r/copypasta

Yesterday, I was sitting in bed, lying there watching YouTube. Bored of the video I was watching, I pull out my phone and decide to jack my shit. Only issue is that earlier that day, I had went to the gym, and hit my arms. My arms are huge and awesome, but there's the issue. Because of my immense muscle mass, right before I nut, my utter and absolute strength ripped my penis off. In short, do not jerk off after working out

Marijuana is the "beige" of drugs. It has one of the most bland, boring, and fundamentally uninteresting highs compared to almost anything else.

I’m prepared for the "you just haven't tried the right strain, bro" comments, but hear me out. After the initial novelty wears off, weed is essentially the most underwhelming psychoactive experience possible.

When you look at the spectrum of substances, cannabis is underwhelming af.

Meth - you get a literal god complex, go crossdress and stimfap for 120 hours.

Opiates - these are pure, unadulterated physical and mental euphoria. It’s a warm blanket for the soul. For all the bad they bring in nearly all other departments, their high is irrefutably heavenly.

Alc/Benzos: near total inhibition loss. You actually feel different socially. Good luck with feeling fear that simply isn't there anymore, for they modulate GABA in a such way you feel almost total anxiolysis.

Psychedelics/Ketamine: these literally rewrite your perception of reality, geometry, and time. They are interesting. Also they promote neuroplasticity.

Gabapentin: even a mild nerve med like this provides a more distinct, cozy, and functional buzz than weed.

Diphenhydramine (benadryl): look, I ain't gonna front, I’m not saying it’s good (it’s a nightmare), but at least it’s a journey. It’s an experience. It’s visually and cognitively wild. You want realistic hallucinations? Go there.

Then you have cannabis. You smoke it and you just get... slightly confused? Your eyes get dry, you want a sandwich, and you might find a mediocre sitcom 10% funnier. It’s a very flat experience.

The biological reason is honestly the most boring part: it effectively does nothing but sit on your cannabinoid receptors. Unlike almost every other class of drugs that triggers a massive flood of neurotransmitters or mimics vital chemicals in a way that fundamentally alters your state of being, THC just tinkers with a system that doesn't really have "fun" built into its primary function. Endocannabinoid system just isn't that interesting or fun compared to other modules like serotoninergic or gabaergic.

It’s the "felt like it, might delete later" of highs. It’s not intense enough to be a trip, not euphoric enough to be a real high, and not functional enough to be a true tool. It’s just a hazy, bland middle ground that people have convinced themselves is amazing because of the culture surrounding it and Snoop telling em. Also good luck enjoying that sitcom when you're ruminating on all your life mistakes, failures, personality quirks and shit, intensified billion times, feeling like a massive loser.

TLDR: Weed is the participation trophy of drugs. It’s boring, the high is repetitive, and compared to the distinct effects of literally any other class of substances, it’s basically just diet coke ass intoxication.

We’d been dating for around 7 months, and things were honestly going really well.

A few nights ago we were sharing pics. It got a little flirty, and she asked me to show her my D. I was hesitant at first because I’m not exactly built like the guys people joke about online, but she kept saying stuff like I wont judge you shii. I sent her a pic and she didnt react crazy as such but the next day Next day her texts were dry. Like one-word replies, taking forever, no emojis, nothing. I asked if something was wrong and she kept saying I’m fine.

Then yesterday she finally sent me a long message saying she thinks we’re “not compatible” and that she wants to end things before it gets more serious.

Ballmaxxing is actually a good hygiene strategy and I can prove it

Scrotum skin is wrinkly. Wrinkly skin gets dirty easily and is much harder to clean. It also gets itchy and it is difficult to get to the itchy spots. My scrotum in particular also gets large patches of dead skin, which are satisfying but difficult to pick off. If I had enough money, and ballmaxxing wasn't so unhealthy, I'd actually do it just to smooth out the scrotum skin and make it easier to wash/scratch/pick.

The terrible design of the scrotum also proves that there is no god, but the ugliness also defies sexual selection, making it into a scientific mystery. If futa clop (\*My Little Pony\* porn) is an accurate depiction of horsecocks, then horsecocks are actually more appealing than human cocks because the skin on horse balls is nice and smooth. I could help scratch Mommy Octavia Melody's balls, which she would then reward by unlocking my chastity cage and giving me a nursing handjob (I prefer anthro as it is the best of both the human and feral worlds).

