u/Inside-Aromatic

TLDR:

Constantly tolerating disrespect and inconsistency because the person I’m with is rare and I fear I’ll never get another chance. How do I overcome this fear?

Length: ~ 2 months

Recently, I started talking to this girl and long story short we went on two dates with the last one being about a month ago and she’s been giving me the runaround for the last month or so when I’ve been trying to schedule our third.

First it was her midterms, then it was her Texas trip, and now she’s claiming that she feels shaken up about a murder that happened nearby on Campus and doesn’t feel like leaving house. There really was a murder so I desperately wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt but then i saw that she went golfing the very next day in her story.

It’s abundantly clear to anyone at this point that she’s likely just not that interested.

But the reason I have such a hard time moving on is because in my experience, she feels like a rare find. I’ve been very active on dating apps for the last two years now and woman her qualities(I hate to sound shallow but also her physical attributes). Are quite hard to come by.

So of failing here is such a hard pill to swallow cuz it feels like I blew a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I know the obvious answer is “why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t like/respect you”.

But tbh, that does little to comfort me because my brain’s interprets that sentiment as a personal failing. Like if the person doesn’t like u and treats u like an afterthought, it’s cuz you weren’t good enough.

Has anyone ever felt like this before and managed to overcome it?

I(24M) met this girl(24F) on Hinge and we went on 2 dates. Both dates went really well, at least from my perspective. She was attractive, easy to talk to, and I genuinely liked her a lot.

After the second date, she initially said she was sure we could find a time the following week. But then things started getting weird. When I tried to set something up, she later told me she was busy that week. Then she took a few days to reply which was unusual. After that, I initially tried pulling back by not hitting her up for a week.

Once I came back, she said “Oh, I was just about to text you!”.

We started taking again like usual and when I tried setting up a link she once again told me she was busy but that this time she was down to hop on a call. On the call, she says she will be busy for the next two weeks studying for midterms, and mentioned that her best friend was visiting and that she was going on a trip to Texas the next week. However, she said that her schedule will be a lot more clear then. She also told me that she wanted to stay in touch as she “didn’t want to wait 2 weeks” to hear from me.

Those two weeks pass, I patiently waited and continued texting her everyday before popping the question yet again. First she said ask me on Monday and that she would be “sparse till June,” which made it sound like she would not really be available for a while.

Monday rolls around and this time she tells me that a Murder happened nearby on Campus and that she was spiraling and didn’t want to leave her house. The murder actually did happen so I get that but I can’t help but feel like it was a convincente excuse. Though that be cynical on my part.

What complicated things more is that she seems to be active on dating apps. I also found out she matched with a friend of mine on Hinge during the same general time period, which honestly made me feel like I might just be one of several guys she’s keeping on the back burner.

I know the healthy answer is probably to move on, and I know I’m likely overinvested. But I’m being honest: I like her a lot and I want to do everything within my power to salvage this before giving up.

So I’m asking for the brutally honest read: what actions, if any, would actually maximize my chances with her from here? I’m not asking for the ideal emotionally healthy answer. I’m asking what you would do if your goal was to give this the best possible shot before walking away.

TLDR:

Been talking to this girl . First two dates went well but she’s been canceling our dates for the last month. How do I get things back on track. Looking for advice other than “end things”.

Length: \~2 months

I(24M) met this girl(24F) on Hinge and we went on 2 dates. Both dates went really well, at least from my perspective. She was attractive, easy to talk to, and I genuinely liked her a lot.

After the second date, she initially said she was sure we could find a time the following week. But then things started getting weird. When I tried to set something up, she later told me she was busy that week. Then she took a few days to reply which was unusual. After that, I initially tried pulling back by not hitting her up for a week.

Once I came back, she said “Oh, I was just about to text you!”.

We started taking again like usual and when I tried setting up a link she once again told me she was busy but that this time she was down to hop on a call. On the call, she says she will be busy for the next two weeks studying for midterms, and mentioned that her best friend was visiting and that she was going on a trip to Texas the next week. However, she said that her schedule will be a lot more clear then. She also told me that she wanted to stay in touch as she “didn’t want to wait 2 weeks” to hear from me.

Those two weeks pass, I patiently waited and continued texting her everyday before popping the question yet again. First she said ask me on Monday and that she would be “sparse till June,” which made it sound like she would not really be available for a while.

Monday rolls around and this time she tells me that a Murder happened nearby on Campus and that she was spiraling and didn’t want to leave her house. The murder actually did happen so I get that but I can’t help but feel like it was a convincente excuse. Though that be cynical on my part.

What complicated things more is that she seems to be active on dating apps. I also found out she matched with a friend of mine on Hinge during the same general time period, which honestly made me feel like I might just be one of several guys she’s keeping on the back burner.

I know the healthy answer is probably to move on, and I know I’m likely overinvested. But I’m being honest: I like her a lot and I want to do everything within my power to salvage this before giving up.

