r/online_dating_advice

Once i dated someone mid in japan, i told him no and i woke up to his balls in my face at 3 am. like actually, his balls in my face. i pushed him away from me
i was 18 and he was 32. no means no.
then he sat in a corner and cried.
everyone has been a man child.

Then, I dated a guy that lied about his height and he was 5'4", not 5'7"
like why do you have to lie?
it was long distance so he saw my pics and love bombed me, talked about future and i love you in 5 days. he was kicked out of high school early for a drug charge and worked at o reillys, lived with his parents for free and told me he'd charge rent if i wanted to move into his disgusting room (id never move in with him)
He came over for a week,
he was greasy and his hair was stringy, with a receding hairline.
he threw up 20 times in an hour and i bought him $40 worth of nausea medicine, he didn't even thank me for anything. i told him to shower or brush his teeth and he refused to, he didn't even want to do his laundry or change his vomit covered shirt,
his feet smelled bad too and filled the room with odor.
he told me he likes to go weeks without showers because regular showers aren’t healthy and he hates clean people, so he went around smelling like ball sweat, dick cheese and being filthy.
his hair smelled rotten.

i tried not to gag when i was around him and ended up needing some nausea medicine too.

his mom forced him to take cash with him and he said
"why would i need cash for when im there" i made him heart shaped waffles for breakfast and he didn't eat them. not even one.
he made me pay for everything, including for himself. he had doordash, credit cards and his wallet. yet, he made me use my account to order him food or else he wouldn't eat. he also wasted food since it wasn’t from his money, and left it to rot in a corner.
He would talk to himself when i wasn't around and id ask who he's talking to and he'd say "no one" his eyes were light blue yet his pupils were so big the entire time that they were all pitch black instead. the entire time.
Could be drugs or demonic possession?

Later i told him it would've been nice to get flowers and he said "im not materialistic i only like talking and having conversations, i don't give gifts that's not my thing." then just have a friend? not date someone.
i'm the type that would even accept cheap flowers happily, they're usually not expensive yet they treat me like i'm a gold digger for that.
so i broke up with him and he didn’t care.

3rd guy, it was on and off for 5 years.
he was a blonde nerd with changing green/blue eye colors, wore all black and he acted sweet in the beginning. i was obsessed with him and i wanted to marry him.
in the end he'd cuss me out when he had a bad day at home, leave whenever he felt like it despite knowing my fear of abandonment, and used me for my body without committing. he'd call me over late night then an uber in the morning. he randomly left me the day before my birthday.

i used to make him bracelets, heart shaped crystals, love letters, taxidermy butterflies, breakfast and desserts, buy him designer clothes, only have eyes for him and get bouquets of flowers delivered to his house. when i didn't have a job.
it didn't matter to him especially in the end. he said i am not good enough and just a pretty face isn't something he cares about.

i only get demonic beings
i'd say my standards aren't low but this still happens. i've always just wanted the bare minimum

when i talked about how their feelings/actions hurt me, they turned it around and blamed me by saying “you’re guilt tripping and manipulating me!! ur the one that’s wrong and I’m always right, i’m so done, i’m out” word for word.

and they'd say "why not just break up with me. i can't give you flowers/time/basic respect"

idk if i am a loser magnet or if im genuinely cursed

When I’m dating, I obviously have the goal of getting to know them. What interests them, their goals, what they care about etc.

The problem is, whenever I ask questions I pursuit of learning these things, I’m often met with two scenarios:

Either they give me a short, dry answer that’s difficult to go of or they give me a very in depth answer but it’s regarding a topic I’m not very knowledgeable of so I feel like I can do is provide very basic surface level commentary or pepper them with more questions.

Either way, I feel like the convo stalls other person gets bored.

What I’m looking for are lore dumps and more substantive convos that really help me get to know the other person better.

Now obviously, my first thought was “maybe my questions are too broad or generic” so instead of asking “how’s your day been” I try to ask about specific things they talked about like “How did your midterm go?” Etc

But I still often get the vague and sparse messages

My second thought well maybe the other person just isn’t all that interested, which was def the case some of the time but I feel like I’ve had this same issue even with woman who did turn out to be interested and whom I ended up cuffing.

