that again. If they had been pissy & tried to dent my 10yr old minivan, no sweat, I happened to document their license plate.

The neighbors who needed the handicap parking more than I did couldn't stop laughing, the elderly woman said it made her day!

My neighbor down the road has an odd obsession with his yard. I'm sure you've all met the type. His yard has to rival most golf courses. Has specialty equipment attached to his mower to ensure alternating stripes in the yard. Constantly tending his shrubbery to ensure it's pristine and geometrical precision.

You know ... a twit.

Mine, unfortunately, has been working diligently to form an HOA for the entire time he's lived here. Thankfully, the rest of us are more of the anarchist types, so he's never managed to get any traction. Not that this stops him from pretending he is the president of an HOA, of course.

Which means, every single time I decide to whack the collection of weeds that passes for my yard down to a manageable size, he simply must come over and harass me the entire time I'm working, pointing out how my bushes are growing wild and how my walkways are never trimmed, offering to loan me his electric edger so that I can join the rest of civilization, and on and on and on.

I do my level best to ignore him while I push my old mower around, but it's like ignoring a mosquito and just as annoying. So, I decided to give him something other to worry about and started taking my sister's dogs for long walks as a favor to her, letting them run through fields, splash through rivers, and otherwise collect as many tickclovers and cockleburs as possible. Then, since I am such a good brother, I make sure to brush them all out of their coats before returning the pups to my sister.

Then, since I am a petty asshole, I scatter the tickclovers and cockleburs over the erstwhile president's front lawn on my way home. After a couple of weeks, his once-perfect lawn is a mess of bloody tough weeds, and he's constantly out there, weeding and spreading herbicides, even while I'm mowing.

Edit: *him - my then FWB

Few years ago In second year of uni, I lived with a girl who slowly became weirdly controlling (we were 21-22)

At first it was constant check-ins—where are you, who are you with, when are you back. Then it turned into arguments if I didn’t follow plans exactly. If I changed plans while I was out, I’d get paragraphs calling me inconsiderate or a bad friend, with ALL the names under the sun (c*nt was her favourite)

But the double standards were insane.

She could bring people back whenever she wanted—once a group stayed up doing coke until 6am before my 9am start.

I wasn’t even allowed to have friends in my own room because it made her “anxious.” I literally had to sneak people in and out of my own house.

She’d also create “emergencies” anytime I went out without her so I’d have to come get her. If I didn’t, it would turn into a massive argument.

At one point, she spammed me with calls while I was at a pub quiz because the fire alarm battery was beeping and she was “too anxious” to leave her room. She even got someone from the bar to come find me.

So I left my friends and went home.

Couldn’t fix it (it needed new batteries).

I said, “there was no point me coming back,” and she just goes, “I know.”

That was when I mentally checked out.

What made it even weirder was that when she first met the guy I was seeing (now my boyfriend), she actually liked him. Met him in a club queue, said he seemed like a great guy.

The second she realised I was sleeping with him, though? Suddenly she hated him???

The final straw was when she told me that if I slept with him again, she would stop speaking to me.

So I did.

And I made sure it was the loudest, most obnoxious, absolutely unmistakable, orgasmic night possible with her in the room next door.

She stopped speaking to me after that. We communicated through notes until I moved out about 4 weeks later!

Best part?

It was the best the house had ever been

So this happened years ago but it still lives rent free in my head.

I’m in Australia, sitting in the Woolworths car park in what can only be described as a crime against vehicles. A 90’s two door Mitsubishi Lancer in this disgusting faded green colour. The kind of car that looks like it’s lost every argument it’s ever been in.

I’m already having a terrible day, just sitting there, questioning life.

Then in rolls this pristine, shiny white 2018 Toyota hatchback. You know the type. Looks like it’s never seen a pothole, a scratch, or financial responsibility.

Out steps this girl, probably around my age at the time, and before I can even process what’s happening, she just FLINGS her door open like she’s trying to escape a burning building.

BANG.

Straight into my door.

Not a little tap. A full commitment hit. Leaves a proper dent too.

I look over, waiting for the universal “oops sorry” face.

Nope.

She looks me dead in the eyes, smirks, and shrugs. Like she just knocked over a shopping trolley, not someone’s car.

And something in my brain just… clicks.

So I slowly turn, still making eye contact, reach over, and open my passenger door.

Now here’s where it gets stupid.

Without getting out of my seat, I wind up and kick my passenger door as hard as I possibly can.

Full force.

My door SLAMS into hers like it’s been training for this moment its entire life.

The noise was insane. Like a gunshot echoing through the car park.