A chastity cage not only ensures that Mommy is the only one who can touch me down there, but it also helps protect my penis from the giant, penis-eating hummingbirds that have become quite the menace in Equestria. Saint Colonel Sanders has been doing his best to eradicate the invasive beasts, but it's a one-man effort, and he can't be everywhere at once. As such, it is now mandatory for penised people and ponies alike to wear protective chastity cages when outdoors. Any hummingbird that attempts to eat a chastity cage will break its beak and starve to death.

Look, i know how this sounds like. I’ve seen the memes about “the average wikipedia editor” but I’ve reached a point of degeneracy that I need to get off my chest because I cant tell anyone in my real life
I dont go to the hub or the usual sites anymore. The overproduced, high definition, neon lit industry stuff just feels… fake. Its too perfect for me
For the last six months, my go to been Wikipedia. Specifically the “human reproductive system” or “human sexual activity” articles
There is something about that clinical and sterile and educational aesthetic that absolutely blows me up. When I scroll through the vaginal intercourse page and I see those “educational photos” the ones that are taken in a bedroom with mediocre lightning from 2007 or those weirdly detailed anatomycal diagrams, it hits different. It feels raw. Its like I am seeing something I am not supposed to see. Even though its there for science.
The best part is the SVG diagrams. I dont know whats wrong with me but seeing a cross-section of the pelvic region with everything labeled in helvetica font? Its peak. Ill be sitting there, hand on my mouse, reading about the “stages of the human sexual response cycle” like its a religious text while i do my business.
I’ve even started recognizing the recurring people. Like theres that one specific couple in the “positions” gallery that shows up in half the article. They feel like old buddies at this point.
The worst part is that I start to get “educational blue balls” if the article doesnt have enough citations. I’ll find myself clicking through the “see also” section just to keep the momentum going. I’ll go from semen to ejaculation to the refractory period in a 20-tab spiral of academic lust
My girlfriend asked me why my search history is full of “clitoral anatomy” and “tumescence”. I told her that I was just “expanding my horizons and staying informed for the bed part *wink*”. I was not lying
Am I the only one who finds the creative commons license the most erotic thing on the internet? Please tell me I am not alone

So I grew up really sheltered when it comes to all the sex stuff. Zero experience with guys, too scared of porn because my mom made it seem like the most evil thing and she'd also check my searches every now and then. Mostly only knew stuff from sex ed.

Then I became really good friends with this guy about a year ago, and we basically started hanging out all the time. We just get each other, it's like we share a brain sometimes. Anyway I say this because a few months ago, we were having a random conversation and masturbation came up for some reason. I ended up telling him I'd never really masturbated (except like, messing with the shower head a bit), which I don't think I would've ever told anyone, but it felt fine with him for some reason. He seemed genuinely curious and it sparked a whole conversation. Eventually he asked why I'd never really tried, and I said I never felt the need and I wouldn't even really know how to go about it.

So he ended up looking up a video to show me. Long story short, we ended up sitting in his bed and masturbating together with a blanket over our laps, and I kinda liked it. So we did it again some time later, and it sort of became a thing. He ended up ditching the blanket later on because it got in the way but I still use it. I think I wouldn't have ever done something like this, but he just has a way of making me feel so safe and comfortable, it just works. Sorry for the super long setup, I just wasn't sure it'd make sense without it. Why I'm writing this is that, with seeing his penis every time we do it now, I just get a little curious about it. Like, what if I poked it? Or held it in my hand? What do his balls feel like? Stroking him feels like too much but it's interesting too.

They're just thoughts and I keep them to myself, but I wonder if it'd be that crazy? Like, this is strictly a friendly relaxing thing we do together. It hasn't changed our relationship and I like that because I like our relationship. I'm worried it'd cross a line and make things weird. Just wanted to get it out.

I study abroad in Europe, my f**king university my university has decided that the best use of its money was to turn separate male and female toilets into one giant unisex disaster zone.

The toilet has like 8 stalls and it gets so awkward because upon entering you see a bunch of gossipy girls at the washbasins just chatting and doing makeup or whatever shit. The moment you enter they give you a peculiar stare, as if they are telepathically telling each other what the fuck is he/she doing here. BITCH IT IS A FUCKING WASHROOM NOT YOUR FATHER'S LIVING SPACE THAT YOU ALL HAVE ASSEMBLED TO DISCUSS INTERNAL POLITICS.

