r/blendedfamilies

Caught between leaving it for my children or just getting rid of it. I am remarried (and clearing out the old family home).

Need some reassurance. "Ours" baby is due next Friday, and my exs bday is this Monday... praying this baby comes late so my 10 yo son never has to choose between celebrations. But if thats not the case then how would you handle this?

I have a partner and I’m wondering if it would be a good idea to have my kids give her a small gift for Mother’s Day.

For context: she might become their stepmom in the future, but right now they’ve only met twice. They actually clicked really well and seem to like each other, which is great.

I’m not planning anything big or calling her “mom” or anything like that — just maybe a small gesture (like a drawing or a simple card) to make her feel included and appreciated. She also has a dog, so I was even thinking of incorporating that to keep it light and playful.

At the same time, I don’t want to create any pressure or make things feel too serious too soon. My kids are 3.5 and 4.5 years old, so it would be very simple and from them.

Do you think this is a nice gesture, or could it come across as too much / too soon and potentially make her uncomfortable?

Curious to hear perspectives, especially from people who’ve been in similar situations.

I have 2 bio kids (6F, 7M) 60% custody, my partner has 1 bio son 7M, 50% custody. We have been together 3 years, they moved into my home a year ago. His son has autism & ADHD and needs full time 1 on 1 EA support at school. He just became verbal last year, but is still not conversational. He does not listen to me and needs heavy prompting, will elope, and spends most of the day very dysregulated and loudly vocally stimming.

In the beginning I took autism courses, saw 3 different parent coaches, dietician, and pushed for him to be in therapy. Eventually I realized I was overstepping and backed off. The parents have a way of parenting (permissive style) and are not interested in therapy. I would offer to care for my partners child whenever he needed and covered a couple of weekends so he could go on golf trips. However after a couple of bad experiences and me burning out/getting resentful, I had to back off from any parenting duties or childcare. I will watch him or pick him up from school if my partner is really in a bind but not really for leisure reasons anymore. ​

I try to contribute/make my partners life easier in other ways: I do everyone's laundry, I do 90% of housework, I do all shopping and cooking 60% of the time [when my bio kids are here]. We do all go out on outings and eat meals together, but i leave the parenting of my partners son to my partner. My partner and I both work full time and split the bills 50/50. I have never expected my partner to do anything for my kids, I have that all handled.

My children's father recently stopped paying child support and i have been stretched financially. I am taking legal steps to restore the payments but im broke until then. I was venting to my partner [not asking him for money], and he said he wants to help me, and he has the means to do so, but since I dont help him with his son he doesnt feel like we are a team. I was really upset by this as I feel I do help with his son in ways I can. He pictured a nuculear family setup....where it looks to me like I,as the woman, take on the lions share of the work. Being with his son is caretaking ...its not parenting. I have made it clear I dont want a caretaking role. My hands are full with my own 2 kids. I am pretty furious as I feel I do a lot for them and have made a lot of sacrifices. It makes me feel like my partner is actually looking for a bang maid and a caretaker for his special needs son.

Is my boundary unreasonable? Is this a fundamental incompatibility or do a lot of blended families operate in a way that the parent is primarily responsible for their own kids? Thanks

I don't have experience with stepfathers but I had a stepmother while growing up, and I remember she complained constantly about me to my dad. It was always piddly stuff, like I was messy, clumsy, etc. Basically, I was a kid being a kid.

I have another stepmother now as an adult and she complains a lot about my half brother. She says that he's impersonal, rude, and makes a big deal when he shows up a few minutes late for family dinners.

My mom is a lesbian and I overheard her wife (yet another stepmother) complain about me not helping them enough. She also makes a big deal about me showing up a few minutes late to family dinners. She's also frequently snarky and passive aggressive.

Sound familiar? I wonder why so many stepmothers are like that.

https://preview.redd.it/3h9lzecdwkyg1.png?width=612&format=png&auto=webp&s=41a688166b9e001df772291cf3bc8846422467bb

Partner makes easily twice what I make, though that is partially through side/extra work outside of their 9 to 5 FT job.