She had just started walking away and literally froze mid step. Didn’t even turn around properly at first. Just stopped like her soul left her body.

I casually pull my door back in, sit there like nothing happened, still looking at her as I light a cigarette.

That smirk? Gone. Absolutely deleted.

I’m not saying it was mature. I’m not saying it was smart.

But I am saying… message received.

To this day, I hope she thinks twice every time she opens a car door.

I don’t think revenge gets more petty than that.

A decade ago I was working for a big company that had huge parking lots, a parking garage and still not enough parking spots.

I came in pretty early and parked nice between the lines of a parking spot, with my passenger side closer to the line, than the drivers side. So I have some room to get in my car.

8.5hrs later after my shift, grumpy from answering the phone all day. I come back to my parking spot. And this Porsche parked like with his right side totally on my parking spot. He was so close that almost my mirror of the driver side, touched his mirror on the passenger side. (That was auto retracted).

Not the thing is.. I was driving a opal corsa back then... It was a old car, not a classic. It was cheap.

So yeah instead of getting in the passenger side, I squeezed between my car and his car. Opened my door against his car, and put some pressure behind my door. So I could squeeze in. Then I didn't properly closed my door, so I had to open it again. And midly hit his car again.

Then I drove home.

A guy a couple houses down kept walking his big lab past my duplex and for like almost two weeks there'd be fresh dog shit right by my mailbox every morning. Not off in the grass somewhere. Right by the post, so I had to do this dumb little sidestep every time I got my mail.

At first I figured maybe someone just missed it. Then I noticed it always seemed to happen after this same guy walked by with his dog, doing that fake distracted phone stare while the dog squatted.

One morning I caught it from my window. Dog does its thing, guy looks back, then starts walking off. I went outside and said, “hey, you gonna get that?” and he goes, “i dont have a bag.” Like that solved anything. I said then maybe don’t walk your dog without one, and he just shrugged and kept going.

That shrug pissed me off more than the actual crap, so I stopped being nice. I bought a cheap box of poop bags, and for the next week every time his dog left one by my mailbox, I scooped it up and dropped the tied bag on his porch. Nothing crazy, just neat little returns.

By day 3 he definitely knew. By day 6 he knocked on my door and told me I was being childish. I told him whats childish is thinking your dogs mess becomes my problem because your re lazy. Then he tried to say I could have just talked to him, which was insane because thats literally what I did first.

Anyway, after that, his dog magically never shit by my mailbox again. Dude suddenly discovered bags exist.

Maybe it was petty, but extremely effective!

In my mind this isn't petty, but it's definitely revenge. I was in a relationship with a narcissist. Not the way we casually throw the word around, but a true personality disorder.

I didn't know this at first because the idealization phase is so convincing. But once that phase ended, the relationship became challenging (lies, volatility, suspected infidelity) so I ended it.

Over two weeks he begged and pleaded for a second chance. Apology cards left on my car, long texts about learning his lesson, tearful voicemails. Eventually I was convinced and gave him a second chance.

Things were better at first, but eventually it was right back to the same issues. So I gave him an ultimatum, including personal therapy and access to his phone right there on the spot. He said yes to everything until I got to the phone. So of course my Spidy senses started tingling because I had found things in his phone before that were suspicious but explained away. 

Eventually he gave me his phone (after trying to covertly delete conversations) and I left him in my apartment so I could go through every pixel. I found everything. I went back to the beginning of our relationship and saw texts, DMs, Snapchats, dating apps that proved he had been cheating the entire time, including with one of his patients (he was a physical therapist). 

When I returned home to confront him he exploded, and actually grabbed me and put his arm around my neck to get the phone back. I wasn't hurt, but definitely rattled. Eventually I got him out of the house and knew I'd never talk to him again or see him again.

Until I got a subpoena ordering me to a protective order hearing. This psycho told the judge I stole his phone and assaulted him when he was the one who assaulted me. And it worked. He got the protective order. 

Then he took out an assault charge against me. A conviction would have ended my career, which was very lucrative and hard earned. So I fought back. 

I had been secretly recording our fights to make sense of everything because he was an expert gaslighter. I had taken pictures of the aftermath of the fight over his phone. I had also sent screenshots of the conversation with his patient from his phone to mine.

I made a binder of evidence and took out 13 charges, including 2 felonies. I got a temporary restraining order and a hearing to make it permanent. I sent the screenshots of his conversations with his patient to his licensing board and his job. 