WE ARE MEN AND WE ARE SIMPLE CREATURES. WE LOVE OUR URINALS BRING THEM BACK LIKE WTF. IF THERE WOULD BE A PAD IN THE URINAL WE WOULD AIM AT THAT. WE WOULD DRINK EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF WATER AND HOLD IT IN UNTIL WE HAVE TO RUSH TO THE TOILET AND THEN PERHAPS MENTALLY COUNT HOW LONG OF A CONTINUOUS STREAM WE CAN CREATE. WE FELT SO EMPOWERED MAN.

I just wanted to poop or pee in peace, now I have to listen to a fucking commentary about makeup brands and what not rubbish. Meanwhile I’m just standing there regretting every life decision that led me into this fluorescent nightmare.

Nothing humbles you quite like entering a toilet and immediately feeling like you’ve interrupted a networking event. You’re not even going to the bathroom anymore you’re entering a public opinion chamber which stinks. Whomever thought of this, after the idea of this crap came to their mind and they felt progressive and a few seconds later their brain stopped thinking entirely.

**The day I wake up as a girl, I'm hitting my homies up, probably gonna 'get off', all 5 fingers in the gooch, see what my maximus cooch spread limit is, then I'm simply gonna let all my homies hit. Any position, any angle, all the kinky shit they want because I'm a W homie

Let's say I enjoy my wild experience as a girl, I'm letting my homies homies hit, my homies parents hit, my homies parents friends hit, my homies homies parents friends hit. You'd never hear another word about someone having their virginity if they're 18 plus, because everybody getting some

Let's say one day I decide to be a hero, y'know. I decided to do some good and get a few criminals off the streets. You'd never hear another WORD on the news or on the internet about rapist. I'm not elaborating on that, but you get what I mean

I'm putting every OF girl and stripper out of business. I'll be my own pimp. Instead of telling "bitches" what to do. I'm telling this cooch what to do. Everybody up and down the street gonna have PNC (Post Nut Clarity). Even the women gonna have PCC (Post Cream Clarity) or whatever women do**

Bitches be hating, and it’s me, I’m bitches. But that ain’t the problem here famdawg, the problem is, definitively it is the problem, I find it problematic, very problematic mind you, it’s a problem that bitches be hating on me. You see, when a bitch is a bitch, bitches are bitches stitches bitches ditch, ditch bitch, because you know when someone is being a bitch, and they’re hating on me, it’s because they have a problem, yes it’s their fault. If you don’t like me bitches? You’re bitches, and that’s a problem you have. I am a wonderful amazing person and a bitch. Some bitches are just bitches bitching at my bitchness. I find it bitchy how bitches bitch when its bitchass bitch mcbitch’s fault, it’s their problem, they have to work on themselves it’s a problem and it needs a solution.

I trust that you Alphas out there already know this, so this message is for betas only - those of whom lack common sense… so listen up, kiddo

As you may know, in the shower - us men might have to make slight adjustments.. down below..

…

I’m talking about minor “manoeuvres” that require us to do a certain motion in order to clean properly.. but don’t worry, the word ‘man’ is in manoeuvre…

…

If you haven’t guessed what I’m talking about right now, I’m talking about how we have to quite literally spread our cheeks in the shower…but it’s okay, cleanliness is next to godliness, and God is an alpha, try not to think too much about it. And if a female dare ever ask you how we clean ourselves down below, you singe a cigar on your tongue to divert before you reveal the top secret, ANYTHING to avoid mentioning that we have to spread our cheeks like little bitches…

Any questions?.. GOOD! Now don’t make this weird.

I am a 17 year old boy and recently I’ve noticed a lot of creepy things that girls do which if a guy ever did it would cause serious issues. Over the weekend I went to a party and this one girl was crying and really upset so I felt badly and went to comfort her and apparently her “boyfriend“ (which didn’t exist) sent her a video of him giving a girl backshots. after I went over to her she asked me to go somewhere where no one else would be where she then held me in the bathroom with her and proceeded to get all over me which I was clearly not into. She took advantage of me. Now in the first place I was trying to be a good person so I got her a ride home and made sure she could have no more of her half empty bottle of vodka. Fast forward a bit and I stayed with her until her ride came and then she left so as I went back to the party people were calling me a torta pounder and saying that we did stuff which we obviously did not. Last time I ever do anything nice, the very next day I went to hangout with a few friends and some girls and just the guys got food while the girls stayed in the car. While I was waiting in line a random group of girls started taking pictures of me. Why is this normalized??? If a man did even the half of this stuff it would ruin their life.

I was on a normal day js peeing n and my mom came to the bathroom accidentaly yk cuz she didnt know someone was there and I was holding my shi ok.