We are both divorced and they have two children, one in high school and the other in grade school. They stay with us 30% of the time.

Because we rent a three bedroom, I do not think I should have to pay 50%, especially because I have such a smaller salary.

This is NOT an exaggeration, I do 100% of the chores (laundry, cleaning, dishes, garbage, vacuuming, etc.) and pay for almost all of the household goods: hand soap, tp, cleaning supplies, towels, sheets, furniture, TV, stereo, etc. They have a car that I am allowed to use with permission to run errands or go to work. Soon I’ll have my own. They pay electric. I pay for internet.

I pay all of my own bills: clothes, food, medical, cell phone service, streaming subs, etc. and pay for all the supplies for our shared pet, and I am also the only one who cares for the pet, cleaning, feeding, etc.

Partner makes a lot more because they have several part-time or contract jobs, but I never see any benefit from that. They use their money as they wish (admittedly, they have almost $2k a month in child support to pay) including traveling wherever and whenever they want for “work”, which they pay for by working extra jobs. That’s fine, but it means I have to do all the household chores because they “don’t have time”. I am expected to participate in all family activities that do not involve the ex (birthdays, holidays, etc. general in-law nonsense), some minor child care, and I get an earful if I sleep late on weekends or just want to be left alone.

What can I say to this person who thinks they are doing me a favor just by letting me use their car? I paid the deposit for the apartment, but when I needed to borrow $300 for a medical emergency before I had health insurance after moving across the entire country to live with them, I was hounded and resented until I repaid it.

 

I realize this is a terrible situation, but I need the language to speak to my partner, who is more or less immovable on almost all topics.

I have been with my partner for around 2 years, we’ve been living together for the past 1 year. He has a son and the mother lives on the same street. They are divorced for the past 6 years and have good coparents relationship. A while ago we left for vacation and he left her keys from the car, in case there will be parking suspension( it happened before and he paid a fine, so I was fine with that, I didn’t even know about that, but I don’t care). What happened after was weird though. She does bracelets as a hobby. So some days after I notice bracelet on his keys of his favourite colour. I asked him, he told that she did it and just put it on the keys. I felt really hurt as this is out of the coparenting issue and slightly breaches the boundaries. I just took it off and threw it away. He didn’t pay attention that it disappeared same as he didn’t care that she put it on.

After that I feel very triggered seeing her.

Would you be fine with something like that ?

My partner started a new trade business and he wants to go to an expo for that trade in the city he was born in (that we don’t live in) in October.

I have an 8 (almost 9) year old and 7 year old from a previous relationship. They see their dad half the time, and live with myself, my partner, and our 9 month old daughter the other half.

We won’t be able to take the older kids because it’s not really a vacation, it’s a 3 day long expo. We’d have to take them out of school, we’d need a sitter to come with us or I would just skip the expo, and they wouldn’t actually be able to see the city or spend time with us.

My partner wants me and the baby to go, but I don’t feel like I should. I think he should go and have a great time, but I don’t know how I can go on a trip without them and take their sister but not them. I know rationally, it makes sense that we wouldn’t be able to take them on a work trip. I just feel like they will feel so betrayed and left out, and can’t understand the nuance. We are planning on having me be involved in the business, so it does make sense for me to go. I feel really torn. Any advice?

I (33F) have been with my boyfriend (33M) for a while now and we both have kids. Mine are (17F) and (14M), and his are (15F), (11M), and (7M).

I’m starting to feel really unappreciated and honestly a little resentful, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is something that needs to be addressed more seriously.

When it comes to holidays, I go out of my way to make sure his kids feel included and special. I make them baskets, get them presents, and even do things like cakes or little celebrations. But he doesn’t do the same for me or my kids. Not even something small. It’s starting to hurt, especially because I put in the effort.

On top of that, there’s an ongoing issue in the house where his kids will eat my food or drink my drinks and then not own up to it. It keeps happening and it’s getting really frustrating. It feels disrespectful, and I’m the one left dealing with it.

I don’t want to create tension or come off like I’m attacking his kids, but I’m starting to feel taken advantage of and like the effort isn’t mutual at all.