I’d appreciate it if someone more socially ept than I could give me some advice on how to cut through the filler and get to really know the other person.

So some really beautiful girl I see at my gym occasionally recently matched with me on tinder. I sent her a message but it’s been 2 days and no response. Silly question though, If she doesn’t reply should I just approach her at the gym when I see her? I don’t want to come off as desperate or anything. I’m sure she gets a lot of matches cause she’s really attractive. I mean I’ve been getting in good shape so I prolly stood out to her at the gym. I just don’t know what the best course of action is here if she doesn’t respond back on the app. I feel like it’s pretty bold to match with someone you see at the gym if you’re not truly interested or anything.

So yeah this was like a couple weeks ago and I still think about it ngl.

I (23M) matched w this girl (22F) at literally 1:17 a.m. on a random Tuesday. Like one of those late night swipes where you’re not even taking it serious fr. Her profile was chill, nothing crazy, just normal pics and a kinda sarcastic bio. Felt real tho so I sent something that wasn’t just “hey” for once.

Didn’t think she’d answer but she texted back the next morning.

We start talking and it’s not dry?? like at all. No weird small talk, we kinda skipped all that and just got into actual convos. Childhood stuff, random opinions, dumb little stories. It just flowed, no overthinking what to say or trying too hard.

After like a week we decided to meet up.

I got there early (not on purpose but also yeah kinda on purpose). I was lowkey nervous but trying to play it cool. When she walked in tho, she looked better than her pics. Not in a catfish way, just more natural.

First few mins were a little awkward but yk the typical bs. Then it kinda went up from there. We found something in common after I ask a question I seen on tiktok to start combos. We ended up talking for like 3 hours straight. Didn’t even touch our phones fr. Just sitting there laughing, talking, actually paying attention. Didn’t feel like a first date, more like I already knew her or something.

When we left it wasn’t anything crazy, just a hug that lasted a second longer than usual and she was like “text me when you get home.”

And yeah we both did.

Idk, dating apps are usually trash. Ghosting, weird vibes, people not knowing what they want. But every once in a while you actually meet someone normal and it kinda resets everything.

Anyway just wanted to share cause most stories on here are horror stories lol.

So I meet this guy who moved from Argentina ten days ago, and he’s a musician. The communication, even before we met, wasn’t great — we barely talked, we agreed we would meet, and then he texted me again on the day of the date two hours before, so much so that I actually thought the date had been cancelled, but it hadn’t.

Anyway, we meet. He is very handsome. We spend a really nice evening, we talk about a lot of things, we have an aperitif, we drink three drinks, and then we decide to go for a walk. He was waiting for a message from a friend to know if he could sleep at his place, since he didn’t actually live in the city in Rome where we met.

So a big part of the evening we also talked about this. At some point, since we had already been together for many hours, I felt kind of obliged to tell him, “worst case scenario, if your friend doesn’t reply, I have a sofa at my place,” but actually I wasn’t very convinced about that, because I didn’t really want to host a stranger in my apartment.

Anyway, we go for a walk and at some point he kisses me, so we start kissing, we kiss in front of the Imperial Forums for a long time. He is physically very into it — I mean, I would have probably pulled away, but he was very involved.

Then at some point he asks me, “So what do you want to do?” because his friend had told him he could actually stay at his place. And at that point I didn’t feel like having him come to my house, I didn’t want to sleep with him — not because I didn’t like him, but because I didn’t feel completely comfortable.

Honestly, my apartment wasn’t as clean as I would have wanted, and I didn’t feel entirely “put together” myself.

I told him this, and I saw a change in his reaction. I’m very sensitive to these changes. Anyway, I noticed it. I tried to justify myself, saying, “Look, but when you come back to Rome maybe we can see each other again.” And he said, “You don’t need to justify yourself, maybe it will happen another time,” so he stayed quite vague.