My mom looked at me as if I was going crazy as if I she caught me using drugs she was like 😐 I felt a bit awkward and we stared at eachother till she left and closed the door n it was already night n I js watched a movie and went to bed and didnt even remember the occurence.

At the morning I woke up w a punch on my face I was sleeping n just "tum" got punched woke up w out understanding I take a look and see my mom crying behind my dad as he stared at me with hate😠 like rlly mad he started screaming at me and swearing at me saying sum like " IS IT TRUE WHAT YOUR MOM SAID" I was like wdym and then he (dad) told me " your uncles, brothers and cousing are on the living room waiting get dressed (as in change ur pajamas I wasnt naked) we are gonna have a talk"

then I started thinking abt everything I did in life yk like the worst things to see what justified this treatment and I couldnt find it I thought it was a mistake I go to the living room and all my brothers( who are older than me) are there w my whole family sat w a serious face like a funeral happened looking down as my dad stood and my mom was at the corner and I was like

" so uhh what did I do"

and my dad looks at me deadass and says "get your pants down" so I got confused thought they where gon fuck me up or sum (cuz I didnt know it was small since I never rlly thought of comparing w someone im not that type of dude) after a minute I said "ok ok" and took my pants down

As I did everyone in the room my family got up and went "Ahh UGHH" my dad started crying bro crying.. he was serious and started crying and all my uncles were babbling (as in oh my I cant believe) till my dad said "Alr u can put ur pants back on" and I did so and wondered "man am I dying"

And then my cousin flashed his shi and it was HUGE guys and then I understood he picked it up and started swinging it (he imitateted the swing noises) while staring at me and my father told my cousin he could put it down as he did and it hit me and made me fall

My dad started screaming at me crying and I HAD NEVER SEEN MY DAD CRYING OR SCREAMING i was shocked while my uncles held him as he tried to go at me till he looked deep in my eyes and said " u have till the 15th to leave my house if I wake up at the 15th and u are here I will beat you up sm and destroy you"

I got scared and started looking for a place searching on tiktok n shi till I found a place but it was on the 12th-13th like near the date and I was only allowed to go at the 17th and I was nervous talked to my dad if I could delay a bit but my DAD DIDNT LET ME SAID HE DGAF AND SAID HE WOULD BEAT ME I begged the landlord to let me go at the 15th and I left my home at the 14th I moved and my dad went to my new house to beat me up

Is it possible? I need a girlfriend but nobody accept me as friend.

Everyone loves milfs but just think about this… they’ve done more poops in their life than you have. If you date a 50 year old milf, she’s probably done like twice or triple amount of poops, now this might not be a deal breaker for you and that’s okay, I’m not tryna take them milfs away from you, I’m just saying they have a lot more experience in pooping than you do, what you do with that information is up to you.

My girlfriend is addicted to Animal crossing and it’s ruining our relationship I 17m have a girlfriend 14f and she is insanely obsessed with animal crossing new horizons. She had gotten this game on her switch a couple months ago and just can not put it down. Every minute every hour she is just playing it its getting out of control. At first I thought it was cute that she had something she was so interested in but it just got out of hand. She had never been this into a game before and I was very excited for her to be into one this much and we could have that in common. Now I love video games a lot and they do take up a lot of my time but the capacity my girlfriend does with animal crossing is too far. She has stopped going to school, refuses to go out and has stopped speaking with her friends as much. Recently she is trying to collect all the clothes in her inventory in real life so far she has spent over 300 dollars in the span of 2 weeks and she says there still so much more to go. She's been insanely obsessed with a character named flick and has made me get the piercings the character has. Sometimes she even calls me flick on accident. Her room is covered in Animal Crossing decor. She can't even drink anything unless it's in her tom nook mug. When I ask her what she wants to eat she wants food that are items from the game I had to make her bamboo shoot soup. Our pet cat dressed up as Isabella for Halloween. This Christmas all her gifts have just been animal crossing related. I even got a couple tree ornaments that are their theme. Last week I bought her sanrio amiibos for the game and she called me having a full on real panic attack because she didn't know how to redeem it. Now to clarify yes my girlfriend is extremely autistic but I need some guidance on how to reduce this addiction of hers. This has seriously affected our relationship and is slowly deteriorating my mental.

Admittedly, commenting on a video and addressing a bunch of points before actually seeing said video? Not the best idea.