How would you approach this? Am I expecting too much, or are these reasonable things to be upset about?

Hi all

I (41F) have been with my partner (41M) for nearly 5 years. We introduced the kids very carefully about 2.5 years ago - he has one child and I have two girls (9F and 12F). Mine are very close and whilst they aren’t *excited* to hang out with him and his daughter, they adore him and do care about his child (when we are apart they see things she would like and comment about how we should show/tell her, when her pet was recently PTS they were worried about how she would be).

His daughter is apparently always excited to see us (she is desperate for siblings and play dates, though I always tell him spending time with us is not a play date) but has expressed on a couple of occasions that she feels left out and doesn’t want to see them anymore. As previously mentioned, my two are very close and don’t necessarily need another sibling, but I want everyone to feel cared for and valued. Occasionally the three of them will bicker like siblings, but my partner isn’t used to this because his daughter is an only child so I think it concerns him.

We have dinner every week and see eachother once every other weekend, which means opportunities to grow closer are relatively limited so I’m looking for ideas from you about things that have worked when bringing children from two families together. One day I’d love to live with my partner, but he’s hesitant whilst his daughter is still expressing concerns.

Any tips or tricks for ways to encourage more familiarity and closeness would be really welcomed! Thanks in advance :)

I would love some different perspectives on this.

I (43 f) have been with my boyfriend (45 m) for two and a half years. We are both divorced, he has 3 kids (9,13, 17) and I have one (12).

Our relationship has been pretty great, and we discussed introducing our kids about 1 year in, just small visits here and there and over time we’ve progressed from shorter visits and settled into having a one night sleepover about 1-2 times a month on a weekend.

At that time (1.5 years ago) I had let my boyfriend know that I don’t want to introduce our kids if we don’t eventually progress to a partnership type relationship where we live together and share daily life. He agreed with this and said that is what he would like as well.

The struggle I have is:

I’m lonely living alone, I have my son one week on one week off. Even when he’s here I still miss having a partner around.

My boyfriend brings up moving in together eventually, but the timeline is vague with no concrete plans or deep discussions instigated on his end. I’ve brought it up and when we do discuss it, we both feel that it will be a difficult transition.

My son as ADHD and I feel a little on edge when we are all together. He’s such a great kid but he gets excited when we’re there since he doesn’t have many friends and his hyperactivity/non stop talking can wear on the other kids. I find myself checking him often and not really relaxing.

My boyfriend is really kind and playful towards my son, but just recently brought up that he thinks my son’s energy may be wearing on his youngest son (they hang out the most when we visit, the other two are mainly doing their own thing). He’s suggesting we do sleepovers max once a month.

I’m feeling kind of hurt. I can see it from his perspective and get that as a dad he needs to do what’s best for his kids.

My son is my everything, it’s been me and him for the past 9 years and I haven’t introduced any other boyfriends. I feel like my son isn’t being accepted and that given this, merging households should be off the table until the kids are much older. I love my boyfriend and our relationship but I also really want a partner that I can live with and share life with. I don’t know if I can find a way to be content keeping things as they are for the foreseeable future.

I have no idea what to do, and if it’s just a matter of looking at it differently or if this is a dead end situation. Insight appreciated!

How do you handle significant financial disparity when blending?

My kids (12&14) are very financially privileged from their fathers side!

They are trust fund kids and will not need to worry about financial stability in life.

I am very grateful for this as I am not, I work full time to make ends meet and live pay check to pay check.

My boyfriend is very jealous of my kids wealth and has mentioned several times he hates that my kids are rich and his kids are poor.

His kids are (12&15)

He is not saying he wants me to financially contribute to his kids to even out the financial disparity. I disagree as my kids trust money is not mine, but their fathers.

I also don’t want to hold any financial responsibility for supporting his kids, as I am already managing supporting my kids!

has anyone else encountered this situation?