I tried to understand when we could meet again, because I felt guilty in case he had felt rejected. But in the end, nothing — we stayed with a “we’ll keep in touch,” something quite vague.

And he, who had been extremely kind all evening, felt strange to me when he didn’t walk me to the bus stop.

Anyway, since I really liked him, the next day I texted him to ask if he had made it back home. He replied with a voice message, but it was just a couple of messages back and forth and then he closed with a reaction.

And that’s it — obviously he hasn’t written to me again.

What I’m wondering is: if you’re really that attracted to someone, why wouldn’t it make sense to try to see them a second time? So I don’t understand this scenario. I don’t understand what happened. I don’t understand if maybe this attraction was only due to the situation and in reality he doesn’t even like me

Recently i found one of my junior attractive. I want to ask her out. Should i ask her out directly like would you like to go on a coffee or movie something or should i keep talking to her get to know her which i don’t think going to be easy
Whats ur opinion?

At 55 I find the idea of dressing up for a formal dinner date completely exhausting. I miss having a companion. I miss sharing a joke in the morning or talking about a book I am reading. I downloaded a few apps but men always push to meet for coffee the very next day. It makes me want to delete my profile. I found meetmyage and it feels different. People actually take their time to know you and there is no rush to meet up. I am enjoying some lovely online chats right now

I’m talking to this dude, and I’m starting to like him, but last night we were on the phone, and he asked, “Were you mine?” I said, “Yes,” thinking he was asking me out. The next morning, I told one of my friends that I thought I was in a relationship. They said, “You think?” I said yes and told them what happened. They told me I needed to text him and ask what he meant by that, so I did. He basically told me he was doing it as a test to see if I really liked him. I stopped texting for a bit because I was busy, and then I sent a message saying, “I get what you mean, but it kind of seems like you’re playing in my face a little bit.” He said, “I explained to you what I meant. I just wanted to see if you really messed with me

Can anyone give me advice to either give up this situation or help it

Side note: if anyone wants to see the messages text me

Me and my girlfriend had been dating for over 2 and a half years when she went through my phone and saw i had dating apps and messages to other women. I regret doing this I’m not sure if it’s cheating or not but i know i betrayed her trust. I never did anything physical with anyone, the reason i did what i did is because we had never had sex in over 2 and a half years of dating which was subtly getting to me without me wanting to admit it. I tried talking to her about it on many occasions but she just passed it off saying that she’s ‘broken’ because of all the times we tried and it would be too painful for her. I downloaded dating apps and had sexual messages with other women on there after being confused in my relationship but immediately regretted and she broke up with me. We tried to do no contact for the first day but ended up staying messaging eachother both saying how hurt we are and me saying how deeply sorry i am and regretted it because i do love her and saw a life with her. I said to her i was willing to change under her boundaries and do whatever she needed for her to give me a second chance to which she said she can’t see that happening and a few days later asked if i wanted to remain friends. During these chats she said many times that she doesn’t know how she’ll move on or get over me. Fast forward to a week after the breakup and one of my friends tells me they’ve seen her account on hinge and send me screenshots to which i ask her about it and she says yes she is on hinge and made the account 3 days after we broke up and says she didn’t make it because she wants to find someone and only made it because she felt low. I don’t know how to feel about this because obviously she’s single now and doesn’t want me anymore it’s none of my business what she does and i know what i did was worse and whilst we were together but she’s done the same thing she broke up with me for 3 days after breaking up with me whilst telling me she doesn’t think she’ll ever move on. I really don’t know how to feel about this, i still want her back and believe we could get through this if she gave me the chance but she’s tilled that out whilst still giving me hope every now and then with her actions. I still can’t see a life without her and now I’m unsure what to do.

Early last year I came out of a 2 year relationship. I’m 33 from the UK. In the end I had to leave because she was really avoidant and the whole relationship was starting to stress me out mentally.

After that I took some time for myself, travelled a bit, focused on the gym, friends and work, and honestly got myself back into a good place.