We had a long legal battle. He was investigated by his board and lost his license. Then he lost his job. When he and his lawyer realized I had recordings showing who the screaming, verbally abusive antagonist was, he paid my $10,500 in attorney fees for us both dropping the charges and protective orders. 

Then I took him to civil court for $12,500 for property damage and won. He sent threatening texts because of that so I took out additional charges and he was convicted. And I was given a two year protective order. 

Now he's jobless, broke, lives with his mom and is on probation.

I was in Walmart and I had finished up with my shopping and was walking in that row where you can enter the register lines. As I was walking an older boomer dude was walking toward me also trying to find a register. I was able to scan the open lines and figured the shortest one was the line I was right next to, so I queued and the old dude figured the same and got behind me.

I guess he felt like I jumped in front of him or otherwise skipped him cuz the old dude started sighing loudly and just bitching about the wait while I ignored him. When it was my turn to start putting my stuff on the belt, he kept saying "come on, hurry up" and I turned and told him to cool it. He was still upset, shifting his feet back and forth and then when it was time for me to pay with my card he started bumping me with his cart! I was pissed and immediately turned to him and told him to cut that out and he went and bumped me again and said "then quit taking so long!"

So I grabbed his cart from the front end that he was bumping me with and yanked it away from him quickly, taking full control. I aimed it toward the entrance bathrooms like 30 feet away and pushed it really hard and it made it all the way to an ice machine next to the bathroom. He just stared at me furious and I glared back and told him in my deepest voice "Go get it."

After that he didn't want to fight anymore and just lowered his head and went over to the cart. I paid my stuff and left quickly in the opposite direction

This happened three years ago, while I (F26) was doing my masters in journalism. I had a predator professor and he really bothered me. He was not obvious, but I noticed (was SA in the past).

His classes were always professional — not very good though, because he was really egoistic, and he talked about himself a lot, but he seemed normal. He also has a great reputation as one of the best media researchers in the country, so you really could not have guessed it. Because of his reputation, he organized a lot of “student trips” to different countries and conferences.

Well, I went on a few of them and that is where he started to get weird. On every trip he chose a different girl and asked her for her private contact, so “he could keep in touch with students if something happened.” He always chose very beautiful girls who liked attention, were nice and outgoing (I think that this was because if they said anything, he could wheasle his way out, saying that they were imagining it or that they “were asking for it”).

When he got their number, he started messaging them and sending them weird videos in the middle of the night (him singing about wanting kisses etc.), asking them out. He also always sat next to them at conferences and some of the girls told me later that he was touching their legs and knees with his hand. When we returned home, he was watching them closely during classes and asking them for private meetings in his cabinet. Ew.

No one said anything, they were too scared because of his power. I also did not say anything. But I got an idea about exposing him in a way.

In one of the classes, we had to do a short video documentary about a student theme. I chose to do one about SA in academy circles — but not to name him. I carefully started to explore his MO. Exposed his texts, told details about places where it was happening, got one girl to tell her story (changed her voice and did not show her face or silhouette). I packed this in a broader frame about power imbalances and SA in academia. At the end, I had a 10-minute video about his disgusting behavior. I turned it in, and it was so good that my other professor sent it to a media festival in some other country. Sadly no one knew that it was about their colleague.

We went there for the premiere and, guess what — so did the creepy professor. And I got a seat right behind him, so I watched him freeze as the text got shown. This was so satisfying.

I am still sorry that this is all we did, and the girls did not go to the police or to the dean. I doubt that he stopped harassing his students after this. But in a way, seeing him know what we knew felt like a little win against him and other men/women like him.

I work at a job where we have a union.

While the pay, benefits, and job security is great, it unfortunately means infinite get-out-of-jail free cards for crappy workers.

There is someone at my job who is always the victim in every situation in classic narcissistic fashion. They'll drag their feet and force everyone to give in and help him just so they can get out on time. He complains when he doesn't get his way and makes excuses whenever he's called out on things he shouldn't be doing. He definitely acts like an entitled person.

On the rare occasions where he's finally going to get reprimanded he will magically get injured at work and be out on leave for months at a time to wait out the write-up or corrective action. Basically this POS gets away with everything and has for years. Somehow the union is always protecting him when it should be the other way around.

I don't actively have any personal issues with him but I still don't like him for how much he's affected people I work with. He's pushed people to tears and almost getting fired for confronting him angrily. Occasionally he'll try to start small stuff with me but I never entertain it or spin it back on him in a way that makes him look dumb.

My job has uniform cleaning service and the other day I was in the locker room grabbing my uniforms off the wall where the new clean ones are usually placed and I put them all on the rack on the other side of the wall. Some employees like to leave their uniforms on this rack and just change at work and others (like myself) will take them home.

