u/DashD0GG

Bitches be hating, and it’s me, I’m bitches. But that ain’t the problem here famdawg, the problem is, definitively it is the problem, I find it problematic, very problematic mind you, it’s a problem that bitches be hating on me. You see, when a bitch is a bitch, bitches are bitches stitches bitches ditch, ditch bitch, because you know when someone is being a bitch, and they’re hating on me, it’s because they have a problem, yes it’s their fault. If you don’t like me bitches? You’re bitches, and that’s a problem you have. I am a wonderful amazing person and a bitch. Some bitches are just bitches bitching at my bitchness. I find it bitchy how bitches bitch when its bitchass bitch mcbitch’s fault, it’s their problem, they have to work on themselves it’s a problem and it needs a solution.

My girlfriend and I had food poisoning last week and were constantly running to the bathroom getting sick. The smell of vomit MAKES me vomit so I was tirelessly scrubbing the entire bathroom from floor to ceiling MULTIPLE TIMES trying to get rid of the smell after every time one of us threw up. I bought bleach, enzyme cleaners, and even went as far as carbon bags to try and eliminate the HORRID STENCH and it wouldn’t go away. I sniffed every surface in that damn bathroom trying to locate the source…

I literally cried about the smell, worrying that it would be there forever. I went back to sniffing and started to notice a stronger whiff by the sink, AHA IT’S COMING FROM THE DRAIN!! I moved the toothbrush, soap, and candle that were on the counter to investigate the area. I poured Drano, baking soda, and vinegar down the drain for a deep clean. THEN I NOTICED THE SMELL ON MY HAND. I almost immediately threw up reacting to it and snatched the candle off the counter to save myself. I took a long inhale of our new Trader Joe’s Peony Blossom candle to salvage my nose from the reeking odor on my fingertips.

Then all hell broke loose. I projectile vomited directly after smelling the candle. The godforsaken stench WAS THE CANDLE ITSELF!!!! I BOUGHT 6 OF THOSE FUCKING THINGS AND HAD ONE LIT IN THE BATHROOM!!!!! All of them went straight to the garbage. Never again. How can they sell a candle that smells like stomach bile!!!

TLDR: Cleaned my bathroom for days only to find out the puke smell was a new candle (Trader Joe’s Peony Blossom, DON’T BUY IT).

Why would I eat out an ass but refuse to touch a tomato? Oh boy, I wonder. Maybe it’s because ASS IS NOT RED. ASS IS NOT CRUNCHY. ASS DOES NOT BECOME SLIMY WITH TIME ON THE SHELF, ONLY WITH POOR HYGIENE. FYI YOU HAVE TO WASH YOUR ASS THOROUGHLY OR IM TAKING A COTTON PAD AND 78% ISOPROPYL ALCOHOL TO THAT FAT JUICY HUNK OF MEAT. ANYWAYS. I FUCKING HATE TOMATOES. THEY FLESHY IN YOUR MOUTH AND I DISLIKE THAT. “BUT ISN’T ASS FLESH ALSO FLESHY?” BITCH I DON’T TAKE BITES OUT OF ASS. GYATTDAMN YOU FUCKERS WONT QUIT BOTHERING ME