I caught SD13 recording a video of my SD6 having a meltdown this weekend. Her dad deleted it from her phone and told her not to do it again. But I feel when SD comes back from BM's house next week, more needs to be done and this needs to be better addressed. It makes me uncomfortable that she recorded me and my child. We were in the living room doing homework. I don't know what SD's intentions were, but I suspect they were mocking and cruel. BD6 is likely on the spectrum and her behaviors are being addressed by a doctor and therapist. Sometimes her antics ARE silly and funny, but she was clearly in distress this time. Nothing about it was funny or entertaining, it was very stressful and upsetting.

What should SD's consequences be? How can I protect my children's (6 and 10, both with disabilities) privacy? I don't want private family moments shared with BM or social media.

I feel sick and sad for my daughter. She's genuinely a kind, sweet, and funny little girl who happens to struggle with regulation sometimes. But she is never mean. I'm upset that a teen girl is bullying a child half her age. I'm upset that a teenager thinks it's funny and okay to mock someone with differences. SD has known BD since she was a little baby too. It feels... icky.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for honest and balanced opinions about blending families—not perspectives driven purely by resentment or negative experiences.

Most of what I’ve come across online, especially on forums, tends to focus on the difficulties and warnings against it. It makes me wonder whether some of that resentment comes from how situations are handled—particularly parenting styles or a lack of support between partners.

I’ve been with my husband for nearly four years, and we’re now planning to move in together and blend our families. I have a 7-year-old, and he has two children, aged 11 and 16, who live with him part-time. As a couple, we’re happy and committed, and we want to build a life together that includes all of our children.

That said, I do feel apprehensive based on what I’ve been reading. Is blending families really as difficult as it’s often made out to be? Or is it more a stage of life that challenges you to communicate better, set boundaries, and grow together?

I also wonder whether some of the conflicts and resentment people describe could be avoided—or at least improved—through openness, honesty, and strong partnership. I know a lot depends on the dynamic between the adults. My husband is kind, loving, and a good father (though perhaps a bit of a “Disney dad” at times), and there are things I plan to discuss with him before we officially move forward.

What I struggle to believe is that bringing children together would completely undo the love and happiness we’ve built. Is it really so difficult that it can lead to the breakdown of an otherwise strong relationship? Or are there ways to navigate it successfully?

We’re both at a stage in life where starting over with someone new—especially someone without children—is unlikely. So I suppose my real question is: should fear of potential challenges stop us from building a life together, or is this something that can be worked through with the right approach?

I’d really appreciate honest perspectives, including any positive experiences or constructive advice. I just want to make thoughtful decisions and build a happy life.

Thank you in advance.

Our bedroom is generally an open space for all the kids. They come in, talk to us, hang out, etc., and that’s not the issue. The issue is that my 15-year-old stepdaughter keeps touching and using my personal things without asking, even after this has been discussed before.

There are two bigger reasons this bothers me.

First, there are ongoing hygiene issues. She often doesn’t flush after pooping, doesn’t consistently wash her hands, comes home from soccer and goes straight into communal food, leaves food wrappers on the floor, has left used mini pads on the floor in her bedroom, and leaves soiled underwear mixed in with clean clothes. I know I’m more sensitive about germs than some people, so I try to check myself, but I think it’s reasonable not to want my personal hygiene/beauty items touched without permission.

Second, she is very careless with belongings in general. She is materially spoiled and has access to plenty, but she does not take good care of her own things or other people’s things. We’ve found hundreds of dollars’ worth of gift cards tossed aside or even in the trash. She has opened and used brand-new items that didn’t belong to her without asking. For example, she took my 8-year-old’s brand-new boogie board that he bought with his own money, ripped the wrapper off, and left the trash on the ground outside by the pool. At 15, this feels less like a little-kid mistake and more like a pattern of not respecting other people’s belongings.

Today, she was in our room while my partner was standing right there. She had her own brush available but used mine instead, then started touching my jewelry. Then my partner started going through my drawers looking for my hair ties for her. I know a brush or hair tie can sound petty, but to me it represents the larger issue: my things are treated as available to everyone, even after I’ve clearly said I don’t want that.