In any case, if some think we're a content farm or slop, agree to disagree. It doesn't really reflect how much work goes into the videos by actual humans, so sure, I got a bit testy there. The main point was simply this: we started when almost nobody was on YouTube, now the whole world has caught on, and we're doing more than fine. It's hard to please everyone, hence why we produce a variety of things, to try to make as many viewers happy.

Anyway, the funniest part is half the comments are "I haven't watched WatchMojo in 10 years" followed immediately by incredibly detailed opinions about our current thumbnails, upload strategy, Al testing, and programming slate.

Whatever you do, DON'T visit the channel and DEFINITELY don't leave angry comments... because now the algorithm thinks you're obsessed with us and will happily serve you WatchMojo clips for the next 7 years. Mission accomplished :) -

Never change, YouTube!

i do have a folder with his feet pics on my hard drive, it was like back in what? 2019? when i developed a foot fetish and decided to collect celebrity feet pics, obviously they wouldn’t frame it perfectly so i sat my ass down and had to watch quite a number of videos, finally though when it was time for Kanye it was very simple, there was a niche footage of him chilling in a pool with his family where i got his feet pics, and i mean Kim K is here but damn Kanye’s feet are more masculine, robust, sturdy, wide, it’s sooo fucking sexy, i wanna sniff and suck them someday but i don’t think that’d be possible, still sometimes i suck on my own feet and pretend like he just shoved it in my mouth and i couldn’t properly breathe, breathing his nasty but lustful musk, after he came from the recording studio in his smelly and sweaty yeezys where i would also pretend like im washing his grippers by repeatedly licking em, overall i’m not gonna share them cause wtf? it’s golden loot, maybe for a few bucks and that’s if i’m feeling generous because his feet pics only belong to ME. I GET TO GLARE AT THE GLAMOROUS GRIPPERS OF THAT BLACK MAN. fuck yeah

TLDR; My husband says ‘Goblin Mode activated’ when we start to have sex, growls and acts like a caveman, and then says ‘Goblin Mode off’ when we stop, and then pretends not to remember afterward.

I really love my husband and he’s always been great in bed. But recently he’s been acting really weird. So, a couple of days ago, my son went on a rampage through our house and said he was in ‘Goblin Mode’. We didn’t really know what to do with him, so we sent him to live with my parents so he can go to a special needs school. My husband a really great relationship with our son and loved him more than anything. Naturally, he was upset when he had to leave. He’s an incredibly tough man, but this was the first time I’ve ever seen him cry. I think since then, he’s been a little emotionally unwell. I’ve heard him muttering, ‘Goblin’ repeatedly when he didn’t notice me, staring blankly into his food, and just going alone by himself to do who knows what. I feel awful for him, but we both agreed that this was for the best. Last night, the day after our son went away, we decided to have sex to relieve our stress. However, my husband said ‘Goblin Mode activated’, starting growling, and went wild having sex with me. Admittedly, it was some of the best and most experimental sex I’ve ever had, but I’m worried that something might be going on with my husband. Any advice?

Edit: The problem isn’t the ‘Goblin Mode’, it’s that he could be ill

This whole sequence of events took place in less than 10 seconds.

There's a short, but in this case crucial moment, between wiping your ass and dropping the paper in the toilet bowl.

As I was wiping my ass, I sneezed. A slimy drop of snot landed on my upper lip and instinctively I put the paper 1 was holding, on my nose to wipe it off. My body's way of saying "WTF bro, you put shit on your nose" was instant puking, which landed on my hands and in my lap. Now, I'm standing up. screaming out my disgust, with pants around my ankles, shit on my face and puke all over. Wife comes banging on the door, wondering what's wrong. My instant thought is "she must never know". in my stress, I reach for the door to ensure it's locked, so that she can't make any rescue attempts. Of course I trip, fall face first on the door. This doesn't calm my wife, but leaves vomit all over the door and a hurting nose, which! instinctively grab to acknowledge the pain. It's all a mess, like taken from a xxx-rated version of Faulty Towers

Been spending the last half hour showering, cleaning the bathroom and making up half ass explanations to my wife.

I still smell the shit in my nose.

I'm a pedo and common sentiments like this where people refuse to distinguish between someone who will technically be classified as one and someone who goes out their way to harm kids really drains the life energy out of me.

Every time I look myself in the mirror I know... I cannot choose to not engage in the judgement everyone else engages towards me, so I literally don't know what to do anymore. I literally don't see the point or reason if I am nothing. I am very bitter towards society at large too, and it makes me spiral into hatred towards myself and others. Everyone who says what you says are privileged enough to not have to look deeper.