I set them next to A-hole worker's uniforms and thought nothing of it (our uniforms have our names on the inside of the collars). I forgot to take my uniforms home and a day later I come back to work and he had given me a weird look but I thought nothing of it. I go to the locker room and my uniforms are back on the wall and A-hole worker's uniforms are where mine were originally.

"Okay!", I thought to myself. "You want to be petty and act like you own the locker room too, no problem!", I took every clean uniform he had in there and threw them straight in the big metal dirty hamper that can only be opened with a key.

I came back a day later and saw all his uniforms back on the rack and the hamper broken open. The uniforms were all wrinkled and tattered looking and he's been extra quiet at work these last couple of days.

I'm planning to just do the same all over again or maybe throw them away so he'll have to wait a few months for new ones to come in.

I'm normally not petty but I'll make an except for this asshole.

i live on the second floor of one of those apartment buildings with stacked balconies and this guy above me kept flicking cigarette butts onto my balcony

at first i cleaned them up, then one left a burn mark on my outdoor rug, so i went upstairs and told him

the dude looked at me, shrugged, and said

m a y b e t h e y b l o w o v e r s o m e t i m e s

cool. if that's how you wanna play - then it's how we are going to play,

after that, i stopped picking them up. started dropping the m into an old pasta sauce jar instead. took a few photos too, just in case he tried acting stupid later.

then the building sent out an email saying they were doing balcony inspections that friday because of fire hazard complaints. perfect.

so i left everything exactly where it was. ash on the floor. burn mark on the rug. jar of nasty little filters on the table.

when the property manager came by, i showed her the rug, the photos and the beautiful butt-filled jar. she stared at it for a second, looked up at me, and just went wow. then she went upstairs.

about 15 minutes later i heard his balcony door slam hard enough to shake mine.

later that evening, i saw him outside with one of those little metal ashtray cans clipped to his balcony railing.

turns out he did know where the cigarette buns were supposed to go, he just needed a fine to help him remember.

my balcony stayed clean after that.

This happened about a year ago but I watched some smosh reddit stories and remembered this and decided to share. So for context I went to a catholic school with a friend who is a trans man (I'll call him Dave), we were really close friends and I'm really proud of him. He was going through alot of other crap that I wont get into here but just know that he had a rough time, but he was still a great friend and is doing great now in a university for art. At the time Dave was openenly trans and went by he/him pronouns and a new name, unfortunately everyone knew him before his transisiton and his old name so some people gave him shit for it. There was this guy (I'll call him Brad) who used to bully him alot and be transphobic, Brad never bullied me that much but he was really awful to my trans friend by misgendering him and just generally saying really awful things.

So imagine my surprise when me and my family went to Greggs (A bakery in the UK) and Brad was there behind the counter, I'm not usually a petty person but when he striked up a conversation with me I decided that I wasn't gonna be polite and give this asshole any kind energy and instead just pretended not to know him. He said "oh hey OP, you alright?" and I just say "Sorry do I know you?" Brad tries to explain that he knows me from school but I just give him a weird look and say "sorry I have no idea who you are". My parents and my sister are right there just watching me do this turning away to hold back laughter (I guess they caught on I was doing this on purpose) the last thing he says before I leave with my muffin is "Ah oof awkward haha" Afterwards my family asked who that was and I explained who he was and what he did and they laughing their asses off.

Honestly I think thats the only revenge I've ever done but man it felt good to humiliate that cunt. What is it with bullies thinking they can just talk to you like they weren't complete assholes to you? Like I get people can change but what makes them think I even wanna talk to them when all I remember about them is them being a complete asshole.

I’m an EMT in the southern US, I’ve dealt with my fair share of racists and homophobes both as patients and as ambulance partners. But this guy takes the cake.

He is every type of terrible you can imagine including but not limited to: racist, homophobic, transphobic and worst of all a slight pedophile (he’s made horribly sexual comments about obviously underage girls). I honestly don’t know how the guy hasn’t been fired yet.

So I do the one thing I know will get this guy more then anything, I don’t talk to him unless I need to for a call. I don’t argue with him, I don’t try to convince him of anything, I just keep my mouth shut and deadpan his ass.

He has nothing to bring to HR even they can’t force someone to talk to someone.

It’s only been a couple months of doing this and it’s already working like a charm.

Now technically, what I did was in fact illegal. However, the statute of limitations has expired. I don't know the exact date of when this happened, sometime in '08 or '09, can't narrow it down much further than that. If I sat down and really thought about it, perhaps I could narrow it down, but I don't really feel like it as it wasn't exactly a happy time of my life.

