r/intj

I see a lot of you on here talking about being proud of or wanting to be the smartest person in the room. To that I say, that’s a really depressing mindset to have. Where will you get your stimulation from if you’re the only person in the room who can keep up with you at your most intellectually high?

I think the goal should be to always be on the lowest level of intellect in academic or professional settings, or even social settings. If you hit the highest level in the room you’re in, it’s time to move to the next room. You’ve stopped your own growth by being satisfied with being at the top of your room. I get it, some of us have miserable jobs with stupid coworkers and whatnot, but this is me talking about an ideal world. I’d get it if some of you guys wanted to be the smartest to teach people, but it seems more like an ego thing for most of the people who mention it.

I, personally love to be stimulated by learning new things, therefore I always want to be in room with people smarter than me, so I can always be learning more. The more people there with more knowledge, the more knowledge I can take for myself.

I’m currently majoring in psychology, yet I don’t want to be in the same room as people with the same level of experience, because more often than not, I’d be the smartest and I don’t enjoy that feeling. I’d rather be in a room full of astrophysicists or English majors (or more advanced psychology majors or professionals). It genuinely makes me sick when I realize that I’m have an intellectual conversation with someone of less intellect than myself. Maybe, if you enjoy teaching that’d be ideal, but I just love learning and discovering. I like new ideas, I like the feeling when someone explains something that makes me think and add more knowledge to my brain.

If you disagree, I’d be interested in hearing why. I’m selectively open-minded, so maybe I’ll learn something. :)

It's just a personal curiosity of mine.

I came across this poll in the ENTP sub.

INTJs are my favorite people and I'd like your take on this. (I'm married to one of you, too.) Please vote before reading the comments. I'll explain myself there, if anyone is curious.

View Poll

I’m curious to do some crowd sourcing for some mbti types. What annoys you/what’s your pet peeve?

Definitely an odd question, at least bordering on edgy, but it's something I've thought about a lot recently. Sometimes, I see people (even myself) doing the most human activities like even eating, and for some reason it makes me feel wrong. Like sometimes I feel like I'm seeing people's base instincts being expressed, even in more complex or intricate ways, and everyone starts to seem animalistic. Maybe it's a cope for the fact that I feel completely separate from general society, so seeing their actions and subconsciously quantifying it down to something animalistic makes me feel more "right" in any eccentricities I have. But at the same time, when I start expressing obvious human behavior, it makes me feel like some sort of disgusting animal as well. It honestly makes no sense to me, and I'm not really sure why I'm like this. I might lowkey be an alien.

Much to my displeasure, I've had to learn the ropes in this topic we're pretty weak at. A sensor bully really got on my nerves so had to be taught a lesson.

It felt so stupid while doing it.

I always wondered why it works. Why does no-one notice the intent behind the person playing games.

I felt very guilty after. But some situations are either eat or be eaten.

Anyway, the point of my post is... it's learnable and doable. It felt so stupid but it worked. It actually worked PEOPLE. I got what I wanted.

Any other PRACTICAL tips on how to navigate politics in group settings, even in friendships?

Side question: Why don't we talk about our real-life moves and smartness on here, rather than random questions that get you nowhere?

Quality of questions is = 6 year old level, no offence.

Can we act like grown-ups who want to achieve grown-up things ??

I’m an INFP seeing someone (INTJ) who I feel a real emotional and physical connection with. He shows up consistently, makes time to see me, and we’ve had some quite meaningful moments together. But when things get more explicitly emotional, he seems to pause or need space to process rather than move things forward.

Is this something you relate to? If you do feel strongly about someone, what tends to hold you back from pursuing or defining it more clearly?

I (27M) met my friend (25F) through a mutual friend. I am an INTJ and dismissive avoidant and she is an ESFP with a Fearful Avoidant attachment style. We grew closer over few months (I was not open to dating anyone). She started to share all her past trauma, SA incidents, parental abuse etc. I felt compassion for her and was very empathetic (cognitive) towards her.

As days went by she started to get extremely flirty and suggestive, For example: rubbing my inner thigh (and asking if anything happen), asking me to remove my shirt while in her car, calling me "daddy" randomly, asking me to "be a man" occasionally, spending a lot of 1-on-1 time at my place in my bed etc. I played it all off as something silly and didn't act upon any of it. One day I did tell her that "this is giving me thoughts" to which she replied "Well! That is the plan". Apart from this she started showering me with lots of admiration and complements to a point of disregarding other male friends we have in common, it felt like pedestal treatment.

All this was screaming "She is attracted to you" to my INTJ brain. One of the days she was at my place she hugged me very tight (she was thanking me for something). My thought process was: "She really wants it". I grabbed her chin and went for a kiss. She was shocked and taken aback. I apologised for making her feel uncomfortable. She said that she never saw me like that.