I also buy my beauty/skincare items with my own hard-earned money, and some of them are expensive. I didn’t grow up with a lot of money, so when I buy nicer products now, they feel like an investment. I don’t think a teenager needs open access to expensive adult beauty products, especially when she has her own things.

I also want to be clear that this is not a stepchild versus biological child double standard. I have the same rule with my own daughter: she has to ask before borrowing or using my things.

There’s also a relationship layer. My stepdaughter and I are not especially close, despite my efforts. I try to be kind and inclusive, but I don’t overstep or parent her the way I parent my own kids. There are plenty of times where it feels like she barely wants to acknowledge me, so it feels strange and unfair to be kept at arm’s length relationally while my personal belongings are treated as available for use.

I’m not trying to be cold or territorial. I just want my personal belongings, especially hygiene and beauty items, to be respected.

Am I overreacting? How would you handle this with both the child and the bio parent without turning it into a bigger conflict?

I am a triplet, two brothers and myself. My parents got divorced when we were about five and my dad re-married quickly. At first, she was nice to all of us, but quickly became kind of rude towards my brothers but would be overly nice to me. Would make comments to them and about them about how they were lazy. But other times comments about how they’re so smart and capable of a lot, but just aren’t doing anything about it because they’re lazy. This was when we were about nine years old by the way. Both my dad and my stepmom tried to get us to go to high school by where they lived, which was about 30 minutes away from my mom. He always acted like he wanted us to live with him, but never really put in the effort to get to know us. We didn’t wanna go to high school by him because our whole lives were near my mom. I love my dad, but he’s very harsh when it comes to laziness or anything like that. Always tried to get my brothers to go into the military but if you know, my brothers at all, that just isn’t for them. My brothers couldn’t play video games or sit inside for longer than an hour without him telling them to get outside and play. We’ve always felt significantly more comfortable with our mother. Fast forward we are now all 25 years old and on our own journeys to find a career that fits us. My dad moved about two hours away with my stepmom. He claims to want so badly to have a relationship with us, but the only thing he talks about pretty much is career related stuff. I think my dad has anxiety and problems of his own that he has yet to discover. My brother has depression and anxiety, and my dad doesn’t understand it at all, neither does my stepmom. I go to visit him a few times a year. My stepmom will make comments about my brothers while I’m there literally calling them bums. She also talks about my mom in a negative light even though my mom is the only one that’s been there for my brothers and I our whole lives. My dad understands and is a bit more easy-going with me and my brothers, but my stepmom is kind of a bitch. She talks badly about my brothers in front of her friends, in front of my friends, in front of my brother’s girlfriend. Like I said, most of our conversations revolve around what we’re doing with our lives, career wise and I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to ask or to be concerned about that but it’s all that we ever talk about literally since we were in high school school and they try and force these career suggestions upon us. Wanting us to cold call companies that they know of in hopes of getting a job. And when we don’t follow through with their ideas, they get angry and don’t understand why we don’t want to do that. I honestly have a huge feeling that they’re both embarrassed of us or ashamed. Another thing my stepmom brings up a lot is her friend’s kids and people our age that she knows that have these amazing jobs making a ton of money. And it’s kind of clear that she’s sort of ashamed.

I’m kind of just venting here, but I’m seeing my dad and my stepmom for the first time in a couple days for a memorial for my aunt and I’m incredibly nervous because the last time my brother and I saw them it was a bit of a mess. I’ve talked to them since, but my brother hasn’t. I feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t know how to set a boundary with them. I wanna have a relationship with my dad, but I could honestly go forever without seeing my stepmom again. If possible, I’d like to build our relationship up again too, but she doesn’t see things like I do or my brothers do.

In general, my dad and my stepmom have always put especially my brothers down. When we were young up until now and I think that affected them a lot. Infected me too because I have to watch it and you don’t want to stand up for them.

How long can I expected the kitchen sink/counters to stay clean after I spend my time clearing them?

Less than 5 minutes, true story.

My ex and I separated in Sept ‘25, divorce was finalized Feb ‘26. He (33M) cheated on me throughout the marriage and treated my older two children (16F) (18M) horribly for the past several years.

