Can’t see a solution
I would love some different perspectives on this.
I (43 f) have been with my boyfriend (45 m) for two and a half years. We are both divorced, he has 3 kids (9,13, 17) and I have one (12).
Our relationship has been pretty great, and we discussed introducing our kids about 1 year in, just small visits here and there and over time we’ve progressed from shorter visits and settled into having a one night sleepover about 1-2 times a month on a weekend.
At that time (1.5 years ago) I had let my boyfriend know that I don’t want to introduce our kids if we don’t eventually progress to a partnership type relationship where we live together and share daily life. He agreed with this and said that is what he would like as well.
The struggle I have is:
I’m lonely living alone, I have my son one week on one week off. Even when he’s here I still miss having a partner around.
My boyfriend brings up moving in together eventually, but the timeline is vague with no concrete plans or deep discussions instigated on his end. I’ve brought it up and when we do discuss it, we both feel that it will be a difficult transition.
My son as ADHD and I feel a little on edge when we are all together. He’s such a great kid but he gets excited when we’re there since he doesn’t have many friends and his hyperactivity/non stop talking can wear on the other kids. I find myself checking him often and not really relaxing.
My boyfriend is really kind and playful towards my son, but just recently brought up that he thinks my son’s energy may be wearing on his youngest son (they hang out the most when we visit, the other two are mainly doing their own thing). He’s suggesting we do sleepovers max once a month.
I’m feeling kind of hurt. I can see it from his perspective and get that as a dad he needs to do what’s best for his kids.
My son is my everything, it’s been me and him for the past 9 years and I haven’t introduced any other boyfriends. I feel like my son isn’t being accepted and that given this, merging households should be off the table until the kids are much older. I love my boyfriend and our relationship but I also really want a partner that I can live with and share life with. I don’t know if I can find a way to be content keeping things as they are for the foreseeable future.
I have no idea what to do, and if it’s just a matter of looking at it differently or if this is a dead end situation. Insight appreciated!