I couldn't wrap my head around how someone could be so consistent with their signalling and deny any attraction. Is this the classic fearful avoidant push pull dynamic? Because upon confronting her and suggesting cutting all contact, she admitted to acting "morally grey" and that it was the "biggest fumble" of her life. I just feel used for being emotionally available, for her emotional regulation.

I'm writing an INTJ character. I wanted some insight on (if you'd like to share), when you have intense feelings. Do they scare you? Humiliate you? How do you feel when experiencing intense, consuming emotions. My character that I'm writing is love (so to say it more complex than that) but is restraining himself and it affects his focus, his worldview, values and in general everything he thought he knew has kinda shifted to accommodate this new obsession (I lack a better word). He's bordering on limerence. Can you picture yourself in a situation I tried describing? Would it make you feel humiliated internally?

I just read yet another article about how bad cell phones etc are for mental health, but the main focus was the social aspect, particularly fear of missing out, comparing your life to others' "highlight reels," and that sort of thing. I know I spend too much time on my phone, but its mostly because there is so much to know and learn! I truly don't care that my neighbors bought a hot tub (happy for them) or some friends had a cool vacation (really enjoyed the photos!). Like, good for them, but did you also know that there's this ear piercing thing that can be done to reverse Alpha Gal? Have you read about all the recently murdered/missing scientists? That is the kind of stuff I'm on my phone for, plus my daily Sudoku. I'm curious if that's a thing for other INTJs as well. I'm a late 50s F, married with adult kids.

What is your opinion on the Iran war?

Hi ENTJ here,

As a ENTJ self progression always interests me on every level possible. I worked a lot on myself the last 10 years. also in this journey i have tried some psychedelics and cannabis. like magic mushrooms around 25x times they changed my life a lot completely opened me up to Extraverted sensing and Fi and made me so aware of it and i was like a little kid in a fairytale forest where plants are alien like and so alive and mushrooms everywhere and there was no time just the here and now and everything was bliss and perfection and instant aligning with god and the earth. the world is like having more contrast more sharpness more HD and everything has more shine and roundness to them almost clay like. plants and flowers are like absolutely stunning and the ground has some honeycomb pattern where sticks and stones form into pythons. meanwhile through all of that all the wisdom from the universe is downloaded to me in very clear ways its like my Ni is going in absolutely clean cut mode where everything aligns perfectly with reality till far in the feature and multi layerd. and even after the trip these things make sense. my social anxiety is completely gone i am more myself and more confident.

I'm curious what you guys have to say.

Trying to understand.

Case -1

I follow Stoicism (since 2007) --> 'Amor Fati' -(Love your fate) Meaning nomatter how good or bad things are that's what destiny has for us. Meditations by M. Aurelius has inspired me from inside out.

Reversal- I'm quite rebellious guy. I've verbally fought with previous manager because they pissed me off. If a rule doesn't make sense to me logically I tend to break them. I simply find it hard to accept what fate has written for me, I forge my own path.

Case - 2

I want to do something great for my country, Ive forged my destiny around optimizing a system within our country, considering all parameters and variables, that could reform its architecture from the foundation.

Reversal- F this country and the people. Let war and climate change obliterate everything.

Hard to balance the two.

Has anyone else lived like this?

Spent years functioning on a constant background anxiety level that other people never seemed to understand.

Built a social “mask” so well people thought you were normal, but inside it felt like you were manually operating yourself.

Strong inner world, deep pattern recognition, intense self-analysis… but outwardly sometimes awkward, foggy, underestimated, or inconsistent.

Used humor, metaphor, or weird wording because normal language never fully captured what was happening inside.

Felt like different parts of you wanted different things — not in a movie way, just conflicting drives, protector modes, coping modes, real internal tension.

Could work, survive, even be impressive sometimes… then crash privately.

Later in life finally finding words for it and realizing maybe it was anxiety / neurodivergence / trauma adaptations mixed together.

Anyone else feel like a strange combination build instead of one neat diagnosis?

I had social media since i was 15. Now i am 23. Honestly, i only scroll in it, i dont talk to anyone. Even in my personal life, i dont have friends or anyone. I had before, but we parted ways, and the new people i meet are temporary. So why have social media ? A part of me dont want to delete it in case i meet someone or have some friends. U dont want to miss out, or be isolated, but miss out on what ! And am already isolated

I have noticed that many intj women are attracted to intj men but the opposite generally speaking is not true, why's that?

Honestly tho. Society hasn’t give some people any reason to not think that people are only acting of of self interest and selfishness.

On an average how stupid do you think it is? Personally Ive seen so many posts on MBTI pages (not much in our sub) about people saying I want my partner X type and Im not compatible with Y type. For a test as surface level as MBTI I think these people are giving this way too much meaning than it actually has. I would never choose a partner based on MBTI, like now she suddenly has these cog funcs in her stack so she's an ideal partner, it does not make any sense to me.

I asked a couple of different MBTI type Subbreddits about this, and I would like to know which types y'all usually like.