My(25f) stepmom
I am a triplet, two brothers and myself. My parents got divorced when we were about five and my dad re-married quickly. At first, she was nice to all of us, but quickly became kind of rude towards my brothers but would be overly nice to me. Would make comments to them and about them about how they were lazy. But other times comments about how they’re so smart and capable of a lot, but just aren’t doing anything about it because they’re lazy. This was when we were about nine years old by the way. Both my dad and my stepmom tried to get us to go to high school by where they lived, which was about 30 minutes away from my mom. He always acted like he wanted us to live with him, but never really put in the effort to get to know us. We didn’t wanna go to high school by him because our whole lives were near my mom. I love my dad, but he’s very harsh when it comes to laziness or anything like that. Always tried to get my brothers to go into the military but if you know, my brothers at all, that just isn’t for them. My brothers couldn’t play video games or sit inside for longer than an hour without him telling them to get outside and play. We’ve always felt significantly more comfortable with our mother. Fast forward we are now all 25 years old and on our own journeys to find a career that fits us. My dad moved about two hours away with my stepmom. He claims to want so badly to have a relationship with us, but the only thing he talks about pretty much is career related stuff. I think my dad has anxiety and problems of his own that he has yet to discover. My brother has depression and anxiety, and my dad doesn’t understand it at all, neither does my stepmom. I go to visit him a few times a year. My stepmom will make comments about my brothers while I’m there literally calling them bums. She also talks about my mom in a negative light even though my mom is the only one that’s been there for my brothers and I our whole lives. My dad understands and is a bit more easy-going with me and my brothers, but my stepmom is kind of a bitch. She talks badly about my brothers in front of her friends, in front of my friends, in front of my brother’s girlfriend. Like I said, most of our conversations revolve around what we’re doing with our lives, career wise and I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to ask or to be concerned about that but it’s all that we ever talk about literally since we were in high school school and they try and force these career suggestions upon us. Wanting us to cold call companies that they know of in hopes of getting a job. And when we don’t follow through with their ideas, they get angry and don’t understand why we don’t want to do that. I honestly have a huge feeling that they’re both embarrassed of us or ashamed. Another thing my stepmom brings up a lot is her friend’s kids and people our age that she knows that have these amazing jobs making a ton of money. And it’s kind of clear that she’s sort of ashamed.
I’m kind of just venting here, but I’m seeing my dad and my stepmom for the first time in a couple days for a memorial for my aunt and I’m incredibly nervous because the last time my brother and I saw them it was a bit of a mess. I’ve talked to them since, but my brother hasn’t. I feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t know how to set a boundary with them. I wanna have a relationship with my dad, but I could honestly go forever without seeing my stepmom again. If possible, I’d like to build our relationship up again too, but she doesn’t see things like I do or my brothers do.
In general, my dad and my stepmom have always put especially my brothers down. When we were young up until now and I think that affected them a lot. Infected me too because I have to watch it and you don’t want to stand up for them.