We have 2 young boys together 3,&5. The situation we are in right now is that he’s started dating a mom of one of our kids friends.

My ex is the type that he always has to have people around. He can’t parent alone so he has another couple that he hangs out with, let’s call them Max and Julie, we used to all hangout together). This other mom, Tiffany, knows Julie and Julie has the great idea to invite her and her little boy down to my ex’s place to hangout.

This part was painful especially since Julie and I were pretty close friends. It was our friendship that started our two families spending so much time together. And now she was coordinating my exes dating life with my children as bait.

Fast forward, Tiffany and my ex have went on dates, there have been more group play dates etc.

I’ve very clearly explained that I am NOT ok with him bringing women he’s romantically involved with around my kids. His excuse was “we aren’t being all touchy feely in front of them” (not yet but it didn’t take long for them to start sleeping together so I’m not putting all my trust in their ability to control themselves)

Yesterday ex texted me to tell me he was taking the boys fishing with some families that have kids our kids ages. He said he mentioned it to Tiffany earlier that day and wanted to see if I was ok with it. (It was now 4pm) seems like my consideration was an after thought. He was being very kind and even invited me along. (Knowing full well I couldn’t go because I just had surgery) typical manipulation tactic.

I responded back that my stance hasn’t changed since we last spoke and that I would appreciate it if instead of continuing to ask and ask and such up that he just give it some time. We have 50/50 custody he has plenty of time to see her when he doesn’t have the kids.

He never responded.

I know in my gut that he went ahead and did whatever he wanted to do- that’s the normal for him.

My question is- how do I go forward from here??

We say we want a decent coparenting relationship but he will not respect my boundaries and bulldozes me anyway.

Am I left with just being a cold hearted bitch now.

I’ve even reached out and talked to Tiffany. I wanted her to know my stance on this wasn’t personally directed at her, she seems great (honestly way out of his league) we are planning a kids craft morning next weekend at my house so we can get to know each other. All of which I’m fine with. But the way he will take it is if I like her then he gets the green light to bring her around all of the time. He basically thinks like a 3rd grader.

I’m also sour af that HES THE ONE that did all of the damage in our relationship and now he just gets to move happily along.

Hello! First time poster here, so apologies if this has already been covered (I highly suspect it has, just haven’t come across it…). Anyway, my partner and I are seriously considering taking that step and moving in together later this year, blending her 13f & 6m with my 6m & 4f. I’m 50% with my kids, she’s 80% with hers. We’ve already settled with a rough area to live, and what we believe we need in a home (bedrooms etc. ) but I know there is a lot still to figure out. So, I’m looking for questions to cover off with each other to ensure we’re on the same page, or close anyway, so anything we’re far apart with we can hopefully iron out before we take that plunge. Any help/resources is appreciated. Thanks!

I recently moved in with my girlfriend of over a year. I have 50/50 custody of my child while she has full custody of hers.

It has been a really hard adjustment for me as I am having some real issues that I feel may be impacting my mental health early on, but am having a hard time being able to determine what may just be the usual issues of a big change, or what may be an underlying and permanent issue.

For clarification, our kids mostly get along pretty well for the most part. The issue is my SO’s child is very loud in nature, and extremely tantrum prone. Her child often annoys mine and he will run off when hers throws a loud fit. Our parenting styles differ greatly, and while I’d never tell her how to mother her child I don’t always agree with how she handles situations as discipline is pretty nonexistent.

It’s to the point I really do not look forward to going home after work and am constantly on edge tending to and wondering about my child’s state of mind that it is crushing mine.

I also have little to no time to myself anymore as I’m in a way back to full time parenting since her child is always with us.

I have no idea how to take care of myself in this situation and I’m having a hard time with the constant meltdowns as mine never displayed this type of behavior.

I’m seeking advice how to navigate this change for the benefit of my mental health and how to accept a vastly different parenting style which I feel may lead to additional outbursts because it often leads to her child getting their way. I also don’t know how to approach my child and this change for him when I hear how frustrated he gets with the new living arrangement.

Thank you for any advice, and criticism is also welcome if you feel it’s warranted.