So I’m asking for the brutally honest read: what actions, if any, would actually maximize my chances with her from here? I’m not asking for the ideal emotionally healthy answer. I’m asking what you would do if your goal was to give this the best possible shot before walking away.

I(24M) met this girl(24F) on Hinge and we went on 2 dates. Both dates went really well, at least from my perspective. She was attractive, easy to talk to, and I genuinely liked her a lot.

After the second date, she initially said she was sure we could find a time the following week. But then things started getting weird. When I tried to set something up, she later told me she was busy that week. Then she took a few days to reply which was unusual. After that, I initially tried pulling back by not hitting her up for a week.

Once I came back, she said “Oh, I was just about to text you!”.

We started taking again like usual and when I tried setting up a link she once again told me she was busy but that this time she was down to hop on a call. On the call, she says she will be busy for the next two weeks studying for midterms, and mentioned that her best friend was visiting and that she was going on a trip to Texas the next week. However, she said that her schedule will be a lot more clear then. She also told me that she wanted to stay in touch as she “didn’t want to wait 2 weeks” to hear from me.

Those two weeks pass, I patiently waited and continued texting her everyday before popping the question yet again. First she said ask me on Monday and that she would be “sparse till June,” which made it sound like she would not really be available for a while.

Monday rolls around and this time she tells me that a Murder happened nearby on Campus and that she was spiraling and didn’t want to leave her house. The murder actually did happen so I get that but I can’t help but feel like it was a convincente excuse. Though that be cynical on my part.

What complicated things more is that she seems to be active on dating apps. I also found out she matched with a friend of mine on Hinge during the same general time period, which honestly made me feel like I might just be one of several guys she’s keeping on the back burner.

I know the healthy answer is probably to move on, and I know I’m likely overinvested. But I’m being honest: I like her a lot and I want to do everything within my power to salvage this before giving up.

So I’m asking for the brutally honest read: what actions, if any, would actually maximize my chances with her from here? I’m not asking for the ideal emotionally healthy answer. I’m asking what you would do if your goal was to give this the best possible shot before walking away.

I(24M) met this girl(24F) on Hinge and we went on 2 dates. Both dates went really well, at least from my perspective. She was attractive, easy to talk to, and I genuinely liked her a lot.

After the second date, she initially said she was sure we could find a time the following week. But then things started getting weird. When I tried to set something up, she later told me she was busy that week. Then she took a few days to reply which was unusual. After that, I initially tried pulling back by not hitting her up for a week.

Once I came back, she said “Oh, I was just about to text you!”.

We started taking again like usual and when I tried setting up a link she once again told me she was busy but that this time she was down to hop on a call. On the call, she says she will be busy for the next two weeks studying for midterms, and mentioned that her best friend was visiting and that she was going on a trip to Texas the next week. However, she said that her schedule will be a lot more clear then. She also told me that she wanted to stay in touch as she “didn’t want to wait 2 weeks” to hear from me.

Those two weeks pass, I patiently waited and continued texting her everyday before popping the question yet again. First she said ask me on Monday and that she would be “sparse till June,” which made it sound like she would not really be available for a while.

Monday rolls around and this time she tells me that a Murder happened nearby on Campus and that she was spiraling and didn’t want to leave her house. The murder actually did happen so I get that but I can’t help but feel like it was a convincente excuse. Though that be cynical on my part.

What complicated things more is that she seems to be active on dating apps. I also found out she matched with a friend of mine on Hinge during the same general time period, which honestly made me feel like I might just be one of several guys she’s keeping on the back burner.

I know the healthy answer is probably to move on, and I know I’m likely overinvested. But I’m being honest: I like her a lot and I want to do everything within my power to salvage this before giving up.

So I’m asking for the brutally honest read: what actions, if any, would actually maximize my chances with her from here? I’m not asking for the ideal emotionally healthy answer. I’m asking what you would do if your goal was to give this the best possible shot before walking away.

When I’m dating, I obviously have the goal of getting to know them. What interests them, their goals, what they care about etc.

The problem is, whenever I ask questions I pursuit of learning these things, I’m often met with two scenarios:

Either they give me a short, dry answer that’s difficult to go of or they give me a very in depth answer but it’s regarding a topic I’m not very knowledgeable of so I feel like I can do is provide very basic surface level commentary or pepper them with more questions.

Either way, I feel like the convo stalls other person gets bored.

What I’m looking for are lore dumps and more substantive convos that really help me get to know the other person better.

Now obviously, my first thought was “maybe my questions are too broad or generic” so instead of asking “how’s your day been” I try to ask about specific things they talked about like “How did your midterm go?” Etc

But I still often get the vague and sparse messages

My second thought well maybe the other person just isn’t all that interested, which was def the case some of the time but I feel like I’ve had this same issue even with woman who did turn out to be interested and whom I ended up cuffing.

I’d appreciate it if someone more socially ept than I could give me some advice on how to cut through the filler and get to really know the other person.