Recently I started dating again and wow… it just feels like an absolute minefield now.

I get matches and likes, but half the time when I ask for their number it just goes dead silent. I’ve been on dates where the woman spends the whole time talking about how much men annoy her, or they’re super affectionate like kissing, hugging, acting really into me.... then suddenly hit me with “there’s no romantic connection.”

Then there’s the ghosting, only for them to randomly pop back up weeks later wanting attention again.

Maybe dating in your 30s is just different now, but honestly it feels exhausting compared to what I expected. Anyone else finding this?

There is a girl that sits next to me in my college class everyday. We are in week 5 of the quarter system so there is 5 weeks left until I graduate.

I was wondering if it would be appropriate to approach her before we graduate and ask her out. For context, we talk in class everyday as the professor asks us to discuss concepts with the person sitting next to us. Recently, we walked out of class together but I ended up getting shy and said that I had another class to run to before asking her out or for her number. Outside of class we have never really interacted and I don’t have her number or social media.

That being said she does sit close to me, looks me in the eye when speaking to me, laughs a little bit too hard at my jokes, and sometimes asks me personal questions that have nothing to do with the class. Recently we had an out-of-class group project together and when I showed up to the meeting she seemed overly excited.

I don’t know if this is her just being my classmate/friend or actually dropping hints that she wants me to pursue her. I also feel like maybe it is not worth it because there are only 4-5 weeks of school left and it might come off as me just wanting to take advantage of that which is not the case at all. I genuinely find her funny and pretty but I don’t know if this is the right scenario to approach someone in. If you think I should approach her, what would be the most appropriate way?

If I do approach her and she says no is there a way to avoid awkwardness in the class for the rest of the quarter? Is it weird to ask a girl on a date in an educational setting (i.e college campus)? I don’t know what to do but there is a part of me that feels like I will regret not trying. Another part of me is telling me that this is a terrible idea that will end in awkwardness or worse, her being uncomfortable. Is there a way for me to test the waters on her interest level? Is this a terrible idea?

Please let me know what I should do.

I (24f) have been dating for a while now and every time I seem to be getting interested in somebody, they turn out not to be as serious about it. And I could deal with it if they were atleast communicating that to me, but I only get this information when I eventually question them about inconsistencies. I've been trying to communicate very clearly on dates what it is I'm looking for and I have it on my dating profile so there is no doubt about it. Still women just seem to string me along. Just today I texted a date to clear up if she was still interested and she answered super vague and it just seems like she wants to keep me on the back burner. I feel so bumped out. Do others experience this? What can I change in my approach to dating?

I’m new to this and seeking guidance and how to handle this situation. I met up with a friend last September just to catch up. She was dealing with a lot of issues that I had also gone through. Afterwards, we pretty much started hanging out every weekend and my off days. Somewhere along the way I started to develop feelings for her. That was not my intention. Things seemed to be pointing that way up until a few weeks ago where it seemed like she didn’t want to go out anymore at night and she started to hang out with someone or a group of people when she was not with me. We have grown a distant. Now, I don’t know if I should tell her how I feel or if I should walk away? Was my intuition wrong and I was getting the wrong signals or did I miss my chance?

And we only have been intimate 3 times. There has been some other foreplay, but intercourse only 3. I asked him if that was enough for him he said no. That he has been under stress, he lost his job and was depressed when he wasn’t working. He even said all these excuses and I honestly don’t know. He is consistent, we see each other almost everyday. Have future plans, concerts, going away but I can’t help feel there is something else.

What do you guys think?

Why is online dating so discouraging? Im 28F, and I WFH and honestly I’m a homebody. When I do go out it’s not my intention to look for a man. Today I am on tinder and 42+ year old man asks me for my number, so I tell him I’d like to chat more first and know his intentions . He asks me what my intentions are on a “dating app” . I say I’m looking for something serious . No hook ups. He tells me I’m goofy and hooked up too many times and now want marriage. And hopes I get saved. I know I am a little socially awkward as well . But why is this a response that a man would give to a woman when you can simply say that you are not looking for the same ? It’s so sad the lack of respect that we have for one another . Especially when behind a screen

A couple days ago I went on a first date with this girl; we had a great time, laughed a lot, made out in the back of my car. We liked each other so much we decided to see each other the next day too.