So, the location was a local Pizza Joint where I was working at the time. So local, there was actually no deliery from that place. I had to deal with a number of phone calls from Karens (before they were called Karens) bitching and whining that we didn't deliver, well what do you expect from a local singular location. I'm not going to name the business- as I said, local ma and pa type business - and the last time I drove by the location the old business is closed down and someone else has moved in. Now of course they could've packed up and moved to a different location, or perhaps they liquidated the business and shut down permanently.

On this particular day, aside from me there was two other people working that day. A server (not naming them, more just a background character) and the Assistant Manager (I'll just call him Boss for the sake of the story, as he actually does have a role to play here). And this particular day, wasn't too slow but wasn't so slammed that I was falling behind on orders. Those whom have worked fast food places know, there are peaks and valleys to how busy most days are and this particular few minutes was more of a valley.

I had worked there almost two years in total, and at the point of the story, whenever a new order popped up on the order screen, I knew exactly who placed it without looking. This day though, I heard the *ding* but I could tell no one had placed the order. After all, Boss was at the register taking money and counting out change (couldn't be him) and the server was out in the dining area taking care of customers (obviously couldn't be them), and I know I didn't place it so...what the hell. I look up at the screen: online order. Keep in mind this was the late 2000's, so online orders were a very new thing. I'm sure today with all the ways to order online (through so many different apps) a day without an online order would be weirder.

Normally there would be nothing wrong with that, except I could see on screen whomever ordered online was able to order something that we didn't have. While in person we could tell someone we didn't have certain things, the online section (made by someone who didn't even work the place) had several things we didn't even carry. And of course no matter how many times we tried to tell them to take certain things off of the website, they always said 'later, later, later'. But later never came. I turned around to tell the boss there was something on screen we didn't have, and he let out the understandable exhausted sigh since this wasn't even the first time it happened.

So since the part of the order that could be made was on screen, I started. But as I started it my *seventh sense* starts tingling. I shake it off, and make the order as is available and throw it into the oven. A few more orders on screen, I knock those out quickly, and start wiping down before more orders come in.

Now before I continue, let me provide some background context to explain why I did what I did. Like I said, I don't have an exact timeline of what happened on what particular day, week, or even exact month, shortly before this my girlfriend of the time was stolen out from under me (pretty much literally) by someone I considered to be a damn good friend. Someone (I thought) I could joke around with, tell stories, laugh with, confide in on certain subjects, etc. To make a long and somewhat complicated story short, after the stealing I told them both to f off and never speak to me again.

Now back to my work. As I was wiping down the line, my *seventh sense* starts tingling again reminding me of the online order. In order to satisfy my curiosity, I go up to the main register which has more details than just what food and customizatons for pizza. And whose name do I see on the order, but the lowlife P.O.S. that just stole my girlfriend out from under me. Craziest part: he KNEW I worked there. It wasn't some big secret where I worked. In fact before our falling out, there were several times I to tell him I couldn't hang out since I was working a shift.

As I see the screen, I do a double take. But sure enough, that was his name. Not as though it could be someone else as his name was farily unique. The boss that was on shift this night, was most certainly one of the absolute best bosses I've ever worked with. He already knew the story of my ex and everything that happened.

Me: "Hey Boss. You remember that piece of work that just stole my girlfreind not too long ago?"

Boss: "Yeah...?" Probably wondering why I'm bringing this up again.

Me: "He is the one that just placed that order."

Boss: "A-are you serious?"

Me: "Yeah...." *Looking around to make sure no customers are within earshot* "Do you mind if I spit in that pizza?"

Boss: *Handing the pizza in the box to me* "Take it in back where no one can see you."

So I take it in the back far away from any prying eyes, windows, or doors, where no one can see me and I spend a couple seconds gathering what I consider to be a helathy amount of spit and shoot my loogie smack dab into the middle of the pizza. A moment later, Boss comes to the back to inspect my work.

Boss: "Wow, that really looks like you just spit into it. We need to move it around to blend it in."

Then the food stayed in the box in the waiting area. Last part of the story: this little bitch's balls shrunk so damn much, he had to send 'mommy' to pick up his food for him.

Now as I said, what I did was technichally illegal. It would be considered 'food tampering'. However, as I also said, this took place sometime in '08 or '09. And the statute of limitations on food tampering would be up to two years. So I can confess to something like this without worrying about any prosecution.

Lesson of the day: steal my girlfriend? Enjoy my spit in your food!