We met up at a restaurant. Conversation was good, we were snuggled up in a booth, and then she mentions wanting to becoming filthy rich. For context, I’m in University, and she’s working full time. Her dad kicked her out at 17 so she struggled and dropped out of school. She was a good student before tho. Anyway, this is when I said: “oh that’s a cool goal, wouldn’t you wanna go back to school though to get that rich?”.

I did NOT say that in a judgmental way, because I really wasn’t judging her or looking down on her. I’ve been raised in a way that school is a straightforward path to success. Not that I think it’s the only way or that it’s superior to people who work, I was literally just suggested one possible path for her…

So she wants to end things between us, said it was a sensitive point and I really hurt her, that I “dont believe in her and her goals” and it’s her birthday this week and she doesn’t wanna feel down like this on her bday. I tried to reassure her that wasn’t the case but it didn’t work. I just don’t get how saying what I said could 180 flip her like that.

Is there anything I can do or say???

So I went on a first date with this guy yesterday
He picked the restaurant, ordered cocktails, kept saying stuff like “I got you” all night… cool

Then the bill comes
This man looks at me dead serious and goes:

“Should we split it?”

I’m not even mad about the money. It’s the fact he acted like a whole gentleman for 2 hours just to hit me with a roommate move at the end 😭

And now I genuinely wanna know:
Do men still believe first dates should be 50/50 or was this a bad sign?

So I meet this guy who moved from Argentina ten days ago, and he’s a musician. The communication, even before we met, wasn’t great — we barely talked, we agreed we would meet, and then he texted me again on the day of the date two hours before, so much so that I actually thought the date had been cancelled, but it hadn’t.

Anyway, we meet. He is very handsome. We spend a really nice evening, we talk about a lot of things, we have an aperitif, we drink three drinks, and then we decide to go for a walk. He was waiting for a message from a friend to know if he could sleep at his place, since he didn’t actually live in the city in Rome where we met.

So a big part of the evening we also talked about this. At some point, since we had already been together for many hours, I felt kind of obliged to tell him, “worst case scenario, if your friend doesn’t reply, I have a sofa at my place,” but actually I wasn’t very convinced about that, because I didn’t really want to host a stranger in my apartment.

Anyway, we go for a walk and at some point he kisses me, so we start kissing, we kiss in front of the Imperial Forums for a long time. He is physically very into it — I mean, I would have probably pulled away, but he was very involved.

Then at some point he asks me, “So what do you want to do?” because his friend had told him he could actually stay at his place. And at that point I didn’t feel like having him come to my house, I didn’t want to sleep with him — not because I didn’t like him, but because I didn’t feel completely comfortable.

Honestly, my apartment wasn’t as clean as I would have wanted, and I didn’t feel entirely “put together” myself.

I told him this, and I saw a change in his reaction. I’m very sensitive to these changes. Anyway, I noticed it. I tried to justify myself, saying, “Look, but when you come back to Rome maybe we can see each other again.” And he said, “You don’t need to justify yourself, maybe it will happen another time,” so he stayed quite vague.

I tried to understand when we could meet again, because I felt guilty in case he had felt rejected. But in the end, nothing — we stayed with a “we’ll keep in touch,” something quite vague.

And he, who had been extremely kind all evening, felt strange to me when he didn’t walk me to the bus stop.

Anyway, since I really liked him, the next day I texted him to ask if he had made it back home. He replied with a voice message, but it was just a couple of messages back and forth and then he closed with a reaction.

And that’s it — obviously he hasn’t written to me again.

What I’m wondering is: if you’re really that attracted to someone, why wouldn’t it make sense to try to see them a second time? So I don’t understand this scenario. I don’t understand what happened. I don’t understand if maybe this attraction was only due to the situation and in reality he doesn’t even like me.